A/N: The prompt is love for this week. I upped the rating for some PG13 sex but it's not guys. It's just love. See the end of the chapter for more notes about why the chapters are out of order.


Padmé says at the beginning that this could destroy them.

Anakin says that it would be worth it. A moment with her is better than a lifetime without her.

They both pray that someday the war will be over, and then they can leave Coruscant and start a family. For now, they live in secret.

On their wedding day, the last thing on their mind was how hard it would be to be married, especially married in secret. The only thing that they could think about was each other. Anakin's new hand cool and uncertain against Padmé's back, the smell of her hair surrounding Anakin until there was nothing but Padmé in the whole galaxy. Her skin, her lips, her eyes. And for a few hours, Padmé let herself be as consumed by her love for Anakin as he was in her love for her. He, peeking shyly out at her from under his long, blond eyelashes, trying to hide the way he was blushing when she kissed him. How lean and strong his legs were, how he gripped her hair, how he was a work of art of a creature, his jaw, his eyes, his teeth, how he admired her like she was the angel he thought she was all those years ago. They smile for a few hours, and when the morning comes, Padmé's smile vanishes and she sighs. This, she knows, cannot last, cannot be how it is going to be forever. The war has started, and Anakin is a Jedi, Padmé a senator. They would be dragged into this war separately, if they were not already together.

Padmé turns to him. He is sleeping peacefully next to her, a hint of a smile playing across his lips. He confessed to Padmé that he has not slept peacefully in months, since the visions of his mother started, since before that. The dark bags under his eyes get only darker day by day. But now, right now, he sleeps next to her, smiling. She waits until he wakes to ruin their honeymoon.

"Ani," she sighs once they're both dressed and out in the morning sun, having breakfast. It should be the perfect moment. It is the perfect moment. "What are we thinking?"

"I…" Anakin stammers, staring up at the sun over the lake. "I'm thinking that I love you and I want to be with you. Forever." He turns to her, his eyes smoldering with something hot, something too intense for Padmé to touch. "Isn't that what you're thinking? That we're meant to be together?"

Padmé sighs. "It's not that simple, Ani," she reminds him. "We both have a duty. Are you prepared for what's ahead?" She doesn't know that he is. He's only nineteen, too focused on the way he feels about her, pretending like the reality of their situation is another galaxy, somewhere far, far away. Someplace warm and green. Someplace with no war.

Anakin frowns. "I'm prepared to face it with you," he promises seriously. He leans across the table they're sitting at and plants a kiss on Padmé's lips. He pulls back just an inch and looks into her eyes. "Aren't you?"

Padmé can't help but smile. "Of course I am," she says.

Whatever they expect, they believe that they can make it through. One day, they will be together, one day they won't have to hide. One day.

Padmé says at the beginning that this could destroy them, and several times it nearly does.

The longer the war goes on, the harder it is for them to be apart. It's not just the perilous missions, and the constant anxiety that they won't see each other again, though that certainly is some of it. But they miss each other. The possibility that every time they say goodbye is the last time they see each other. Their relationship has to be kept a secret. They can't be seen in public together, they can't talk to anyone about their relationship, about their problems. And the longer they are apart the more problems they have when they come back together. Anakin doesn't listen, Padmé doesn't care. They fight, and then Padmé shakes her head and whispers, "I'm sorry, Ani," and he kisses her.

"About what?" he asks, his eyes closed, his hands on her waist.

"I don't want to fight," she promises. Which is true. When they fight it feels like someone has their hand clasped around her neck. "I just missed you."

"I missed you too." And whatever they are fighting about fades away. But not disappear.

They miss each other, and each separation makes it harder to talk to each other. Anakin comes home and then rushes off again. Anakin comes home, but Padmé has to leave, and Anakin tells her it's not fair, and Padmé rounds on him, furious, and bites back, "How do you think I feel, Jedi?" And Anakin doesn't know what to say.

He's supposed to be on meditative retreat, which isn't exactly like leave and more like suspension since he was told to go after some very un-Jedi like behavior came to light in the aftermath of the whole business with Obi-Wan and Rako Hardeen. Anakin is seething, still furious that Obi-Wan could have lied to him, didn't trust him, put him through that. And he's furious, too, that Ahsoka told on him, and that the Council is making him take a step back from the action while they "evaluate" or whatever. He can't help the war effort if he's not allowed to fight in the war. The Jedi, Anakin insists, can't do this. He didn't actually do anything, and it's unfair that they dump all this responsibility on him to save the whole galaxy and then force him to sit on the sidelines.

"Anakin," Padmé sighs. They're trying to sleep, but Anakin is complaining again. "It's not really a punishment. Obi-Wan is being sidelined too. So is Ahsoka." Padmé is relieved that for two weeks, she will know exactly where Anakin is, that he will be there when she comes home from work at the end of the day. He won't be flying recklessly through space or getting shot at. He'll be at home and he can take a second to breathe. That's what this is for after all. To give the Jedi involved a second to collect themselves before hurtling back into a conflict Padmé feels is futile more and more every day. "Besides," she sighs again, rolling onto her side in bed to get a better look at him. "It will be nice. For two weeks it will be the two of us and you won't have to worry about getting called away. Since you're not supposed to be on Coruscant or anywhere near Obi-Wan."

And it is nice for a few days, but the novelty of Anakin at home in a mood soon wears off. He is insistent in his sulking. Nothing Padmé does gets him to snap out of it or talk about it. He wants to sulk and he wants to be angry, and so Padmé is glad for the hours she spends out of the apartment and at work, just to get a break. She feels immensely guilty, but if Anakin wants to spend his leave dissecting everything that Obi-Wan has ever done to betray him, then Padmé can't stop him.

At least he sleeps. For this Padmé is grateful, but she wonders, annoyed, if he could be bothered to pick up after himself between naps.

"Hey," he yawns, as Padmé kicks a dirty sock to the side as she walks through the door. Padmé turns around to face him, her back now towards the overflowing trashcan. Anakin runs a hand through his bedhead and yawns again. Padmé sighs in irritation. He rubs his eyes blearily, but he looks well rested. "What's wrong?" Anakin asks, seeing Padmé's scowl. "Come on, Padmé, what I do this time?" Bitterness laces his tone, though his expression remains neutral, placid.

"Nothing," she says. "You didn't do anything."

Anakin takes a step towards her, imperceptibly angrier than he was a few seconds ago. Except, not to Padmé. She can tell. "Then cut it out with all the sighing," he grunts. "If you're not gonna tell me what I did wrong then don't get mad. I get enough of that shit with the Jedi."

Padmé tries, has been trying for two weeks, for two years, not to let Anakin get a rise out of her when he's looking for a fight. She can tell that he's antsy and still upset about Obi-Wan tricking his death and at the Jedi in general for not trusting him. He's looking to fight, even though he hates it, and he's been cooped up here all day because he's supposed to be on the other side of the galaxy learning to control his temper and getting in touch with the living Force or something. But Padmé has listened to idiot politicians all day, all week, ran around trying to get an audience with the Chancellor while fighting five different bills that all passed through the senate anyway, and the first thing she sees when she gets home is a pile of Anakin's dirty socks and the trash, overflowing.

"Fine!" Padmé snaps. "I asked you to take the trash out today while I was at work, and you left it here! You clearly threw things into it, but it never even occurred to you to take it out. But it's fine. I can do it."

Anakin snarls. "I can do it, Padmé," he growls, pushing her roughly to the side and yanking the trash bag out of the trashcan. "Alright! I just hadn't gotten to it yet."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Padmé says, her voice dripping with venom. "Was your nap so important that you couldn't take out the garbage?" She snatches the bag back from him, and it doesn't even occur to her that instigating a physical fight with the Jedi might be one of the stupidest things she's ever done, right after marrying one.

"That's not fair," he protests, crossing his arms. Padmé is a little irritated that he didn't try to grab the bag back from her. "I'm tired all the time. I spend most of my life getting shot at. I deserve a kriffin' break."

"Then you should have taken one," Padmé says turning her back on him. "You should have gone on your damn meditative retreat like you were supposed to. Then we could pretend that we were happily married."

"I can still go," Anakin says, though it's not really true. He has two days left until he's supposed to be back, and it takes three to get out there. He could go back to the Temple. Maybe he will. Since Padmé clearly doesn't appreciate him. Since Padmé clearly doesn't want him around. He could tell the council he got bored and he remembered something he wanted to go over with Ahsoka. They would be frustrated with him, but they wouldn't tell him to leave. The Temple was his home after all.

"You won't go," Padmé says, almost all the way out the door already. "You would have to pick up after yourself. And Force knows the Chosen One can't be expected to do that!"

Padmé walks out and the doors slicks shut behind her and Anakin is left alone in Padmé's apartment. He lets out a frustrated growl that shakes the dishes in the cabinets and breaks three expensive glasses just as Padmé comes storming back inside. She gives Anakin a longsuffering look and pushes past him to the bedroom. "This whole thing was a mistake," she mutters under her breath. "I married a child." She thinks Anakin can't hear her, or she doesn't care whether or not Anakin can hear her. "We shouldn't have…this was a mistake. I'm sorry," she says. And she goes to her room, where she sleeps alone most nights, because her husband is out fighting in a war that's tearing her apart.

Anakin picks up a shard of glass from the floor and tries to crush it in his durasteel hand. When it does little but scratch his leather glove he grinds it to dust with the Force. He's not sure that Obi-Wan would be proud of that particular skill, but it felt good to let the sand fall through his fingers.

He sighs and tries to ignore the pricking at the corner of his eyes and the anger and grief and frustration seeping through the walls. He tries to close himself off from it, but he can't. Padmé's pain is too much for him to bear, and he doesn't even really know what he did wrong, though he expects shattering glass with the Force is a part of it. He sighs and sinks to the floor, allowing himself a few moments to wallow before he cleans up the mess he made in the kitchen. It is the least he can do. Probably the very least, but he doesn't know what else he can do.

And then he goes to talk to Padmé, but he can tell he's not wanted. He grits his teeth and sits next to her on the bed. He reaches out awkwardly to rub her back and she doesn't push him away like he expects. "Padmé," he sighs. "I'm sorry. I don't…I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry that I hurt you."

It seems like a genuine apology to Padmé. She turns towards him, wiping her facing, trying her best to hide the fact that she had been crying. "I'm sorry too," she admits. "I was out of line. I'm just tired, and I'm frustrated. Not with you, Anakin, just with…with everything."

Anakin sighs and wraps his arms around Padmé's shoulders. "I know the feeling," he sighs.

And their problems fade away into the background, but they don't disappear. Not really.

The first time Anakin sees a river, he is almost ten, on a mission with Obi-Wan, and even though he has been Obi-Wan's Padawan for almost two whole standard weeks, he has never seen so much water in his whole life.

"Where did it come from?" Anakin asks his new master. Obi-Wan looks down at him, frowning.

"Where did what come from?" Obi-Wan wonders, looking back up. They're standing in a crowd, waiting to greet an ambassador from a planet Anakin couldn't remember the name of as an adult.

"The water, Master," Anakin says, still mesmerized by the way it rushes away from him, but never seems to run out.

Obi-Wan is craning his neck over the crowd to try and see the ambassador the Council has sent them to meet. He's tired of Anakin's constant questions and Anakin's constant presence. "I don't know, Anakin," Obi-Wan says distractedly. "It just is."

"Not at home," Anakin says. He wants to dip his toes in it, or dunk his head under it. He's gotten used to the more frequent washing, being able to drink water whenever he wants in the two weeks since he left home, but he's never seen so much water in one place, so much water that never seems to run out.

A little while later, while Obi-Wan is talking with the ambassador, Anakin wanders off, back to the river. Obi-Wan told him not to go far, and Anakin doesn't want to get lost on this planet anyway, but he can't help but think about the river. He finds himself by the riverbank, and without thinking he's stripping off his boots and his socks, and wiggling his toes in the sand. It's not like the sand on Tattooine. It's cool and moist and it doesn't stick to his toes as much as give way underneath their movement. He dips one of his bare toes into the rushing water, and draws it back in shock. The water is cold.

This river is the exact opposite of Tattooine, and now, prepared for the cold, Anakin puts his whole foot in, and then, the other, and pretty soon, he's standing in the middle of the river, the water up to his waist, his hands gliding against the top of the water as it rushes past him. He takes another step, but steps on a rock, and loses his balance. There's water in his mouth and his eyes, and the river is pushing him away from Obi-Wan and the ambassador and he suddenly realizes that he can't swim or even stand up, and that Obi-Wan is never going to find out what happened to him, and his mother will never know that he drowned.

But then a pair of strong arms are around his middle and dragging him out of the current, and he feels air around him instead of water, and then he's back on solid ground his cold, bare feet in the grass, and the grass itches, and Obi-Wan is looking at him, a little panicked.

"Anakin!" he gasps. "Where did you put your boots?"

Anakin doesn't know, because he doesn't know where he is. He's still a little shaken, but he still wants to be in the water. Anakin shakes his head.

Obi-Wan sighs tiredly. "Are you alright?" he asks at last.

"Yes, Master," Anakin says. None of his masters have ever wondered if he was alright before, and even if Obi-Wan doesn't like him, at least he cares about whether he is okay, and not just to work. "I just wanted to swim."

"Well," Obi-Wan humphs. "Then when we get back to the Temple, we'll have to see about that. No more trying to learn on the job, okay?"

So when Padmé teaches Anakin to swim when he is nineteen, it's not the first time Anakin has been in water. In fact, Anakin is a pretty proficient swimmer for someone who hadn't been in the water until he was almost ten. But when Padmé teaches him to swim on his wedding night it is the first time since he was ten that Anakin wanted to swim for fun.

Padmé leads Anakin out by the hand to the lake. They are alone, completely alone, at last. The sun is setting, the horizon is on fire. Padmé is soft and porcelain against the sky. Anakin can't believe that this is happening to him. He would let her lead him right off the edge of the world.

Padmé stops at edge of the water, where it laps against the beach lazily. She laughs and strips out of her robe. She stands before him bare-skinned, shining in the sunset. Anakin is glad for the dim light, because he's sure he's blushing as deep red as the sky. This is your wife, Anakin, he tries to remind himself. But he's too nervous to think of anything but Padmé's breasts.

Padmé isn't blushing. She's staring at him, smiling boldly, and returns to where Anakin is standing, taking his hands. Both of them. Even his brand new prosthetic one. "I know you said you didn't like sand, but…" she leads him by the hands to the very edge of the water. He left his shoes in the house, so they step into the water. It's cool and licks at his feet. It feels good. It feels like Padmé.

She stands on her toes to kiss Anakin, and Anakin feels like a wave of the cool lake water has washed over him when she does. He tries to kiss her back, but her bare chest is warm against his, and Padmé's hands have already started to undress him, and Anakin is trying not to smile through the kiss. Padmé pulls away and Anakin is afraid that he's ruined it, but she's smiling just a broadly as Anakin is.

Without Anakin knowing exactly how it happens he's naked too, and they're up to Anakin's waist in the lake, and Padmé's hair is slicked back, and she looks like she was born from these waters, like some sort of water goddess from the legends Padmé told Anakin about.

"Can you swim?" Padmé wonders, her lips against his. It's dark and cool, and there are goosebumps along Padmé's arms and legs and back. Her wet hair tickles Anakin's shoulders. He's never been so close to someone ever before in his life.

"I –"he stutters. He takes a deep breath, moves a few centimeters away from her face to look into her eyes. "Of course I can swim," he says. "I'm a Jedi."

"Oh, of course," she laughs. "How could I forget?" She swims to the center of the lake, treading water in the moonlight. Anakin paddles out to meet her. His swimming his choppy, and though it's effective, it's not as graceful as Padmé's, not as beautiful. He can barely keep his head above the water, and his toes keep scuffing the bottom, kicking sand this way and that. Anakin reaches out to her reflexively, and accidently splashes her. She shouts out a laugh in surprise, but grabs his hands and presses a kiss to his flesh palm and to his metal one. Shivers run up his arms and down his spine. She clings onto him, and they move into shallower waters, and she lets him drag her back to shore, where they lay on the sand until the morning sun warms their bare bodies, and they dress and go back inside.

The Jedi teach that attachments lead to the dark side, yet they parade Anakin Skywalker around as their Chosen One, even though he is little more than a walking bundle of attachment that has somehow managed to pass itself off as a human. He is attached to his mother, but then she dies in his arms. The Jedi told him not to worry about his mother, that whatever would happen to her was the will of the Force and it was out of his control. When she dies, he confesses to Obi-Wan that the reason he was on Tattooine in the first place was because he couldn't leave his mother's life up to some energy field, even if it did penetrate every aspect of their lives. He tells Obi-Wan that he could feel her life force leave her body, feel the exact moment that she stopped existing in the Living Force. That there was a gaping hole in his heart where his mother used to be, and every breath he takes is ragged with her loss. Obi-Wan tells him that the Jedi do not hold on to those who have transformed into the Force, they celebrate their transformation, and use their passing as a reflection that one day they too will cease to exist.

So Anakin doesn't tell Obi-Wan what he did after his mother died. How he rejoiced at the transformation of the Tuskens who took his mother from him.

But he tells Padmé. Who tells him it's okay to be upset and angry, and then, never brings it up again. But she marries him anyway.

She always tells him it's okay be angry, to be upset. She tells him that if she were him, she would be angry with the Jedi. To tell Anakin that he isn't allowed to form attachments, when he so clearly would have it any other way. To live his life without attachment would be a blessing. It would be freeing. It's why the Jedi teach it. It's easier to maintain balance when there's nothing in the world but Ideals, the Code, and the Force worth dying for. But for Anakin there's people. People worth dying and killing for. Padmé, Obi-Wan, his mother, Ahsoka. His friends in the Order, his Clone Troopers in the 501st. The Jedi, even the Jedi who love almost as fiercely as Anakin don't get it. They trust the Force more than they trust themselves. They can let go.

Anakin can't let go. There's nothing in the world more important to Anakin than the people he loves. For a Jedi, for the Jedi Anakin is supposed to be, duty to the Force must come before anything. He would die for Padmé, and more importantly, he would kill for Padmé. When he says there's nothing he won't do for her, he means it.

One time, he gives her his lightsaber to demonstrate that he's serious, more than serious, about his love for her. That nothing, not his life, not his devotion to the Order, not his innate duty to the Force, is more important to him than she is. She just looks at him, touches his face gently and sighs. "Anakin," she says, but she doesn't say anything else. He would do anything for her. He has done anything for her. One day, he will do everything for her and lose her in the process, but for now, that doesn't matter.

All that matters is Padmé and the way she loves him even though she knows all of his darkest secrets. All that matters is Padmé and her unending devotion to the Republic and democracy and justice. All that matters is Padmé, and Anakin can't let go of that, or else he doesn't think he would be able to fight this war.

All that matters is Padmé. Anakin isn't sure that he exists without her.


A/N: So in my notes this was always going to be the third story I wrote (well, actually I was planning on doing Kanera but plans change), but originally I was going to do it for the word: Joy because today is Gaudete Sunday (or the Pink Candle Week of Advent, the week of rejoicing), because we're supposed to rejoice. This is honestly more fitting for Love, and so I'm just going to move chapters around and pretend I didn't get my weeks mixed up.I'll leave a note on the last chapter also.

A/N2: I mean also, I wrote this almost a year and a half ago, and there is actually a lot more of this sitting in a word document, but I am very excited to share anidala with you for the first time. Because. Like. They're the only couple that matters to me.

A/N3: (Also if you're waiting for Sky-Walker, it's coming. I am really almost finished I am just very lazy. Also I feel like I've written everything I wanted to while simultaneously writing nothing. But it's coming. Soon.)