The Darkness of His Past

Francis was in the kitchen alone preparing some food. He always made the dinner because England happened to be a terrible cook, always burning things, getting recipes wrong and most of the time ending up with a pile of mush on a plate instead of something delicious. Even as he chopped the vegetables and took care with everything, his skills in cooking unsurpassed, he couldn't stop the tears that came, trickling gently down his porcelain cheeks. He had to stop for a minute, to console himself. Shakily he picked up his glass of red wine and held it to his lips, sipping it down. Arthur entered the kitchen even though Francis had insisted he didn't want him in there whilst he was cooking. Before he could see, Francis turned away from him as if he was just cooking and stirring something in a pot.

"I think I left my reading glasses in here…" Arthur said. Francis didn't reply, he couldn't, he was so emotionally upset.

"Francis?" Arthur asked, noticing that something wasn't right. Maybe it was just how he was standing there, hunched over a little, head down… not answering him, pretending to stir a pot, it was obvious. When Francis got upset, his whole body language changed, every part of him cried, not just a few tears shed.

"Francis…" Arthur said again, moving behind him, he turned off the stuff on the cooker and made him turn around.

"What are you doing Angleterre? The food will spoil if you…."

"Shhh… " Arthur said as he took Francis into his arms gently. "You've never been good at disguising your feelings… "

"Angleterre…" He sobbed overcome by Arthur's empathy for him. "How did you know?"

"I always know…" He replied. "Come on… just forget about the cooking for now… " He said softly and helped him through the sitting room. Sobbing, Francis went with Arthur through to the sitting room, where his love sat him down and gave him his wine.

"Here you go my love." He said gently. "Why don't you tell me what's wrong?" He asked.

"It… its stupid really…" Francis replied shakily drinking his wine. "You… don't want to know… "

Arthur cupped Francis cheek in his hand and looked him in the eyes. "Yes I do… no matter how stupid you think it sounds…"

Francis cried a little, so Arthur held him, although Francis was a little bigger than him. Arthur sat back on the sofa and pulled him to his chest, stroking his fingers through Francis' blond curls. In that moment he was so delicate, so vulnerable.

"It… it's the anniversary of… my mothers death." He said quietly, his voice sounding so broken. "I… saw her murdered by my fathers hand… and tonight it all just came back. I forced myself not to think about it for a very long time… and now… I remember it as if it only just happened."

"You never speak of your past my love." Arthur said softly. "Do you want to talk about it now?"

Francis nodded. "But what about your food Mon Cher…?"

"Never mind about that… or my needs… you've taken care of me and now its your turn to be taken care of." Arthur whispered.

"I was a child Arthur… before you and I even met…" He said quietly. "My mother was the gentlest kindest person anyone could ever meet. She made me feel loved and cared about… and I loved her." He uttered, and my father, would go out to wars, battles and was always absent, and I didn't care, because he was a violent man, a terrible man… my mother protected me. Then he came home from a war, and they were arguing. He accused her of being a whore, that I wasn't his son, and he hit her so hard Arthur… he beat her, right in front of me… I couldn't do anything." Francis said, his whole body shuddering. "What could I do?" He cried "He killed her… and then he turned on me… "

"That's just terrible my love, that you had to go through that…" Said Arthur in a soothing voice. "No wonder you're upset… I mean… who wouldn't be?"

"And….and my Father…" Francis said as he sat up away from Arthur, sipping his wine, shaking… my Father abused me… Arthur…"

"Abused you? In what way?" Gulped Arthur as he watched his lover tremble and break down in front of him. Francis just gave him a look that said it all.

"Oh my poor love…" Arthur said, tears forming in his eyes. "You never… you never said a word about it…"

"I… am so ashamed." Francis said "I thought if you knew what happened you'd… leave me… " He said and looked to Arthur with desperation in his eyes. "I've never loved anyone as deeply as I love you…" He uttered, his voice thick with emotion. "Je me Quitte Pas…" He gulped. "Now that I have told you… do you think less of me?"

"No…" Arthur replied, as he took his wine glass from him and placed it on the table. "I could never in a million years, ever think less of you Francis…" He said "You are the most wonderful, loving husband I could ever ask for…" He uttered and kissed Francis on his wet cheek. "You are such a delicate, gentle man now…"

"I keep thinking of… how I treated you when we were young. I … I read your diary and it brought it all back. I know I beat you badly and I hurt you." He said, "If I could take it all back I would." Francis sobbed. "I know there were times I beat you to a bloody pulp." He sobbed feeling all the guilt from that. "When you went to see Alfred and… you said he kissed you… I was so upset … I didn't know what to think…" He said in a kind of panic "I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to leave me, after all I did those things to you… I hurt you over and over and…"

"Francis I'm sorry…" Arthur said quickly. "I promise you with every breath I take, I will dedicate my life to you from now on." He said "America is like a son to me, not a lover. When he kissed me, I did feel that warmth yes, but it wasn't like the way you kiss me… it didn't set my soul on fire the way your kisses do, and his lies… "Arthur said shaking his head in shame. "I saw the light for the first time and he will get over it, as I will… I want you to know my love, that nothing will ever come between us again…" He said, "I should never have gone to meet him."

"You really love me Angleterre?" Francis asked as he wiped his tears on his shirt sleeve.

"With every beat of my ridiculously messed up heart…" Arthur replied. "With every breath in my body Francis… I love you."

"Ohhh… " Francis sighed, letting it all out, he turned to Arthur and put his arms around him, overcome with love and emotion, weeping into his lover's neck. Arthur reached around and wrapped Francis curls in his fingers as he cried. "Je me quitte pas…" He choked. "Je t'aime…"

"I will never leave you… " Sighed Arthur. "Seeing you weep like this is breaking my heart… I could never leave your side."

Francis held on to him tighter as if he didn't want to let go. He let Francis sob his beautiful heart out and held him kissing him gently on his tender lips, looking into deep blue eyes, letting him know how loved he truly was.

"Let me show you just how deeply I love you…" Arthur whispered as he undid a few buttons of Francis shirt.