This chapter is dedicated to the memory of my older sister, who hanged herself on June 16. My parents will always have twelve children.
Jon Snow took a good long drink of ale from the mug before him. Around him, he could hear the hall echoing with the sounds of merry making, as men from the Neck mingled with the household of Winterfell. Jon himself was seated among them, away from the Starks and Reeds. Lord Stark had given permission for the feast to begin, even though he was not present, having retreated with Howland Reed to his private study. Jon wasn't sure what they had to talk about. Jon had heard tell that the two men were close friends, having fought side by side in the Rebellion. They were also the only two men who had come back from the Tower of Joy alive. Father rarely spoke of it, but Jon had heard the servant's whispers. The story was that father had taken eight highborn companions to rescue Lyanna Stark, only to find three members of the Kingsguard, Ser Gerold Hightower, Ser Oswell Whent. In the ensuing battle Eddard Stark had bested Ser Arthur Dayne, but aunt Lyanna had died. At least, those were the stories.
He didn't know what to make of the crannogmen. He found them an odd group of people. They dressed strangely, all in green and with scales, and carried weapons he was unfamiliar with. Frog spears and blow darts were of particular interest to him. From what he had heard, crannogmen coated their weapons in lethal toxins. The stories of what those poisons did to a man were not for the weak of stomach. They all stood out when compared with the men and women of Winterfell.
Jon could see Bran talking with Jojen Reed. Jon's younger brother seemed to be of particular interest to young Jojen, for reasons Jon couldn't understand. The heir to Greywater Watch seemed to much too mature for a boy his age. His eyes seemed to hold some wisdom to them, like he knew secrets that no one else could. He seemed rather sickly and frail compared to Bran.
Meera seemed to be the same age as himself and Robb. She was a rather attractive girl, with green eyes like her brother, and brown hair. Sansa didn't show it, but she was most likely aghast at the sight of the Meera Reed. She was always gushing about the idea of a perfect lady, something Meera was the complete opposite of. The girl had arrived here dressed in the manner of a crannogwoman, wearing mainly brown and green colors. Her hair was short but well kept, and was flat chested, with an attractive figure. He probably would not be welcome to her, though.
Instead, Jon simply turned back to the others at the table with him. The men of the Neck seemed to get along well enough with the Northerns, making japs. Jon made talk with them, learning what their names were, what the Neck was like. More than a few of the crannogmen came up to him, wishing to speak with the Bastard of Winterfell. Some of them seemed to treat to regard him with a cautious respect, but they were few and far between. He couldn't understand it, though. He was the baseborn son of Eddard Stark, the shame of his family. What made him so special? He tried to be polite and not dwell on it.
When Howland Reed and father arrived in the Great Hall, Jon observed them, paying them respect as they mounted the steps to join their families. Once they were seated, the feast truly got underway. Jon would occasionally feed Ghost scraps. The white direwolf pup stayed quiet, not making a sound. When a much larger bitch came sniffing around, she had growled at Ghost. His pup had simply bared his teeth, not making a sound, to scare her off.
When the feast was nearing its end, Jon saw his father take Lady Catelyn out of the Great Hall, followed by Howland Reed. The feast was now over, and the Great Hall began to empty. Jon would retreat to his room for now. Ghost went along with him. He appreciated his young pup's company, often letting the pup sleep at the end of his bed. There was a bond between the two, Jon could feel it. It was like he could feel what the young direwolf pup felt, what his senses picked up, but it felt….weak. Jon found it strange.
Jon's room was located just a ways away, separate from his siblings. As he was getting his sleep wear out, there was a knock at the door. Half dressed and curious, Jon answered to find one of the household guards waiting for him. "Your father wishes to speak with you," he told him gruffly. He thought it queer that father would summon him at this late hour, and when he thought about it, he couldn't think of a reason why. So, he decided to ask.
"Why has he summoned me?"
"Lord Stark says there is a matter which concerns you," the guard answered. Jon tried to see if he was holding back something, but he couldn't tell.
"Let me get my clothes back on," he informed the guard, who nodded in affirmation, and then closed the door, reopening it once he was ready. As the guard led him down the corridors, Ghost following at his heels, Jon was beginning to feel uneasy. The fact he had not been told why he was summoned was troubling him. That was all he could think about, really. The why of the situation.
When they arrived, Jon found Lady Catelyn Stark and Howland Reed as well as his father. Eddard Stark was standing in the middle of the room, Howland was leaning against the wall while Lady Stark was sitting in a chair next to the desk father used for writing letters. She had one in her hands at the moment.
"Come in, Jon," father said softly.
Lady Catelyn started, looking directly at him. Jon wasn't sure what was wrong with her. She had never particularly liked him, but the way she was looking at him now made him uneasy. Howland Reed regarded Jon thoughtfully, looking him over. He was surprised to see them here, and couldn't help but wonder why his father hadn't dismissed them.
Father did dismiss the guard, and made to close the door after him. Ghost was alert and staring around, sensing the mood in the room. When father motioned for Jon to take a seat next to the window, he did so.
"What is the matter, Lord Stark?" he said, addressing him as the Lord of the North, and not as his father. However, rather than answer him, Ned Stark just simply stared at the boy, his lips parted slightly. The moment felt like it dragged on for perhaps an hour to Jon, but then father turned to Lady Stark.
"My Lady," he said calmly, but Jon could hear the unease underlining his tone. "The letter."
Catelyn Stark quickly stood up and took quick steps forward, passing the letter in her husband's hand. She gave Jon that look again, one he couldn't place, as she went back to take her seat. Howland Reed simply watched, his eyes betraying nothing.
Father, his face filled with regret, then handed the letter to Jon. Curious, he read it. And when he finished, it was as if his entire world had ended. He simply stared at the writing, trying to come to terms with it. He surprised himself when he found the courage to speak. "This isn't true," he said softly, unaware of his shaking hand, "it's just a lie." He looked to his father, hoping for a sign that he was right. "None of this is true, is it, father?"
It was Lord Stark's pained expression which told Jon otherwise. Jon felt his fists clench as his mouth went dry. "No," he said quietly at first, but his voice began to raise with every word, "no, no. It isn't….no, it can't be. I'm...I am the base born son of Lord Eddard Stark, of Winterfell. You're my father, not Prince Rhaegar. I am not trueborn, no, I'm a Snow. I-"
Twisting his face into a hideous grimace, Jon stood up, kicking over his chair and causing Ghost to back away, whimpering. "No, it can't be true! It's lies! It is all nothing but lies!"
Lord Stark came forward, his hands outstretched towards the boy. "Jon, I know this is hard for you to understand-"
"My whole life is nothing but a lie!" Jon snapped at him, very loudly, tears starting to form at the corners of his eyes. They were cold as they ran down his cheeks.
"Jon, listen to me," Lord Stark said firmly, placing his hands on John's shoulders, speaking as the lord of Winterfell. Despite his current mood, he didn't react to the gesture at all. He simply stared at his father's - no, his uncle's chest, refusing to acknowledge the man who he had looked up to his entire life, had believed himself to be the only stain on his honour. "I know this is hard for you, but Lyanna Stark," his voice practically broke at the mention of his mother's, giving him pause, gods, I killed my own mother to come into this world, Jon realised, "but your mother was not raped. I assure you, Rhaegar did not rape her. That is not what happened. Your father was not that kind of man."
"Then what did happen? How," Jon shot a glare at him, turning to look directly at his face, accusing him of something, before turning it to Catelyn Stark. She didn't shrink away from, not in the slightest. After everything she had put him through, to have some ounce of respect-
And once again, Jon realised something. "Why was she told first? Why not me?"
"She is my wife, Jon," his uncle told him, keeping his voice calm and low, "and the Lady of Winterfell. She had to know this." Lady Stark's face was hard set now, burning anger at him.
"Did you ever care about me?" Jon asked silently, looking to Ghost. The pup was laying on his stomach, tail tucked between his legs, and met Jon's gaze. He was still burning with a mixture of feelings, but right now, he just felt numb. His mouth was going dry and his heart was racing in his chest.
Lord Stark was quick to respond. "Of course," he said, "Jon, we are family. I have raised you as my own son."
"But why?"
His...uncle's face was briefly thoughtful for a few moments, and then he sighed. "Your mother did ask me to, but not because of...not what that letter says. She loved you, Jon."
Howland Reed spoke up at that moment. "Aye, that she did," he began to say, "but there is more to it than that."
Both uncle Eddard and Howland Reed told Jon the truth then, of how his mother was the Laughing Knight at the tourney of Harrenhal, how his father fell in love with her after that. When they ran off together, and how uncle Brandon had gone to King's Landing, demanding Jon's father "come out and die." How is grandfather, Lord Rickard Stark, had gone to King's Landing, only to be killed by his other grandfather, the Mad King. Neither Howland nor his uncle knew about the time Jon's parents had spent together, what they during their absence. It was a story Jon had heard before, but now, he was seeing it in a much different light.
"Were my parents married?" Jon asked. This, he wanted, had to know.
There was a deathly silence after Jon said. After a few tense moments, he had his answer.
"Your wet nurse did not lie when I asked her," Lord Stark admitted. "They were, Jon."
Sorry this took so long. Real life issues, and I have been a bit lazy lately. Lot of stuff going on in my life right now.
I updated the chapter a bit as well, fixing some issues here and there.
