~2~

Her body could give a Chihuahuas' a run for its money in the quivering department as she steps back into the gates bordering the track from the stadium— the goddamn NASCAR stadium. Her heart hasn't stopped sprinting since the moment Johnny uncovered her eyes and the massive stands curving towards the sky, although empty, surrounding the oval strip of pavement practically unfolded before her eyes. She had taken one look at his wide expectant grin, her jaw going slack as she'd choked out, "No way."

It was yes way though. A Rookie NASCAR driving session—the first of the day to be exact.

Thudding footfalls come up behind her before a hand squeezes her shoulder briefly. Johnny's eyes are alight, his smile twisted in a reckless way. In the sunlight he portrays adrenaline junkie quite well. "So how'd it go?!"

The rush from his words spurs a few jittery bounces from her as she struggles between laughing and breathing in general, "You should know! You were out there too driving laps around me. I bet you're instructor kissed the ground when he finally got out of the car."

Johnny snorts and dissolves into chuckles, but over his infectious laughter she doesn't hear denial. "Hey I kept it fast, but safe out there."

"Yeah! Only because you were 'racing me'." She points out while still bouncing on her toes as the adrenaline works through her.

Johnny's eyes soften before he loops his arms around her pulling her into his chest. "Come here," he murmurs while rubbing his hands up and down her back.

Lulu lets out a shaky breath and closes her eyes enjoying the pressure of his touch and the rapid thud of his heart. The suits they strapped both of them in carries a synthetic scent, but she still somehow catches roses and fresh grass. "Oh it was amazing... I can still feel the vibration of the engine all the way through to my heart. And the speed," she shakes her head pressing closer and breathing deeply as the jitters in her limbs gradually taper off, "It was like I was the one moving instead of the car. Every turn went through me... I can't even begin to describe the exhilaration." She pulls her head back just enough to notice Johnny's face a few inches away, eyes searching hers in a way that makes her swallow. "I really see why you enjoy driving so fast. It really puts you in the moment..."

Wind races by throwing her hair into further chaos around her face and shoulders. Johnny merely smiles in that way that flips her stomach and loosens her knees. And she discovers a little too late, as he combs his fingers through her hair, that she's still as much of a goner to him now as she was back then when she first laid eyes on him.

"Even looking like a wild woman, you still look unbelievably beautiful."

Lulu feigns shock as she slides a hand up his chest to rest on his shoulder, "I don't know whether to smack you or..." Her words fade away when his fingers curl over the curve of her cheek then fall under chin in an all too familiar gesture. Their eyes connect, intense and burning right to her core and it's not even a thought to lean up and—

"Lulu!"

Her heart turns to stone and tears through her gut in its descent to the ground. Johnny's hands retract from around her immediately as she spins to face the steely expression her husband fixes in their direction. All the relaxation Johnny worked into her system drains in a second flat. It doesn't even feel like the sun's warmth touches her as she strides unsteadily to stand before Dante. "What're-what are you doing here?" She squeezes out through her too tight thought.

Dante looks her over once then over her shoulder before scoffing. "That's rich." His voice does anything but comfort as his eyes guard his anguish.

Lulu curls and twists her fingers together repeatedly while trying to even her breathing, "What is—"

"That's usually one of the first things you hear from someone who's got something to hide," his voice is rough with hostility as his jaw tightens. She can hardly withstand the accusation in his eyes let alone his words as she flinches. "If you must know, Lulu, you disappeared last night. You weren't answering my calls or messages, so I reasonably started calling around to see if anyone has seen you. Of course Spinelli leapt at the chance to investigate and discovered you took off in a private plane with this punk," he points over her shoulder where Johnny no doubt hangs back where he won't exasperate the situation even though she knows he wouldn't mind doing so. The fact that he isn't only proves they're both in the wrong.

Lulu's head hangs as she takes the burning guilt collapsing her ribs into her lungs and uses it to lash out in the only way she can. "So you knew I was lying when I texted you this morning and you decided to, what? To follow me here as my keeper?"

Dante lowers his head to her view where she can see all too clearly how anger and pain twists his features. "No, you don't get to do that, Lulu! I was already on my way here when Spinelli tracked where you two were headed! I thought, you know maybe Johnny had gotten into trouble as he always does and he'd pulled you into it. But I knew when you responded with that bogus response it was something else." He leans away from her as if she's repulsive before schooling his expression blank, his eyes going from her to over her shoulder one more time. "And that kiss pro—"

"We didn't kiss!" She denies heatedly, effectively elevating their private conversation towards a screaming match for the lingering staff to overhear. "Okay, I was feeling miserable. Logan died today years ago, remember? Johnny did a nice thing by taking me here and getting my mind off of things. We were coming back by the end of the day!" She explains in a reasonable pleading tone as her eyes sting and her throat becomes scratchy. "You wouldn't even be so mad if it were Maxie and me instead having run off to Manhattan for the day! Johnny and I are friends just like me and Maxie!" Even she can hear it, the sound of dirt being shifted as she digs herself deeper and it only makes her vision waver with a sheen of tears as Dante gazes at her unmoved.

He shifts a foot in her direction leaning in enough to ask her lowly, almost bitterly, "If I hadn't stopped you, would you have kissed him?"

Lulu's tongue is suddenly lead in her mouth, unable to form words as she gapes at Dante, helpless.

He nods once, curt. "I'll see you at home," he dismisses her without a second glance as he spins on his heel and walks with brisk steps away from her.

It's a miracle her feet guide her to one of the empty seats before she collapses, head right in her hands.

The seat beside hers becomes occupied not a second later. "Lulu, I'm so sorry. This is all—"

"If you say this is all your fault, I really will smack you," she grounds out while digging the heels of her palms into her eyes, willing the tears to recede. She only succeeds in smearing the salty liquid over her face.

Johnny smooths a broad hand over her shoulder blades and the pain suffocating her lungs dulls some. "It is though. I promised no flirting."

She sniffs loudly. "And I told you your charm doesn't have an off switch... at least on me. Besides it, usually, takes two to kiss even if we didn't." She leans back into his arm and lets her hands fall away as tears roll over her cheeks. "Ugh, I've made such a mess of things."

His thumb brushes over her cheeks in a soft, doting caress. "Look, everything's gonna be fine. Don't worry so much."

Lulu absorbs the seriousness in his eyes and gives a little nod before folding against his side like a natural addition to his being. "Why are you so good to me?" She whispers in what she hopes is too low for him to catch as she squeezes her eyes shut.

His arm tightens around her shoulders then settles into a comfortable hold. "Because you deserve better than the best... even if I'm not the one who should give it to you." He admits just as low, voice pressed to the crown of her head.

Lulu shakes her head and clears her throat, in no way dislodging the knot of guilt that's suddenly made a home there. "You don't even know what this is all about."

"Well you mentioned it was more than just today that was bothering you."

"Yeah it's a problem that really doesn't have to be a problem if I don't let it, despite its recurrence," she states firmly while sitting up and wiping her face of any lingering tears.

"A problem with your relationship...?" Johnny ventures and she gives him a glance over her shoulder before standing.

"Yeah, um... Let's go. We've given these good people enough of a show already." Her fingers tense and relax repeatedly as she waits for him to stand before she scurries ahead to the changing area where they locked their belongings away. She knows she's running, not wanting yet to admit to him that he's the recurrence that pops up subtly in her relationship. Only now that stupid question she just had to ask herself—in the middle of sex no less—made it pretty obvious where her heart wants to be.

She locks herself in the female bathroom and works quickly to exchange the racing attire for the trendy clothes she arrived in. She eventually finds herself splashing cold water over her face then staring down her reflection with reluctance. The truth can't hide in her honey brown eyes. Her marriage is in jeopardy because she... wanted to kiss Johnny. Dante knows it as much as she does. What she has to decide now is if she fights for her happy, loving, safe relationship or does she take a risk again and jump feet first into something mind-blowing and against all odds?

Her eyelids fall shut shielding her from the projection of her thoughts as a long breath escapes her. "Ugh, I shouldn't be doing this. I don't even know what Johnny wants . He might even still be hell bent on pushing me away and then this would all be for nothing." Her body drags away from the sink to grab paper towels as the thought forms in her head slick and unsettling, So I'd just be settling instead, that's it?

Lulu crushes the sodden towels in her hands and chucks them in the trash with a harsh growl. Chest heaving just a bit she snatches the folded suit off the counter, avoiding looking at the mirror, and storms from the room all the while wondering if she ever really learned from her mistakes.

She hardly hears the woman's kind albeit mandatory thanks and farewell when she returns the outfit, too lost in her own head. She's only pulled to the surface when Johnny smooths a hand up her arm in guiding her away out of the stadium. "Come on. I'm gonna get you somethin' to eat, then get you home to your husband."

She looks up to see his lips pursed and eyes wary despite his calm and reassuring tone—a far cry from the wild and free man he was early. Her stomach tangles furiously and she throws her arms around him hoping to soothe the regret that's no doubt badgering him. He has nothing to me sorry for. "I really appreciate what you've done for me, Johnny. Taking me to Pennsylvania to drive a NASCAR! How many people can say they have a friend willing to do they for them. It was such a sweet gesture," she breathes into his shirt, earnest.

His hand sweeps down the back of her head, holding her close. "Don't mention it, Lulu."

Standing tucked in his embrace she lets herself live out a dream that'll never become reality.

~.~

Amber lights speed by illuminating the winding streets as Johnny drives them instead back to Port Charles. Her eyes focus more on the jagged images the trees make as they spring to life from the shadows beside the road, rather than the white, warm box in her hands filled with pungent smelling food.

A hand flashes into her vision, snatching one of the items of food. It's a sufficient lure of her eyes to Johnny now eating a spring roll while driving. "What's wrong?" He asks only a few moments later. "You barely touched your wontons and spring rolls. I thought you wanted Chinese?"

Her cheeks prickle in her sudden flush as she turns her eyes back out the window, not before quickly taking a bite of one of the spring rolls. What she'd actually said in that moment was I wouldn't mind having you on my hands and knees. Which given that Johnny's not her husband, having sex with him would be considered pretty bad. The words had sort of slipped out with the afternoon sunlight gleaming in Johnny's dark hair and he'd been adjusting his sleeves over his forearms in that way which she'd always found attractive... It couldn't be helped what came out of her mouth in her momentary lapse in judgement.

It's lucky that Johnny sometimes has selective hearing—judging from her offer at Jake's to have wild sex with him multiple times—but this time she could've sworn his eyes had settled on her as if he'd head every single word. She won't deny the tremble that had overtaken her and the pure molten need that had tightened in her gut and oozed between her thighs before he'd agreed to Chinese in a breezy tone.

Lulu's fingers tap against the smooth box trying to be grateful for the misunderstanding. The first time was of course out of worry for his sister, err, mom . Claudia being his mom is something that still boggles her mind and now kind of twists her heart. As much as she despised Claudia, she only ever wanted to protect Johnny in her unique ways. At this Lulu sinks into her seat as she gazes at the passing scenery not truly seeing what's in front of her eyes. It occurs to her that most if not all of Johnny's family is dead and yet... he can't seem to escape their hold.

Johnny playing the piano at the Haunted Star the night before, his desire to get her out of town, and the upcoming Crimson Pointe make Lulu ask slow and careful like walking on eggshells, "Why were you really at the Haunted Star last night, Johnny?"

His fingers flex then curl around the steering wheel, and the breath that leaves his lungs feels as if it carries his surrender. "You got me. I wasn't lying about not having played in a long time though. The song you walked in on was... something I wrote when Sonny gave me that three week vacation in a padded cell."

Lulu nibbles at her wonton hoping that her somewhat normal behavior will urge him on. "You wrote a song? How come you never played it for me?"

One of his hands slides off the steering wheel where his fingers move to brush at his chin. A slight sign she knows means he's agitated. "It was special. Something I might've played at a five year anniversary or like a wedding song maybe."

Johnny's never this vague or indirect unless he's hiding something, she knows. And from the emotion snagging at his words she can guess with certainty what the missing words are. Lulu sits the mostly empty food cartoon down in her lap as she watches the Welcome to Port Charles sign become a spec in the side view mirror. "It's been, um, almost five years since we met, huh?" She feels oddly hollow saying it out loud.

Johnny seems to take a moment to swallow before rasping, "Yeah." A silence thickens in the space surrounding them until he continues, "I just wanted to go back to a time before I started making stupid decisions."

His words swirl right in her heart causing her to bite her lip and gaze fleetingly at his rigid profile as she considers. The town's buildings begin to open up around them sapping what little time she has left and she blurts, "Let's go to the Haunted Star."

She feels the weight of his stare briefly. "Lulu..."

"No, look! I told Dante I would come home by the end of the day and there's still a few hours left in the day. Besides there's something I want to discuss with you," her words spill forth as her body tenses waiting for him to decide.

He doesn't answer her verbally, but when the car takes an abrupt heart jumping U-turn, she feels a frail smile strengthen over her lips.