As the weeks passed, Rae found herself growing closer and closer to the Gallagher family. Fiona had been released from jail and after pleading guilty, she was sentenced to probation, since it was her first offense. Even though Rae found it hard to get past what Fiona did, she found herself enjoying the older woman's company while she helped Luke get over his trauma.
"You know, you're lucky," Fiona said softly to Lukas late one afternoon. "Your sister loves you to death."
"I know," Lukas said, helping Fiona fold laundry, a task that proved daunting with only one working arm. "I…I just don't feel safe anymore." It took a lot for Luke to admit that out loud. Rae was listening in the kitchen, her textbook spread out in front of her. It was her turn to watch Liam and Nikki, so she was trying to get as much homework done as she could. She knew Lip would be home soon and while she really didn't feel like being the bad guy, she knew she had to talk to Lip about childcare, since he still didn't trust Fiona with Liam alone and Rae had taken a job at a gas station for extra cash, so she wouldn't be able to watch him after school anymore. Beth was fine watching Nikki, but she wasn't up for the task of watching two toddlers.
"Rae made sure you were safe, she took care of everything," Fiona reassured him. "What are you afraid of?"
"I…" Lukas hesitated. Rae tried not to eavesdrop, but she was wondering how Fiona was managing to get answers out of him. Whenever she tried, Luke shut down.
"You know, I get scared sometimes too. I get scared that Liam's not going to be okay, or that Lip is never going to trust me or forgive me again. I get scared because I don't know where Ian is, if he's okay, if he's ever going to come home. I get scared because Debbie and Carl are growing up so damn fast," Fiona said, her tone shaking. Rae smiled in spite of herself. Rae knew how that felt – worrying about everyone else. She knew all too well how much that could weigh on a person.
"I'm afraid something bad's going to happen and Rae's not going to be there to fix it. She always fixes everything and it's not fair, but she does….I'm afraid one day she won't be able to save us anymore," Luke admitted, his voice quivering. "I didn't feel safe until she walked into that room. Until she hugged me and told me everything was going to be okay." For a single moment, Rae forgot that Lukas was fifteen. For a moment, he sounded so much younger.
"Your sister is a martyr. She'll die for you kids," Fiona said softly. "I've never met someone so selfless in my entire life. She's like Lip in that sense. She'll protect and defend all of you until it kills her."
"I'm afraid that's exactly what's gonna happen," Luke replied, sniffling. "I don't want her getting hurt because of us."
"Hey, shh, she won't. She's smart. She knows what she's doing," Fiona reassured her. Just as Rae was about to walk into the living room, she heard the backdoor open. She rose, helping Lip carry in the garbage bag full of food he stole from the cafeteria.
"I think it's supposed to be meatloaf," he muttered as he shoved the tin trays into the oven.
"I'll see what I can pull together tomorrow," Rae offered. "I'm sure we have canned soup left. I sent Beth to the food bank last week."
"Yeah, okay, thanks," Lip said with a quick nod. "How was Liam for you?"
"Perfect angel as always," Rae smiled tenderly. Nikki and Liam were curled up on a blanket, both sharing a coloring book. Nikki looked up as soon as she heard Lip, running over to give him a hug.
"Thank you!" She squealed, her eyes dancing. Lip threw Rae a confused look.
"She's thanking you for letting her play with Liam," Rae explained. "Normally Beth gives her a book and tells her to be quiet. It's a nice change for her."
"Thanks for watching him," Lip said sincerely. He smiled at her, his blue eyes shining tiredly.
"We gotta talk about that later," Rae said softly, stroking Nikki's head. "But it can wait."
"Okay?" Lip gave her a troubled look. Rae waved him off before grabbing paper plates from the counter. "Nikki, make sure those crayons don't disappear!" Rae scolded as she saw Nikki rolling them across the floor. "We're down to the last of that pack."
"Again?" Luke chirped from the couch. "How do they keep losing them?"
"Between our house and this one, there are more crayons in the cracks than there is plaster," Rae laughed. "Watch."
Rae knelt on the floor beside Nikki and rolled the pink crayon with just enough force to send it rolling under the floorboard against the wall. This earned a genuine laugh from Lukas.
"Maybe I can lift some tomorrow?" he suggested. Rae shot up, giving him a funny look. "What? I can't stay inside forever."
"It took me hours to coax you over here…" Rae reminded him. Most days, it took more effort than it should have to get him to come with her when she went to the Gallagher's after school.
"Yeah…well, you need to be able to study and I need a distraction, I figured maybe I'd take Nikki for a walk tomorrow, if that's okay?" he asked, his tone steady.
"Must be nice," Fiona sighed, leaning back on the couch. Fiona hated being cooped up inside, though she did appreciate Rae coming by to keep her company. Rae hadn't told anyone that she had dropped half her classes just to be able to take care of Lukas, which meant after that semester, she would lose her scholarship. She didn't intend to tell them either.
Rae studied her brother for a moment before reluctantly nodding her head.
"Okay, yeah, you're absolutely right," she said hesitantly, her heart skipping a beat. "I have to get shit done tomorrow anyway," she added, throwing a glance at Fiona. "You gonna be okay here alone?"
"Not like it's anything new," she scoffed. Rae nodded.
Everyone gathered in the kitchen a while later to help Lip dish out the school leftovers. Nikki crinkled her nose when she saw the dog food looking meatloaf plop on her plate.
"Yuck!" She yelped, her eyes tearing over.
"It tastes better than dog food, I promise," Rae said softly, mashing the meat up for her youngest sister. "Trust me, it's better than whatever Mitch it throwing together at our house."
"Yuck."
"Nikki, either you eat this, or you go hungry, you know the deal," Rae said tiredly. Nikki was never a picky eater, but after Rae moved out of the house and Mitch took over the food preparation, Nikki's palate changed and she became more and more wary of food that didn't look like food. From what Rae had gathered, poor man's slop and shit on a shingle were meals most days.
"Please?" Nikki looked up at Rae with sad eyes.
"It's actually good," Lukas mumbled with a mouthful of food. "Nik-Nik, you gotta eat."
"No," Nikki said stubborn. Rae sighed heavily and picked up the plate of mashed meatloaf, scrapping it off so it landed with a distasteful plop on Luke's plate.
"Waste not, want not," Rae said gently.
"What about you?" Lip said, looking up at her with concerned eyes.
"I ate earlier," she shrugged. "C'mon Nikki, let's see if Luke has a can of spaghetti-o's left."
"No," Nikki moaned. "No, no, no, no!"
"When did she get so picky?" Luke scoffed. He seemed to be enjoying the meal fine enough.
"Probably since Mitch gave everyone food poisoning," Beth's voice carried from the living room. Rae looked up to see Beth walking in with three bags in her arms. "I come bearing gifts. Well soup. A lot of soup."
Lip threw Rae a hopeless stare. He hated handouts and didn't want their charity.
"Mitch burns canned soup," Beth said gently. "I promise, it's gonna go to better use over here."
"No soup," Nikki moaned. She turned a little green. Rae sighed and lifted her out of her chair, her fingers poking at the skinny little girl's stomach as she did so.
"Nikola, you gotta eat something," she said, coming down to the toddler's level. "What do you want?"
"Pizza?" she asked innocently. "We not have pizza 'ince you left."
Her words made her heart break. Rae always managed to scrape together enough money to get a pizza, even if it meant cutting each slice three times to feed everyone. They'd do pizza at least twice a month, even if it was cheap, frozen pizza. Rae sighed and ran her hand over her face.
"Let's see if we can find pizza at the gas station," Rae said with a slight smile. "I need to put gas in the van anyway."
"Really?" Nikki's eyes lit up.
"Really," Rae nodded. "C'mon, Liam, you want to come too?"
Liam nodded his head eagerly. Rae threw a sympathetic smile at Lip. "Come with?"
"I'll stay here," Luke said merrily. "I actually like meatloaf," he chirped.
"At least someone does," Lip scoffed before grabbing a coat for Liam. "Thank you," he whispered. He knew his family was tired of reheated cafeteria food. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he was grateful Rae and her family were helping out.
"Don't thank me yet. Frozen pizza taste like cardboard," Rae giggled. She pushed Nikki towards the door, looking over her shoulder at Beth, who was following them out. "I thought you were with Matty?"
"Matt's back. He got an apartment over off Halsted. I came back a week ago," she shrugged. "He's happy, Rae, really happy. His husband is amazing too."
"Might need to pay him a visit," Rae mused. She wondered if he came across Ian at all since moving back home. Last she knew, Ian vanished again, but she wasn't sure how reliable Ruby was anymore, not since he got into some hardcore drugs thanks to the night life he led.
"Who's Matt?" Nikki asked, having overheard the conversation.
"The one who got out," Beth snickered. "Shame really, Rae, that could have been you."
Beth's words stung, but Rae knew her place. She was good at what she was doing – keeping her family safe and helping Lip keep his running while Fiona dealt with her shit. This was where she was supposed to be, she could feel it.
"She's right you know," Lip said later that night, while they were cleaning up the kitchen. Rae had walked Lukas and Nikki back to her house before returning to tackle a couple loads of laundry before she called it a night. "You could have gotten out too."
"Yeah well, I think I'm content here," Rae said, motioning to the dimly lit kitchen.
"What was it you wanted to talk about earlier?" he asked hesitantly, handing her a wet glass. He looked at her with worried eyes.
"I found a job," Rae said hesitantly. "The gas station down on 47th. Shitty place, but decent hours," she continued, watching Lip's face mask with confusion. "I won't be able to watch the kids anymore – I already told Beth when I got the call back…I'm going to be working 8 to 8 most days…"
"What about school?" Lip asked, giving her a guarded, yet concerned look. "You've been working your ass off to get your grades back up."
"I lost my scholarship, Lip," she said softly, turning so he couldn't see the sadness creep into her eyes. "Dealing with Luke and the kids, I couldn't…I had to cut my classes back to be here for them. I…They told me last week that after this semester, I was out. I next week."
"Fuck," Lip said, scrubbing his hand over his face. With her back to him, she couldn't see the crushed look cross his tired face. He wasn't just upset that now he had to come up with another plan for Liam, but because he was genuinely enjoying have classes with Rae. She made the days less daunting. Rae turned in time to see him watching her, as if he was trying to figure out what to say next.
"It's okay," she said quickly, forcing a smile to light up her face. "It means I don't have to spend the entire day listening to people go on and on about things I'll never use," she added brightly. "College was never really in the cards for me anyway."
Lip didn't say anything. He knew Rae was only saying that so he didn't feel guilty that he got to stay in school while she was forced to drop out because of the life she was handed. She put away the remaining dishes before turning to Lip, this time, her eyes sparking with something he'd never seen before.
"You know, it kinda sucks though," she said lightly, taking a step towards him.
"Yeah? Why?" he breathed. He could smell the scent of her perfume as she carefully leaned in.
"I was just starting to really like Lit," she said, her tone teasing. "See, there's this guy, and he's kind of amazing and I was really, really starting to like the idea of studying with him."
"oh yeah?" Lip purred, taking a step forward.
"Mhm," she murmured. Before either of them could register what was happening, Rae leaned in, her lips tendering colliding with his. Lip pulled her closer, letting her warmth ease the tension he had been bottling up ever since Liam's accident. For several long, blissful moments, they were lost in each other's embrace, their lips learning each other, their hands exploring one another for the first time. The kiss intensified and Rae found herself hungry for more. It wasn't until Rae's phone buzzed loudly that they broke apart. She groaned and pulled it from her pocket, grimacing.
"What's wrong?" Lip asked, slightly breathless.
"I gotta go," she groaned. She turned quickly, her mind still fuzzy from the kiss. She grabbed her keys off the counter and spared a glance in his direction before leaving. "See you tomorrow?"
"Yeah, yeah, okay," Lip nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. He wasn't sure what to make of what just happened. He watched as she hurried down the back steps, through the gate, and down the sidewalk to where her van was parked, in an empty spot between the two houses. He stepped outside and lit a cigarette, his mind racing a mile a minute.
