~6~

Lulu opens her eyes feeling as if she'd just closed them the night before. Every bone in her body weighs a ton each and she doesn't want to go through the struggle of pulling herself from bed. So she stares blearily at the ceiling, watching the morning grow stronger by the minute until her morning ritual gets tired of waiting, forcing her to move from the bed to the bathroom.

A little while later she emerges, blond hair swaying from her ponytail as she buttons up her dress shirt. In the opening between the collar, she brushes her fingers over the reminder of Johnny she hasn't gone without in the little over two months since he's been gone. And as she glances at her reflection in the vanity within her room, the worn state of her eyes shows just what a trying time it's been.

It had taken everything in her not to call Dante out for his negligence in her statement to the police, only stating that she'd heard the shots and discovered Dante with Johnny alerting an ambulance. She'd gone through with the divorce not long after. Dante hadn't even needed to sign the papers as she'd cited infidelity on her part as the cause. Everyone in town had begun to treat her differently as well; either walking on eggshells around her because they know she's been to Shadybrook or giving her odd looks because she divorced the town's good cop for the deceased mobster. Only her friends had began behaving normally, giving her their shoulders to lean on whenever her outward strength diminished.

Lulu sinks onto the edge of her bed and reaches for her inky flats. The fatigue that's grown in her makes the idea of heels undesirable. Besides working as a receptionist at the Metro Court Hotel won't require much footwork anyway. The idea to give her the job had of course been her cousin's, but it was much better than staying at the PCPD, so Lulu was more than willing to take it.

Grabbing a grey suit jacket from the closet of the room that's still impersonal despite having been hers for the last two months, Lulu leaves the room in hopes of finding energy food with Maxie before they both leave. Sunlight filters in mildly through the windows stationed before the dining table she comes to. And Maxie is there blond hair perfectly coiffed in loose curls to her shoulders and latest fashion wear right in place. Her blue eyes pop like gems with the smokey eye shadow decorating them. She is the picture of elegance as Crimson magazine's Editor-in-Chief—a far cry from Lulu's steamrolled, grief ridden appearance she's been sporting lately. Not that Lulu really minds.

Maxie jumps up from her seat at the sight of Lulu and instantly delves into a mile a minute rant. "Where have you been? I thought you weren't going to crawl out of bed today! I made breakfast and everything, but your lack of punctuality ruined everything!"

Lulu smiles regrettably. "Sorry, I've just been really tired lately."

Maxie waves her words away with a smug smile. "Lucky for you, I planned ahead." She reaches onto the table to grab a sealed off Tupperware container obviously still warm from the steam within. She clicks off the top allowing the steam to billow outwards. "You can eat up on the way there."

One whiff and Lulu knows something's wrong. She stumbles a step back to the alarmed look of Maxie, and shields her nose with her palm. "Oh my god, Maxie that's spoiled! You didn't eat any did you?" Her voice is lined with concern as she takes steps backwards until her back collides with a brick wall.

Maxie now adopts the concerned pinch to her eyebrows as she shuts the lid of the container. "Of course I did, Lulu. These are fine."

Lulu's stomach churns while her pulse dances erratically in her veins. Maxie hasn't cracked a smile which means she's serious. If so then where's the rancid smell coming from? her mind presses as she squirms under her friend's scrutiny finding the look too close to that of ones she's received at Shadybrook. Lowering her hand and taking a shallow breath, she decides it must be the lack of rest getting to her.

Darting around Maxie, she snatches her purse off the table by the front door. "Never mind, I'm just going to grab some breakfast at the Metro Court instead. Okay? Bye!"

The irate, "Wait!" is muffled behind the closing of the door behind her. Lulu pauses only to brush her fingers against her necklace as a pang resonates throughout her chest. "I wish you were here to see me bumbling through life. I can't even smell right apparently." She hangs her head and drops her hand, then squashes her turmoil down in order to march ahead.

~.~

She places the phone on the hook then reaches for the bowl of neatly cut mango pieces to begin curbing her hunger. There's a steady flow of people in and out of the Metro Court seemingly drawn to the classy ambiance, smooth surfaces, and silver, beige, and generic greens as its primary colors. The different faces and demanding voices usually allow Lulu to get lost within her work. But while she scarfs down fruit, her eyes remain glued to the large red circle surrounding the day's date effectively distracting her from the looming figure that appears in front of her desk.

"Hey, Lulu."

The calm address jolts her gaze upwards to the cool blue eyes set in the friendly expression of Jason Morgan. Lulu hastily swallows and reaches for the phone. "Oh, I'm sorry! Do you need me to call, Carly? I'm sure she's in her office..."

"Uh, no. I'm here to talk to you." He informs her frank but far from unkind.

Lulu lowers her hand to the counter in front of her and gives him her full attention all the while confusion shifts underneath her skin. "Okay..."

He leans on the desk, lowering his voice as his eyes gain a serious edge. "So Spinelli, Maxie, and I have been looking into Johnny's shooting and there haven't been any promising leads."

Her jaw clenches at this. Maxie nor Spinelli have uttered a word about this, though she should've known something was going on. They've been speaking since the whole Matt-being-sent-to-prison thing. Them looking into Johnny's murder would be the type of thing for them to put aside their differences for the time being. Before she can voice any of her stewing thoughts, Jason soldiers on with more facts.

"The police hasn't exactly considered this a top priority case either meaning—"

"It's been left to go cold," she inserts, voice hard as she lowers her head into her hands for a brief moment.

"Right," Jason sighs. "Their main suspect, Sonny, alibied out. He was here having a meeting dinner." She looks up to see his eyes check their surroundings before he tells her, voice candid, "Sonny hates Johnny, but there's been nothing escalating between them lately. Besides the hit would've gone through me. And if it had been a sniper, you shouldn't have heard the gunshots from where you were on the boat."

Lulu's leg begins to bounce under the desk. "Okay, so what does this mean?" Her words although low strain in frustration.

Despite her volatile state, Jason levels smoothly, "That means... we find out what Johnny might've done that placed a target on his back."

Lulu blanches and Jason is anything but unobservant.

Jason gains his widely known Stone Cold persona as his eyes all bit pierce her for information before his words even can. "What did he do?"

Ice floods through her veins, stealing her breath to the point where finding her voice becomes an impossible feat. Until her eyes catch sight of the burgundy picture frame. In a flash she recalls how allergic Johnny was to being photographed avoiding any and all pictures despite her pleading and whining. So the time he caught her by surprise from behind with a kiss on the cheek and a camera flash in the face was something precious to be cherished. Lulu's breathing mellows even if her fingers drum against the counter. "I don't think it should be spoken about here."

Jason slowly nods and leans away slightly. "Yeah, you're right. Where do you want to meet after you get off?" He suggests instead.

Her lips part then press together as she brushes her finger over the keys of the computer keyboard without any purpose. "I was actually going to the cemetery today. It would've been five years since we met." She clears her suddenly tight throat.

Jason smooths a hand over the desk with a ghost of a smile. "Five years since you got on a car with a complete stranger."

Lulu laughs though it sounds a bit croaky to her ears. "One of the best decisions I've made so far."

"I don't have to come, if it's too much," he says more than serious.

She shakes her head then sweeps her bangs from her eyes. "No, it's fine. It shouldn't take long to tell you anyway."

"Okay." He pulls away from the desk as a silent departure.

Though she's quick to say, "Keep me in the loop from now on. I've been relying on the PCPD too much as of late."

He smiles and waves over his shoulder heading for the glass exit just as Maxie bursts in like a storm, forcing him to step out of her way—not that she notices or cares from the displeasure shining in her eyes. "Lesley Lu Spencer! This is the third time this week you've felt it wise to insult me and I will not stand for it any longer!"

Jason's face ranges from amused to questioning all in the quirk of his lips and the width of his eyes before he disappears out the doors. Lulu wishes she had such an escape. All she can do is sink lower into her seat and snatch up the ringing phone as an opportunity to ignore the oncoming tirade her best friend.

She's just said her greeting when the tempest that is Maxie Jones reaches over the desk and slams her fingers onto the hook ending the call. Lulu's mouth gapes as she holds the phone uselessly, but Maxie doesn't look the least bit sorry.

"You see this here?" Maxie lifts the almost forgotten, in Lulu's mind, Tupperware of breakfast from that morning. Just the recollection of the scent makes Lulu wish she could smell the leather and crisp petrichor Jason brought with him instead. "This is breakfast I made for us to eat. I put time and effort into it, Lulu, and yet you run for the hills as if I'm trying to poison you!"

Lulu sits straighter under her friend's glare. "Look, I'm sorry. It just smells bad. I couldn't eat it."

Maxie scoffs, forcing hair behind her ear as she goes to lift the lid. "It smells fine. If you have a problem with my cooking, just tell me instead of making up excuses. It'll save me more time in the mornings while you make breakfast instead."

Lulu expects to have to reach under the desk top grab the trash bin to heave the mangoes from her stomach at the rancid odor, but instead she just smells the faint scent of... eggs and bacon. Incredulity leaps through her as she grabs the Tupperware, ignoring Maxie's complaint of, "Hey!"

Lulu takes a stronger, experimental whiff and... "It smells fine," Her voice is quiet with astonishment as her mind spins.

Maxie takes it back and looks down at her with a huff, "You're just saying that so you can get out of making breakfast. Not happening."

Lulu shakes her head and slumps in her seat as she stares ahead blankly. "No I'm not. It smelled awful, but now... I didn't imagine it before or the other day or..." She trails off, voice ripe with vulnerability, before she sucks her lips closed and brings her fingers up to her necklace.

"Hey, Lulu, it's okay," Maxie starts off soft with benevolence while still maintaining her assertiveness. "You just weren't hungry and I'm sure your lack of sleep has something to do with this as well. Don't go over thinking anything."

Lulu feels the rushing of blood under her skin attempt to fuel her doubt, but she chooses to agree anyway with a weak smile. "Okay. I'm sorry about breakfast again."

Maxie shoves the Tupperware into her purse. "It's all water under the bridge, as they say. Ooh! I've got to go! I can't afford to be late! See ya, Lulu!"

Lulu waves after her. "See ya, Maxie!" She waits until the lobby elevator doors shut after Maxie before letting out a dismal breath and letting her eyes rest on the carefree image of Johnny. "I promised Maxie I wouldn't take this too seriously, but what if someone is messing with me? And if they are, how are they able to tamper with my senses so easily? Are they watching me too? Just like..." She closes her eyes against the prick that builds there.

Just like they watched us the night you died?

Lulu sniffs then focuses with laser like precision on the computer at her desk. "Maxie's right. I'm being ridiculous. I'll just get through the day, head to the cemetery, and forget any of this happened." She tells herself forcefully and works hard to shut her emotions out for the rest of the day.

~.~

Burnt orange, rusty red, and lemon yellow leaves decorate the grass she strides across. The wind is light but cool, not enough to chill her as the deep purples and blues gradually morph the night sky. No that honor belongs to the headstone that peeks out from the grass, its rigid shape long since memorized by her frequent visits. Johnny always had a way of taking her breath away, but now it's taken on a different kind of feeling.

Lulu takes a moment to steady herself on her feet only to sink shakily to the ground as a watery smile graces her lips. "Hey, there... I bet you're surprised to see me so soon." She takes her hand and brushes away the leaves hanging off the top of the stone before leaning forward in a conspiratorial way. "There may be a reason for that."

She can vividly imagine the way mischief would darken his eyes and how a devilish smile would sweep across his lips if she addressed him like this. It fills her up for a brief glorious second before reality takes her back down to the cold desolate ground. "It's our anniversary, Johnny! Five years!" She says with as much enthusiasm as she can muster despite the moisture gathered in her eyes, because Maxie was right. Johnny wouldn't want her to be so distraught.

She reaches into her purse and pulls out a small square box, still warm from purchase. "I stopped by Kelly's for a piece of apple pie. I know it's not much, but I'm just glad I can share it with you." She says in a small honest way. And bite after bite she does, going over her work week thus far in the quiet of the evening.

She gestures her plastic fork around lightly as she finishes the slice. "I know what you'd probably say. Lulu, what's all this talk about workin'? I made sure you were more than taken care of." She snorts good naturedly, her soft smile practically seeping fondness as she places the empty container down to skim her fingers across his etched name. "You really didn't have to do all of that. And besides... the work helps keep my head above water. If I didn't have anything to do, I'd lose myself... Maybe, I'm starting to already," she confesses in a short breath as a chill creeps under her skin.

She shakes her head and draws her knees up to her chest as her voice takes on a guilty twinge that shines through the cracks. "No, someone knows that I b-blame myself for this. You could never say no to me unless it meant my happiness or safety. That's what lead to you being vulnerable at the Haunted Star." She wipes under her eyes before hugging her knees tighter. "This person is just trying to make me seem crazy like before. Doing little stuff at first until they eventually land me in Shadybrook. But I don't feel crazy. I just miss you. I miss you so much it h-hurts to even think about."

She pulls together a fragile smile however, one she's sure she'd only be able to pull off for him in this moment. "But you shouldn't worry. I'm smarter this time around. I'm not gonna let someone get in my head. And I have some pretty big supporters." Her eyes catch sight of an approaching figure at this and she works to bump the enthusiasm in her voice a notch. "Look, a friend!"

Lulu rises to her feet to meet the cautious advance of Jason. His eyes scan her over. "You okay?"

Lulu brushes specks of grass off her skirt, dodging what he's obviously referring to. "Yeah, nothing to worry about."

"Good," He nods with sincerity.

Lulu licks her lips, tasting some of the salt from her tears and folds her hands together. "All right, I'm gonna just come out and say it. What Johnny did was... horrible and beyond wrong, but he felt the guilt for it. It ate at him in ways I know personally well." She closes her eyes finds the will to say, "He tried to kill Anthony... and Cole Thornhart and Hope Manning-Thornhart died instead. Anthony later tried to kill Johnny, but Johnny..."

"Killed Anthony," Jason ends for her with a long exhale. "Lulu..."

"I know! I know it's bad," her voice comes sharp and tremulous as she holds out a hand almost in pleading. "They suspect my dad and Tracy for Anthony's murder and Connie took the fall for the other two... Johnny and I were going to run away, get away from the violence, the regrets, and just start over. And then this happened."

Jason bows his head, rubbing his thumb and forefinger over his brow a few times before leveling her with a hard look. "Who else knows?"

She scrambles for her tongue. "I... I don't know. Connie, I guess? I mean, why else would she confess to something she didn't do?"

"Anyone else? We need to know all the players in this, Lulu."

"I don't know!" She holds her arms around herself to stop herself from shaking apart. "He just told me the night he was killed. The police would obviously have him as a suspect, but people that know for certain... I have no idea."

The frigid set of Jason's face gradually melts as he nods in acceptance. "All right. This opens up the leads some."

"To who?"

Jason's voice is stern as he shakes his head, "Oh no. You're too close to this. The first sign of his possible killer and you'll run off and get yourself killed."

Her mouth opens to disagree heatedly, but he goes on over her.

"In fact, you shouldn't even be out here this late."

She lifts her eyebrows lift and tilts her hip in defiance. "And why is that?"

"The whole town knows you're in control of Johnny Zacchara's legitimate estates." He tells her simply.

Lulu goes entirely still, unable to take a breath as her mind reels from the shock stemming from those words. The only people who was supposed to know was Maxie, Spinelli, Jason, and Carly and she's certain they wouldn't say a word, so... "H-How?" She gasps out.

Jason shifts and looks off to the side before relying, "It was in the paper not long after Johnny's death. We're pretty certain Scott Baldwin somehow got his hands on the information and leaked it."

A long suffering groan leaves her throat as she leans her head back to peer helplessly at the sky. "I hadn't wanted to see what was in the paper right after... Of course, Scott would do something like this."

"Yeah, so you should really consider heading home soon."

Lulu looks at Jason with a pained smile. "Yeah, I just need to day goodbye first. But, um," she rushes on, "I just want to say thank you for doing this. I know you're probably only doing this for me or as a favor to Carly, but thanks anyway."

He gives her that careful, small, genuine smile that only certain people know exist in him. "It's no problem. Oh!" He proceeds to reach into his jacket to pull out something much to her confusion. "I almost forgot to give you this."

She reaches out and takes the plastic container holding a CD with the title Lulu's Song scrawled across it. She gives him a strange little smile and laughs, "Okay... What's this?"

Jason doesn't waver under her uncertainty and in fact looks strangely pleased. "Sonny actually brought this to me. Said it was something Johnny wrote while in his, uh, capture. Sonny had a professional record it and thought you might want to have it."

Lulu's chest swells with a mixture of pleasant surges of elation and stabbing shards of despair. Her hands tremble around the case, her fingertips burning at how close she is, once again, to something given to her out of love from Johnny. She's hated Sonny for the decisions he's made in the past, but she's more than grateful to hold this in her hands.

She looks up at Jason, not even realizing tears are slipping hot and fast down her cheeks until her vision wavers with them. "Thank you. This means so much to me..." She chokes out before giving up altogether by pressing her lips together and holding the case to her chest.

Jason nods as his eyes soften in empathy. "Take care of yourself, Lulu."

She takes a slow quivering breath as he leaves, then lowers herself before Johnny's headstone to whisper intimately, "I'm gonna hear the end of the song you wrote. That's pretty perfect for our anniversary don't you think? Well... almost." It's a struggle not to imagine him being the one sitting before the piano, bearing his heart to her through the keys, and what their lives should've been like had things turned out differently. She blows out a breath and slips the case safely into her purse. "I've just gotta take this one day at a time like I have been so far. And Jason's working on finding your killer, so we'll find closure on that soon." Her voice begins to strain in pitch like it does every time she prepares to leave.

"I have to go, but I'll be back next week after playing this CD to death... which reminds me, I should make copies," her humorous tone falls flat do to the ache tearing right through her, leaving her to ultimately kiss her fingers and splay them over the cool stone in a heartfelt, parting gesture.

"I love you, Johnny and I always will."

~.~

Lulu reaches her shared apartment without any issues besides the emotional ones. She's ready to place the key through the slot when a long thin white box in front of the door draws her eyes. The hitch in her progress to bathe, slip into one of Johnny's button ups, and finally hear his song finished causes her to pick the package up with aggression. Her name printed neatly upon it with no return address draws her up short, however as apprehension begins to trickle through her veins.

At a snail's pace, she uncovers the top to reveal one blossomed lavender rose. A pristine white note is attached to the stem which she picks up with shaking fingers.

I told you I didn't want to lose you and kissed you at the overlook. I still don't, Lulu.

Her shrill scream reverberates throughout the hall as the package and note topple from her hands.


Do to something coming up irl, I might not be able to get anything up for a while. Sorry to leave on a cliffy! Thanks for reading!