On Tuesday it was snowing again. Rachel had trouble concentrating on her work and found herself staring out of the window, lost in thought, several times during the morning. She was trying to go through a catalogue of photos to find a picture that would fit for an ad she had to design for a customer, yet all pictures seemed to look the same. Finally she gave it up and closed her eyes for a moment, leaning back on her chair and trying to concentrate on calming down her nerves.

Trying not to think about tonight.

Finally she gave up and called Sally, her assistant, and asked her if she could find the photo for the ad and handle the meeting with the customer scheduled for that afternoon.

Sally nodded looking confused. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, just a little… headache", Rachel replied and knew the second the words left her mouth that she had hesitated to long to make Sally believe it was really was a headache. Yet, as much as she wished for Sally to ask about it, Rachel was relieved when she didn't because the whole story was much too complicated and would take too much time to explain.

"Maybe you should go home a little earlier today", Sally still looked worried.

Rachel shook her head. "No, it's okay."

"Okay…"

The day passed slowly and Rachel regretted having asked Sally to take on some of the work she was supposed to do, because working would have kept her busy. In the end, Rachel couldn't take it anymore and left early, despite her earlier protestations.

When she arrived home Rachel put on her favourite DVD and finally felt herself begin to relax; the thought of being alone with Danny that evening slipped to the back of her mind.

Rachel woke up with a start, shocked that she had fallen asleep. The initial feeling of panick passed when she looked at her watch and realised she still had plenty of time to get ready before……

Get ready? For God's sake, Rachel, this isn't a date!

Despite telling herself this, she knew she wanted to look good tonight. After a quick shower, she started rummaging through her wardrobe trying to find something suitable to wear, reflecting that it was funny how you could have a room full of clothes but never anything to wear, or so it seemed.

She changed three times before she finally felt happy with what she was wearing. In the end she chose jeans, because, she decided, a skirt or a dress would look too much like a date – which this wasn't – and all her other trousers made her look like she was on her way into the office. So it was jeans with a green top, that – or at least so she thought – matched the colour of her eyes and looked good with her light brown hair.

She added the tiniest amount of make up to her face and pulled her hair back into a loose ponytail to make the outfit look casual, and not styled.

After all the indecision she wasn't surprised to find out that she was late. The restaurant she had chosen was just down the street from her apartment; it made Rachel feel a little more confident knowing she was meeting Danny in an area she knew well.

When she arrived at the restaurant she was disappointed to realise that Danny hadn't arrived yet; despite her being ten minutes late. She sat at the table and ordered a glass of water, feeling the nervousness return. What if Danny didn't show up at all? Maybe she was just making a fool out of herself, especially with all the effort she had put into choosing the right outfit.

Rachel had almost finished her mineral water, when Danny arrived, thirty minutes late, his face slightly flushed and hair messed up and wet from the snow that that had been falling again that day. He was breathing heavily as if he had been running.

"Sorry", he said as he sat down opposite her. "Really, I am. A case came up this afternoon and I thought I was going to have to cancel this but then that stupid guy we were looking for showed up at home, totally drunk and exactly thirty minutes too late for me to be here on time."

Rachel offered him a lop-sided smile. "And I thought you had already left again, because I managed to be ten minutes late myself."

Danny grinned. "I know."

"Huh?"

"You were always ten minutes late", he explained.

Rachel smiled, remembering.

For a moment neither of them said anything and the atmosphere became slightly uncomfortable. They ordered their food quickly then Rachel couldn't wait any longer. "So… tell me, what is it you wanted to give me?"

Danny hesitated before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a something small. It was only when he put it on the table and pushed it over towards her that she realised what it was. "My notebook", she said, astonished.

"It… uh… seemed more like a diary to me", Danny said; Rachel looked at him in disbelief:

"You actually read it?"

"Not entirely, but a bit of it, yes."

"Why? That's private."

Danny hesitated before he started to explain: "Well, firstly, you left it at my apartment. I had no idea what it was so I had to look in it to know."

"Yes, and you should have given it back to me."

"How? You were gone. You left without leaving a message, no explanations, no new address; not even a telephone number. I read it to try and find out why; where you were, why you had left. You would have done the same, but… I'm sorry."

The waiter arrived with their food but Rachel no longer felt hungry. Staring down at her plate she tried to find the words to express what was going on in her head. "So… uh… you know everything? Why I left and all?"

"It was inevitable. Look, I'm really sorry… I…"

"No", Rachel interrupted him. "No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have been so stupid as to leave that there for you to read. It was so silly. I just… I couldn't remember where I'd left it. I did consider the possibility that I might have left it at your place, but I didn't dare go back to get it. I must have known that if I had you were bound to read it."

"Maybe", Danny paused, obviously thinking. "Maybe… it wasn't a bad thing that you left it. I couldn't understand why you had left, and I really hated you. It took me years to finally understand and be able to forgive you."

"I'm sorry", Rachel mumbled, looking down at her plate. She noticed that neither of them had started eating yet, both too busy trying to figure out their feelings about what had happened in the past and how they were supposed to deal with it and with each other.

Danny shook his head. "Don't be. I understand now that you did what you had to do."

Rachel nodded, trying to avoid looking into Danny's eyes, afraid of what she would see there. What he might read from hers.

Her eyes finally came to rest on his drink, and for the first time she realised that she had never seen him order a glass of water.

Danny must have noticed her glancing at his glass, because before she could ask he started to explain: "It took me another six months after you left until I finally quit drinking. And another six months after that I had a relapse, around the time I graduated." He was telling the story in a casual tone as if he was talking about quitting a bad habit, not fighting an addiction that could have cost him his life. "If you think I was in deep by the time you left, you were wrong; I went a lot deeper before I finally saw sense."

"How long have you been sober?"

Danny smiled. "Nine years. I can tell you to the day, but I don't think that's what's important; not to you, anyway. But let's not talk about this anymore, okay? We'd better start eating before our food gets cold."

The whole time she was eating Rachel's head was a whirl of questions; how much did Danny know? Why was it so important for him to give her diary back to her? Did he feel the same was about her as she did about him? How did she feel about him now?

Danny finally interrupted her thoughts. "You're quiet. Is everything okay?"

She looked up and saw that he had almost finished his meal, and his attention had switched to her. Feeling full, Rachel pushed her plate aside and hurried to assure him that she was alright. "I'm just… tired. That's all."

"From what? Work?"

Rachel nodded, knowing that this was as good an answer as any; the truth was that she was more tired from worrying about tonight's meeting than anything else, but she didn't want to tell Danny that. She wondered if he had guessed but tried not to think about that.

"What do you do now anyway?" Danny asked, curiously.

The question made Rachel realise that they hadn't really talked about her and what had happened in her life during the ten years. There wasn't much to tell; she had a job she liked, a nice little apartment to live in, a best friend she would spend most of her free time with – going shopping on days off or dancing on Saturday nights – and a child she would baby-sit for on Sunday afternoons, when her mother – a nurse and Rachel's neighbour – was at work.

"No boyfriend?" Danny asked bluntly, after Rachel had finished telling.

Instead of answering she shot him a quick glance and a forced a grin: "I'm not telling. What about you?"

He grinned back at her. "Not telling either, unless you tell me first."

Rachel considered not telling him anything but decided he could probably guess anyway; he always had been able to read her mind. She gave in: "Well, there was a guy…" Don't let it sound as if Danny was the only one ever, her inner voice told her. She did, after all, have some pride.

"Was? Or is?"

Rachel sighed. "Was. It's over."

It's been over for almost a year, her mind added. And he was the only one you ever stayed with longer than two months; which is pathetic, but Danny doesn't have to know that.

"What about you?" she asked.

He laughed. "That is all you are going to tell me?"

Rachel managed to keep a neutral expression on her face as she felt anger well up inside of her. How seemed to expect her to tell him everything about herself whilst he said nothing.

"For now it is", she said, her voice firm. "Now it's your turn. You have a girlfriend? Maybe you're back together with Elena?"

When Elena's name was mentioned Danny started laughing even more. "Elena? God, no! How stupid do you think I am?"

"You were… well… you seemed, in love with her back then", Rachel reminded him. "Almost obsessed, actually."

"Obsessed? Me?"

"Oh yeah." Rachel laughed at the expression on Danny's face, which was a mixture of surprise, innocence and disgust.

"No way, although I have to admit I thought she was pretty hot. Too hot, actually; impossible for a guy to not get burned…" Danny's voice trailed away, and he looked a little bashful suddenly.

"So, what happened between the two of you?" Rachel wanted to know. She had always wondered about that and when Danny just shrugged she shook her head. "Oh no, you're not getting out of this one; either you tell me or I'll leave."

"She cheated."

"Really?"

"Yes. Well, no… well… kinda."

"What?"

"We weren't really together, you know. I mean, I thought so, but she didn't and so technically she didn't really cheat. So can we please change the subject now?"

Rachel nodded slowly surprised by what he was telling her; she had always wondered what had happened between them, but she hadn't expected this and she couldn't help wondering if he had told her the truth. She looked at Danny with knitted brows: "So she hurt you and that's why you started hurting other girls?"

"Not on purpose, it was more like… I dunno. Maybe after Elena I just thought if it is that easy then I can do it too, but that's not how I am now, if that helps you."

"It does", Rachel admitted, her expression serious. She forced the grin back on her face. "So, you're faithful now, right? Who's the lucky one?"

Danny smirked, bashfully. "I'd be faithful, if there was anyone."

"So there isn't?" Rachel asked, trying not to sound relieved.

"No…"

"Somebody you fancy?"

Danny didn't answer, in fact he stayed silent for so long Rachel began to regret asking the question. Finally Danny opened his mouth as if he was about to say something when…

… the waiter appeared to ask if they would like to order a dessert. They looked at each other both of them feeling annoyed at the interruption. Danny shook his head and asked for the bill.

Five minutes later they had paid – actually Danny had paid; he had insisted – and they were standing just outside the door of the restaurant. It was snowing again, and Rachel pulled up the collar of her coat. It didn't stop her from feeling cold but she tried to not let it show in her voice as she said: "Well, guess it's time to go. Thank you for a lovely evening"

Danny nodded seemingly unsure about what to say or do. Finally he settled for: "Yes, it was great. You… uh… want me to get you a cab?"

Rachel shook her head. "No, I live just a few blocks from here. I'll walk."

"You sure?" Danny asked. He had his hands buried in the pockets of his coat; Rachel suddenly remembered that he had always felt the cold most in his hands.

"Yes, I am sure." She smiled at him. Funny, how she remembered all those things about him. Little details, that made it hard for her to believe now that she hadn't seen him in over ten years.

"Then I'll walk you home", Danny said.

Rachel was about to protest but gave it up before even starting. She knew that he would probably insist on that, too, and she knew that if he set his mind on something there was no way to convince him otherwise. So she just said: "Okay."

They walked next to each other in comfortable silence but Rachel couldn't keep herself from shivering as they walked slowly on the sidewalk that was frozen and slippery underneath the new snow.

Of course Danny noticed. "You cold?"

There was no point denying it and Rachel was happy that she didn't when Danny put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close so they could keep each other warm.

Too quickly, they arrived at Rachel's apartment. For a moment she considered inviting Danny in for a coffee or something but her fear of being disappointed stopped her. The evening had been nice, and she didn't want it to end badly. She knew she was going to have to give some thought about how she felt about having Danny back in her life, and how best to handle the situation.

Of course this might be a one night thing; after all he had just wanted to return her diary – but something told her that it wasn't and that they would see each other more often from now.

Rachel didn't hurry to unlock the door. She might be cold and on another occasion she would have wanted to get inside quickly, but now all she could think of was Danny and that she didn't want him to go.

But she couldn't bring herself to say anything and so the evening ended with Danny giving her a kiss on the cheek and a promise to call her some time.

Soon, he had added with a smile.

Feeling unsure whether to be happy or disappointed Rachel walked up the stairs to her apartment, her mind going over and over the evening again. It had been nice, and even if it wasn't more than a friendship they built up again, she could get used to see Danny more often from now on. Of course he probably wouldn't call like he had promised. He would want to but then he wouldn't have time, and when he would finally have time he would have long forgotten about…

The sound of her doorbell ringing interrupted Rachel's thoughts. Surprised, she spoke into the intercom. "Yes?"

"It's me."

Rachel stood, stunned, unable to say anything.

"It's Danny." Obviously her silence had made him feel like he had to explain. She laughed.

"I know, Danny." But then her laughing stopped as she tried to think of a reason why he would ring her doorbell. "You forgot something?"

Oh yeah, good question, silly! What's he supposed to have forgotten?

"Yes."

"Okay… come up", Rachel realised her stomach was beginning to feel queasy with nervousness, as she let him in. She unlocked the door to her apartment and waited for him to come up the stairs. It didn't take him long.

"What was it you forgot?" she asked carefully when he reached her door.

"This", his voice sent shivers down her spine and before she knew what was happening he gently took her by her shoulders, pulled her close and leant in to kiss her. There were a thousand reasons for Rachel to pull away but each and everyone of them was forgotten as she slid her arms around Danny's neck and responded to the kiss, gently at first, but then more urgently.

It felt right and they didn't break apart when Rachel started to move backwards pulling Danny into the apartment and kicking the door shut. He gently turned her around and pushed her back until her back was against the door and she was captured between it and his arms.

Finally they broke apart, slightly out of breath and feeling totally overwhelmed as they looked into eachothers eyes knowing that they were both thinking the same.

"I've been wanting to do this for ten years", Danny whispered into her ear.

His breath felt hot against the skin of her neck and she wanted to kiss him again but before she did she had to know: "So you've thought about this before tonight?"

"More often than you can count."

"So… you wanted me before?"

"I wanted you all the time", he confirmed.

Unsure how to feel about this Rachel tried to half-heartedly push him away a bit. "You never let me know then…"

With a sigh Danny let his arms drop to his sides "I know… I'm sorry… Look, I was young, I was stupid and I was usually drunk. I didn't know what I wanted back then and I didn't realised what I had until I lost it."

Rachel stared at him, disbelievingly.

"I know, it sounds corny, and I know I'm stupid to even think about deserving someone like you… especially now that I was so stupid as to tell you this… and yet, I just thought… uh… I just thought you should know."

Still Rachel couldn't find any words. Thoughts were running through her head too quickly to give her any chance of putting them in any sort of order, and she was sure if she should cry or laugh or something.

"What are you going to do? Throw me out?" Danny asked. He was staring at her, his eyes looking almost black in the barely lit room. Rachel looked into them and knew she was lost.

She reached out and took his hand into hers and pulled him closer. "I don't want to lose you again…" The words came out as a whisper and she stood on her tiptoes and slid her arms around his neck again to pull him down and kiss him.

They were both still wearing their winter coats; Rachel had never realised it was so difficult to undress someone while kissing them and not wanting to break apart; and they both seemed to be wearing an incredible number of layers.

They slowly made their way to her bedroom, leaving a trail of clothes in their wake. Although he had to know the answer to the question Danny managed to ask in between the kissing, "You sure about this?" before gently pushing her onto her bed.

Her answer was given in a voice hoarse with longing: "Yes…", and it was all he needed to hear before he joined her and they finally, after so many wasted years, made love.

It wasn't as slow and as gentle and Rachel had expected it to be; instead it was with a passion she had never experienced before. They didn't take their eyes off each other until it was over, leaving them both exhausted but happy. Danny shifted a little until was lying beside her but still touching her. Rachel rolled over until she was on her side looking at him. He smiled.

No words were needed as they lay opposite each other curled up on their sides close enough for Danny to rest his hand on her hip, gently caressing her, and Rachel to let her hand play with his messed up hair. Even now they couldn't take their eyes off each other and Rachel was beginning to think she could stay like this for the whole night and maybe even for the rest of her life.

They lay in complete silence for what felt like hours but was, in reality ten minutes before Danny asked in a whisper: "You alright? You're not saying anything…"

"I'm great", Rachel whispered back moving her hand to gently caress his cheek. "You're the one who usually never shuts up…"

"That true?" he had a knowing smile on his face.

"Yes, and you know it", Rachel mumbled. "But I don't care… just talk if just want to…" She yawned suddenly feeling very tired.

"Hey, you're not falling asleep on me, I hope…"

"Too late." With great difficulty Rachel managed to turn over so she was lying with her back against Danny; he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer than she would have thought was possible and by the time he wished her a good night she was already half-asleep.

………………

When Rachel woke up she found herself alone in bed. It took her a moment to remember but then it all came back to her and she was wide awake within a second. One look at her alarm clock showed her it was almost six am. She knew she didn't need to get up until seven am but she knew she wasn't about to fall back asleep, not when she was alone in the bed…….

With a groan she climbed out of bed and headed into the kitchen. A look out of the window showed that it was still snowing and probably had been the whole night. There was no sign of Danny or any of his clothes, not even a note saying where he was and why he had left; it was as if he had never been here.

Well, maybe he hadn't? Maybe she had just dreamed it all? Because the only other explanation she could think of was one she didn't even dare to consider.

Rachel's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a key being turned in lock of her apartment door, making her jump. A moment later the door opened and Danny came in looking at her, surprised.

"Hey! You up already?"

"Yeah", Rachel said, feeling silly, suddenly. Why had she worried?

Danny came over to her, holding her keys and dangling them in front of her nose. "I just borrowed these, because I wanted to make breakfast for us, and I couldn't just help myself to what's in your fridge, could I?"

Rachel shrugged. "Of course you could have."

"Well, actually I planned to do that but there was almost nothing in there… at least not what I was looking for. And you don't have coffee. That's impossible. Breakfast without coffee…"

Rachel grinned. "So… what's for breakfast then?"

Danny smiled and held up the bag he was carrying. "Whatever you want…"

Soon they were sat having breakfast, silently, although Rachel had about a million questions in her head, but she didn't dare ask them, too scared that there might be answers she wasn't going to like. It was so nice, sitting with him, eating breakfast; she thought she could get used to it.

"It's quiet", Danny suddenly remarked. Rachel knew that Danny had never liked silence for too long; she was the opposite, especially in the morning when it took her a little while to feel fully awake and she told him that.

"How 'bout some music then? Do you have any CDs?"

"Sure! Just over there!" She pointed behind her towards the living-room. He walked over and soon returned into the kitchen holding a CD. Curious, Rachel tried to have a look at which one he had chosen and was surprised to see it was her Christmas songs CD.

"Christmas songs? Since when are you into that?".

Danny smiled. "Since I recently found somebody I might spend Christmas with…"

"Oh…" Rachel grinned. "Do I know that someone?"

Danny laughed. "Yeah, I guess you might have seen her before. She's a girl from my past; very pretty actually. You must have noticed her…" He moved his chair closer to Rachel and leaned forward, his elbows propped on his knees and his hands laid on her thighs. His voice became low, when he continued: "And I have no idea how I could have let her slip away back then…"

Rachel didn't know if it was the music playing in the background or what Danny had said, or maybe both, but suddenly she felt a wave of emotion come over her and she had to fight to keep her voice calm when she said: "I'm sorry, Danny, about what happened, I really…"

There was more she wanted to say, but a lump in her throat was making it hard and she was happy when he interrupted her before she could get to the point when she would start to cry: "Don't be… It's me, and I should be sorry. I mean, I am. I was so totally messed up back then… you made the right decision." He smiled. "You always were the clever one of the two of us…"

"But maybe, if I had stayed…"

"Don't even think about it", he told her. "There's no way you could have done anything. I was far beyond the point where somebody else could help me. I had to understand myself and it took me a while until I did. If you had stayed, you would have got hurt; badly. So don't be sorry. It's in the past now and we shouldn't be thinking about it. We've got so much ahead of us… No time for regrets…" He paused before he added: "But still… I want you to know… I am sorry, too." His hands reached for hers and pulled her gently onto his lap.

They stayed unmoving for a while; Rachel had buried her face in the crook of his neck still fighting her tears. Outside the snowflakes kept falling and the music was still playing… and soon the thoughts about the past were erased from her mind and all she could think about was that maybe the future would bring better times…

……………………………………

Author's notes: I admit this was a rather short story with a very soppy ending. But there will be a continuation. The Rachel and Danny story is by far not over yet… :-)

I hope you liked it so far…