"If the carrier ravens are correct, the Bard is hiding out at the Inn of the Giggling Donkey. We must find him before he's able to take the Stick back to the Elven Forest" The group assembled after a half hour break. It was time to get back the relic.

Butters glared determinedly and raised his mighty hammer "let us find the Bard and bring him to justice!"

Cartman swung his staff as he yelled, "MAKE HASTE TO THE GIGGLING DONKEY!" they all raced off, ready to take back that which belonged to them.

Funny enough, the Giggling Donkey wasn't that far away, it was across the man road and was the second house after. The seven warriors hid behind a bush, spying into the inn "There it is…the Inn of the Giggling Donkey" Cartman said ominously, it wasn't a dangerous looking place. It was a blue house that looked like every other house in the quiet redneck, white trash, po-dunk, mountain town. "Paladin, are you sure the Bard is hiding out in there?" he asked Butters.

The Paladin nodded "that's what Twitter says" he replied.

"CARRIER RAVEN, Butters!" Cartman shouted angrily.

"So-sorry, that's what the carrier raven says" Butters stuttered.

Cartman nodded and looked at the others "Craig and Token, guard the back door. Butters, Kenny, Madam Douchebag…let's go inside" they nodded to their King and followed him through the door. It was an ordinary looking Inn, though there were some unsavoury looking characters. The new kid grabbed the Princess and pulled her close, these people may do lecherous things to the Princess if they got their hands on her. Kenny giggled delicately and kissed the new kids cheek in thanks for her heroic protection. "Stay close, Madam Douchebag. The Inn of the Giggling Donkey harbors the scum of all Zaron" the King said darkly as they stopped before the bar and bartender "a glass of Meedlewine, please."

"No Meedlewine today, only Fairy Ale" the bartender replied.

"A pint of Fairy Ale, then" Cartman replied. The bartender nodded and pulled out a red cup "So…has uh…anyone seen the Bard lately?" he said that so loudly that the entire Inn stopped what they were doing to glare at him. Something was wrong "a cup of Fairy Ale isn't much if not accompanied by some bardic poems and songs" no one was convinced.

"Sure, he's here, all right. He's got a room down in the cellar" said the bartender.

The Wizard King smiled in thanks "ah, and I shall pay handsomely for his services" he finished his drink, payed for it and ordered his men to follow him to the cellar. "Butters, Douchebag go down and flush him out. Princess Kenny and I will be waiting here to murder him, the Bard can use songs to enchant. Don't let him get to you" Butters opened the door and Douchebag followed, lets hope this Bard wasn't hard to defeat.

The cellar was dark and ominous, as if the Bard knew they were coming. Butters and the new kid walked carefully through the intricately crafted maze that was no doubt created to stop or slow them down.

Suddenly the strum of a lute echoed through the darkened room. Butters and the new kid stepped closer together in case something happened. They covered their ears as the strumming got louder "oh, Jesus, it's the Bard!" Butters cried out in fear.

A retarded looking cripple waddled from out of the shadows, this must be the Bard. "Prepare for battle, w-w-w-weaklings!" he said with a terrible stutter "Elves, fall in!" they were surrounded.

"DOUCHBAAAAG! IT"S A TRAAAAP!" The Wizard King shouted as both he and Princess were dragged away.

"You should have never come here, h-human. I am a level 10 bard, and with my lute I shall power up my elven guards with magical songs of ench- With magical songs of encha- With magical songs of encha-chaaaa….mag-magical songs of enchame-me-me…with magical songs of encha-chaaaaa… of enchame-me-me…with magical songs of encha-chaaaaa of enchame-me-me…with magical songs of encha-chaaaaa of enchame-me-me…with magical songs of encha-chaaaaa of enchame-me-me…with magical songs of encha-chaaaaa… of enchame-me-me…with magical songs of encha-chaaaaa of enchame-me-me…with magical songs of encha-chaaaaa Magical songs of enchantment."

And with that…the battle had begun.

As Cartman and the Bard had said, his magical songs of enchantment was used to help his fellow elves and destroy his enemies "There once was a maiden from Stonebury Hollow. She didn't talk much, but boy did she swallow. I have a nice lance that she sat upon. The maiden from Stonebury who was also your mom" His song was powerful and enchanting, he knew what words to chose and how to sing them that would affect them strongly but his elves were still taken down by Butters and Madam Douchebag. Realising that he was going to be attacked, he raced up the stairs and ordered more men to attack his enemies whilst he protected the Stick of Truth.

The new kid and Butters battled their way valiantly through the swarms of disgusting Drow Elves. Along the way, Craig came to help but was injured, luckily, Butters knew how to heal. They saved The Wizard King who was being viciously and cowardly beaten. They defended their King and rescued him from their tyranny. "His powers were too strong – The Bard. He's up in one of the rooms" he coughed up some blood "they took Princess Kenny! They took her upstairs, I'm sure they're going to rape her. Don't let them rape Princess Kenny! Mehhhh…" and he fainted.

The new kid panicked at hearing the fairest maiden in all the lands was going to be defiled by brutish elves who were unworthy of such a delicate flower. She viciously attacked all elves that blocked her path from saving the beautiful Princess.

They walked upstairs and over to a door where they heard a creaking bed and the yelping of Princess Kenny "I think they're raping her!" cried Butters "we have to help her!" the new kid nodded and slammed the door open. She internally sighed in relief when she saw that the elf only had Kenny as a prisoner and wasn't raping her. Springing into action, she rushed forward and fired an arrow right at the elves head. He screamed and fell to the floor, dead. The new kid climbed up the large double bed and untied the beautiful maiden from her bonds. The Princess cheered and kissed the new kid on the lips, which really wasn't a kiss considering her mouth was covered by her parka. The new kid smiled and helped the Princess down from the bed and out the door.

"Princess Kenny! How badly did they rape you!?" Cartman demanded, hoping it wasn't too serious.

Kenny shrugged "Mrm mm mrphm."

"I can't get through!" Craig shouted frustratingly "The door appears to be enchanted so I can't turn the knob!"

Cartman tried but cursed when the door did not open "YOU CAN'T HOLD THE DOORKNOB, BARD! THAT'S CHEATING!"

"Yeah, I can. I have the Stick of Truth which means I control the universe, and I say holding the doorknob is okay."

"Ungh, can he do that?" Cartman asked angrily.

"He has the Stick of Truth, he can do what he wants" was Craig's reply.

"Dammit!" The Wizard shouted "there's GOT to be another way into this room!" they looked up and realised that there was an attic.

"Let us up!" Token demanded the elf that peered through.

"You're not getting up here" the elf said smugly "The ladder's up here with me. And I'm sure as shit not coming down there."

The new kid went to move forward but Princess Kenny stopped her, she walked under the attic door and pulled down her dress to reveal her breasts "well, lookie what we got here" the elf said dreamily "I'm coming for ya, baby! Oh yeah!" the elf slid down the stars as Kenny continued to giggled "ooooooh…those are some big ol' bitties…man oh man" he went to squeeze them but Kenny pulled out a mirror and smashed it over the elf's head, knocking him unconscious.

"Good job. Princess Gone Wild. Double D buddy powers" Carman cheered, very impressed. "go find a way to the Bard Madam Douchebag, Princess Kenny" they nodded and climbed up the stairs.

They once again battled their way to their destination. The new kids Dragonborn powers came in handy to knock their opponents out quickly and Kenny's tits helped to seduce the enemy and take them down. Like Snow White, Princess Kenny had an affinity with animals, namely rats and mice. They came to her aid and destroyed their enemies like a wave of infection and disease. They found a whole that led straight to the Bards room. Quickly jumping down, they opened the door and let the others in.

"You've nowhere to run, Bard! Give me the Stick of Truth" The Wizard Kind demanded.

"Take it from me if you can, W-Wizard King. Step forward now, and fufill your de-de…step forward now and fufill your de-de… Step forward now and fufill your de…your de…your de-de…step forward now and fufill your de-de…your de…your de-deeeee…Step forward now and fufill your d-d-d-destiny!"

Cartman stepped closer to the Bard in a threatening manner "you are no match for a GRAND WIZARD!"

"The Stick belongs with us! And I shall use every bardic power in my class to keep it from you!"

"Fine. You wanna throw down, brah? Kick his ass, Douchebag" the lazy fatass ordered the new kid.

"Who is Douchebag?" the Bard asked.

"That's MADAM Douchebag to you! And she is about to teach you some manner, Bard!"

The Bard had the ability to use a flute and bring rats to his side and send people to sleep with his lute. He could also make people shit with his brown note…Poor Butters. The only way the new kid could defeat Jimmy the Bard was by overpowering him with her own music…from her butt. The smell was so revolting that it caused enough of a distraction that she could sneak up behind him and defeat him with her dangerous dagger.

The group cheered in triumph as they retrieved their precious relic, the Stick of Truth. "THE STICK IS OURS!" they cheered once more at their Kings words and skipped to Kupa Keep.

"The Stick of Truth is back where it belongs!" Cartman said happily to his warriors "great job, men!" he looked at Princess Kenny and Madam Douchebag "and ladies…Douchebag, for your heroic deeds and valiant self-sacrifice at the great battle of the Giggling Donkey, I hereby make you an official member of the Kingdom of Kupa Keep" she thought she already was, you know with her being called Madam Douchebag and having a cool outfit and how she does everything the King tells her. "welcome to the KKK!" what the actual fuck!? This kid got dropped as a baby.

"It's getting late. The Grand Wizard needs to go night-night" Cartman's mother said sweetly from the back door.

The Wizard King sighed and pinched her nose "Okay, mom – thanks for pointing out bedtime for everyone."

"It's a school night, hon. You and your little Druid friends need to-"

"WE'RE NOT DRUIDS, MOM. WE'RE FUCKING WARRIORS AND WIZARDS!" Mrs. Cartman got angry and stormed up to her son.

"That's it. You're going to bed. The rest of you better get home too" they all looked at each other as Cartman was dragged off. Realising that it was dark, everyone raced home. Poor Princess Kenny, her home was so far away, who knows who could be lurking in the shadows, ready to strike at the innocent girl.

The new kid walked inside and ignored her parents as they asked her questions.