When Barbara closed her eyes and tried to sleep, thousands of unwelcome thoughts fought for her attention. She tried her left side, then her right before rolling onto her back. She noticed her clock had only ticked over half an hour when she heard Tommy quietly opening his bedroom door. She rolled over and buried her head under the pillow as she tried to expunge the memory of his embrace - the touch of his hands, the warmth of his body, even the smell of citrus and wood. It would have been so easy to repeat that tonight.

Three hours later she was still awake. Her body screamed for sleep, but her mind refused, instead reminding her of her failings. She sat on the edge of the bed and tried to concentrate on breathing deeply and clearing her mind, but as soon as she pushed one thought or image aside, another popped into its place.

"Bugger this!"

Barbara crept across the hallway to Tommy's door. It was ajar and inside the room, the light from the open window shone in a line across his bed. He was lying facing away from her. One arm was over the bedding that was tucked up to his chin. She had no idea why she had come over. It was not like she would wake him to talk, but seeing him sleeping was calming. Barbara crept into the room. After standing for a couple of minutes, she slowly lifted the edge of the blankets and sat on the bed. Tommy did not stir. She waited until she was sure he would not wake, then straightened her legs and pulled the blankets up over them as she slid down to rest her head on the spare pillow.

Lying beside him, she felt stupid. How could she explain it if he woke to find her in his bed? She was about to reverse her movements when Tommy rolled over. His arm slid over her body and he moved closer until his torso was against her hip.

"Mmm. I've missed you. I love you."

Barbara froze. She could hear the blood pumping through the veins in her neck. Fright gave way to panic, but as Tommy began to snore contentedly, both gave way to disappointment. Tommy thought she was Helen. For a few seconds, she wished he loved her, then her disappointment was replaced by sadness. Tommy would never again wake up next to the woman he loved. Tears welled in her eyes. In her sleep-deprived state, tears came far too easily. She had to escape, and quickly.

When she tried to move his arm Tommy gripped her hand before cuddling closer. "Do you want to make love?"

Bloody hell! No! Yes! No, of course not. "Nuh-erh," she said trying to disguise her voice.

"Pity," he mumbled, "I think I would." To emphasise his point, Tommy began to sleepily caress her abdomen.

Barbara whimpered. It escaped her lungs before she could stop it. His hand seemed to burn across her skin, even through her pyjamas. She silently cursed her stupidity for coming over. Her mind raced as she tried to think of a way to escape without waking him. She rolled away from him, hoping he might let go. His body followed hers, and he snuggled against her back. His hips gently rocked against her bum. She might be inexperienced, but she knew enough to understand he was getting more, not less, aroused.

Before she could adjust her pyjama top, his hand was under it. It moved up and cupped the breast he had held last night and began to play. "Mmm."

"No," she said firmly pulling his hand down.

Tommy went very still. Barbara squeezed her eyes shut as if that would somehow stop the inevitable.


In his dream, Barbara was lying beside him on a patch of soft grass near a waterfall. They had eaten lunch and were snoozing in the summer sun when Barbara wriggled closer. The scent of citrusy hair wafted up as he rolled towards her. He suddenly had the urge to make love. His hand found the bottom of her shirt and he signalled his desire by stroking her tummy - the tummy that was carrying his child. He slipped his hand under the shirt and found her breast. He was pleased she had no bra on to impede him. Her nipple instantly hardened as he rocked it gently between his fingers. He was about to try to replace them with his mouth when Barbara chastised him and pulled his hand away.

"No."

No? He moved his hand between her legs to entice her to change her mind. Barbara could not say no. He felt her stiffen before rolling fractionally back against him. She never said no in his dreams. Her movement had given his hand marginally better access and he wiggled his fingers between her legs. This was his dream, but his wife was uncharacteristically playing hard to get. She moaned softly and released the tension in her thighs. He began to caress her, letting her know what he intended to do once those troublesome trousers were removed.

"Sir."

Sir? Barbara had never called him that in his dreams. In that millisecond between sleep and consciousness, he realised that the body in his bed was not fading away. He cautiously opened one eye. Barbara was lying frozen beside him. He whipped his hand away as if it were touching an inferno. "Barbara! Oh, God, I'm so sorry."

He was mortified. What would she think of him? What had he said? Barbara moved away. "No, don't go, please. Let me apologise. I... I was dreaming. I had no idea." He put his hands on his head, his outstretched fingers digging into his scalp. "Oh dear God, what have I done?"

"It's okay, Sir. I should never have come in here. I know you thought I was Helen. I'm sorry that I stirred those memories up for you."

"Helen? No, I..." He debated whether he should tell her the truth. He inhaled sharply. "I dreamt I was starting to make love to you."

"Me?" She started to throw back the covers.

"Please don't run away, Barbara. Not now. We should... talk."

"I... making love to me? Not Helen?"

Tommy reached out and switched on his bedside lamp. He rolled back nervously. "You. Only you."

"Ohh?" She sounded disinterested.

The enormity of what just happened dawned on him. He had just sexually assaulted his best friend and work colleague. Then he remembered waking up last night with her breast in his hand. He had become a monster. He ran his fingers slowly through his hair. "I'm so sorry. So very, very sorry. I have nothing but the utmost respect for you and now I have... violated you."

Barbara started to laugh. "Huhhuhha."

Tommy looked up and raised both eyebrows. "I'm glad you think this is funny."

"It kinda is."

"No, it's not."

"If I had felt violated, your balls would now be next to your tonsils as you struggled to breathe."

Tommy winced at the thought. "Still, I have not acted as a gentleman. I have been brought up to be so much better than this."

"Forget it, M'lord." Barbara had a smile that he assessed was somewhere between bemused, and irritated by his self-righteous reply. She often accused him of hiding behind his upbringing and status when he felt threatened.

"But it's worse," he said in his most down-to-earth tone. "I have a terrible confession. It's troubled me all day, and now, after this..."

Barbara cocked her head. Her smile faded. "What?"

"Last night, I woke to find that in my sleep I had taken possession of your breast... I don't know how, or why, but..."

"Possession? You were asleep. I don't think you can take possession of something when you are asleep."

"Don't try to justify the inexcusable. And don't give that defence to the next rapist we arrest. You came to me for protection, and I took advantage of your vulnerability."

"Crap. I know where your hand was. I woke up and felt it there."

Tommy frowned. "But your hand was over mine."

"I held you there to keep the connection as long as I could. You were caressing me so gently and it... made me feel like..." Barbara looked down. "That for that moment, you were mine."

"I was... I am."

Barbara looked up at him and gave a half-smile. "Nah."

"I want to be."

She glanced down at his groin. "You think you do, but... we're both lonely, and so..." She shrugged.

"Being lonely doesn't mean I don't love you. If it was just loneliness, I could resolve that in other ways. The main thing is that I'm never lonely when you are with me."

"Did you enjoy it?"

"What? Being lonely?"

"No, the other."

Tommy was slightly confused. "Don't talk in riddles, Barbara, it's too early in the morning. If you mean did I enjoy holding your breast, then yes, I did. Very much. You have wonderful... Agh." Barbara's laugh forced him to continue. "And to answer your next question, I do want us to make love. You have no idea how much I want that, but it doesn't have to be tonight. I would never hurt you. Not intentionally. Certainly not physically and hopefully not emotionally. I know I have... before, but... I understand myself better now. I know what makes me happy... You. And I know that you need time to..."

He fell silent when she took his hand. Barbara began to stroke the back of it. "I don't want to work with anyone else. If I... if we... then... you'll go to your new squad, and I will... that's why I am studying for this stupid exam. I need you, Tommy. Don't... abandon me."

He smiled. She had finally called him by his name. Then he saw her tears. He reached up and wiped her cheek. "I can't abandon you, because I need you too. There are ways to resolve the work issue. It's more important that we sort out... this... us."

Barbara wriggled towards him then led his hand down over her belly and back to where it had been before. She clamped her thighs to hold it there.

Tommy was shocked. "Are you sure? I feel like I have pressured you into something you are not ready for. I am supposed to be helping you, not making everything worse."

"You're not. You're not the only one who has dreamed of us making love. I may never be brave enough again. I... we... need to know."


Barbara woke when her arm that was pinned under Tommy had lost all feeling. They were still naked. Her skin was still alive from his caresses. Echoes of his lips and tongue and fingers lingered. She groaned.

"Are you okay?"

She kissed his chest. "Better than okay."

"Mmmm, yes... me too. Far better. I want to do that again. And again... and again."

She rolled onto her back and pulled her arm free. "Yeah, so do I. That was... incredible."

Tommy ran his fingertip in a line from her neck to her groin. "Mmmm. Perfect. Did that answer your questions?"

"Yes, but what do we do now?"

He chuckled. "Whatever you want. I am keen to explore. Learn what drives you wild. I have already gleaned some information, but... there's so much more to discover. So many other positions to try." He kissed her stomach.

She playfully pushed him away. "I meant at work... and... domestically. And what if it's only a fling... or..."

Tommy moved his fingers back to her lips. "Shhh. Don't overthink everything. We will work it out. The most important thing is that we finally found each other. We can't go back, but we can face anything together. Now roll over. You should sleep."

"I thought you wanted... more." Her hand moved up his thigh. "Yes, you do. So do I, Tommy. Everything else stripped away. Just you and me. No barriers. No work. No title. No... history... no..."

Tommy's mouth silenced her with a kiss so loving that she thought her heart might explode.


Three Weeks Later

Tommy paced the foyer like an expectant father. Finally, she emerged in the middle of a group of exhausted-looking officers. She shook her wrist. "Well?" he hissed as he took her elbow and guided her towards his car.

"It was challenging, but I knew most of the answers. Except one of the multiple choice questions about the distances officers should be from a member of the royal family when they are doing a public walkabout. I don't remember reading about that anywhere. It's the sort of thing I would have remembered."

"Was there an option that said it varies with the perceived level of threat?"

"Yeah, something like that. I picked that one because it sounded most logical."

"Then, I think you will pass with an excellent mark, my love."

"Did you speak with Hillier?"

They reached the car. "Yes. I don't think he was even surprised. He said when we were both suddenly at peace with the world, he had suspected we had become lovers."

"Cheeky sod."

Tommy laughed. "You will report to him directly, not through me, but we are expected to liaise and agree on how we split our resources. I told him that we would be happy with that arrangement."

Barbara groaned. "Me, working for Hillier? Great. The things I sacrifice for you, Tommy Lynley."

"I hope it is worth it."

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Hardly a ringing endorsement, but I'll take it. Do you fancy the pub for a pint or dinner at Luigi's?"

"Neither. Right now I would like to practice joining our resources."

Tommy laughed. "No dinner?"

"I'll feast on you."

He drove as fast as he dared. "Hillier had one further stipulation."

Barbara groaned. "He would. What?"

"He wants you to keep your maiden name after we marry to avoid confusion."

"That's fair enough... Marry? Did you tell him we haven't even discussed living together?"

"The fact that you've shared my bed every night since you came over to study indicated to me that we already are living together." Barbara opened her mouth to speak, but Tommy continued. "And I don't want that to change. I was going to suggest legalising our arrangements after we knew your exam results."

"Is it contingent on me becoming a DI?"

"No, of course not, but I want to propose properly with all due romance."

"All due romance?" She smiled at him. "Softy."

"Actually, no," he said as he parked in front of his house.

Barbara glanced down at his trousers and bit her lip. "Hmm, your resources are impressive soon-to-be Superintendent Lynley."

"So are yours soon-to-be Inspector Havers AND Lady Asherton."

"You seem to have assumed something there, M'lord."

"Have I?" He grinned at her. "I will ask again, with all due romance, but can I expect a favourable reply?"

Barbara laughed as they walked up the steps to his door. "I meant you have assumed I will pass my exams."

Tommy's grin was almost painful. He had asked, and she had answered, but he would be true to his word. He had booked a trip to Paris. Where better than the City of Love to woo his future bride? "Now that's settled, we had better see to that resource plan."

"My resources are a bit hot and sweaty from that exam hall," she said as they walked through his foyer. "Care to watch me shower?"

He shook his head. "Yes, but I would prefer to help you."

Barbara gave him a deliciously salacious look. "Last one under the water has to cook dinner." She turned and ran up the stairs shedding her bag and coat.

"Why you." Tommy ran after her.