Secrets of the Mind
Part 3
Disclaimers in Part 1

From the Author: Thank you so much for the reviews. I really appreciate it and I'm glad you're enjoying my fanfic. More to come!


John woke up feeling one hundred times better than before. He looked around the room, but didn't see Carson or any of his staff. Glancing to his right, he gasped. Elizabeth was sleeping soundly on one of the infirmary beds.

He carefully removed the IV from his hand and swung his legs off the bed. The floor was freezing, but he didn't care. He had to be certain she was all right. A wave of dizziness caught him off guard, but he fought it and was at her side before he knew it.

"Elizabeth," he whispered, taking her hand.

She blinked her eyes open and smiled the minute she saw him. "Are you feeling all right?" she asked.

"I'm fine. What about you?" He asked, trailing the bruise on her cheek.

"I was just worried about you," Elizabeth replied. "Should you really be out of bed? Carson says you have a fever."

John ignored the comment. "Did they hurt you?" he asked. "The last time I saw you, they were throwing you into the cell and you didn't answer when I called your name."

"I…" Elizabeth realized then that John had no idea about the serum she was given. She could tell that he was feeling guilty about what happened to her. How could she tell him what happened when he felt that way?

"What's wrong? Elizabeth, I can tell from the expression on your face that something happened. Tell me."

Elizabeth took a deep breath. "Carson said they injected me with a serum that causes memory loss." She held up her hand when he was about to speak. "I don't know why I remember you. I mean I just remember your name, face, and that we have a connection. I don't really know who you are or where this place is."

John stared at her in disbelief. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Don't be sorry," she said, taking his hand. "You had nothing to do with this."

He merely nodded, the room becoming slightly tilted. John barely heard Elizabeth calling his name as his had begun to pound. Was it just him, or was it getting really hot in the room?

He felt lightheaded and as if he was floating across the floor towards his bed. John blinked a few times as someone helped him lie down. "Carson?"

"Aye, Colonel. You shouldn't have gotten out of bed."

"Sorry," he muttered. "I just had to make sure… I mean you weren't around to ask… Sorry." John was too exhausted so he gave up.

Carson patted his friend on the shoulder. "It's quite all right. I understand, after all you were worried about her. Now that you know she's safe, why don't you get some rest?"

Elizabeth watched the pair in silence. She had a feeling there was more to her relationship with John than he was telling her. Her heart felt light when he had walked over to her and began talking. He was adorably cute and she couldn't help but feel safe when he was around.

"Elizabeth."

She blinked and looked up. The woman who was with Carson on the planet stood before her. "Teyla, right?"

"That is correct," Teyla replied with a nod. "I just came to see how you were feeling. Carson states that you'll be released shortly and he has asked me to take you to your quarters to get you settled in."

Elizabeth smiled. "Thank you, Teyla. I would appreciate it." She paused in thought for a moment. "May I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Is Colonel Sheppard involved with anyone?"

Teyla was confused. "Involved?"

"Is he married or..."

"Oh, no!" Teyla replied. "At least, he has not said so. I like to think I know Colonel Sheppard well, but even he has his secrets. Why do you ask?"

Elizabeth began ringing her hands in nervousness. "I think... I think I love him."


Rodney entered the infirmary and saw John tying his shoes. "I guess you're feeling better."

"It would appear so," John replied, straightening. "I've been cooped up in here for nearly a week. Nothing against Carson, but I am so ready to get out of here."

"How's your arm?"

"A little sore, but nothing I can't handle."

Rodney scoffed. "You'd say that even if your entire arm had been removed."

John shook his head. "Whatever. Have you seen Elizabeth? Carson said the only time she's been in here is when I'm sleeping. It's like she doesn't want to talk to me or something."

"Last time I saw her, she was in the mess hall with Teyla. Her memories are still intermittent at best. Unfortunately Carson hasn't been able to find anything to counteract the serum."

"Yeah, that's what he said. What have you guys done to jog her memory?"

"Well, we were going to take her to Earth, but she was worried something would happen to you while we were gone with having to take the Daedalus back so we gave her mission reports to read instead."

John's eyes widened as they headed into the hall. "Please tell me you gave her the lighter reports to read. Somehow I think reading about attacks by the Wraith and Genii would only make it worse."

"Oh no," Rodney replied sarcastically. "The first one we gave her to read was you turning into a bug."

"Ha ha. And don't ever mention that again, Rodney!"

The pair arrived in the mess hall and after they grabbed trays of food (Rodney having enough to feed a small army); they headed over to where Elizabeth and Teyla sat. John noticed that Elizabeth looked a little sad.

"Hey," he said

The minute she saw him, her shoulders slumped even further. Elizabeth was not ready to deal with these feelings. Or maybe she was and that's why she was scared. "Um, excuse me," she gasped out, pulling herself to her feet. She purposely avoided John's eyes and hurried off.

John stared after her for a moment before following, leaving his tray behind on the table. "Elizabeth!"

Before Rodney or Teyla could say a word, they were both gone. "Maybe I should check on them," Rodney suggested after a few minutes.

"They will be fine, Rodney."

"You know something, don't you?"

Teyla shook her head, taking a sip of water. "I don't know what you mean."

"Teyla, please. You can't even look me in the eye."

"Very well, Rodney," she replied. "Elizabeth told me of her feelings for Colonel Sheppard. At least, what she thinks her feelings are for him. I don't know if they're true and were hidden deep in her mind for awhile or..."

Rodney was not a very patient man. "What feelings?"

"She said she loves him."

"Oh."

He sat there in silence as he contemplated what Teyla just told him. Elizabeth's thoughts had to be subconscious. Or maybe they weren't but she knew she couldn't act on them. Now with that serum she's lost and confused and who knows how John would take this or if he even felt the same.


"Elizabeth!" John called. "Elizabeth, wait!"

He saw her turn the corner and head out to the balcony. He was silently happy about that because he was a little exhausted from their jog through the city. What had caused her to freak out like that?

John was about to speak up when suddenly Elizabeth turned around, pulled him towards her, and kissed him. John was shocked to say the least and yet he couldn't pull away.

He had wanted this for so long, but he knew it could never happen. Not while they worked together. John gently pulled away from her and they both stared, too stunned to say anything.

Elizabeth searched John's eyes for approval of what she had done, but all she saw was fear. He was scared. Of what? Her? "I'm sorry!" she cried, running back inside.

As John watched her leave, he saw Rodney standing there, mouth open. "Close your mouth, Rodney, you'll catch flies."

Rodney tried to get John to answer him as he followed his friend. He was about to give up when John swayed and nearly fell over. Rodney immediately rushed to his side.

"You're overdoing it, Sheppard. Carson is going to be so pissed."

"Rodney, I'm fine," John replied. "Just a little tired."

Rodney sighed. "Right and I'm not the smartest person in this city. Come on, if you won't see Carson then I'm taking you to your quarters and you're going to sleep."

John reluctantly went with Rodney as he continued to process what just happened. How long had Elizabeth felt that way and was that what she really felt? He just didn't know, but he was scared to find out.

He didn't know when he realized Elizabeth was more than just a friend. Right now it didn't matter. What mattered most was trying to sort out these feelings swimming within his mind.

John squeezed his eyes shut as his head began to pound. He would sort everything out later. Right now, he wanted some aspirin and a bed. He must have been way out of it because as Rodney was helping him lie down, he saw Carson heading over to them.

Damn, John thought, that sneak!

"Rodney?"

"Carson, he chased Elizabeth half way through the city and was exhausted," Rodney said. "When he tried to brush me off, he nearly collapsed."

Carson pursed his lips as he checked John's vitals. "Blood pressure is slightly elevated. And it looks like your fever's returned, Colonel."

"Sorry, Doc," he muttered sheepishly.

"You need to take better care of yourself," Rodney told him. Carson and John stared at him. "What? Do you really think I want to be in charge of Atlantis? I am perfectly happy sitting in my lab. I have no desire to order people around and do paperwork."

The two continued to stare at him. "Okay, I do like ordering people around."


Elizabeth soon found that she was lost in more ways than one. She had run away and even though it had seemed like a good idea at the time, Elizabeth was beginning to realize that she had no clue where she was.

Who could she call? John was definitely out of the question. So was Carson. He'd be overly worried about her running around. Not Rodney. He was probably dealing with John right now. Elizabeth took a deep breath.

"Teyla?"

"Yes, Elizabeth?" The young woman's voice filtered through.

"This is probably going to sound stupid, but I'm… lost."

"Do you notice anything around you that may help me locate you?"

Elizabeth looked around. Everything looked the same. "I was originally on the East Pier and turned to the right. Does that help?"

"It does, Elizabeth," Teyla replied. "I will double check your location with Dr. Zelenka only."

"Thank you."

She was relieved that Teyla wasn't going to announce to the entire expedition that she had no clue where she was. Elizabeth took a seat against the wall and closed her eyes as she waited. She immediately opened them as memories of the kiss floated back to the surface.

It was a beautiful and passionate kiss, yet she could sense confusion and underlying fear in John. She wanted to know why and how she could help him, but she was just as scared. Were these feelings real? Would she ever remember who she was?

"Elizabeth." She almost didn't notice Teyla kneeling next to her. She took a deep breath and looked up at the Athosian. "Are you all right?"

She smiled. "I'm fine. I was just thinking. Trying to help my memories to return."

"Perhaps I can help you with that," Teyla suggested, helping her up.

"How?"

The pair walked down the hall. "My people believe that meditation is a good way to put ones life into perspective. We also find that it helps us to unlock memories we've had buried for so long."

"I'd like to try that. Thank you, Teyla."

"You are welcome."


John sat quietly in the infirmary bed. His fever had returned and Carson wasn't letting him go anytime soon. The Scotsman made certain Rodney or Ronon was with him at all times to prevent an escape. It was Rodney's turn to watch John and whenever he wasn't looking, he could feel Rodney's eyes on him.

"What?" he finally growled.

"I was just thinking," was the quiet reply, completely unfazed by the tone his friend was using. "I mean, I knew there was some sort of connection between you and Elizabeth, but I didn't know it was so deep."

Rodney continued even though it seemed that John's face was getting paler by the minute. "I saw it in Antarctica. Once she saw you sitting in that chair she had to have you on the expedition, but it was more than that."

"Colonel Sheppard, are you all right?" Carson asked, rushing over. The man nodded, but looked a little worried about something. "Colonel?"

John blinked. "Rodney just made me realize something that I didn't want to face. Something I was afraid to admit because of what could happen. But I can't just turn off my feelings and I can't just hide from them."

Carson was slightly confused. "What are you on about, Colonel?"

"He's in love with Elizabeth as much as she's in love with him." John winced at Rodney's lack of subtlety. "What? Oh, like you were really going to admit it!"

"You could have given him the chance," Carson replied, as he checked John's blood pressure. "Just take a deep breath, Colonel. You'll be all right."

John nodded, but then looked up at Carson with eyes full of worry. "Have you been able to find something to counteract the drug she was given?"

"Not yet," he replied sadly.