Hello All,

Sorry for the delay. Not sure how many heard about it but I actually attended the cancelled Flanvetion II (a Firefly convention) which then became the Browncoat Backup Bash (aka B3) about a week ago. It was a wonderful event but many people became ill afterwards, myself included (so many in fact that lots of people have begun dubbing the illness "The Fillionaire's Disease"). So after being in bed for over a week I finally got a chance to update with a new chapter. My goal is to finish this story right before X-Mas so stay tuned!

-Moki

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After lying comfortably in bed watching Wash and Caleb sleep for awhile, Zoe finally decided that she had to get up. That baby was going to wake soon and when he did he was going to be more than a mite hungry. Not wanting a hungry, angry baby on her hands or at least not two of them (since the term also could be used to describe Wash in the morning before he'd had his breakfast) she quietly got up and got dressed. The doc had said that he would work on a better formula for Caleb using the supplies they had on hand in the galley. They had already fed him some powdered cow's milk the night before but the doc said it was better to give him something with a little more nutrition. So she went to see if she could rustle up some breakfast for him.

Zoe found Simon already awake and in the galley mixing together items from various bottles and boxes surround him. It looked like he had been at it for a while but he still managed to look refreshed as he smiled a greeting.

"Good morning Zoe," Simon said. "How did Caleb sleep last night?"

"Actually near as I can reckon, he slept the whole night through" Zoe replied.

"Good. I think he needed some solid sleep and now I'm sure he'll need a solid meal on top of it," Simon said, mixing a few final ingredients and stirring them in the pot on the stove. "I think I've got this just right and it should be warm enough in a second"

"Thanks Doc," Zoe said and watched as he finished up. After another minute or two he must have decided it was done and turned off the burner. He then taste tested the formula by pouring a little into a glass and trying it himself first. Deciding that it was the right temperature he nodded in satisfaction.

"Zoe could you hand me that bottle please?" Zoe looked around, puzzled. Where in the 'verse had the doc managed to get ahold of a baby bottle? Looking where he was pointing she found her answer and laughed. The doc had obviously disinfected an old beer bottle (with Jayne aboard there were plenty of those lying about) and using the finger from one of his surgical gloves as a nipple, had managed to create a makeshift bottle.

"I know it doesn't look like much," Simon responded to her laughter "But at least it's sterile and he should be able to suckle properly," he said as he started pouring a carefully measured amount of the formula. Finishing up he put on the nipple (or "finger" as it could more appropriately be called) and handed it to Zoe.

"Be sure to let me know exactly how much of this he eats," Simon told her "I'd like him to finish it all but he may not be able to as his stomach may have shrunk a little due to lack of food for so long" Zoe thanked the good doctor and started to head towards the door.

"And don't forget to burp him!" he called after her.

"Don't worry doc. I think we can handle it," Zoe replied.

Zoe headed back to their bunk and heard the crying before she even got into the walkway above all the crew's quarters. Rushing her step she hurried to her bunk and practically flew down the ladder. Once inside she found Wash just finishing changing a very angry Caleb (Kaylee had gathered some clean towels from the extra guest supplies and they were using them as diapers). Wash looked up from what he was doing and was relieved to see his wife.

"Oh, thanks honey" He said as she handed him the bottle "I was hoping you had gone to get that"

"Of course, can't leave a man hungry now can we?" Zoe replied with a slight wink and Wash grinned back. Zoe was proud of herself for doing such a good job at hiding her thoughts. Then again no matter how angry or upset she was, Wash could always make her smile. It was one of the many things she loved about him so much.

"Nope. Nothing worse than a hungry man in the morning, eh Caleb?" he said as he headed to the chair. Sitting down he shifted Caleb in his arms and gently put the bottle to the baby's mouth. Caleb continued to scream for a few more seconds and then realized what was in front of him and began sucking in earnest. Zoe sat on the edge of the chair and watched the two of them. After a while Wash took the bottle from Caleb's mouth and put the baby on his shoulder. Thinking ahead Zoe had already put a spare towel there and Caleb gave a satisfying burp as Wash rubbed his back.

"Yep, sounds like a man alright," Zoe said and Wash laughed.

"Here can you take him?" Wash asked and started to hand the baby over to Zoe "I haven't even been able to visit the latrine or anything"

Zoe took the baby and the bottle and settled down in the chair to continue giving Caleb his breakfast. She was afraid that he would fuss again about being out of Wash's arms but it turned out that his stomach was winning this morning and he happily took the bottle from her. He finished the whole thing after awhile("The doc is gonna be right pleased with you, little one") and she put him on her shoulder for another round of ample burping. Wash finished his morning ablutions (including running a comb through that mess on his head he called hair) and came back to see how they were doing.

"Well I think he's finally getting used to other people now," Wash said as he observed Caleb blissfully playing with Zoe's hair now that his belly was full and his bottom was dry. Zoe giggled a little as he tugged her locks in his chubby fists and tried to put them in his mouth.

"Maybe he'll let Kaylee watch him for a little while as I know the captain is probably wanting a new course set from me and probably needs to see you about some first-mate type business" Wash said and Zoe agreed. They performed the "hand the baby halfway up the ladder routine" in reverse and got Caleb out of their bunk without a fuss. As they did it Zoe couldn't help but to feel that it was coming so easy to them; the whole routine of a baby on a ship. Why couldn't we?...she stopped herself before she could form the thought. She really needed to talk to her husband but, again, now wasn't the time.

They found Kaylee in the galley just finishing up her own breakfast and before Wash could even ask, she was reaching for the baby.

"Hey there Caleb," Kaylee said as she took him from Wash. "Are you full and dry this morning?" Caleb's response was to continue sucking his fist and she laughed. "Yep, I'd say he's pretty happy this morning. You guys did good work"

Kaylee didn't notice Zoe's frown as she had already turned away, busy showing Caleb around the kitchen."I painted these here flowers myself, do ya like'em?"

Zoe and Wash ate quietly without saying anything more than necessary to get through a quick meal. As soon as he was finished, Wash got up and headed out of the kitchen. Zoe saw her chance finally and followed behind him.

Now that they were alone Zoe was ready to ask her husband about the whole situation when they were interrupted.

"Wash" Mal called from the end of hallway. "I need you to lay in a new course. Looks like we're going to take a detour to drop off our new passenger"

Wash had seen how quick Zoe had been to follow him. He could tell that Zoe wanted to talk to him and was only partially paying attention to Mal. When he realized what had just been said he turned away from her and replied to the captain.

"Sure Mal, be right there. I'll see ya later Zo" he told her and walked off.

Zoe looked on puzzled. It wasn't that Wash had been so short that caught her attention. It was the look on his face that she caught when Mal said they were changing course. Did he have a problem changing course? That didn't make any sense, she thought. Then she realized that he hadn't actually looked odd until the captain had mentioned unloading their new passenger. For one second she was sure that he had been visibly upset and obviously it was because of the baby. Why? She wondered.

Zoe sighed as she continued down the walkway. Not being able to get to the bottom of this was really getting to her but still there was nothing she could do about it. But soon enough, she promised herself, I will get that man alone and find out why he's all happy and chipper with the baby one second and acting morose the next.

In the cockpit Wash looked pensive as he sat at the controls. Mal was sitting in the co-pilot's chair, having just finished speaking to them that did the hiring on the last job.

"How long?" Mal asked suddenly.

"Huh?" Wash turned to Mal and the captain could see he was miles away.

"How long till we get to the rendezvous?" Mal asked again.

"Oh," Wash looked at his instruments for a few moments. "Should be about four days before we see them"

Mal couldn't help but to notice that the other man didn't look him in the eye, instead keeping his gaze on the console in front of him.

"Everything okay Wash?" Mal asked worriedly. Last thing he needed was for a pilot not to be on his game. But more than that Wash was his friend and he hoped nothing was wrong between him and Zoe. His first-mate was doing a good job at hiding her thoughts about their new passenger and what his arrival might mean to previous discussions between the couple. But Mal knew that she wasn't doing the best job and if anyone would know that (other than himself) it would be her husband.

"Wha?...Oh yeah Mal, everything's fine," Wash replied but still didn't look at him.

Mal could tell that Wash wasn't ready to talk about anything and knowing that these two needed to handle it themselves, decided to make it that much easier.

"Alright well if the course is set then there's no need for you to stay up here. Why don't you head back to the galley or something?" Mal said and Wash nodded and quietly got up and left. The fact that he didn't fight to stay was all the proof that Mal needed that something was indeed wrong with him. Hopefully he'll go talk to his wife now, Mal thought.

Wash walked back towards his bunk, his head hung and not looking very happy. Suddenly things were taking a turn that he hadn't really expected a scant 24 hours ago. Funny how fast a day could change things.

Zoe was in the cargo bay doing a routine check on the armory and various other items needed in storage to run an operation like theirs. She heard a distinctive step on the walkway above and looked up to see her husband slowly making his way across. She could tell that something was heavy on his mind and was a little surprised that he didn't even seem to notice her presence below him. Normally he would have said something as he passed, even if he couldn't stop due to being in the middle of an assignment or somesuch. For him not to say anything at all was very unusual and finally Zoe decided she'd had enough.

She put down her clipboard and silently followed her husband. After a brief stop in the galley again for a drink of water Wash headed back towards their bunk. Zoe followed him into the galley but kept quiet and let him get his water. Luckily no one else was there or they may have wondered at the odd sight of Wash walking in with Zoe following behind and not seeming to notice her presence at all.

When Zoe saw him head towards their bunk and climb down the ladder she was relieved. She followed behind and found him standing in the middle of the room, his back to her.

"So are you going to tell me what's going on with you or am I going to have to keep guessing?" Zoe asked her husband now that they were alone.

Wash turned at the sound of her voice.

"What do you mean?" Wash asked but Zoe noticed that he avoided her eyes.

"I mean the fact that you and I have spoken about having a baby and you ain't exactly been in agreement with it. Then we find us an orphan child and suddenly you are acting like Dad of The Year or something" Zoe's eyes were beginning to show her fury and Wash was glad that little Caleb was in Kaylee's care at the moment.

"I did what anyone else would do Zo," Wash replied. "There's no need to make this into a bigger issue than it needs to be," Wash said and walked away from her to go sit on their bed. But Zoe was nowhere near finished with this conversation and followed right behind him again.

"Well I gotta tell you husband. I am gonna make it into a big deal. It's starting to look to me like maybe you do want children but I'm beginning to wonder if you just don't want any with me" Zoe told him as she sat in the chair across from the bed.

Wash had been rubbing his hand through his hair, the exhaustion from the previous day's and night's events catching up with him finally. But at her words his hand froze where it was and he looked at her with hurt in his eyes.

"You can't be serious," He said, letting his hand drop to his lap. "Zoe you know I love you with everything I have, every single nook and cranny of my being. How can you possibly say that to me?" Wash was so shocked by her words that tears came to his eyes. How could Zoe, his Zoe, think that he didn't love her enough to want to have children with her?

Zoe sighed. She hadn't meant to hurt Wash. She had just wanted to get his attention so that he'd start telling her the truth. She knew he was hiding something from her and she was angry and had lashed out cruelly. Getting out of the chair she sat next to him on the bed and looked directly into his eyes, putting both hands on his cheeks.

"I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean that. I swear." She said and gently wiped a tear from his face with her thumb. "I just got angry and I wanted to say something that would get your attention." She kissed him lightly and then took both of his hands in hers.

"But you have to understand that I'm a mite confused. I mean if you like children so much and you are so good with them, the why don't you want any?" Zoe finally asked the question that had been haunting her for the past day and was relieved the moment it was out.

"Zo I never said I didn't WANT children," Wash said with a sigh. "I said that I just didn't think this was the kind of life for one. It's too dangerous, the things that we do" Zoe knew that he really meant her more than "we" but didn't say anything and let him continue. "I worry every time you go out with Mal. I worry every time we have a big job to do with new people that might come aboard and hurt us all"

Wash put down Zoe's hands and walked across the room, closing his eyes in frustration. "I don't think I could handle it if anything happened to you and if you add to that the idea of a child and the thought of anything happening to them……" Wash stopped, unable to even finish the thought. He turned and looked back at his wife.

"I couldn't handle it Zo, I just couldn't" He said with a shake of his head. "Not again" He turned away and said it so softly it was almost a whisper.

Zoe's ears snapped to attention at his phrasing. She walked to her husband and found his hands again and held them. "Wash?" She said and squeezed his hands until he looked at her, fresh tears in his eyes.

"What do you mean 'again'?" she asked quietly.