Chapter 2: I Pledge Allegiance to North America
DISCLAIMER: We do not own the pledge of allegiance, Bartimeaus trilogy, any tie-dye crazy hippies, piñatas, or the Viva Piñata commercial.
The jury proceeded to walk into the courtroom and face the flag that, somehow, got tie-dyed by a group of angry hippies. "And now," said Judge Debbie. "We will say the pledge of allegiance." And so the group proceeded, lead by the authors/judges, who said, "I pledge allegiance, to the flag, of North America (The United States, Canada, and Mexico) and to the republic/monarchy, for which it stands, 3 nations, under God and the Mexican gods, invisible, with liberty, justice, syrup, and burritos for all."
"You guys are more idiotic than Nathaniel. And that's saying something," Bartimeaus said.
Debbie rebutted, "At least I'm not a jerk. coughs/Bartimeaus/coughs Sorry."
"Anyway," Lorenzo said. "Nathaniel, you are being charged with coming into the U.S. illegally without a passport. How do you plead?"
"Chocolate!"
"No Nathaniel," said Bartimeaus. "It means are you guilty or innocent?"
"Chicken?" His case was hopeless. Debbie produced a medieval flail from nowhere and swings it dangerously close to Nathaniel.
"ANSWER OR DIE!" she screams.
"Uh, guilty, no innocent, uh I don't know!" Lorenzo loses her temper as well and likewise produces a chainsaw, brandishing it violently, saying,
"ANSWER PUNK!"
(WE JUST ATE JAMBALAYA FOR THE FIRST TIME 6:07 PM ON APRIL 28, 2007!!!!!!!!!!! AFTERWARDS, WE SMASHED WHIPPED CREAM ON OUR FACES! WE MARK THIS AS THE BEST DAY OF OUR LIVES!!!!!!!!!sorry about that)
"I, Nathaniel, do plead that I am…" and then, the hippies attacked! They came from all sides, waving their banners saying, "Save the trees, they need our love too! Save them, or die. But peace dudes. Don't kill anyone or die. Seriously. Stop eating animals. They are our brethren." Then the hippies threw martinis into the crowd, which made them screech from alcohol and glass getting in their eyes. Debbie, meanwhile, was laughing her head off on the floor and totally spazing. So Lorenzo decided to join in. Then the other judge tried to gain control again, so he took out his mysterious "stick" but could not fight the power of the hippies and hyper-active teen judges spazing on the floor. The hippies said, "That's not cool man." Then Debbie screamed,
"Who asked you?" Meanwhile, through all this commotion, Bartimeaus was gawking at all the psychopathic morons in his midst. The biggest one, Nathaniel somehow acquired a piñata made of cheese but when he hit it, it said, "I am a magical piñata. And if you let me down I can grant you all of your wishes: a pet cobra, sunscreen, how about karate lessons?"
"Actually," Nathaniel said, "I wanted nachos."
"Oh, well I can give you that too," said the piñata. So Nathaniel lets the piñata down and…
CLIFFHANGER
