Chapter 4

"Anger is seldom without an argument but seldom with a good one."


"Colonel! I thought we were going to have to send out a search party for you." Carson admonished lately.

Not wanting to meet his gaze, Sheppard shuffled his feet listlessly, his eyes never making contact with the Scottish Doctor. He knew only full well that the Doc would realise something wasn't right. His whole demeanour since his return to Atlantis reflected just how frustrated his was at the whole situation; no matter how much he tried to hide it. He tried relaxing his posture, in an effort to show, at least outwardly that everything was fine; but one thing the Doc was good at, was reading him. "Sorry, doc, I've been kinda busy."

"Oh? Doing what?" Beckett looked at the condition of his patient and new fine well resting had obviously been at the bottom of his list.

"This and that. You'd be amazed at how much paperwork builds up after a few days out of the office," John told him cagily. At least he was being honest to a degree. What he neglected to mention was the fact that the paperwork usually got finished in the early hours of the morning when his current bout of insomnia robbed him of his sleep.

"What part of 'no working', didn't ye understand, colonel?" Carson reminded, crossing his arms accusingly.

"I didn't think you meant paperwork, Doc. I mean how much trouble can I get into reading mission reports?" Sheppard flashed him his most innocent smile in an effort to throw Beckett off. But as soon as he opened his mouth, he realised it was a futile gesture.

"That's not the point, colonel and you know it." Carson watched his patient carefully for signs of a guilty conscience; none was forthcoming. "Sit yourself down on the bed, I need to check your blood pressure and run some more blood tests"

"Again? I swear doc, you're becoming like Dracula. I'm not going to have any blood left at the rate you're going."

"I can assure you, colonel that you've got plenty to spare, now be quiet while I take your blood pressure." Carson placed the sphygmometer on his arm and waited patiently for it to record an accurate reading. As the numbers settled, Carson took a deep breath, 150/96. This was not good. "So, have you been relaxing at all these past few days?"

Sheppard took one look at his friend and knew full well it was a trick question. Normally, Carson would say that he was as healthy as a horse and send him on his way. Not this time. He was guessing that this was the Doc's way of finding out if he had things on his mind. "I told you I was."

"Really?"

He couldn't lie, not to the Doc. Beckett had a way of sneaking under his defences and getting him to admit things that he wouldn't normally reveal. "How can I relax when I'm…"

Beckett waited for him to finish; the young pilots frustration at the situation came through loud and clear. Pulling a chair over from the next bed, he sat down waiting for him to finish. It never came. "Colonel, we're all trying to help you, but we're not mind readers."

Taking a deep breath he told him truthfully, "I'm not good at sitting around doing nothing, doc."

"I know you're anxious about re-joining your team, colonel. But my responsibility is to ensure that my patients don't take unnecessary risks where their health is involved. I know relaxing is not something that comes easy to you, especially when it's forced upon you. But I won't release you for active duty until I can see a definite improvement in your blood pressure. That means no stress, no strenuous exercise, and no arguments. I want-you-to relax and get some proper rest, and that means no getting up in the middle of the night finishing off paperwork." Beckett cocked his head knowingly, indicating that he knew exactly what Sheppard was doing in the early hours of the morning. "If you can't sleep, you come and see me. If you're having trouble relaxing, you come and see me. Do you see a pattern forming here, colonel? The sooner you start doing as you're told, the quicker your blood pressure will come down to a more manageable level and the sooner I'll authorise your return to active duty."

Sheppard hated the speeches; he rolled his eyes, which unfortunately didn't go amiss by the good doctor. Oops! Sitting there like a good patient should, he waited for the Doc to get off his soapbox, "I am trying, doc," he advised him, trying to sound sincere, but failing miserably.

"Yes, my bloody patience."

"Sorry." He tried to look suitably chastised, and managed it to some small degree. If nothing else, at least it sounded as if he was prepared to make the effort. "I promise that I will try and take things easy, if it'll make you feel better."

"It will. Look, colonel, we're all worried about you, we just want you to know that you don'thave to handle this on your own."

Now he felt guilty. "I know."

Carson watched him careful to see if aything he'd said had sunk in, but was under no illusions that this was going to be a long week. Finally believeing that he was getting somewhere, he tried to lighten the moment, "Now, as soon as we've got some blood of you, you'll be free to go about your day, okay?" He hoped that over the next few days that the colonel would start opening up to those that cared, but he wouldn't hold his breath.


"I've got it!" Rodney declared triumphantly rushing over to Sheppard who was slumped on the sofa in the entertainment room; a bucket of popcorn cradled between his legs.

"Whatever it is, don't pass it on to me, I've spent more than enough time in the infirmary thanks very much." John retorted solemnly, lapsing more into a melancholy mood. He grabbed another handful of popcorn, before recklessly throwing it in the air, and catching it spectacularly in his mouth.

"Nice to see you're being productive during your down time." McKay stated unsympathetically. For the last few days, he'd done nothing but pour his heart and soul into helping his friend, and what did he get for his efforts? Snarkiness!

"Thanks. So what have you got?" The colonel enquired, only mildly interested.

"Your surprise is ready." A smug expression exuded from him. John quickly turned to face his friend; completely forgetting the bucket in his lap, and in doing so knocking the popcorn all over the floor. "I'm not cleaning that up by the way," Rodney added.

"I thought you were used to picking 'kernels' off the floor, Rodney?"

Rodney rolled his eyes at Sheppard's dismal attempt. "Oh ha ha. As usual, your pathetic attempts at humour leave a lot to be desired."

He tried to get him back on track, but it wasn't easy. "Can we get back to my surprise please? You've left me hanging for days." As a consequence of his continually rising blood pressure, the Doc's prescription of rest and relaxation so far was not going according to plan. It didn't matter that his attempts at telling the Doc that being cooped up in Atlantis was what was causing the rise in blood pressure; everything fell on deaf ears.

McKay put on his serious face. "Before I tell you, I just want you to know that I understand why you did what you did."

John didn't know what to say. Eventually he found his voice, but mostly because McKay had continued to stare at him until he spoke. "You do?" that was about all he could muster at the moment.

He never was a very good liar; Teyla had told him to be supportive and he tried in his own way, but a barefaced lie? What was the point in that? "No, not really. None of us do, but I thought it would make you feel better."

John frowned at him, his eyes squinting at his friend's lack of diplomacy. "It did, for about 5 seconds." The sarcasm once more appeared to be completely wasted on his friend.

McKay continued happily as if completely missing the point. "So, now that's all settled, shall we move on?"

Sheppard pulled a face at his friends' complete lack of tact, "I insist on it."

"Good. So, how would you feel if I told you I might have found a way to trace Kolya and his leading band of rebels?"

He couldn't believe it. "Are you serious?"

"Trust me, when it comes to Kolya, I do not jest." He still bore the scar inflicted on him by Kolya's cronies, something he wouldn't forget in the near future.

"You know what Rodney, I could kiss you right now." Ruffling his hair, he felt as if a tonne of bricks had been lifted from his shoulders.

Taking a step back, Rodney pulled a don't-even-think-about-it face, not that he had a problem with his male friends showing affection, but after the whole weird 'kissing Beckett' encounter, it wasn't a place that he planned to revisit anytime soon. "That's not funny. I still have nightmares over the last time something like that happened, and I've never been able to live it down." Still he rambled, "Do you know how long it took for the old rumour mill to forget that? Never! So don't even go there."

He loved watching his friend squirm, it hardly ever happened. So when it did, he enjoyed it immensely. Trying not to outwardly show his pleasure at his friend's previous misfortune, he covered his hands over his mouth, stifling a smile that played on his lips. He didn't have the heart to tell him that it was him who had kept the old rumour mill going for so long. Not only that, but he had the only copy of the video clip from the security cameras to prove it, to use as leverage – just in case Rodney ever got out of hand.

McKay shuddered to shake off the distant memory and tried to focus again. "Anyway, enough of that. You know I didn't realise how much of a genius I was until just recently. I swear the thought just came to me in a flash of light. I was sitting in the commissary and then I remembered something Ladon said, and did you know I worked on the database for nearly three days, and nothing? I think the lack of sleep finally got to me, so…"

Then a thought popped into his head "Quick question." Not that it made any difference to him, but his curiosity was piqued. "Why have you been working on a new database when we have the ancient one?"

"Didn't anyone tell you? That Ancient woman, what's- her- name?" McKay clicked his fingers as if that would somehow magically conjure up the name, and surprisingly it worked. "Morgan Le Fey! That's it. Anyway, she took off after SG1 left, and locked the base out of part of the mainframe. I thought you knew? You know she really fooled us. Just think, we've been searching for real life Ancients since we got here, and there was one staring us in the face the whole time. So, since she left, we've been trying to merge some of the databases into one, because let's face it, it's completely impractical to keep coming down here when you need something. Plus that place gives me the creeps, and it's cold and damp. On top of that it plays havoc with my allergies. You know, with all the potential mould spores, I could catch anything down there." He shivered unconsciously at the thought of having to spend one more day in what he referred to as the basement from hell. And if he was being honest, he actually felt a little lonely down there by himself, not that he'd admit it to anyone though.

John shook his head at his friends' obvious hypochondria, and tried to get him back on track. "What about the redundant systems? The Ancients always seem to have one of those lying around."

What did I just say? "Hello? What do you think I've been trying to fix for the last 3 days. I swear none of you listen to anything I have to say unless it's got to do with either 'Rodney fix the jumper' or 'Rodney, save the planet' or…"

Blood pressure rising. "McKay!" He was beginning to wish he'd never asked. "Okay, okay, forget about that. Just tell me about Kolya before I get apoplexy. You do know that I'm supposed to be lowering my blood pressure, don't you?"

"Sure…"

"So, shut up and get to the point," his patience finally exploded.

"Well stop asking me stupid questions then. You know yelling isn't going to help with your blood pressure." McKay cautioned in an attempt to be helpful.

Count to 10! 1- Breathe in, 2- Breathe out, 3- Break McKay's nose…

"Sorry." Apologising was not one of McKay's strengths, but since his friend was about to explode if he didn't get to the point, he carried on, "Anyway, moving swiftly along, Ladon said something that got me thinking. He told us that he had betrayed Kolya after realising that neither Kolya nor Cowen had it in them to lead his people. So, I did some digging around the database and found some very interesting things about our good friend Kolya. About 15 years ago he apparently worked with a scientist in an underground experimental laboratory, not dissimilar to what Cowen and his team had before the whole betrayal and revolutionary revolt saga. Anyway, after the coup some 5 years later, the base, from what I've been able to ascertain was abandoned due to the increase in culling and Wraith activity. So, it got me thinking. Where do you go to lick your wounds?"

Sheppard didn't have a clue where this was taking him, but over the last few years he'd learned to trust him for the most part. "Home?"

"Exactly. Now the problem is, the database is a bit sketchy on where that particular location is, but thanks to my brilliant research skills, I've been able to identify three possible coordinates. Whether they're accurate or not, I don't know, I mean this stuff is thousands of years old and the database wasn't very clear about where the information came from, unless of course they were secretly keeping tabs on their allies."

A thought occurred to him. "Hang on a minute Rodney, if what your saying is true, why would anyone go back to a Wraith infested planet?"

Rodney gave him an arrogant look, "Did I say it was Wraith infested now?"

"No, but…"

"So shut up and let me finish. You remember the Wraith queen giving us all those schematics, codes and everything when she was pretending to be our ally? Well, I tweaked some of the encryption codes that they gave us, and as it turns out, we can monitor where every Hive ship in the Pegasus Galaxy is, at any given time, instead of when the Hive ships are approaching the city. It's not dissimilar to the device that Kolya took back when he stormed Atlantis. Anyway, all we have to do now is relay it through our new systems, and hey presto it should tell us if the Wraith are in the vicinity of the co-ordinates from the database."

John was getting impatient. "So, when can I have the 'gate addresses?"

"Shouldn't be too long, but it's not like you can go anywhere just yet." Realising what he said, McKay backtracked. "What I mean is, you're not fit to go anywhere." Sheppard wrinkled his nose at him with distaste; he didn't appreciate being reminded that he was still on sick leave. Crossing his arms in a defiant posture, he waited for McKay to rephrase his point. "Shall I start again?"

Sighing, John shook his head, "Don't bother." What was the point? He knew exactly what he meant, and he really wasn't that far off the mark. But now he had the opportunity to do something about the bad taste in his mouth. The only thing left standing in his way was trying to convince the Doc and Heightmeyer; otherwise he wouldn't be going anywhere.

Mulling over what McKay had told him, he tried to put all the pieces together, "Okay, just to get this straight then. You think that there is a good chance that Kolya is hauled up on one of these planets that he lived at years ago?"

"Yes, potentially. Although it's not like I have a crystal ball or anything. But then again, when have I ever been wrong?" McKay smiled smugly, never doubting his own abilities.

"Where shall I start?" John smiled dangerously.

You blow up one solar system, and everybody becomes a critic. "Shall we get back to the business at hand, please?" He didn't wait for an answer. "All I have to do now is merge the data to the central database. You on the other hand have to convince Elizabeth. And, well, how hard can that be?" Secretly he wasn't that hopeful. He didn't think for one minute that Elizabeth would sanction the search, but he owed it to his friend to at least try.

Without wasting another moment, John rushed out of the recreation room and headed towards Elizabeth's office. This was it. Finally. Kolya was going to get his comeuppance once and for all.

"A thank you would have been nice." Rodney shouted after him, but didn't expect a reply.


"No."

"What do you mean 'no'? Elizabeth, do you know what you're saying? By saying 'no' you're essentially sanctioning his ongoing experiments against innocent people. This isn't just about me, it's about every-single-time we step foot on another planet. Whose to say that next time it won't be Teyla, or Rodney, hell even you for that matter?" Sheppard was more than angry; he'd surpassed that a few minutes ago. Now he was pissed. Here was the perfect opportunity to do what was necessary, and she was flatly refusing.

Like she told Kolya on the video screen when she refused to give up Ladon to save John from torture - now she was telling him. "I'm not going to go there, John." She remained firm in her stance. From talking to Doctors Beckett and Heightmeyer about what he'd gone through, she was determined that he was not going to look for trouble, particularly as trouble seemed to have a habit of finding them first. Their recent brush with Kolya had shown just how far he was willing to go to get what he wanted, and she wasn't under any allusions about Kolya's ongoing plans. Ultimately though, she wasn't prepared to risk the lives of the entire expedition on a revenge attack, so she put her foot down. And now, consequentially had to contend with a short-tempered colonel. Irrespective of how angry he got, she wasn't budging. She'd seen his temper up close and personal, and this time was no different. "I know you're angry."

Pacing around her office, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Looking her straight in the eyes, he banged his fist on her desk rattling the ornament given to her by the Athosian people." You're damn right I am!"

Closing her eyes, she tried to gather her thoughts, "Colonel, let's be honest with each other here. Your motives for this mission are based understandably on personal feelings towards Kolya. You're not thinking of the risk you'd be imposing on the base, or on the safety of the expedition. So-I'm-saying-no." She watched his reaction carefully, hoping that he'd understand her position, but he wasn't having any of it. "I am not prepared to risk your life or the other members in your team because you want revenge for what happened to you." From the look on his face, she knew she'd not come far off the mark. "Colonel, believe me, I do understand."

Leaning on her desk, he looked directly at her, his eyes smouldering with unfocussed rage. "With all due respect Doctor Weir, you don't have a clue. I may be reckless on occasions, but I'm not stupid."

For a moment Elizabeth wanted to knock the attitude from the side of his face. She knew he was baiting her, but she refused to bite. "No you're not, but you are angry."

"Of course I'm angry, wouldn't you be?" That was an understatement. "But even if I am, I would never jeopardise the safety of my team, and you know it." His breathing was heavy with emotion. The intensity in his eyes was all too evident as he silently dared her to disagree with his logic.

"Normally I would agree with you, but this time, after what happened? I really don't know. And I'm not the only one who's concerned." Elizabeth wasn't quite sure where to look, he had a right to know about where she'd gotten her information from, but she just wished it didn't have to be this way. He'd been through so much these last few days, but ultimately her primary role was to ensure that Atlantis and its personnel were not put in unnecessary jeopardy.

He unfurled his clenched fists in an attempt to prove she was wrong, but he doubted he could reign in his anger for much longer. "I am still the military commander on this base, and if I believe that there is a very real threat, then I'm sure as hell not going to sit around and wait for it to bite us in the ass." He banged his fist against her desk to get his point across. "Kolya, as-we-speak, is preparing his forces to strike against Atlantis, you know that as well as I do."

"We don't know that, John. I mean from what you told me, it seems as if he was more interested in Ladon than seizing Atlantis." She hoped by the use of his first name, that he would see she wasn't the enemy in all of this. In truth it was a futile gesture.

"Why the hell do you think he took me captive? Because he liked my company? Get real, Elizabeth. The bottom line is, Kolya wants Atlantis. And I think Ladon was an excuse, nothing more. For God's sake Kolya he even told me that he was prepared to take Atlantis by storm to take out Ladon, because we pissed him off by siding with him. What more proof do you need?"

Running a hand across the nape of her neck she tried to ease the tension building up there, but in reality was getting nowhere fast. "If Kolya attempts to seize Atlantis by force, then we will take the necessary actions to stop him. I know you wouldn't intentionally put this base at risk, but that is ultimately what you're suggesting. And for the record, colonel, as well you know, this isn't a military expedition; it's a scientific one. Your standing orders are to protect this base and its occupants, there is nothing in those orders that states you will carry out pre-emptive strikes against known hostilities. So you show me in the fine print that says our original standing orders have been rescinded and I'll let you go."

She was a skilled negotiator; he'd give her that. But, he wasn't backing down on this. And as it stood, neither was she. "This isn't over Elizabeth." Shaking his head, he knew they'd reached a standstill. It was pointless wasting his breath arguing with her over this. It was time to take matters into his own hands, and he did just that by walking out of her office without so much as a backward glance.

Sighing inwardly she thought, well that could have gone better.

Storming out of her office actually felt like the best thing he'd done in days. He couldn't understand why he was the only one in Atlantis to see the threat. Maybe Elizabeth was right about him wanting vengeance for what happened, but that didn't take away from the fact that he knew Kolya, and what he was planning to do. He just wished he could make everyone see that.

Quickening his pace, he headed down to the control room, and almost knocked over Zelenka in the process. The smell took him by surprise, and it stopped him in his tracks. All he could hear was the Czech scientist apparently irritated at something McKay had done, and wondered what his friend had done now to tick off the mild mannered scientist.

"No offence Doc, but you…"

"Smell. Yes I know. Four times I shower, and yet still I receive looks, it is all Rodney's fault." Then he rambled. John wondered if this was the case with all scientists, or just genius's. "Go and fix the irrigation tank, Radek. Make sure the system has been purged properly. And you know what?"

John dreaded asking.

"They did not purge the tanks properly, and with the pressure, it exploded onto me. There I was covered in this…smell. I mean of all the stupid things to go and do. Right as I was standing there."

"Try lemon juice, doc," was all he said wrinkling his nose at the stench that must have been seeping through the Czech's pores.

"You know I think I will, but it will be on Rodney." Zelenka replied, visibly plotting against his friend.

Shaking his head to rid himself of the image, he advised, "That's not exactly what I meant doc." Rodney moaning, scratching himself, driving him nuts, dying? No it wasn't worth it, besides he still needed his help. "I mean use the lemon to wash with. It will help with the smell, I promise."

The Czech scientist smiled, "Thank you. Maybe then someone will work with me again. Or maybe I will go and find Rodney and work with him before I shower, maybe teach him a lesson. He came here gloating about finally fixing the Ancient database, while you were in with Doctor Weir. I swear I do not know how that man manages to fit his big head through the doorways."

"Where is he now?"

"I think he's down on one of the lower levels."

Patting the man on his arm he replied, "Thanks Doc, I'll catch you later." With that he took off, clicking his headset on the way.

He heard Zelenka call after him, but Sheppard was nearly all the way across the control room before he finished his sentence.

End of part IV