Trouble Sleeping
Chapter 3
"So, why don't you start by telling me who Gavin Goddard is?" Nick took her hands in his and tried to look kind and understanding. He didn't want her clamming up now that she was finally giving him a chance back in her life. And letting him into their son's life. His son. Wow, the feeling washed over him and he just beamed. He couldn't contain it. Sam, the greatest boy on this earth, the child that shared his unfortunate family peanut allergy and had his mother's kind eyes, was his. He had done something right in his life after all.
"Why are you smiling like an idiot?" Hannah couldn't help but smile herself.
"Because it is finally sinking in that Sam is our child. He's.. he's so beautiful Hannah. Thank you. Thank you for loving him; nurturing him… he's just such a sweet boy." Nick was getting a little choked up on his words. Hannah smiled.
"It wasn't hard, he's an easy kid to love." She looked at Nick and sighed. She should have told him. She realized now that 18 years ago, he was grieving and young and stupid, just like her. They were both victims of their youth. Well, life is full of "should of 's" and "could of's", but reality was reality. It was time to tell Nick all about her summer after he left.
"You know, my mom figured out shortly after you left that I was pregnant. She hit the roof! My father threatened to shoot you on site when you came back to town. But you never came back and that's when my parent's got worried. 'Hannah Jane, you will not have a child of Nick Garret's running around if he's not man enough to own up to his responsibilities. We will simply have to find you another father.' I'm like, 'Mom, seriously, Nick didn't know.' But she would have none of it. And so Gavin Goddard came into play."
"Well, you didn't just make him up. I mean I saw the guy, so who is he?"
"He's actually a family friend that owed Dad a favor. He was just supposed to come up to town once her twice and then be a 'deadbeat'. But it didn't go down like that. He felt bad for me I guess and once Sam was born, he would visit on occasion, and call once a month or so. Then when my parents moved to the Cape, he started coming more frequently. Right before I started dating Ray, Gavin told me he had feelings for me, he wanted us to be a family and that he wanted to be a real father to Sam. I was shocked. I had no clue that he wasn't being more than just a friend and I let him down as easily as I could. Anyway, he took it in stride, because that is just his personality and we became better friends. Finally when Sam was old enough, he figured Gavin must be his father and we never really led him to believe anything different. Recently though, I think your book has a lot to do with it, over the past year or so, Sam has come to the conclusion that you may be his dad. It's all such a mess, he's going to be so mad at me and hurt. And Ray! Ray asked to adopt Sam and I told him in my cowardice yes…"
"Uh, I'm not trying to be an ass here, but there is no way in hell that Big "Cat" Cataldo is going to be adopting…" Hannah cut him off with a palm to his cheek.
"I know, Nick. It was a desperate and pitiful attempt to avoid having to tell the truth. You know, Ray has always been nice to Sam. Loving towards him. Him and Sam get along great. He's not that bad of a guy. He just comes off like a jerk sometimes."
"Listen Hannah, I know you're marrying the guy and all, but he's not that sweet, trust me. He may be able to compartmentalize his behavior with how he treats you in comparison with how he treats the rest of the free world, but I can't. Some people are just jerks. And Hannah, he is 'some people'."
"So, what do we do now Nick?" Hannah just shook her head. Nick and Ray hated each other since they were kids, it wasn't going to change.
"Well, I think the first step is to start telling the people closest to us. My family and Aubrey…" Whew, she was not going to like this. Nick knew Aubrey was secretly relieved by the denials of Nick being Sam's father. This was going to put a definite strain on their relationship. "And well, I guess you need to tell Ray first. Then, Sam."
"Ray is going to be so angry, so hurt."
"Yea, I know, but the guy, even if he is a jerk, has a right to know. And Hannah, let me make this clear, now that I know, there is no turning back. Sam is my son and I expect to be just as much a part of his life as you are."
"He'd love that Nick, and quite frankly, so would I." She leaned on him then. Just like those crutches that he and Eddie fashioned out of hockey sticks for her. She leaned on him till she could feel his strength supporting her weight. She just leaned, waiting for that feeling of safety to wash over her. Nick took his arm and put it around her, holding on to her as if he never wanted to let her go.
Eddie and Janet walk into the room. It was as if Nick and Hannah were in a bubble and it burst. They had forgotten time and place, they were so relaxed and emotionally spent from their conversation.
"Don't mind us, we're just going to get some food. Hannah it's getting close to 9. Do you want me and Eddie to go get Sam from the sitter so you and Nick can keep talking?"
"No, but thanks Janet. I have to go home. I gotta talk to Ray. Tell him all of this. And, I gotta talk to Sam. I can't hide from it anymore. It's time." Hannah was afraid of this conversation most of all. She knew Ray would hate the fact that she lied, but he would hate it even more that of all people, Nick was Sam's father. If truth be told, she was having serious doubts about their relationship anyway. It would almost be easier on her if he broke off the whole thing.
"Hannah, do you want me to come with? I want to be there when you tell Sam. If there is a fallout, I deserve as much as you do. And to be quite honest, I don't want to miss anything else that goes on in his life. I've missed too much already." He looked so hopeful. Nick always had that way about him. He was hardly ever sad. She remembered that about him the most. Remembered how he was like the silver lining guy. He didn't even seem that angry with her anymore. Amazing.
"Okay Nick, but we can tell Sam tomorrow. Tonight, I have to talk to Ray and that has to be in private, okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, I get it. Maybe we can all meet at my place tomorrow and talk with Sam? It's Saturday so maybe we can have lunch. I'll ask the Commander and Ronnie to be scarce so we can have some privacy?"
"No, I think it should be at my place Nick. He feels safe there. He has his room to run to if he feels like he needs to leave, you know?" And he will run. Oh, her baby was going to be so angry with her. But given his current hero worship of Nick, maybe it won't be so bad having him there when she told him.
"Okay, that sounds like a plan." Nick turned to Janet and Eddie. "Thanks for letting us use your place Janet. Eddie…" At this point, Nick was struggling to find the right words. "…thanks for bringing me here tonight. And weird as it may sound. Thanks for being there for Hannah, and then for Sam, all those years when I wasn't." He walked over to his friend, his best friend in fact, and gave him a hug. Nick walked over to Hannah and took her hand and they walked out the door together.
After getting halfway to her car, Hannah realized something flashed in her mind. She turned around and half ran back to Janet's front door. Nick, alarmed by her sudden change, ran after her. Hannah pounded on the door and after a second Janet answered.
"Hannah! Did you forget…" Before the words left her mouth, Hannah was grabbing Janet's left hand and admiring her ring.
"I assume this is what I think it is. I was so wrapped up in my own little world… I'm sorry. I am so happy for you guys. Congratulations!" Hannah and Janet start gossiping and giggling like schools girls over bridal colors and wedding dates. Nick and Eddie start having a conversation of their own.
"Eddie! Why didn't you say anything??? This is great! Do the guys know yet?" Nick was walking over to Eddie, half shaking his hand, half hugging his neck.
"Just Phys, but knowing him, he's already called O and Ike…" Eddie fell silent. This is the kind of occasion that would call for a toast-up with your boys. But Ikey wasn't one of them anymore. Nick had always felt Ikey got a raw deal. One sin, four punishers…sucks. Nick turns to Eddie and says…
"You know, I don't think Owen will disown us if we forgive Ikey a little earlier than he does. This is your news to share. You're happy and your first inclination was to tell Ikey. To share this with him. You've worked with the guy for 10 years Eddie and been friends a hell of a lot longer than that. People make mistakes, big ones, and as friends, well, we should be able to forgive them. That's all I'm sayin'." Nick looked hopefully at Eddie.
"Yeah, I'll think about it Nicky." Eddie hesitated and then said in a low voice that Nick could barely hear, "And you know, I'm glad you came back. I'm glad we're working together. I …I uhm, really missed you man." And with that, Eddie slapped him on the shoulder, straightened himself up and walked back towards the kitchen as if the whole personal exchange hadn't happened. Nick smiled; Eddie never liked to show his "soft" side.
"Hey Hannah, we should get going; Sam will probably be wondering where you are." Nick extended his hand out a second time that night for Hannah. She took it, as if it were the most natural thing in the world to do. Tonight for this little bit of time, they were a family. Thoughts of Aubrey and Big Cat were out of mind for now. They mutually seemed to agree that just for now, until Hannah got home, everything between them was as it was, as it should have been. The problem is, now is just that, now. Later always seems to follow.
