"Okash." slurred the Hokage after getting good and drunk. " Tell mes whash happ…ned."
" Madam Hokage, your drunk." said Kakashi ( in Sasuke's body).
" She is not!" said the tipsy Shizune. " Tsunade-shama is perfally fine!"
" Well, I guess we won't find anything out today." said Naruto (in Kakashi's body). " Let's go."
Team Seven walked outside awkwardly, still unused to their new bodies. They took seats on the bench outside of the tower to discuss their options.
" So, Tsunade-sama is drunk and can't help." said Sasuke ( in Sakura's body) sourly.
" And if Kaka-sensei doesn't have any clue either, I bet nobody else will." said Sakura (in Naruto's body), sighing with despair. I have to stay in Naruto's stupid body for who knows how long!
" We should go train." said Naruto ( in Kakashi's body), standing up. " There's no real point in trying to solve this without Granny Tsunade's help."
" It's too bad we're such a headache she needs sake to deal with us." said Kakashi (in Sasuke's body), hopping to his feet. It felt so great to be a kid again.
" Remember last week, when we got hospitalized by the guy with ninja hamsters?" said Sakura, reminding them of the incident. " And when Sasuke tried to catch the cat with his Chidori?"
" I wasn't trying to catch it." said Saskue sourly.
" Were just one distaster after another is all I'm saying." said Sakura, sighing.
" Then we should go train and figure out how these bodies work so we can begin missions again!" said Naruto impatiently.
" We shouldn't go on missions like this!" said Sakura angrily.
" What else are we gonna do?" said Naruto, shrugging.
There was silence as the rest of Team Seven realized Naruto had trapped them with logic.
----
" So, how does the Sharingan work, Kaka-sensei?" asked Naruto, jogging in place at their favorite training ground.
" Well, you just focus a small amount of chakra to it when it's not covered or it hurts. After that, everythings automatic." said Kakashi, flexing Sasuke's arms.
" But what if I want to use one of the techniques you copied?" said Naruto, sounding worried.
" I…don't know." said Kakashi, blinking. " Let me try something."
Kakashi activated Sasuke's Sharingan, still amazed at the ease of using them. I never realized that my body was that poorly adjusted. He focused, trying to remember the thousands of techniques he had copied, but he couldn't recall any. However, he could see the taijustu moves Sasuke had copied from Lee and a number of other techniques Sasuke had learned with his eyes.
" It looks like the abilities of the Sharingan didn't transfer, so I guess you have them." said Kakashi with a sigh, deactivating his Sharingan. " Don't forget, though, I don't have much chakra, so be careful."
" You don't have much chakra?" said Sakura in surprise.
" My reserves, though jounin level, are under average. It's my main weak spot." said Kakashi, rubbing the back of his head. " Though I still have a couple times more than you and Sasuke do."
" But Naruto's got more." said Sakura, focusing her chakra. She gasped as she felt the immense pool of energy at her beck and call. He's got that much? Damn, Naruto, I knew you had a lot, but this isn't even fair!
" I can't believe this." growled Sasuke angrily. " I lost the Sharingan, I have the weakest body….we better switch back soon." And I hate this stupid breasts! he though angrily, glaring at the mammary glands under the pink shirt.
" Try focusing a Chidori." said Kakashi lazily. Sighing, Sasuke did. In the background Naruto had began hurling around Water Dragon's, creating walls out of the ground, and raced around at Kakashi's lightning speed.
" Fine." replied Sasuke, gripping his wrist and channeling Sakura's meager chakra supply. She had only half of what he did. He was surprised, though, at how easily the chakra flowed into her arm and the power of the lightning that formed on her hand.
" Sakura's chakra control has built her system to be highly efficient." said Kakashi, smiling at Sasuke's incredulous look. " Even with your level, it will work incredibly well. Even more importantly, Sakura's body's chakra is more lightning aligned than yours. Fire is your primary element, so no matter what, your Chidori would never have been as strong as it could have been. See how many you can make."
Not needing a second command, Sasuke lunged forward and stabbed the Chidori into a tree. Despite himself, he began to become excited as he jabbed the third, then fourth, then fifth into the tree, feeling his chakra supplies barely draining.
" I never knew how many techniques there was!" said Naruto finishing a water jutsu, the eighty third technique he had tried.
" You always likes Shadow Clones so much, you never listened when I talked about the others." said Kakashi, sounding annoyed.
" Shadow Clones!" said Sakura eagerly. I'd wanted to try that forever, but I didn't have the chakra! Eagerly, she focused the massive chakra and formed the seals.
----
BAM.
" What was that?" said Guy, looking in the direction of his rivals team's training field. It had sounded like there had been a explosion.
----
" Damn, Sakura-chan." whistled Naruto, looking at the thousands of clones.
" I barely used a quarter of your chakra!" said Sakura, blinking in amazement. " How the hell did I do all that?"
" Sakura, about how many times more chakra does Naruto have than you?" asked Sasuke, breathing hard. He had just finished his twenty first Chidori. Sakura closed her eyes and focused for a moment.
" No clue." she said flatly. " I can't even guess, it's so huge."
" Am I awesome or what!" said Naruto, throwing his hands into the air. Suddenly, he froze and toppled over.
" Watch it." said Kakashi, covering his bodies Sharingan. " If you use it too much, it hurts a bit."
" It's like I ate shuriken." croaked Naruto.
" Ooh, I hate that feeling." said Kakashi, shuddering. But these eyes…I feel fine and I've had them going for hours. No wonder Itachi kicked my ass.
" Thirty four!" said Sasuke triumphantly, stabbing the Chidori into another tree.
" I thought it was hard to do that many." said Sakura, the legion of clones vanishing.
" Not with your chakra control and lightning affinity." said Kakashi, smiling.
" Owwwwwwwwww." moaned Naruto.
-----
" Ramen." said Naruto, clawing his way up the counter at the ramen stand.
" I see we've got another Naruto!" said Teuchi with a laugh.
" That is Naruto." said Sasuke, taking a seat.
" Oooh, you finally agreed to meet Naruto here?" said Ayame, giving Sasuke ( who was in Sakura's body) a smile. " But why is he in disguise?" asked the girl, looking confused.
" He's not in disguise." said Kakashi, taking a seat.
" All our bodies got switched." said Sakura, struggling to get on the tall stool. Man, Naruto is short!
" Oh." said Ayame, not missing a beat. Team Seven was famous for strange things like this. " Sorry to hear that."
" It's not so bad." said Naruto, looking at a bowl of ramen longingly. " I've got like a bajillion jutsu's, Sasuke can use Chidori whenever he wants to, Sakura gets a huge chakra supply, and Kaka-sensei gets Sharingan that work better."
" Naruto, what are you talking about?" said Sakura angrily. " I'd take my body back in a minute!"
" I have to agree." said Kakashi.
" I'm with Naruto." said Sasuke, breaking his chopsticks apart with a Chidori. " This is completely awesome."
" R-really, Sasuke-kun?" said Sakura, blinking in surprise. If Sasuke likes it, I suppose it's okay.
" Here you go!" said Ayame, handing them their bowls of noodles and broth.
" All right!" said Naruto, taking a bite. His face paled visiablly. Besides him, Sakura tore into the ramen voraciously.
" It's….awful." said Naruto, tears running down his face and damping the mask.
Sakura just snorted as she inhaled the noodles.
-----
" Well, today's one for my diary." said Sakura, walking with her team as the sun set.
" We should probably go to our bodies homes." said Kakashi.
" Do we have to?" whined Sasuke, grimacing. He could just imagine how sick all that pink was going to make him.
" Do you want your body seen going into Sakura's house and sleeping in her room?" asked Kakashi.
" See ya!" said Sasuke, waving as he raced towards the Haruno residence.
" I get to eat more ramen!" cheered Sakura, running for Naruto's apartment.
" I guess….I'll go read your porn or something, sensei." said Naruto, sounding unhappy.
" You don't have to." said Kakashi. " I'd rather you didn't."
" Good. See ya tomorrow!" said his body, running off.
And I get to go to a giant empty mansion. Yay for the Uchiha. thought Kakashi, walking towards the Uchiha residence.
----
" Mmmmm." said Sakura, putting down the empty ramen cup. It had taken twenty of them, but she finally felt full. She stood up at stretched, but doubled over as she felt her stomach gurgle.
Diarrhea? she thought in terror.
-----
Dammit! thought Sasuke. Dammit dammit dammit!
" Now, I know this is a uncomfortable topic sweetie, but I think it's best we get this talk out of the way now." said Sakura mother. She had cornered her daughter in her room.
" I think…." began Sasuke.
" No, were going to do this, no complaints." snapped Sakura's mother, cutting him off. " Now, you already know that boys have different parts than girls, but I don't expect you know how exactly everything works. It starts when the blood begins to flow to the boys…."
Must…not…use Chidori…on Sakura's mom…. thought Sasuke, his eye twitching rapidly.
----
" He had satellite and cable?" said Kakashi in surprise, flipping though the channels on Sasuke's big screen TV. He came to one of the adult channels he had always wanted but couldn't afford.
" Sweet." he said, sitting back in the chair and taking out a bowl of popcorn.
----
" Make Out Destruction…..Make Out Breakdancing….Make Out Annexation…."
Naruto had been going thought Kakashi's exhaustive collection of Jiraiya's novels. He had hundreds, all arranged neatly on shelves.
" Make Out Yodeling?" said Naruto in bewilderment, pulling out the book. On the cover was a man and a woman in lederhosen. " Okay then." he said, putting it away.
"I guess I start with the first one." said Naruto, pulling our Make Out Paradise from the shelf and opening it.
----
" And then the sperm swim into your womb…."
Can't kill her. Can't kill myself. Can't kill her. Can't kill myself.
----
" Cartoons?" said Kakashi in confusing, finding the list of Sasuke's favorite channels. He flicked though a few, coming to Spongebob. For a moment he thought about it, then decided to hell with it and pushed the button.
" Heh." said Kakashi, taking a bite of popcorn as the animation began.
----
" And then a mucus plug forms…"
Must…bite off own ears!
----
" Oh god!" yelled Sakura as the stench overpowered her. She'd been in the bathroom for nearly a hour, but Naruto's intestines continued to issue their contents forth. " I'm going to kill him!" she gasped. " Just for having a body like this, I'm going to kill him!"
And when the hell did he eat so much corn? thought Inner Sakura.
----
Kakashi was laughing out loud.
At a cartoon.
He'd never done that.
As a kid, he's always spent all his time training. The few times he'd watched television, it had bored him.
But now, he was laughing deeper than he ever had in his life.
Naruto might have been right. though Kakashi between chuckles.
----
" You can do that?" exclaimed Naruto in disbelief. " Why would you do that? Wouldn't that hurt?"
Knock knock.
" Huh?" said Naruto, looking up from Make Out Paradise. Someone was at the door. He put the book down, made sure he looked right, and went over to answer it. He was greeted by a angry looking Anko.
" You missed our date." she said, scowling. " Not just late, but missed it. Why?"
" I was reading porn! Don't kill me!" said Naruto, cringing. Anko blinked.
" Were you just…honest?" said the special jounin, sounding surprised. " No 'old woman in danger' or anything? You were just reading porn?"
" Uh….yeah? It's on the table." said Naruto, pointing to the orange book.
" Finally!" said Anko, squealing giddily. " You finally trust me enough to tell the truth!"
Naruto didn't know how, but he was suddenly pinned to the floor under the woman.
" I think this deserves celebration." she said seductively.
Naruto gulped. I can't do this. I can't do this.
REROUTING BLOOD SUPPLY announced a voice in his brain.
Abort! Abort! Naruto thought, trying to stop his body. This is a emergency override!
COMMAND NOT ACCEPTED. INVALID USER NAME. said the voice.
Override Choji-jumpsuit one! thought Naruto desperately.
EWW. Said the voice. JUST FOR THAT, WE'RE DOIN HER TWICE.
Naruto whimpered mentally as Anko kissed him.
----
" And that's pretty much it." said Sakura's mother in conclusion. " Any questions?"
" WHY IS THERE SO MUCH BLOOD?" cried Sasuke in fear. He had curled up in a ball nearly twenty minutes ago after hearing things no man should ever know.
" It's just how nature works, sweetie." said Sakura's mother apologetically.
" I'm going to be sick." said Sasuke, standing up and running for the bathroom. Sakura's mother gave a triumphant smile and left.
After throwing up twice, Sasuke had to shower. He felt…unclean. It took a lot of effort to keep his eyes shut, especially since he could feel everything, but he did, at least until he got out and looked instinctively in the mirror. He stood for several minutes, staring at the nude girl in the glass.
And then, the recesses of his male psyche could resist no longer.
" Heh. Boobs." giggled Sasuke.
