Author's Note: I still want to know if you guys would prefer to see the C/L break up or not, let me know! Until then,here's something to get you through the weekend. :-)
They were driving along, back to Stars Hollow. There had been a quietness in the car for awhile now, and you could tell they were both deep in their thoughts.
"Hey, let's put some music on," Sookie said, breaking the silence.
"O-kay," Lorelai responded, turning the radio on, searching for something to listen to. Unfortunately, everything that was on was either incredibly annoying Christmas music, which neither person was in the mood for, or just plain bad songs. Sookie began to look for a CD in the glove department.
"Oh, this looks good," she said, putting it in. Lorelai wasn't able to catch the artist's name or anything before Sookie put it in, but when the first song came on, she vaguely recognized the mellow female voice, but she couldn't remember from where.
The conversation picked up a bit after that. The discussion went everywhere from what was on Oprah the other day to why they even watched Oprah to random Inn things to the decorations they were planning to put in the town square.
Then time seemed to stop when the next song came on.
It only took Lorelai a few seconds after hearing the first few soft guitar chords to realize which song it was. And she was sure of it when she heard the first line.
Now that I've worn out, I've worn out the world…
The first time. The wedding. Liz's wedding, about two or three years ago.
The dance.
He had caught her of guard when he had asked her to dance, she recalled. She didn't realize what was going on. But it had felt so right. It had been the true realization of everything.
Hearing that song, their song, it brought back all the feelings that she had been overwhelmed with, all the thoughts that had been racing through her head. She remembered.
All those emotions, those feelings, those thoughts that had been brought back by that one simple song, combined with the doubts about her current "love" life, it was all too much for her to take. She was too weak from all the pretending. The pretending she was happy, the pretending she was fine, the pretending that she was over Luke. She wasn't over him. Deep down, she had known that all along. But she had fooled herself into thinking that she was. She would never be over him. She knew that. And there was no hiding from it anymore. That one simple song had brought the reality back.
Memories were flashing through her head, from the first time the met ten years ago to the last time she saw him, when she saw that shocked, hurt look on his face when that ring on her finger. She was barely aware of what she was doing; it was like her body was disconnected from her mind.
And she realized that she could never feel that way about Christopher. Everything that had to do with Luke put aside, there was no way she could love him the way he loves her. She had always known about the little things that showed how wrong they were, but she refused to think about them. She thought that he was all that was left for her. But she knew that she couldn't go on that way.
Only a few seconds had passed, but Sookie could tell that something intense was going on. The look in her eyes, the forceful gaze that was looking at nothing.
"Lorelai?"
She could feel her eyes tearing up.
"Lorelai?! Honey, pull over!"
Lorelai was no longer paying attention to driving, and even though they were on a lonesome highway and hadn't seen another car for awhile, she was still veering off a bit.
She did what she was told, as the song continued playing.
… Got off and looked up, looked into your eyes…
She finally managed to find words.
"The song."
"What? Do you want me to turn it off?" Sookie said, reaching for the stereo.
"No."
They sat in silence, Sookie totally clueless to what was going on, and Lorelai reminiscing, allowing herself to enjoy it, letting all the other thoughts drift away for a moment.
All too soon, the last sound of the violin accompaniment glided off, and as Lorelai turned the engine off, Sookie began to timidly approach her.
Gently, she said, "Lorelai, wh-?"
"Our first dance."
"What are you talking about?"
"It was at Liz's wedding. He asked me to dance and I didn't know what was going on, like I never thought it would actually happen."
"Oh." She understood.
"You should have seen it Sook, we were just so… I don't know. It was just so magical, so right… we kept getting closer and closer, and I remember looking in his eyes and thinking 'Oh my gosh. This is it.' I was taken into such an overwhelming amount of feelings with him, right then," she said, not believing she had just said all of that out loud. What was going on?
Sookie decided to take the Dr. Phil approach. "Have you ever felt that way with anyone else?"
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"Has that ever happened with Christopher? Have you ever gotten that overwhelming amount of feelings with him. Good feelings."
"Of course I have."
"Name one time."
She was silent. Sookie continued, "Just… forget about Luke for right now. This is about Christopher. Now, I know I need to be supportive of whatever relationship you are in, but still, this is a big thing we're talking about here. Do you think you can spend the rest of your life with him? Do you like waking up to him next to you every morning, do you see yourself making future plans with him, do you see each other growing old and drinking prune juice on the porch together?"
"Well-"
"Do you guys fight a lot? Like, do you disagree often?"
"No, not very often. At least not yet."
"Well, that's good. So, do things like, feel 'right' with him? Ah, that sounds weird. Like…"
"Jeez, Sookie! What are you, an undercover member of the Interrogation Squad?"
"Well, I'm sorry. I'm just trying to get to the bottom of this."
"Sookie, there's nothing to get to the bottom of! I'm fine."
"Uh-huh, sure. Then why are you crying?"
She hadn't even noticed, but she quickly realized that there were tears still streaming down her face.
"It just made me think of that memory, that's all."
"Yeah? Well, when someone is happily married and something reminds them of their ex, they quietly enjoy remembering the memory for a minute, they don't go into an emotional breakdown!"
"Sookie!"
"Lorelai, just tell me this: are you really happy with the way things are?"
She paused. She was tired of saying that she was fine over and over again, even though she was partly doing it just to make herself believe it.
"I knew it. I could tell, even when you said you were fine, that something was wrong. Gah, I knew it!"
"Would you let me answer for myself, please?"
"So answer it then!"
"… I don't know."
"You don't know?"
"I just don't know."
The silence was almost unbearable.
"Well, you need to find out soon, hon. I mean, you can't keep going on if you're not happy."
"I know."
"Okay. Are you okay to drive?" Sookie knew this was something Lorelai had to figure out for herself, and she had done all she could.
"Yeah, I'm okay." Lorelai turned the key that she left in the ignition, only to hear nothing. She tried again, and again, and again, but still nothing.
"What's wrong with it?"
"I don't know, I'm not a car genius or mechanic or any of that.'
"Well then, I'll call-" Sookie got out her phone, only to find the screen dark no matter how many times she pressed the 'on/off' button. "Crap, it's dead!"
"It's okay we'll just use mine and-" Lorelai reached in her pocket for her cell phone, only to find that it wasn't there. And then it came back to her. "Aw man, I left it on the dining room table at my mother's house!"
"Hm… well, I saw a gas station awhile back."
"How far back?"
"Well, it was- oh, it's right down there!" You could see the gas station far down, on the edge of the flat highway.
"Oh, well, lucky us!"
"I'll go call someone, one of Jackson's friends has a towing company near here I think. You stay here in case someone comes in the next five minutes."
"Oh my, what an important job!" She was happy to get a little time alone, it was just what she needed.
Soon after Sookie began to walk, Lorelai got out of the car and leaned on the passenger side of the car, thinking about what Sookie had said. She thought she heard a car, but figured it was just the wind that was beginning to get worse and worse by the minute.
As it turned out, she did hear right. He got out and stopped over by the hood of the car, and she knew it was him before he could say a word.
"Lorelai? Is that you?"
Oh my god. It was a holiday miracle.
Or so she thought.
tbc
