Author's Note: Sorry it's taken me awhile to update. So much freakin homework before finals! And just a reminder, this is still pre-7.10, post 7.08. Anyways, on with the story!


She turned around and saw him standing there. It was like a blanket of absolute awe came over her. She couldn't believe her eyes, but at the same time, it's like she knew he would be there.

"Yep, it's me. Hi, Luke."

Luke. It felt good to say his name.

Man, I'm in so over my head, she thought as the full effect of everything that was going on finally hit her.

"Lorelai, what are you doing out here?" he said. She was trying to see if she could detect any out-of-the-ordinary vibes from him, but it was just like the last time they were together, too normal for their own good.

"Well, long story short, the car won't work, I don't have my phone and Sookie's died, so now she's walking to the gas station back down the road to call someone, and I'm supposed to stay here."

"Wow."

"Uh, yeah."

"Well, I can probably fix your car, you know. What's wrong with it?"

"I tried to turn it on and it didn't make a sound. Not even a weird grinding or gurgling noise to let me know that I even still have an engine."

"Oh, so you do know what an engine is," he said with that familiar playful smile as he began to walk over to his truck.

That smile made her heart skip a beat, but she could hardly recognize it, it had been so long. "Ha ha. So what's wrong with it then?"

"The battery's probably dead."

"And you can fix that?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Well, good."

A second passed before Luke said, "You know, we should probably try to call Sookie back." You could still see her walking along the edge of the road, she was almost there.

"Okay. SOOKIE!!!!!!" Lorelai screamed. She didn't respond, she was too far down the road.

"Hey Lorelai, you might want to be a little louder, that way the people down in Antarctica will be able to hear you," he told her as he came back to her car with the jumper cables.

"Oh, now, you know there aren't any people down there. It's much too cold. They'd turn into human popsicles."

Things with them were… different. It's not like they haven't seen each other forever and everything was all weird, but it just very different now that one of them was about to be married to someone else. You could just feel it in the air.

Maybe it was that it was the first time they'd been really alone since everything happened. Sookie was all the way at the gas station by then, they were on a dead highway, not another soul was there, and whatever happened, nobody else would know about it.

Luke set up the jumper and hooked the cable between his truck and her car, and at last he was all finished. Now they just had to wait. He walked over to where she was leaning on the side of the car, and leaned right along with her, about a foot or two away, unsure if she would scoot farther away from him or not.

She didn't.

"So…"

"Yeah," she said with a little embarrassed giggle. All the feelings that she had felt whenever she was with him before, they all came right back, she couldn't fight it, as much as she thought that he didn't love her anymore and that he would never forgive her.

Those feelings never went away.

"I can't believe you were here! I mean, who knows how long we would have had to wait out here if we had to wait for a towing company to come. Why were you out here, anyway?"

"Well, I was going to go pick up April take her to the book store, you know, to get her a few new things to read, but Anna suddenly called up and said that April couldn't go. And I had to go out to Hartford anyways to pick up some new tools that they didn't have at the hardware store in Woodbridge, so I decided to take this highway because I figured it'd be pretty dead, you know. No traffic."

"Oh, that's smart. Unless, of course, your car breaks down and you're in the middle of nowhere."

"Hey, you got lucky. Most people's cars don't just conveniently break down a little bit past a gas station."

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

The conversation stopped for a minute. She wanted to talk to him badly, to just let it all out. She wanted to confide in him about everything, all the feelings she still had for him, all her doubts about Christopher. She wanted him to know just how much she missed him although she wouldn't allow herself to admit it because she thought that he'd never want to be with her again. She wanted to tell that she would never ever intentionally hurt him, that she had been so stupid beyond words, and that she would be willing to wait until he forgave her, if he ever did.

But the words just wouldn't come out.

He was studying her from the corner of his eye. She still looked the same, the same beautiful woman he had subconsciously coveted for so many years, but there was something different. He could just tell. There was something inside of her that wasn't right, there was that certain spark from deep inside her that was missing. He just knew.

But, what did he really know anymore? After all that happened, who knows what could have changed.

He decided that he was wrong; everything was fine with her. He was just imagining things. What he really wanted to know was if she was happy with him or not. Lorelai had a tendency to pretend everything was okay when it really wasn't.

Every time he was with her, it brought back all the good feelings from the past years. Every moment, every gaze, every kiss they had shared always flooded back to his mind. But after awhile he was reminded of their current situation. Then his thoughts would do what they had been for the past many many months; between wanting to hate her for everything she did and wondering what he could have done to prevent what had happened. In a way it was her fault and in a way it was his. He had figured that out long ago.

But playing the blame game wouldn't get them any farther than they were.

While he was thinking of what to say next, she was busy looking at his hat. She had noticed it before, the first time she saw it. But she knew it would be too weird to say anything. She figured most people thought that he got a new one just because his new one was black, and black's a mourning color, like he was mourning for loosing her or whatever. But she knew the real reason. Because she had given him the blue one, the one he wore every day after she had given it to him. Not many people knew she had given him the hat, actually, nobody else did, she assumed.

Of course, a few seconds later he caught her staring up at his hat, and she quickly diverted her gaze. They didn't say anything about it, they both already knew, and there was no reason to just cause that bad awkwardness by voicing it.

She decided to take the first move.

"So," she said, turning to him, "how are you? How's everything."

"Oh, fine, fine," he replied. It was like he was on automatic command, because what else could he say? That even after all she did, deep down, he still loved her and missed just being with her and he was tired of how things were going and he at least wanted to be friends again? That he was sorry that she went through so much with April and the wedding being postponed, that he was simply oblivious to it all and he would never have wanted her to have to go through that much? That he would always care about her no matter what happened and he just needed her with him again?

Well, maybe. But no, not then. He wouldn't be able to take getting shot down again after opening up to her.

"And how about you?"

"Oh yeah, everything's good," she said. What else could she say? That just a little bit earlier she had broken down because she had heard the song that had that magical first dance to? That she wasn't even sure if she was happy with everything? That she missed him so much, him just being there, that she was sorry for everything that had happened and she would understand if he never forgave her, even though it would really kill her inside?

Uh, no. Not then, at least. Maybe someday. But not then.

As much as he thought that it was just his imagination and everything truly was good her, he couldn't help thinking that maybe she was holding back, that maybe there was something she wasn't telling him, but she wanted to.

"Really?"

It was her chance. She knew that he knew that there was something else wrong. She could practically feel the words in her mouth, just bursting to come out.

But part of her still believed that he didn't really care anymore, that he was just being nice.

"Really. Everything is fine."

"Okay then."

All the thoughts and emotions inside of her were mixing together, and combined they made a bad combination. Suddenly she got angry. Why was she feeling all guilty about this? He was the one that put her through those many months of nothing being settled, of letting her down when he went so long without telling her about April, of going ahead and postponing the wedding when he should have known that it wasn't what she really wanted.

She knew everything that had happened was partly her fault for her not speaking up enough. He couldn't just be expected to know what she was thinking, no matter how good of a connection they had. But she was too emotional for her own good at that point, and all rationality flew right out the window.

Why did everything have to happen? If they had just gone on like they had been, they'd be married, planning their first Christmas as a couple.

Why did he let her walk away that night, after they had fought? Why didn't he call out her name like she had wanted him to, why didn't her run up and hug her and say everything would be okay like he had so many times before?

Why?

She needed to know some answers. She needed to understand what had happened, she couldn't just go on not knowing anymore. It was time.

She decided to take a chance.

"Why didn't you come after me?

"What?"

"That night after we fought. Why didn't you come after me? I walked away and you didn't come after me, Luke!"

"Lorelai-"

"No!" She even startled herself by the loudness of her voice. "I need to know something! We haven't even really talked about this. Luke, how can we expect for things to ever be slightly okay with us again if we can't talk about this."

"You want to know why I didn't go after you?" he hollered at her. She could sense the annoyed, angry tone in his voice.

"Well, yes!"

"You want to know why? Because I didn't think you'd just go off and do what you did! I thought that maybe you just needed time to cool down! I know how you get when you're arguing. You can be so stubborn sometimes, I just thought that maybe if I gave you the chance to relax that we'd be able to talk it out in the morning! I didn't think that you'd go off and sleep with that guy! Whether we were broken up or not, the Lorelai I know would never ever go off and do something that heartless to someone she loved!"

"Luke-"

"I guess you've just became a different person. And no matter what you say, you've changed Lorelai, and I know that the real you is still there somewhere! But just think about this: I would never do something like that to you. Never!"

"Luke, I-"

"Forget it. Your car is done."

No. She wasn't just going to let him leave like that.

"Luke, just-"

"Lorelai!" She had never heard him yell that loud before. Not at her. Never at her. "What do you want!? You asked a question, I gave you the answer! I can't do this anymore!"

"So you're just going to leave!?"

"What the hell else do you expect me to do?!"

"God, I don't know! Just stop yelling at me, okay! Just stop! I can't take it!"

He stared at her for a moment. He knew that what he had said earlier was true. The old Lorelai was never this weak.

Had he caused her to become this way?

In any other situation, he would walk up and hug her, just hold her in his arms, he'd tell her that everything would be okay, she would apologize and so would he, and they'd go on.

But this was not any other situation.

She watched him undo the cables connecting their cars in silence. He got in his car, ready to drive off. She knew that this might be her very last chance to say anything. Maybe it would be her last chance for a few days, maybe a few years, maybe her last chance ever.

He drove off, leaving her standing there on the side of the deserted road, nothing left.

His heart shattered even more than it had before right as hers did.

Neither one of them told any one else what happened that December day for many years.


tbc