Author's Note: Sorry it's taken me so long to update, I've been getting really stuck on what to do, but I hope this is good. Read away!
It was the next morning. She was peacefully asleep, until her alarm went off, blaring loudly. No matter how much sleep she got, that sound would never be even halfway okay with her. Making a loud grunting noise, she slammed her hand down on top of the clock, finally killing the sound.
She laid in bed for a minute, and she realized there was nobody lying beside her. The reality of what had happened the night before sunk in even further.
The light from the sun came pouring in through her window, and the warmth felt nice on her face.
Wait, sun? Ugh, that wasn't a good thing. There was still no snow. It was barely a week until Christmas, for Pete's sake!
She rolled over on her stomach and laid her head on her arms. She didn't regret what she had done. She knew that she might regret it later, but right then, she was happy with what she had done. And she was happy he didn't throw a fit like she thought he would. With the way Christopher was, that argument could have gone on all night. It had been a miracle.
She slowly got out of bed, rubbing her eyes as she opened walked out into the hallway and made her way down the stairs.
She needed coffee. It was an automatic morning reaction for her, even though she had began to drink it less and less because every kind she tried still didn't compare to Luke's.
Luke's. Maybe she should go to Luke's.
No. She couldn't. It was too early, too soon. Everything had just happened. She couldn't deal with that right then.
Besides, as she remembered her last fight with Luke, she still hadn't figured out how she was going to make things right with him. Or when she was going to make things right with him.
As much as she wanted to go and talk it all out with him, she couldn't bear the thought of taking the risk of trying and just making it even worse.
She tried to remember the what he had last said.
I guess you've just became a different person. And no matter what you say, you've changed Lorelai, and I know that the real you is still there somewhere!
Well, that part stuck out in her mind more than anything else. He was the first person to actually say something to her about how she had changed. But that was all different now.
What else had he said, after that?
But just think about this: I would never do something like that to you. Never!
It came back like a slap in the face. She had asked him why he didn't come after her that night, and he had said what she had known all along. That he didn't think she'd go off and sleep with Christopher right after their argument. That he thought she had just needed some time to cool down.
She would never be able to figure out why she had gone and did what she did. Sure, she could redundantly say that she was hurt and alone and just needed to "be" with someone after what had happened, but that was still no excuse, and she knew it. There was no excuse.
It was morning, the diner's busiest time of day, and Luke was, of all things, trying to eavesdrop on Babette and Miss Patty.
He had caught little pieces of Babette telling Miss Patty about what he thought was a fight that Lorelai and Christopher had that Babette had overheard last night. And, for once, Babette was talking incredibly quietly, probably because she figured it was best to not mention anything about those two around him. She didn't know the half of it.
As much as all the practicality and sense in his head was telling him that he shouldn't eavesdrop, that it didn't matter, that it was her business what went on in her life now, but he blocked all of it out. He began brainstorming ways he could go over there and listen in when down the counter he could make out Kirk say something about Christopher to Andrew. Luke stood there silently, not want to miss anything.
"He just left?" Andrew asked.
"That's what Miss Patty told me earlier this morning."
"Wow."
"Yep. She finally just told him that it wasn't going to work out."
"What, she said it just randomly out of the blue?"
"Well, not exactly. Babette had heard the end of an argument they were having about the carnival. Apparently he didn't want to go with her, and she wasn't too happy about it."
"Huh. They've only been engaged a couple months."
"Yes, but I'm not surprised. As much as she said it, I, for one, never figured she was really over… oh- well, hello there, Luke!"
Luke had walked over, not quite sure how much more he wanted to hear.
"Hey, you guys need more coffee?"
"Oh no, we're good."
"Yeah, good."
They both responded very awkwardly, just like he had expected them to.
"Okay then."
He put the pot down and made he began to make his way over to the cash register where Babette and Miss Patty were waiting.
Hm. Maybe this was a chance for more information.
He quickly turned back around, pretending to be messing with the coffee maker while he strained to hear what they were saying.
"So, did she say exactly why?"
"Well, she had asked why they were fightin' all the time, and I was thinking just the same thing actually. I mean, those two had been goin' at it almost every night for weeks now, and not in the good way either."
"He he, boy, do I know what you mean."
"Anyways, she called him out on always leavin' whenever they were arguin', and how she'd never get a chance to say what she wanted. But then he stared yammerin' about how it doesn't matter because she never listens to him anyways."
"Well, that doesn't sound like Lorelai."
"I know, but really, who knows with the way she's been these days."
So he wasn't the only one who thought she changed.
"Anyway, so tell me, is it absolutely over or not?"
He wasn't sure if he'd be able to take the answer.
"Well, by what Lorelai said, she sounded pretty damn sure."
Well, maybe he'd be okay.
He stopped snooping and went over to help Babette and Patty then. He heard all he had needed to.
The afternoon was approaching, and she was still doing had what she had been doing all morning, lounging around the house, flipping through the TV channels, skimming though all her magazines. She had called Sookie at the Inn and said she'd be coming in sometime around mid-afternoon soon after she woke but didn't offer an explanation. She needed this alone time.
It dawned on her that she hadn't been really alone for a long time. She sat on the couch, hugging her knees that were drawn up to her chest, trying to make a decision.
Christopher would be back within the next hour, he had said when he called earlier that morning. It had been a short conversation, if you could even call it that, with a curt "hello" and "goodbye" as an added bonus. She knew that she couldn't be there when he came, what had happened the night before was still too recent, too paramount to anything else at the time. She didn't want to risk another argument with him, which was almost guaranteed to take place if she didn't hightail it out of there before he arrived.
Well, Rory, was with Logan, besides, she didn't want to deal with the task of telling her about the split quite yet. She couldn't go to the Inn or just walk around town, either. She knew that half the block, if not the whole town had heard the argument last night, and if they didn't hear it last night, they probably heard about it that morning. She would be bombarded with questions, or people would just be whispering about it behind her back, neither of which she wanted to deal with.
She expected there to be some aftermath of all the emotional agony and pretending and everything she had been through for almost a year by then, some of it self-inflicted, some not, but was surprised how simply exhausted she was from it all. Even after her rediscovery of her old, real self, she simply couldn't find the energy to deal with everything that she knew would come after finally breaking free. She knew she would have to tell Rory, and she didn't know how that would go, she had to tell her parents, and she knew that would be a disastrous nightmare. There was so much to be done to start over, but she couldn't muster up the strength to do it yet.
And then a thought crossed her mind. Maybe she didn't want to deal with it, only because she was afraid of getting hurt again and having to go through what she did before.
Maybe it was just fear.
No, she thought. She wasn't about to do that to herself. She was strong now, she needed to be strong now, or else she would never figure out what to do next.
She had yet to figure out where she was going to go. She took a glimpse at the clock. There was about a half hour until Christopher was supposed to get there.
She sighed. She was so confused. Everything that was going on, she wasn't even sure what she thought anymore. She needed to talk. She needed to talk to someone who would listen but not judge. Someone she could get her feelings out to. Someone like…
Crap.
Luke.
He had always been there for her. He had said so. So why did she feel so hesitant to go to him now?
Because you cheated on him and he doesn't love you anymore, you idiot, she thought.
Oh yeah.
The way she saw it, she had two choices. She could either take the risk, not knowing when she'd ever get a chance to talk to him, yet alone even really see him again, go to Luke's, and see what happened. Or, she could chicken out.
Nope. That wasn't part of the game plan.
She went upstairs to get ready, and within five minutes was downstairs again, putting on her shoes and grabbing her keys as she headed out the door.
Crazy, right? Just deciding to up and go to the place you had grown to need and love over the years, the place that you hadn't been in for several months now, the place with your ex-fiancé who, just awhile ago, had stormed off and drove away from you, leaving you speechless? Well, we'll just see about that.
The diner was completely empty, which was odd for a weekday afternoon. Luke had to suddenly close because he got a call from his lawyer. Apparently, the dreaded meeting that Luke and his lawyer had with Anna and her lawyer to go over the final paperwork and to clear up anything else before the new year had been moved up to that day. Anna's lawyer's mother had broken her left leg and both arms in some sort of community center car collision, and Anna's lawyer had to fly out to her to take care of her over Christmas that evening.
But Luke had no car.
Minutes before the call came, Liz had stopped by and asked if she could borrow his truck to go out to Hartford to do some shopping while TJ took the baby to some daddy-daughter class, and Luke had obliged. Now he had to be in Hartford in an hour, and he had no way to get there.
He looked out the window of the diner. The streets were almost deserted. What was that all about?
Oh yeah, he remembered. The town was having a special lunch meeting to plan and prepare for the Winter Carnival. He couldn't go ask someone if he could borrow their car there, or else he'd end up getting roped into doing a million different things for the carnival, especially since they were short on people that year.
And then the thought slipped into his mind. He could call Lorelai. After what he had heard that morning, he figured she wasn't really involving herself in the carnival that year. He could…
But what if it was too weird? Yes, they had been able to be friendly to each other since the fight, but that was only for short spurts of time, and they were in public, so they had to be polite to each other.
But still, he wanted to talk to her about the fight. He wanted to understand what was going on. But what if it just ended like last time?
Either way, he needed a car, he knew that much. And who knew, maybe this would be another chance, another chance to really try and make things remotely right with her. He knew for sure he didn't want things to keep going like they were, and well, now with Christopher gone…
He didn't know what he wanted.
No, that was a lie. He knew what he wanted. He wanted her. He wanted her back again. He wanted to be able to wake up to her next to him every morning, to be able to kiss her, to look at her, to just be with her. He wanted the person he missed most in his life back, he wanted to feel the wonderful feeling he always got when he was with her. If anything was right, it was him and her, and he knew that. He just seldom let himself admit it, now after all that had happened. Who knew what she was thinking-
That was it. Who knew what she was thinking? He wanted to know. He knew damn well what he wanted, but hell, she could be happy as a lark without him.
Then again, the last few times they had seen each other, he had gotten that vibe, that feeling, that she felt the same way. That she wanted him back too. Maybe.
He just… he wanted things to be better. And this was yet another chance to make it that way.
Without any more thinking, facing the wall, his arm resting awkwardly on the counter, he picked up the phone and dialed her cell phone number, surprised that he still knew it by heart. Soon after the first ring, he heard the little bell above the diner door chime, along with the little happy-beeping ring tone he remembered oh-so-well.
tbc
