Wearing Masks (Part 6)
Disclaimers
Legal:All characters are (c) Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy and probably a whole mess of other people. No infringement of copyright intended.
Archive:Go right ahead. Just let me know, please
Spoilers:All the way up to "Who Are You?"
Summary:Buffy is Faith, and Tara is . . .
Rating:R (MPAA) - violence, language, f/f concepts
Notes:Faith (in B's body) has been captured by the Scoobies, after seducing Willow and killing Tara (in whose body the Mayor was hiding). As Willow searches for a way to switch the Slayers back, Faith seems determined to hurt her.
"Let me guess." Willow turns, "It made you feel smart, right? Clever? Pulling the wool over little old Red's eyes? That the way you felt, Faith?"
I've spent most of the last two years hating Willow Rosenberg. She was the first to resent me coming to Sunnydale; the first to tell me I wasn't wanted. Nine months ago, she faced me down and told me my life was ruined. In the last two days, I've paid it all back with interest. I've destroyed her friendships, left her alone and afraid.
Now, I want to tell her I'm sorry. It's a hard word to force out, but I'm ready to do it. And then I see the look in her eyes. I see the fear. The confusion. I see what she needs. And despite how much it hurts, I give it to her.
"Yeah. Sure." I growl, my voice cold, watching the way her face eases slightly as I do so. "That's exactly what I felt. Payback's a bitch, ain't it, Red?"
"I need some of your blood." She says, from out of left field.
"Okay." I agree without thinking. She looks surprised, and I rush to cover it.
"Not much I could do to stop you, even if I wanted. Besides, my ass is on the line as much as yours. I'm not thrilled to be the Council's next science project, but it beats bein' dead. What's the blood for, anyway?"
"A spell." she answers shortly, and grabs my thumb, using a knife to cut my skin. I hiss softly as she squeezes, collecting some of my blood in a small bowl. "Stop being such a baby."
"You gonna kiss it better?" She snaps her head up at my soft question, and I lean forward, pressing my lips to hers. Kissing her one last time. Kissing her goodbye.
She pulls back.
"Still playing your game, Faith?"
"Ya could say that, Red." I laugh, doing my best to sound like the psycho she's often said I am. She needs this. She needs me to be the bitch. It's the only way she can hate me enough to move on. The only way she can claim her life and her friends back. "I killed Tara this morning. Gutted her in B's kitchen. Thought I should tell you."
I watch the pain and rage contort her face. It makes my chest tight. I don't want to hurt her. I don't. But she has to hate me. She has to. It's the only way B will ever forgive her.
I took Willow's life away. I'll do anything I can to give it back. Even make her hate me again.
For a second, she's right on the edge of killing me. No lie. You think I wouldn't recognise that look when I saw it? She half lifts the knife, like she's going to cut me, and I flinch. It ain't my proudest moment, but it may be the one that saves my ass, because Willow sees it.
She frowns, the point of the knife lowering slightly, then glances at the room's closed door.
"How'd she get away from the demons?"
I guess I look blank, 'cause she turns to face me, and repeats the question.
"The demons, Faith. Remember, the ones who abducted her? How did she get away from them?"
"She gave 'em the slip, I guess." I realise how lame that sounds, and try to cover it. "You just can't get good help on the Dark Side, any more." Dammit, I'm built for slaying vamps, not matchin' wits with Willow Rosenberg.
"Who are you, Faith?" she asks suddenly, a look on her face like she's almost sad, "Do you even know, anymore? You came to Sunnydale as our friend, but became our enemy. Now you're back, and even you don't seem to know which you are. Last night . . . today . . . you called me 'your girl'. Now, you try to hurt me, again. Why?"
I can't even look at her, let alone reply, 'cause I'm afraid she'll see the answer in my face. Because somewhere in the night I forgot to keep hating her, and that hurts more than I ever thought it could. I swore I wouldn't go through this again. Not after B. But here I am, falling for a girl who would never be with me.
She kneels in front of me, forcing my head up, lookin' me in the eyes. I try to fight her, but right now, she's stronger. That feels . .. . I don't wanna think about how that feels.
"Why are you here?" Willow asks, her voice soft.
"That's what I was going to ask." B's voice is hard, angry, and coming from the doorway.
Damn.
----------
I know that the question isn't for me, and I know Red knows it, too. I see the flash of pain in her eyes, clear as day. The smart thing to do would be to keep my head down and shut the hell up.
But since when have I ever done the smart thing?
"Y'know how it is, B." I deliberately keep my voice light and taunting, "You spend eight months in a coma, you just gotta stretch your legs a bit when you wake up."
"Shut up, Faith." B barely gives me a glance, "What are you doing here, Willow?"
Red looks flustered, opens her mouth to say something, closes it again. Looks away, guiltily. What's up with that? She was just here to get some of my blood for a spell.
Or was she? The thought freezes me in place, and I look up, meeting a glance that Red flicks my way. I see . . . something . . . in her eyes. Something I can't give a name.
"Well?" B's voice grows harder, more insistent.
Screw it. I was never gonna get out of this intact, anyway. Might as well go down fightin' the good fight. The thought makes me snort with laughter, and I find two pairs of eyes on me: one set hard and angry, the others soft and sad.
"You just don't get it, do ya, B?" I let my mouth curl in a satisfied smirk, "So wrapped up in your own little world, you don't see your friends'. Little Miss Slayer, struggling under the burden of her great responsibility." I up the sarcasm to 'ten'. "Woe is me, I have super powers."
I know: glass houses and all that crap. I'm too pissed to care.
"Faith . . ." B takes a step toward me, fists clenched. "If you don't shut up."
"Well, at least now you're threatening the right person." I grin, and she pulls up short. The look of surprise on her face makes me laugh again. "Ever since you saw Red with me you've been obsessed with how much it hurt you, haven't you? You never gave a thought to how it felt for her." I nod in Willow's direction.
"She chose to be with you."
"Oh, get over yourself, you self-absorbed little bitch." I'm in full flight now, "All the time Red was with me, she was loving you. And while we're talkin' about this, has Beefstick shared his little indiscretion with you?"
I see Red's eyes go wide as B gets a guilty look on her face. Well, there's a surprise. He told her.
"You know, don't you?" I snort. "So it's okay for the college stud to get a piece, but not for Red? She not good enough for you? Or just too good for me?"
For a moment, they both stand there, staring at me with identical looks of shock on their faces. It'd be funny if it wasn't so ridiculous. I slump back in the chair, suddenly feeling drained. Guess that drug must be hitting me harder than I thought.
"I think you'd better leave, Willow." B's voice is quiet and just a little dangerous. Belatedly, I start to worry about my own skin. Getting' B angry whilst I'm tied up and powerless probably wasn't one of the best ideas I ever had.
For a moment, it looks like Willow might refuse. She can't afford to do that.
"Go on, Red. I'll be fine." I don't really think she's worried about my safety; expect her to tell me so, in fact. But she just nods slowly, then leaves. I can't help but watch her go. I'm an idiot. I gotta stop letting myself think she cares.
And maybe she's gotta stop thinking she does, too.
"It's never enough for you, is it Faith?" B starts talking only after Willow has closed the door, "You're still trying to wreck my life, even now. Still trying to steal my friend."
"I'm not stealing her. You're pushing her away."
That answer actually seems to rock her. She flushes, clenches her fists. I guess there's some guilty feelings there, after all.
"I'll be so glad when the next Slayer is called." The words are muttered, but I hear 'em.
"So you gonna do me, B? That your plan?" I can hear the brittle edge of my bravado: can she?
To my surprise, she looks away. I go cold.
"The Council." I chuckle, hiding how empty I feel. "They figure on killing me, don't they? You know they do, and you're still going to hand me over. Let them do what you want to, without needing to get your own hands dirty." Anger is filling the emptiness, now. It feels good: an old friend. "You're a real piece of work, you know that, B?"
She tries to look me in the eye, but can't. Instead, she shrugs silently, and leaves the room.
After a few seconds, my anger seeps away, and I feel myself crumble. Tears stain my cheeks as I fight down the urge to vomit. It's really going to happen.
I'm going to die.
----------
A couple of minutes later, the door opens. I figure it's Buffy, and keep my head down, not wanting her to see I've been crying.
"Faith?"
Willow's voice, soft and almost concerned. The last thing I expected to hear.
I want to tell her to go away, but I can't. Instead, I lift my head, meeting her eyes. They're puffy and red, her skin flushed.
"You've been crying." She sounds surprised.
"You too."
"Buffy doesn't trust me anymore."
She sounds so lost, so empty. I swallow, close my eyes briefly as I try to get some control.
"Red . . . Willow . . ." It's even harder than I thought it would be. "I've been thinking about what you asked me. About who I am and why I'm here. And you're right, I don't know anymore."
She nods slowly, but doesn't speak. I smile, weakly.
"But I do know who Tara was. And I need to tell you. You won't like it, and I wish . . . I wish it wasn't true. But it is." I don't want to look at her. Don't want to see the way this will hurt. But I have to. She has to see that it's true.
"When the Mayor was preparing for the Ascension, he made back-up plans, in case things went wrong. One of them was the thing that let B and I switch bodies." I pause as she nods, "Another was making sure he had an escape plan."
"He's alive?" she sounds horrified, and I don't blame her. It's going to get worse.
"Willow . . . he was Tara."
She freezes, then shakes her head angrily, turning to leave.
"Talk about stupid. I really thought you were going to help me. And instead, you're still playing your games."
"It's true, Willow. That was why I killed her."
She turns back, angry and hostile, but something in my expression gets through.
"You really killed her."
I nod, slowly.
"In B's kitchen, just like I said. There . . . there was a girl in Tara who loved you, Willow . . . but there was also the Mayor. I don't know how he did it, but he was in her body as well. I know you have no reason to believe me. I know I've done nothing to earn your trust . . . but this is the truth. The Mayor used some sort of magic to hide in Tara's body, and he probably managed to move to a new body when I killed her."
"I think need to sit down."
"I'd offer you my chair, but . . ." I yank at the rope trying me with an apologetic expression, and am rewarded by the slightest hint of a smile. It's not much, but I'll take it.
"I don't understand." She comes up to the chair, kneels so that she can look at my face more closely. "Why did you kill the Mayor?"
I sigh, almost laugh.
"Because I'm an idiot. Because I finally learned that I was just a tool to him."
"A tool?" Willow frowns, shakes her head, "He felt something for you, Faith. It was because he did that Buffy was able to kill him."
For a second, I'm going to laugh. Then I feel ill, realising that it makes a sick kind of sense. If the Mayor lost at the Ascension because of what he felt for me, is it any surprise he was angry when I seemed to be blowing his plans for Willow?
"Why tell me that?" I ask her, confused. "Why tell me something that might make me turn on you, again?"
She lowers her eyes for a moment, then looks up at me again.
"Because it's the truth, Faith. Because you need to know the truth if you are going to decide who you really are." Her hand reaches up to brush back a strand of my hair, "Because you need to know that someone can feel something for you."
I don't answer that. I can't. For a long time, we sit together, silently. Eventually, I find my voice.
"Willow?"
"Yes?"
"The Mayor . . . it's you he wants. I don't know why, but he does. Be careful."
"I will." She stands, picks up the cage with the rat in it. "I have to go . . . try to find a way to swap you and Buffy back. I just wanted to ask first . . . what are you going to do when this is over?"
"Do?" I twist my mouth in a wry smirk, "I'm going to die, Willow. If the Mayor doesn't get me, the Council will."
"Buffy would never –" Willow breaks off, a look of horror crossing her face, "Oh God . . . she would, wouldn't she?"
