... Angst. Definitely. xD First part of a two-part series on tears and smiles. See the inner workings of Hika-kun. :D
Warning and Disclaimer: Gah. x.x Just putting this here so you know I meant to put something here besids this.
Moment Eight-
Tears
Kaoru, are you crying?!
It was high afternoon, as I stared out the window, longing for the glass to open up and take me away from here-
"Kaoru-kun, you…" I didn't look at her, I didn't want to see the very woman who did all this; I simply looked out, my pen in my loose hand, "Kaoru," she said sternly, and I flinched; she continued just as coldly, "You have competition, so you're going to have to work on your skills."
I didn't want to ask her why; I kept silent- that maybe if I didn't respond then she wouldn't make me do anything.
"Here, draw out designs," she said, as if the words were poison on her tongue, "Your mother was good with fashion; you should have the same skills."
She placed a pile of papers on my mahogany desk, and I stared at it, not doing anything.
Fashion? Draw? I was only eight, why did I have to draw something I didn't even know how to do?
"I can't, obaasan," I replied softly enough for her to hear.
And suddenly, I felt a sting against my cheek, and my eyes widened in pain-
"Kaoru, get onto it. If you're not inheriting the Tsuko Publishing, then you'll definitely get your mother's old company," she spat out, retracting her hand, as she trailed over to the doors, her words quiet but I still heard it, "I swear, all Hitachiin are the same."
And the door slammed closed, the lights flickering silently.
I've noticed in the past two months-
Hikaru smiles a lot.
But he has many different kinds of smiles.
He has one when he wants something, he would smile that knowing smile, and it always meant that I had to get it for him no matter what.
He has another one when he's pleased, he would just close his eyes contently, his lips twisting upwards just a little bit. And according to the occasions he smiles this smile, he's pleased very easily.
And I can always tell if he's thinking up something, like playing games, or a plan to distract me from work again- he would always have a playful smile on his face, and a not so innocent look to match it.
But the rarest of all is his real smile. I couldn't see it before, but now, I see, just every so often, when he thinks I'm not looking, he just smiles, without reason, and it's the only time he looked peaceful, without being an annoying brat.
I can't put my finger on it, but somehow, I don't he's selfish. I just don't.
"Kao-kun!" I freeze at his voice, and he pulls down the back of my chair- and I'm precariously balancing, my surprised eyes meeting his mischievous hazel, "Can you play with me? I'm bored."
Never mind. I'm insane for thinking he's not selfish.
"Play?" I repeat, as he lowers my chair back onto it's usual level, "I have work to do, Hikaru."
He walks around me, to the front of my desks and peers while I'm organizing the sketches I've designated for the second winter line. He blinks at me, and I blink at him, as he reaches over-
-and pulls on my face.
"Hikaru, what the hell are you doing?" I glare, swatting his hands away, rubbing my cheeks. He just looks at me innocently-
"Kao-kun, is your face frozen or something?" he blinks, cocking his head, completely oblivious to the way I'm glaring.
"No," I say sternly, organizing my papers more harshly than before, my voice heated, "What makes you think so?"
He doesn't answer, and instead he leans closer to me, his hazel eyes the epitome of ignorance, and blinks.
"Hikaru, go away," I push his face from mine, and for once he doesn't have a smile on. He's just staring at me, blank staring.
"Kao-kun, your face…"
And I drag my hand over my face, blinking as I look at my hand-
"What about my face?"
He purses his lips the way he always does when he's thinking about something-
"It looks weird," he finally says, and he pulls away from me.
I raise a brow, oh, really? I set my eyes into a deadpan, and he looks at me, "We have the same face, Hikaru."
And then, his finger taps against the table before he brings it up to his face, laying it gently on his cheek- he's thinking. Suddenly, something in his eyes change-
"Kao-kun!" and he's smiling that mischievous smile again, slamming his hands against the table, and I flinch slightly, "Do you want a cookie?"
"No," I eye him suspiciously- he had a sudden change in attitude-
"Do you want to draw?" he smiles and throws all his colored wax stubs onto my desk, looking at me expectantly.
"No."
"Do you read?"
"Sometimes," I say, watching my words, "Why?"
"Do you like to?"
"Not really."
And I'm confused to as what he wants me to answer-
He pouts, his frown lopsided, "You're no fun, Kao-kun."
"Go play with someone else, then," I mumble, trying to sort out my papers again.
And I blink, as he implores, his eyes almost begging, watering slightly, and I bite my lip- he's moved to tears easily-
"Kao-kun, don't you have anything fun to do?"
He starts crying loudly, fisting his eyes harshly, my eyes widening- Kami, what did I do to deserve this?
"Hikaru, don't cry," and he flings himself on me, almost crushing the papers on the desk, and I'm patting him on the back awkwardly, "Really, I mean it. Don't cry, people are staring."
He only shuts up a little bit, as he begins hiccupping, rubbing his face into my shoulder. I frown slightly as I see the secretaries outside peering in to see what's happening. "Alright, Hikaru, what do you want to do?"
"I want to play with you!" and he's tearing up again, and I pray to great Kamisama that the stupid employees aren't gathering at the glass doors.
"Okay, quiet," I say, running a hand through his hair, my eyes closing, "What are we going to do?"
And then, he stops crying, looking at me timidly, and I blink, as he averts his tear-filled eyes, "I want to do what you like to do…"
And I blink, deadpanning his face, and he goes back to digging a hole in my shoulder with his face. I sigh, my brows furrowing, trying to think up a way to sooth him, "I'm sorry that I'm boring, Hikaru."
"What do you like to do, Kao-kun?" he whispers so quietly I almost can't hear him.
"Uh… nothing?" I say, and he twitches-
"No, no! You have to like doing something!" he says, his eyes wide and innocent.
"I don't."
"Then, you're weird, Kao-kun!" he says, staring strangely at me, and he pulls away, until he's half-sitting on the desk. He grabs my shoulders, looking into my eyes, "You have to like doing something! What is it?"
"Um…" I avert my eyes, feeling unnaturally awkward, as the door creaks slightly open, "I… I…"
"Hitachiin-san likes watching the stars!" I snap my eyes towards the door, and a whole line of employees are peeking through the doors.
"Wait, when did I even say that?!" and my tone is nervous- Hikaru's going to take it the wrong way, I'm sure-
"You like stars, Kao-kun?" he looks desperately at me, but I shake my head furiously, staring accusingly at the giggling employees-
"What about clouds?!" another injects unhelpfully, as Hikaru rakes his eyes over mine, like he's daring me to say it out loud- but I don't know what to say. He pushes me away, kicking away from desk, the papers flying into the air. I frown as I reach over to gather the crumpled papers, as he ran towards the idiot employees-
I run my eyes over the papers, and most of the papers he destroyed were some of my sketches- I sigh a bit, a deep unsettling feeling settling in my stomach, and sit back onto my chair, taking out more papers, beginning to outline my designs… again.
It's… unfair, unfair.
I don't know how it happened, but tears suddenly leak from my eyes-
"Kao-kun? What are you- Kaoru, are you crying?!"
"You disappoint me, Kaoru-kun," she frowned, leafing through my half-hearted sketches. I stayed silent, my left hand over my right, not even daring to breath, as she clicked her tongue, "Is this all you can do? Forget about inheriting your mother's business, you probably can't even graduate a fashion school."
I averted my eyes, just slightly- I'm only eight, obaasan, you can't expect me to do anything spectacular.
If I was as spectacular as she thought I was.
"Terrible, terrible, terrble," she scolded, her eyes narrowing. I turned to look at her, just in time to see her grip the papers-
And then there was a loud ripping noise-
"O-Obaasan!" I cried, my eyes widening as she ripped my sketch into clean halves.
"It's terrible; do it again, and this time," she shredded yet another paper to pieces, and threw the papers to the side, her voice malicious, "Do it properly."
I only let out a small whimper, my tears splashing onto my hands, the papers falling silently onto the cold marble ground.
I think I'm in hell. I sigh, running my tired eyes over my half-finished designs. It's well after eleven, and even those who normally stay late at the office had already left. I would've finished long ago…
…if Hikaru was done with messing with me.
"Kao-kun, let's go home! I'm sleepy!" and he practically lays onto the desk, destroying the papers for the second time. He looks at me, his eyes half-closed, slightly begging me to take him home.
I give a disappointed look at the papers, before sighing heavily, standing from my desk- if I'm lucky, I could arrive early enough and finish it tomorrow.
I stood up, shrugging on my winter coat, shoving all the papers into a stack, "Then, let's go."
"Ah, okay," and he tails quietly after me.
Quietly, and Hikaru isn't quiet.
He's loud, but lately, he's been… different.
I don't know what goes through his head at all.
I don't think I want to bother with him anymore.
