... Fwee, this is a part of three, revealing of the past, what happened. It's up to you to piece it together, however, whether Hikaru really did attempt suicide, what Kaoru is actually thinking, and why everything is happening as it is now. :3

Warning and Disclaimer: I do not own the twins, but I do own the meanie of a grandmother (and yes, she does appear in this). Okaasan, in this case, means mother, and not to be confused with obaasan, which means either aunt or grandma. Some swearing, and some IC Hikaru. :D Finally. (IC equals Hikaru swearing, which is why I feel it should be included in disclaimer.)


Moment Thirteen-

-Confusion

Nothing's making sense anymore. And it's all Hikaru's fault.


I can't sort it out. Not by myself, and Hikaru doesn't want to let me know anything.

He never lets me know anything unless he wants me to know it.

I sigh, as I pace the courtyard of my mother's old estate, the one she left behind for the both of us, the one given to me in her will. I close my eyes, feeling as the snow touches my hair, my mind in some sort of confused turmoil. The snowflakes fall quietly, ominously, as I raise a bare hand against it, and it falls, chilling my skin. I watch my cold hand shiver, before I look up at his bedroom, and for once the lights in his room are open. They never were; he never found the reason to be in his room anyway.

He does now: to stay away from me.

My feet stomp through the snow, my cold hands retreating into my pockets.

It's been only about a month since Hikaru came into my life. He's done many things to it. He… makes me happy, for once in my life. He helps me, he forces me to comply; he warps my life, my beliefs, my everything. He makes me think of him every day.

And he… completely destroyed my life.

I used to not care about anyone or anything; any person who got in the way of my work was just an inconvenience and a waste of time to acknowledge. I didn't care what I thought was right; I just cared about whether obaasan would approve, the world would approve, and anyone would approve.

I never did think about myself.

I draw a finger through the icy snowfall, wondering what Hikaru's done to me-

He's making me question myself. I've never done that before.

Why am I letting him do this to me? Am I that easily manipulated?

Is my life really shattering in a way that I can't stop it?

I close my eyes, as I raise my face to the falling snow, the ice particles falling onto my numb face.

I don't want to think about anything anymore.

It's too confusing.

Not about Hikaru. Not about me. Not about Okaasan.

Nothing makes sense anymore.

Not about anything.

And it's all Hikaru's fault.

Nothing's right anymore.

And right now, in my ice-cold, frozen wintry land, I hear something, the sound of tires, crunching against the snow, far away, but still there, still there. A slam, footsteps, I can hear it, crisp against my ears.

"Call Hitachiin Kaoru for me. We need to talk-"

My mind subconsciously blocks it.

The door opens, women, talking.

"Hitachiin--sama isn't in his room, Tsuko-sama."

"Well, where is he?"

I can hear more voices, more steps, walking, and I feel the ground letting me fall, my feet collapsing. My back hits against the frozen ground, and I'm almost paralyzed, numb, and I don't know what to do anymore.

Snow touches my chilled lips, as my eyes turn towards the gray clouds, the white snow circling above me.

"I don't know, Tsuko-sama."

"What do you mean you don't know?! Aren't you supposed to know where your master is at all times?!"

And I can hear, faint yelling, more yelling, and my mind's gone too far to even comprehend what the voices are saying-

"Well, Tsuko-san, um, Hitachiin-sama didn't say any- but! But, the other Hitachin-sama is here. I'll get him for you. Hitachiin-sama! Visitor!"

"What's- Tsuko-san?! What the hell are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here? Hikaru, what have you been doing?"

And then I can hear it- Hikaru's voice- crashing sounds- I don't know why, but I close my eyes quietly, hoping, waiting for the calm peaceful snow takes me over and I know what to do with him-

My breaths slow as more snow falls onto me. I open my eyes slightly, looking into the sky, looking at Hikaru's familiar window- and it's dark again. I close my eyes again, as I lay, immobile, the wind's picking up.

And then, I hear them even more clearly-

"-you good-for-nothing brat! You've been playing Kaoru, haven't you?!"

"No, I wasn't! I was only following okaasan's will!"

"Her will, Hikaru, was for you to stay clear out of Kaoru's life! You practically destroyed the company with your distractions!"

"No, I didn't! I'm not distracting Kaoru! So maybe the company's in a low time right now, but at least Kaoru isn't overworking himself to death!"

"Overworking?! He can handle the company's finances fine, if you aren't here!"

"Are you saying that I'm an impediment to his life?!"

And the answer is quick, unhesitant.

"Yes."

There's a long silence, as I see my breath crystallize above me.

"Kaoru's never complained about it though…" a trailing timid comment.

"That's why he's much more successful than you are."

"That's-! Tsuko-san!"

"Where's Kaoru anyway? I have to talk to him."

And then it clicks- the person who's talking to Hikaru. My breath shudders.

Obaasan.

I don't feel anything anymore.

The snow was falling, but I couldn't feel the icy coldness touching my bare skin. It was dark all around me, the void collapsing again and again. It was just…nothing.

It was as if everything had disappeared but me.

"Kaoru… don't blame him."

I turned my head towards the foreign voice, but I couldn't see anything. The voice came again, but this time from behind me.

"It's his way, his habit."

I turned around quickly, fright tugging at my heart. Through the misty fog, there's something silhouetted against the darkness, a woman, a smile-

My breath stopped as I recognized the familiar features from an age-old photograph.

"Okaasan?"

She didn't seem to recognize my call, but she continued, solemn sympathy on her face, "Guilt can destroy people… And you know, it's not his fault."

She gave me an enigmatic smile, her hands grasping mine. My eyes widened at her words, as her presence became a small mist, lacing through my fingers.

'It's… not his fault, Kaoru.'

Shakily, I grip her slim fingers, my eyes moistening as I fought against my tears.

It's too hard, too hard to believe her.

Because it is

"Hikaru?" my eyes flutters open slightly. The darkness fades into a dark gray, a glowing ceiling light piercing my blurry sight. I struggle out, my voice raspy, "Where's Hikaru?"

If I wasn't convinced before, I know my life has been destroyed by that single word.

"Hikaru's outside," came a sharp voice from my left side, as I glance towards my left, and then, I'm wondering, where am I? She narrows her eyes, almost reading my mind, "You're in Hikaru's room right now."

I avert my eyes slightly, mouthing a silent, timid, "oh." I scan the walls curious, and there's something off about it. And then I see it, several paintings are askew, and the maids are crouched over the floor, sweeping broken glass. The young women were whispering to each other, in an undertone marked as "gossip."

They were fighting.

I close my eyes slightly, almost imagining the scene. Vases shattering, things flying, words cutting.

Almost cautiously, I sweep my eyes back towards the elderly woman, her lips in a tight frown. She was like I remembered from just several weeks ago: a fierce expression, laced hands, and an air of superiority. Obaasan was like that to every one of her sons and daughters, and yet, I knew, deep down, she loved all of them.

And even though, she never showed it: she cared for me. But that was then.

But now, as I'm a Hitachiin, and not Tsuko, she hates me.

Not moving from her position, she comments, offhanded, critical, "The Kaoru I remember wouldn't let himself lie outside in freezing cold temperature without adequate clothing."

I don't flinch. I just shift my eyes to look at her folded hands, my voice soft, "I… was thinking…"

"Hikaru's distracting you; and if you haven't noticed, the finances of your business are going unregulated," she states heatedly, and her perfume's invading my sense, and I can't stand it.

"Shut up, obaasan," I sigh lightly, bringing my hand up to rub my temple, "Hikaru isn't bad…"

"Oh, are you on his side now?" she asks icily, her brown eyes looking straight at mine, "Don't you know?"

I blink, lowering my hand, as I struggle slightly to sit up, to look at her, my eyes wondering- and for the first time, I don't back down from her serious face.

"Don't you know? Hikaru has quite a history," she says sophisticatedly, one of her legs crossed over another. She leans back into her chair, her voice eerily articulate, "His guardian, Kimiyo-san, poor soul, died three months ago, just months before his custody was transferred to you. Her husband had gone over to the states in a business endeavor. Hikaru was the only one home at the time. Word is," she crosses her hands over each other, before looking up at me, "He killed her."

My breath catches.

"There's no evidence," I protest, stubborn, not even know why I'm defending him. She shook her head, and her nonchalance's scaring me-

"Of course, she could always die from madness. The case is at a dead end and the witness isn't saying anything substantial. But that's not what I came to tell you about," and I just look at her, my eyes wide, disbelieving. She directs a glare at me, directly, her voice stern, "Don't involve yourself anymore. He's not what he seems."

I open my mouth to retort, but I close it when I can't find the correct words.

And it's the only words that occupied my mind.

"I don't get it then," I blink, before looking towards the door, and I'm sure that he's behind it. I say, my voice quiet, timid for asking her such as question, "Why give me his custody then?"

"Hikaru's always had a soft spot for you, they said. If he really did kill her, you'd be the first he'd tell," she says slyly, as I watch her bony fingers clasp and unclasp. My stomach squirms, as I try to slide off the bed-

"I want Hikaru in here," I say, my eyes averted from her sharp, taunting ones. But it's like he heard me even then-

"Kao-kun!" the door blasts open as I see him bounding towards me, his face concerned, "Are you alright? You were lying in snow, I was worried!"

I hear obaasan scoff at his tone, but I turn my eyes to him, nodding, "I'm… fine."

He smiles, a relieved smile, "That's good, because… because evil lady here wouldn't let me see you." He sticks his tongue out at her, and she glares at him, before standing from her chair and stomping off towards the door.

I move my eyes to both of them, as the door slams shut. My eyes linger over a dark red scratch along his neck, but Hikaru smiles his "don't worry" smile.

"Are you alright?" I ask, my voice slightly raspy. He blinks a for a while, before smiling-

"That doesn't matter right now," he says, pushing me onto the bed, "You're tired. You need some rest, Kao-kun."

"But, there was yelling- were you-?"

I didn't get to finish as he hums a loud tone (purposely ignoring me) and places the sheets over me again, "You're kind of sick, so sleep."

"Hikaru," I say firmly, but he shushes me and gives me a smile-

"You're going to get more sick. Sleep, Kao-kun."

I simply sigh as I close my eyes, and I can hear in the back of my mind, his voice, dropping his innocent tone-

"You don't have to worry about her. I can handle Tsuko-san myself."