This was to be two separate filler chapters, but I wanted to screw that and post two at the same time. I don't like these chapters, but w/e. An almost in character Kaoru, and almost in character Hikaru. -whistles- Two more moments to go.
Warning and Disclaimer: Nothing to warn, and I don't own Ouran.
Moment Seventeen
-Rejection
And he says it so casually and calmly that I'm shot down again.
I've taken the liberty of dragging myself out of the house.
I've gone to many different snack stands, crepes, cookies, ice cream, but it still doesn't seem like Hikaru's with me. I trod quietly through the snow-covered ground, my feet taking me to places I've been before with Hikaru- to the street corner, the pocky shop, but…
I still can't find Hikaru.
It's been more than three weeks since Hikaru had said goodbye. I'm not accepting it.
There's so many things that he's left unsolved.
Every day he had been with me, what had he been thinking?
I curl my hands into a fist, my eyes scanning the desolated streets, clear of any sane people who don't want to catch a cold today. I close my eyes, thinking, organizing the scattered thoughts.
His smiles were always forced, like he wants me to be happy, but he isn't.
He allowed me to call him Hikaru, while he forces everyone else in the company to refer to him as Hika-kun.
And…
He's always sad, and now, I know why.
The wind tugs at my coat, but I ignore it as I walk down the pebble trail, my hands clenched tightly in my pockets.
I blink, stopping, my hazel eyes finding something strange at the foot of the tree.
Three gloves, two cookies, and one bird.
I stare at it for a bit, before squatting down, wrapping my arms around my knees.
The small bird pecked at the cookie a bit, and then nibbled at the crumbs that fell off. I watched it quietly, the wind chilling my face.
"You know, Kao-kun, I never really liked birds."
I blink, surprised, before turning towards him, my eyes widening-
He doesn't smile, nor frown at my notice, but he mimics my stance, his eyes fixed on the lone bird.
"When I went to visit Tsuko-san's estate, I wanted to share two cookies with you," he mumbles, not looking at me, "But the bird stole it when I wasn't looking."
And then, my mouth opens, almost dropping, and it clicks-
"It's foot got stuck on the plastic, so when it flew somewhere, I tried to follow it."
He sighs, before standing up, "But then I didn't hate it anymore. It did what I couldn't do. I respect birds now."
I turn back towards the bird, and then, I remember what's he been telling me-
That was where the cookies came from.
"But, Hikaru-" I call out, but he ignores me. I stand up quickly, before following his pace, "Hikaru, wait, where are you going?"
"Back to work," he murmurs, before ducking through the snow-covered branches, and I follow, my breath erratic, and then, he's gone.
And I just stare, and he's out of sight and gone-
And I failed.
And like everything else, tears begin to well up in my eyes- and I can't believe that I couldn't stop him-
He was there, but he didn't come back to me.
He didn't want to come back.
I stare at it quietly, wondering if I should go into this unknown place without anyone to force me.
I don't have to go inside.
I don't need to go inside.
It's this… unimportant clothing shop, anyway. With tons of clothes on racks upon racks, and tons of random stuff strewn around. I frown slightly; it's too messy to be a brand named store, so why should a Hitachiin grace its steps and ent-
"Excuse me!"
A mop of brown hair passes my view.
My heart quickens, as I turn to stare at the person's retreating back, almost hopefully. Is it Hikaru?
I blink once, before averting my eyes quickly- of course not, I swallow, a strange feeling that I can't place welling up in my stomach, because, well, Hikaru's not coming back.
I turn away from the shop, from the person who I wished was Hikaru, from the busy crowded streets. I set my pace into a calm walk, as I sigh, my heart sinking even lower, the people thinning out from around me.
I finally notice it: Hikaru's… well, been a blessing, almost. He showed me things that I never knew: that I couldn't live life hiding, that I couldn't live life without smiling, that I couldn't live life alone.
I couldn't really live life without him.
He's like a cookie. Sometimes he can be sweet if he's raised the right way, sometimes he can be burnt and black if he's left in the oven for too long-
And well, I like cookies; I like to bake them, and watch them cook, and then eat them-
I slam my head against the near pole. Involuntary tears well up in my eyes. People are beginning to stare.
I don't care; I needed to stop thinking literally, because my own thoughts are getting disgusting-
slam
And somehow, I'm extremely clumsy without Hikaru around to help me.
"Gomenasai!" a startled voice calls to me as I try to ignore that I've just been slammed onto the hard concrete street. Concerned hazel eyes look me over as I stand up, my head going in circles and then-
"Kao-kun, it's you, what are you doing here?" and the voice is so familiar I can't place where I heard it before.
"What am I doing where?" And I'm confused, as I rub at my head.
I feel a firm hand on my forearm, as he drags me somewhere, and I'm not sure because all he says is, "Let's get you out of sight for now. Hitachiins are famous among most commoners."
I blink, my sight fuzzy, and then, I notice something extremely unfamiliar.
Flour.
"Oh, hi," I say blankly, not understanding why there's a bag of flour in front of me.
"No, Kao-kun, here," I feel that same pressure on my hand as I turn around.
I daze out for a while, and then the sight comes to me, flour covered apron, a cookie littered tray, brown hair, hazel eyes- I widen my eyes.
"Hikaru, what are you-"
"Good! You recognize me!" he smiles, like he's relieved.
Ad I blink, something not settling right with me (recognize, not remember), but there's more pressing matters, like-
"Why are you wearing an apron?" I deadpan as he faltered slightly, my eyes examining the messed-up tray in his hands, "And why do you have dirt covered cookies?"
"I'm-I'm working, Kao-kun," he says, averting his nervous hazel eyes. He points dismissively outside the baking store, where birds were sniffing at dropped cookies, and some children were picking them up off the floor, "And you bumped into me."
"But why are you working at a bakery?" I almost want to shout, yell, irriation-irritation, but it comes out like a timid stutter.
He raises a brow, and states, as if it's normal, "Birds need to be fed."
I blink, and I can't find anything else to say to him.
"Oh."
And he walks past me, no more words needing to be said. I follow his movements, his placing the tray on the counter, and picking up another, as he packages the chocolate chip cookies into small translucent bags.
And I watch, my hands sliding into my pockets, as I finally notice something-
"Hikaru?"
Hikaru's avoiding me now.
He doesn't answer and pretends to not hear me. Something defensive swirls through my body.
"Hikaru, why did you leave?" I ask quietly, my voice not as strong as I'd like to be.
"You wanted me to," Hikaru responds, looking at me as if it was impossible otherwise, that it was all my fault anyway.
… Was it?
"Are…" I fisted my hands together, holding onto my resolve with the last strings of my confidence. I take a deep breath and looked into his eyes, questioning, hoping, "Are you going to come back?"
He turns away again, his voice defeated, distant, scared, "Not if you don't want me to."
And I feel a flicker of hope, lightening up slightly, "Well, then, you…"
He just passes me again, ignoring me, and the flicker dies out, the words not coming out. My lips move wordlessly, almost scared that he might deny me again-
No, Kaoru! If you want him back, then you'll have to stern and resolute and-
"I'm going back to work, Kao-kun, so don't bother me."
And he says that so calmly and casually that I'm shot down again.
I grimace, shooing myself out of the small store.
Why does Hikaru have to be this difficult?
