Disclaimer: I don... the characters in the story aren't owned or borrowed.. please don't sue me.

A/N: Here's the final chappie :D challenging my destiny, I chewed and licked some frog again and let rest of the story take me over, lol lol, more randomness ahead. Heh, this fic somehow reminds me of Alice in wonderland.. though maybe more the Miyuki-chan in Wonderland after all, ahaha.. I hope I only break my own brain with this deranged story, haha, let's see if I can make the characters behave more like the characters should. I don't know if the rating should be T or M, the language is kinda harsh, but I dunno if the 'this and that' of the story earns the highest rating or not.. oh well..

Just do as she says, part 2

Tate: So what do you say? -stubbornly asking again-

Author: -still weeping on the ground- No, no and no! No way! And you know what, Tate?

Tate: What?

Author: -grinning evilly- I prefer the Mai x Reito pairing.

Mai, Mikoto & Tate: -gasp-

Mai: Nani?!

Tate & Mikoto: -exclaiming- No! Mai belongs to me!

Reito: -appearing out of nowhere- Why, thank you young lady. Care to write that down?

Author: I wish I could but I lost my inspiration! And you know it's almost as bad as losing one's libido -starts to weep again-

Mai: No freakin' way this ''Mai x Reito'' is going to happen. Help! Intruder on the school property, help!

Haruka: -rushing through a bush, dragging Yukino along- The Executive board has arrived! Where's this intruder?

Mai, Mikoto & Tate: -pointing at the Author- There!

-Haruka starts to drag the poor Author, by her hair, out of the school area-

Reito: -tagging along- Now Suzushiro-san, aren't you being a too rough about it.

Haruka: Shut it, there's no road I'm listening to you when that bubuzuke woman isn't around.

Yukino: -piping- That's ''way'', not road, Haruka-chan.

-Reito sighed deciding to return to the school, leaving the poor Author to the hands of the crazy Executive board-

Haruka: -throws the author on a random street next to the school, some broken needles and used condoms could be seen on the ground- You better stay out or I will screw you myself next time!''

Yukino: -sweat dropping- Haruka-chan, not like that.. -mumbling- you should only screw me.. -sniff-

-however the Author was so scared by the possibility of getting screwed by Haruka, that she swore never to come back, while running as far as possible from the horrible school-

-finally the Author was getting tired from all the running so she stopped to take a breath-

Random suspicious probably perverted guy: Hey there young girl, want so see my kite collection?

-Suddenly the author felt like she could run some more-

-After some more running Author had to stop again-

Nao: -appearing out of nowhere as well- How much are you willing to pay to know where those two went?

Author: -suprised- You know that? -Nao nods- Oh but I don't have any money.. -feels scared again because she suffers from spider phobia, but she just can't give up on her story without a fight! On the other hand she is a bit happy 'cause now the Sunrise guys will see she really is just a poor Author and not worth of suing-

Nao: -eyeing the Author from head to toe- Well, that'll do I guess..

-Some time later in some shady park's bush-

Author: Ah there they are. -stares Shizuru and Natsuki making out on the grass, Shizuru lying on her back, Natsuki being on top-

Author: -suddenly sweat dropping profusely- Why do I feel like some pervert peeping a pair of highschool girls in a bush? -universe wonders that too-

-Author's thoughts were interrupted as she suddenly sneezed-

Author: My darn hay fever.. -suddenly feels something fast and loud almost touching the skin and cutting some of her hair just above her right ear-

Natsuki: -wielding her gun and demanding- Who goes there?

Shizuru: -slightly amused- Ara ara, you always shoot before asking.

Natsuki: -ignoring her- Show yourself or the next one will hit you on the forehead.

-shaking author, only wearing her underwear and having a new part on her hair, appears from the random bush-

Shizuru: You again! Do you have a death wish or something? Can't you see I'm busy at the moment?

Author: ... -too shocked to say anything-

-Shizuru tries to rise but Natsuki is still sitting on her-

Shizuru: Natsuki, let me deal with her!

Natsuki: Now dear, calm down first.

Shizuru: Hmph. Kiyohime.

-a huge mega multiheaded purple snake appears-

Natsuki: -shouts- Duran.

-a huge mega wolf doggie appears-

Duran: -slyly- I bet you can't catch me, Kiyohime -wink wink-

Kiyohime: -snorting- Like hell I can, Duran Duran!

-the children quickly disappeared out of sight and some suspicious sounds can be heard from a distance-

Shizuru: -disappointed- That was pretty low blow...

Natsuki: -ashamed- I know, sorry.. but what's wrong with you, I've never seen you acting like this -clearly suffering from sudden dementia and not remembering what happened during a certain Carnival-

Shizuru: Well, maybe I just want to be a bit wild sometimes, I always have to be cool and controlled -both Natsuki and the Author sweat drop, thinking the last few episodes of Mai-HiME- Beside she writes stupid stories! -accusing finger pointing at the still shaking author-

Natsuki: Maybe you could tell her how to write a good one instead of slicing her in to pieces?

Shizuru: -contemplating- Hmm, maybe I could..

Natsuki: Great, it's settled then! Right, Author-san?

Author: Yes Kuga-sama! That would be great Kuga-sama. Thank you Kuga-sama, Fujino-sama!

Shizuru: Well, come here then. Ara ara, why come you're not wearing any clothes?

Author: -blushing- Nao-sama took them as a payment for the information about your location.

Shizuru & Natsuki: Figures.

-Some time later-

-Natsuki sits on the ground listening her girlfriend and the eccentric Author discussing about possible stories, slowly she started to get more and more nervous, what the heck they were writing about anyway?-

Shizuru: Then I want lots this and that in the story and I want this fic to tell the whole my and Natsuki's super love story! -writes faster than the speed the of light, though no one probably knows if the speed of light actually is literate or not-

Author: Yes, Fujino-sama but are you sure you want to start this far in your story, even if it's the beginning? -points at the first scene-

Shizuru: Yes. -takes a sip of tea which appeared out of nowhere-

Author: Fine.. but are you sure you want to be presented like that. -pointing at the second scene- Wouldn't a mermaid or something be better?

Shizuru: Blah, no. What's wrong with it? I like that and I bet it's really pleasurable -drools in her tea cup-

Author: Nothing is wrong! As you wish, Fujino-sama! But I don't think that third scenario is possible for a woman, considering that period of time..

Shizuru: Author-san, this is a fictive story, not a history book. Consider it being like an imaginative hong-kong movie.

Author: Yes Fujino-sama.. But I have to say I don't agree with the way you portrait geishas in the fourth scene.. you know it wasn't quite like that..

Shizuru: -sweetly- Ara ara, so watching one Hollywood movie makes you an expert, huh?

Author: Actually I have studied them.. -Shizuru starts to smile dangerously- .. but nevermind that. About the fifth scene, even though it happens in Europe, I have to say we don't have such a things there either..

Shizuru: Author-san, what did I just say about the fiction part?

Author: -sweatdropping- Yes, Shizuru-sama! Actually I'm quite pleased with the sixth and seventh scenes.

Shizuru: -slyly- Does that mean you aren't with the others?

Author: -nervously- No, I didn't mean that! It's just I'm so glad you let me use the beginning of the story I tried to tell earlier and that last one is just a sweet conclusion!

Shizuru: Oh, ok. -gives kind and sincere smile-

Author: -sighs in relief while her heart skips a beat, once a hentai, always a hentai-

Shizuru: Natsuki-patsuki! Come here and read my -Author sweatdrops- story!

-Natsuki nervously takes the offered story and starts to read, during the reading her blush seems to blush and it seems to blush some more. The first scene was just.. weird.. the second was totally hentai.. the third was weird again.. the fourth was unbelievable and embarrassing.. the fifth was just perverted.. the sixth made her sweatdrop and the seventh caused a nosebleed-

Shizuru: So what do you think about it Natsuki?

Natsuki: ... -it was total porn but Natsuki couldn't say that without upsetting her girlfriend- Author-san, give me a pen, now!

Author: -quickly obeying, still grateful to Natsuki for saving her butt.. twice- Yes, Kuga-sama.

-Shizuru stares Natsuki with suspicion-

Natsuki: I'm just censoring few parts, you don't want your story to be banned now do you? Hehe.. -nervous laugh-

Shizuru: ..I guess not.

Author: -has decided the less she speaks the better-

-Natsuki's pen moves quickly over the pages while she's muttering ''How come there's no mayonnaise in this story?''-

-Finally after time that feels like an eternity in Shizuru's opinion, Natsuki gives the story back-

Natsuki: -smiling- I think it's really nice.

-Shizuru and the Author looking what Natsuki had just censored, it seemed over half of the original story was gone-

Shizuru: -dryly- Natsuki, has anyone ever told you, you're a real party pooper?

Natsuki: -a bit nervously- Well, um, uh, but Shizuru, t-that was total p-p-porn!

Shizuru, Natsuki & Author: -blushing before the P-word!-

Shizuru: -dangerously coolly- So?

Natsuki: Wouldn't it be much better if we kept those kind of things just between us? Like our own little secret?

-Author was staring Natsuki in disbelief, how anyone could buy so obviously manipulating explanation-

Shizuru: -after contemplating for a moment- I guess it would be.

-Natsuki sighs in relief while the Author can't believe her ears-

Shizuru: But naturally you'll have to pay for this later.

Natsuki: -shoulders slumping- Yes dear, naturally. -and literally-

Shizuru: -shifting her attention to the Author- Now you better go and post that story, me and Natsuki need some quality private time together. And Author-san, my apologizies for my earlier behavior, you just needed some gentle guidance to write a proper story.

Author: -wide happy grin, deep blush and eager nodding- Yes, Fujino-sama. Thank you for your help, Kuga-sama, Fujino-sama -bow-

-While Shizuru smiled and Natsuki nodded the Author skipped away, feeling relieved; she had gotten a real story and she was still alive-

Few hours later..

-The author just finished typing up the story she and Shizuru (well mostly Shizuru) had written and Natsuki had kindly censored. The story seemed to miss all the good parts, but the Author was happy she had gotten it done in the first place. Shaking from excitement, she logs in to her ff account and posts the story-

''Shizuru and Natsuki's THE STORY''

Many thousands- no, many millions years ago two amebas met in a smelly pool of water. ''Hello there cute one, what's your name?'' the other sexy looking ameba asked. The other ameba blushed as she answered: ''M-My name is Natsuki.'' The other ameba's eyes started to sparkle brightly: ''Ara ara, it's such a pleasure to meet you Natsuki! You can call me Shizuru.'' The other ameba answered shyly: ''Okay, S-Shizuru..''

Shizuru-ameba grinned widely: ''How about joining our cells?'' Natsuki-ameba turned all red from the blushing: ''S-Sure, Shizuru..-

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Many thousands- no, many millions years (but not too many) later a fisherwoman, called Natsuki, was sailing the sea of Japan. ''This seems like a fine day to fish, I bet my catch will be splendid.'' Natsuki mused as she was about to throw a net into the sea. Suddenly something shook her rowboat and Natsuki flew over board. The water was cold and dark and Natsuki was certain she would drown soon. For her relief something grabbed around her waist and pulled her back to the surface. Natsuki stared her saviour in disbelief, it was a huge octopus! ''Ara, hello there hottie. My name is Shizuru. Now as a reward for saving you, I'd like you to let me introduce you to my long thick te-

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Few hundreds years later a merciless warlord, Kuga Natsuki, ruled over the land of Japan. ''Innocent'' peasant, Shizuru, who was a total secret fangirl of Natsuki by the way, had been taken, actually she had volunteered but nevermind, in to the main fortress to serve the mighty warlord. ''Now sweetie'' Natsuki started when they were left alone in Natsuki's private quarters, ''Do you know why you were brought here?'' Shizuru's gaze rested on the ground and she was blushing slightly. ''Ara ara my lord, how could an ''innocent'' girl like me know about such things?'' For some reason Natsuki didn't quite believe the girl's innocence when her eyes were sparkling like that. ''Well, don't worry, I'll soon show why you were brought here.'' Natsuki stated hornily and grabbed her arms around the girl who was now grinning victoriously, soon she would bed the Japan's most powerful woman. ''Oh, Natsuki-sama.'' Shizuru stated and suddenly Shizuru's kimono fell off. Natsuki blinked in suprise and had a nosebleed. ''Oh you mighty warlord..'' Shizuru whispered and managed to knock them both down and pull Natsuki on top of her. ''Whatever you do, don't be too rough, I don't think I could handle your full power.'' she stated blushing before claiming Natsuki's lips, the warlord could only mumble when Shizuru's hand found its way to-

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Few hundred years later (just after that Meiji revolution) the heiress of Fujino corporation, Shizuru Fujino, was having fun in a geisha house. After drinking and partying with the geishas, Shizuru wanted some real fun. ''Now bring me your prettiest girl, I want to see her dance.'' The okasan of the geisha house quickly complied ''Yes, Shizuru-sama.'' soon a beautiful young maiko called Patsuki appeared. Shizuru started to drool, that must have been the prettiest thing she had ever seen, she thought, until the young maiko opened her mouth: ''The hell I'm gonna dance, let me go you old hag!!'' the okasan didn't look pleased at all and her dangerous expression implied that Patsuki would get severely punished later. ''Ara ara, if Patsuki-san doesn't want to dance for me, would she prefer sharing a private moment with me?'' Patsuki's gaze drifted to the glorious Shizuru and she was just totally unable to refuse.

Soon the two were guided to a private room. ''So Patsuki-san, what's your real name?'' Shizuru asked while Patsuki poured some sake for them. For some reason the poor thing blushed immediately, ''My real name is Natsuki.'' she muttered. ''My what a pretty name, I could eat you, you're so cute.'' If even possible, Natsuki's blush deepened. ''You know I think I'll do just that'' Shizuru stated and grabbed the suprised maiko, pushed her on the floor and bounced on top of her. ''Wait, will you pay for this?'' For anyone else that might have been a mood killer, but the business minded Shizuru just asked: ''Do you want me to?'' Natsuki looked ashamed as she answered: ''No.. but you see I'm kinda short on the money at the mome-

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Few decades later somewhere in Europe. A hungry vampire named Natsuki was stalking her prey whom she had been shadowing all night. She had first noticed the pretty thing on one of the shady streets of the town where she usually hunted. For some reason the young woman had headed outside the city, to the dark and menacing hills. Natsuki had wondered this action but was rather glad 'cause it would suite her purpose more than well.

Suddenly the woman stopped and Natsuki thought her chance had come. ''Hello there, I don't think it's pretty safe to wander alone at this time of night.'' Natsuki said while the excitement of the upcoming feast grew in her. The young woman was startled and she quickly turned to look at her, Natsuki was immediately captivated by her beautiful crimson eyes. ''Did a cat eat your tongue or what? What's your name?'' Natsuki wasn't sure if the other girl was scared of her or not as she answered melodically: ''Ara, my name is Shizuru and my doings here are none of your business.'' Natsuki was a bit suprised by this, but that wouldn't stop her devouring the girl, even though it seemed a bit waste; she being so absolutely hot and all. ''My, you're a rude one. Well my name is Natsuki-'' she started and suddenly grabbed the girl's arm, pulling her closer, ''And I'm a hungry vampire.'' she finished and revealed a pair of sharp teeth. Shizuru's eyes widened and she fainted in the worst possible moment. ''What the..? I didn't know she was that fragile..'' Natsuki mused while holding the unconscious girl in her arms. She felt so warm and soft and helpless and huggable and suddenly the idea of killing the girl didn't feel right, but what she was supposed to do now? ''Hey there, wake up! I changed my mind, I won't eat you, c'mon! Pull yourself together!''

Natsuki actually screamed in shock as the girl in her hands started to trash and turned into a werewolf. Natsuki looked the Shizuru-wolf in disbelief. Suddenly the werewolf lunged at Natsuki and they started to wrestle. Soon the wolf gained the upper hand and Natsuki was pinned on the ground. ''Oh boy, killed by a werewolf, I disgrace my race..'' Natsuki thought as the wolf's teeth came closer, but to her suprise the wolf stated to lick her face and Natsuki moaned softly, she would have blushed if there had been any blood in her semi-dead body. ''I can't be turned on by this...then again the girl was mega hot in her human form..'', she thought desperately, ''...or maybe I just have wolf obsession!'' Suddenly the wolf's pawns started to feel her up and Natsuki managed to draw some blood from her body as her cheeks reddened slightly. The werewolf's hungry pawns traveled lowe-

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Some decades later in the Fuuka Gakuen academy school thing (garden sector). On one bright day, Shizuru Fujino was walking in the Fuuka Gakuen's garden. Suddenly she noticed Tomoe, she knew what that green haired b--d would do to her some time in the distant future so she decided it was a good time to get a revenge now. ''Tomoe-san?'' she said pleasantly. ''Oh hello Fujino-san.'' Tomoe answered blushing. ''I don't like you, at all.'' Shizuru declared and Tomoe looked at her shocked. ''But I want to have weird sex with you Shizuru-oneesama!'' Tomoe whined her green heir swinging wildly. ''Not in this lifetime.'' Shizuru stated adamantly, ''Suzushiro-san, I found a tresspassanger!'' Haruka appeared through one of the bushes with Yukino tagging along. ''For once good job Fujino-kaichou.'' Haruka mused, ''What shall I do to her?'' Shizuru contemplated for a moment and came up with the perfect revenge, ''I think she needs to go to the church's ''guidance through the overwhelming youth'' courses for a month.'' Haruka's eyes started to sparkle happily and for once she was satisfied with the hippie Fujino's decision. ''Immediately Fujino-kaichou.'' she said and dragged Tomoe away with the help of Yukino.

''Good, that's dealt.'' Shizuru thought. Suddenly she felt a pair of tentative arms around her waist. ''Is it you, Natsuki-patsuki?'' she almost felt the girl's blush trough her uniform. ''Yes.'' came the shy reply. ''Ara ara, what is this sudden bold show of feelings?'' Shizuru asked. ''I-It's just that you look so damn.. doable in that kaichou uniform..'' Natsuki whispered hornily. Shizuru's eyes widened and cheeks reddened, she couldn't believe such words were coming out of her girlfriend's mouth because those were usually her lines. Swiftly she turned around, dragged Natsuki to the nearest bush and-

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Long long very long time later in the Garderobe academy. Headmaster Natsuki Kruger and her right hand Otome, Shizuru ex-Viola current Kruger, hadn't been seen in days, it was rumored the newly wed couple were consuming their honeymoon in the headmaster's quarters. Headmaster's room's doors were double locked, the windows were covered with steam and odd soun-

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And they lived happily ever after.

-THE END-

The end.

A/N: I want to thank all my readers and special thanking goes to my reviewers, I was extra inspired to write this second chapter I'm glad some seemed to like this story even though it is.. odd :) I was actually greatly inspired by some writer's humor fics such as Inuzuka Notori's and ShotgunNeko's (btw thanks for your great review, I love your fics), to mention few -or two, lol :D

Hearing people's thoughts about this second random chapter would be greatly appreciated as well

-ominously- I'll be back sometime later with other more or less random Mai-HiME/Otome fics, mwahaha.