Forks was a dangerous place, these days.
I guess it would be painful for me wherever I went, but it was here that all the memories were, constantly nagging and plotting mental attacks on me. It was like a small, slightly sadistic child, laughing and pointing things out, like 'remember that time Edward took you there?', or 'that looks like his meadow. Remember it?'
I tried to spend most of my time up in my room, simply laying on my bed. My fingernails ached from my latest attempt at ridding myself of any memory (the stereo from my truck), as the repetitive, drawling phrase of "Go fish" echoed up to me; Renee's latest attempt of playing nice with Charlie, and a little diversion to the fact that she was out of the sun and back in her least favorite town, with her least favorite person and a catatonic child for company.
Charlie, being the doting father he was, decided it would be great for me to have my mother back in town, but it seemed that the two couldn't get along, even to take care of me. I was mostly left in the dust as the two squabbled over the most obscene things, each conversation resembling another World War. It was hard for me to think that I was the reason the two had to deal with each other, but those thoughts never lasted long, as I had a strict no-thinking policy. No thought process. No memory. No thoughts.
Ever.
But as another day closed to an end, I stared out at the sky as it slowly darkened from one of the rare sunny Fork days. Renee had gone out today, ecstatic from the chance to see some true light, and I wasn't caught off guard as she suddenly burst into my room, a huge smile on her face, her brown eyes shining and laugh lines making themselves prominent.
"Pack your things, Bella honey. You're going to Mexico!"
That is, I wasn't caught off guard until Renee came up with this little story.
I think not. "But why? Why now?" I asked her, standing up. It was like someone had lit a fuse inside of me, and I was suddenly a speaking creature now. The outburst made Renee stop in her tracks for a moment, her face resembling a person's as they wondered if they were in the right room. But it was hard to render my mother to speechlessness for long.
"Phil has a break in his schedule, and we all" –a significant glance at Charlie, who was lingering sheepishly in the doorway- "decided that it would be good… you know, for you."
To say the least, I didn't like the way she put that. I leapt up from my bed, almost missing the downright alarmed look Charlie gave off as he watched me, and a small little gasp from Renee as she recovered from the most movement I had emitted since my birthday.
"No! Why, I like it here in Forks! I need to stay with Dad!" I exclaimed, throwing my arms up in the air. Charlie moved to my closet, retrieving some suitcases and setting them at the foot of my bed. I shot around the furniture, and proceeded to attempt pinning his arms to his sides. But he was not Chief of Police for nothing- he soon shook me off and had moved two masses of rough cloth out of the closet, my makeshift bags. I shook my head blindly, tears moving to my eyes. I snatched the bags and threw them back in the direction of my closet, before rounding on my parents.
"But Bella, Mexico." Renee insisted, reaching her arm out to me. I turned away.
"It's sunny there." Way to point out the obvious, Charlie. Another great reason to stay here.
"It doesn't matter." I insisted, blocking the way as Charlie moved to get the bags again.
"Forks is no place for you to be. It's time you moved on." Renee suggested. I shook my head, tears flying from my face.
Who was she to tell me when to move on? He was everything. The hole in my chest ripped wide open, but I fought the depression off of me and focused the energy to spike up my anger. This was a time to fight.
"Move on? I'm doing great. I'll try harder. Just leave me here. What about my friends?" I scraped at any excuse to stay.
"Bella, if you tried any harder you might combust. And you haven't spoken to your friends in a long time, Bells." Charlie said.
"I talked to Angela and Mike just last Friday at lunch." I shot back.
"Then when was the last time Angela was here?" Renee nearly screeched, standing up as well. I was taller than her.
"She's been busy. She has a life too." I mumbled, but I knew that I was losing this battle.
"Well I can only pray it's better than yours in this godforsaken town. We're leaving tomorrow night." Renee said, and strutted out of the room, followed by a hunched-up Charlie.
"I'm staying here." I mumbled, but I was at least together enough to know that there was no getting out of this one.
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The next day around noon, Renee dressed me up and dragged me down for my last lunch in Forks. Charlie and Renee sat as far away from each other as possible, and I sat miserably in the middle. Charlie appeared to be choking up from sorrow for my departure, and I was nearly there as well. Renee chewed merrily on a piece of carrot.
"I'll miss you." Charlie offered. It sounded like a question.
"Yeah. Me too." I murmured, not sure if I was saying I would miss Charlie, or I would miss my old life, myself. Then it was quiet for a long time. I was once alright with the silent meals Charlie and I shared, but when it was quiet with Renee at the table… That meant things were just plain awkward. But she eventually cracked, holding up her glass in a toast.
"Here's to moving!" She exclaimed, and I could swear, that as she gave me a quick look, she quietly muttered the word 'on'.
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Mexico is a dreadful place. The sun is horribly hot on my skin, turning it red from a prolonged exposure to it. I was stiff and sore from helping Renee and Phil move boxes and bags around, and my throat was tight from my frequent crying outbursts. I could hardly remember the time I had longed for such sunny and hot climate, though wishing after it just seemed ridiculous now. The streets were filled with cars, windows down. There was no music in the streets- just rap and hip-hop crap. Eventually I would recognize a song from driving around with Jessica way back when, and found that I even met her and her highly permeable blond parter-in-crime. I missed Mike, the speaking version of a golden retriever. I missed Mr. Varner and his boring classes.
Now, looking back, I couldn't remember what there ever was to not like about Forks, a detail I held with great horror- if it was something I missed enough to completely miss it unconditionally through rain and sleet and snow, then I must be broken. Renee had broke me. She used to be my equal, my best friend, but now my only company was Mr. Darcy as I re-read Pride and Prejudice for what must have been the fiftieth time. It seemed that a conclusion to the life I was currently in didn't require that much thinking; it was hardly a sentence.
I need to get out of here.
