Who Wants to Race Me?
DISCLAIMER: SpongeBob SquarePants is owned by Stephen Hillenburg, Nickelodeon, and United Plankton, Ltd. Sonic the Hedgehog is owned by Yuji Naka, Sega, and Sonic Team.
CHAPTER SIX: THE RACE
Spongebob, blissfully unaware of the catastrophe that was about to ensue, but downhearted from Sandy's ignoring, walked at a casual pace towards his pineapple. Now, Spongebob was the kind of person who was simple minded, and therefore, he was easily surprised. However, what Spongebob saw in front of his pineapple was enough to surprise anyone who was knowledgeable in the world of celebrities. Standing in front of Spongebob's pineapple was Mermaidman and Barnacleboy! Spongebob unnaturally freaked out, considering Spongebob had run into the two superheroes numerous times, but he freaked out in a good way. "MERMAIDMAN AND BARNACLEBOY!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING AT MY HOUSE?! IS THERE EVIL AFOOT?!"
Ironic, is it not? Unfortunately for Spongebob and Barnacleboy, a single mention of the word "evil", and Mermaidman took off like an unattended cannon. "Wha…evil? EEEEEVIL!! EVIL!! EEEEEEEEEEEEE…EEEE…EEEEEEEEEVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLL!!"
Barnacleboy gave an angry glance towards Spongebob. "Did you have to say the 'e' word, sponge kid?"
Spongebob looked at his shoes. "Sorry, Barnacleboy. But seriously, what are you doing in front of my house?"
"Well, Mr. Hero here had to just choose a scenic location to sell his merchandise."
"Really? What kind of stuff are you selling?"
Mermaidman got over his run riot and returned to semi-consciousness. (For Mermaidman, there is no such thing as consciousness.) "Well, dear sir, may I have your name?"
"Haven't I told you my name before?"
"I can't recall ever seeing you before, actually."
Barnacleboy reassured, "Don't worry sponge kid. His memory, as you should know, is a bit faulty."
"Yeah, I remember."
"Well, anyway," Mermaidman continued, "we have authentic Mermaidman and Barnacleboy t-shirts, lunch boxes, comic books, DVDs, paddleballs..."
Mermaidman continued on about different toys, golf balls, thermoses, action figures, plushies, more golf balls, but Spongebob obviously got bored of the long list of items and was about to enter his pineapple when a box filled with clothes caught his attention. "Hey Mermaidman, aren't these the real IJLSA (International Justice League of Super Acquaintances) superpower-possessing outfits?"
Mermaidman broke his unintentional monologue and faced Spongebob. "Yeah, they are. What about them?"
"Are you selling these awesome super suits?!"
"Uhh…yeah. Five bucks each," said Mermaidman, forgetting the value of the suits.
"OH BOY!!" Spongebob said, his teeth locked onto his yellow lips. Spongebob put his hand into the box of suits without looking, and pulled out a white shirt with a red lightning bolt on it, and blue boots and glasses that had wings coming out of them. "Doy! The Quickster outfit will make anyone one hundred-fold faster!! And it's mine for just five bucks!"
"Well, since Mermaidman has totally lost his mind, how about thirty-five bucks?"
"Well, I'm sure I've got some loose change somewhere in my pocket," Spongebob struggled to get something out of his left pocket.
Nothing.
He then pulled out something that looked like a piece of green gum. "Will this cover it?" Spongebob asked as he held the crumpled object.
"No," was all that Barnacleboy could say.
The "piece of gum" suddenly unfolded itself and revealed to actually be a one-hundred dollar bill! "Ooh! How about now?"
Barnacleboy shook his head wildly. Therefore, unaware of the value of the bill, and Barnacleboy having a tricky spirit, Spongebob gave Mermaidman the bill, and Barnacleboy gave Spongebob the suit. "See ya, sponge kid! Come again!" Barnacleboy said as Spongebob entered his pineapple to get his water helmet. Barnacleboy laughed to himself, "Finally! No more of that moldy disgusting meatloaf for dinner! That thing tastes so bad, it should be called evil!"
"BARNACLEBOY!!" Mermaidman shouted, causing Barnacleboy to jump and make his white sailor hat fall off of his near-bald head. "Don't forget 'bout the evil!!"
"Oh…you really need to see a psychiatrist," Barnacleboy reasoned.
"A psycho-whatatist?"
"Never mind."
Spongebob grabbed his new suit in one hand and the water helmet in his other hand and ran to the treedome while putting the suit over his regular brown pants/white shirt/red tie ensemble. He slipped the water helmet onto his head, opened the first front door, drained the water from the entry room, and entered the main area of the dome where Sandy had slipped into a black and purple vertical-striped skin-tight jogging suit. Sandy was jogging in place on the grass with a tape-marked starting line in front of her. "Hi there, Spongebob. Decided to show up?"
"I'm taking that as a challenge, and for your information, I've decided to join the race," Spongebob said, crossing his arms.
Sandy laughed hard, "Are you kidding, Spongebob? Ya couldn't beat me before, and I don't think you can beat me now!"
"That's where you'd be wrong, Ms. I'm-So-Fast! Check out my new clothes! It's specially designed to ensure lightning-fast speed!"
Sandy, again, laughed hard. "Do you really think those pajamas that look sillier than a mayor obsessed with pickles will help you win this race?"
"Yes, actually I do!" Spongebob made a rather nervous grin, in which he enlarged and bared all of his teeth. Sandy now laughed harder than she ever had before.
"Well, alright Squaredude. I won't be the judge of what kind of duds ya'll wear on your back, but I seriously reckon that will slow you down more than anything!"
"Oh yeah? We'll just see about that!" supposed Spongebob, starting to get an angry look on his face.
Suddenly, from the front door came in Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and Mr. Krabs, along with an enormous plethora of fish. The fish sat at some bleachers stationed at the plastic walls of the treedome as they all cheered and whooped on who they thought would win the race.
"Oh, goodness, I never thought I would miss oxygen this much!" Sonic shouted as he threw himself onto the grass.
Knuckles shook his head. "You really can't stand H2O, can you?"
Tails and Mr. Krabs went to sit at some hosting boxes on top of one of the bleachers. Mr. Krabs tapped the microphone with his claw. "Hello? Testing, 1, 2, 3,"
Tails and Mr. Krabs sat down on the chairs built into the hosting box. "Good afternoon, entertainment enthusiasts!" Mr. Krabs shouted, a bit of feedback going into the microphone as well. All people in the treedome cheered wildly as people normally would at a football game or rock concert. "Today, we present to you an event like none other has ever occurred in the history of fishkind! A race between some of the fastest people in the world! I'm your host, proprietor and owner of Krusty Krab Incorporated, Mr. Krabs!! "
Tails shouted into his microphone, "And I'm your co-host, Miles or Tails Prower!"
The entire treedome whooped again. Mr. Krabs started, "And now, we are pleased to announce the contestants of this fine race! Contestant number uno is Mr. Sonic the Hedgehog, a speedy little hedgehog from who-knows-where!"
"He's from Station Square," Tails corrected.
"Like I care! Contestant numero dos is Bikini Bottom's own Sandy Cheeks, a land mammal from the mysterious U.S. of A.! Contestant number three, also hailing from Bikini Bottom is Spongebob Squarepants, the Krusty Krab's own little fry cook!"
Tails wrapped up, "And contestant number four is one of Sonic's and my best friend, Knuckles Echidna!"
The four lined up at the starting line, ready to start.
"On your mark…"
Sonic put one of his feet behind the other one.
"Get set.."
Everyone took a deep breath and…
"DON'T GO!!"
"Huh?" asked the four competitors at the same time.
"That's right! I said don't go!" said Mr. Krabs.
"Excuse me?" asked Tails.
"The race doesn't actually start until another five minutes, so audience, feel free to do the wave or enjoy a delicious krabby patty with a side of coral bits while you wait! And now as a substitute, the Krusty Krab is proud to resent the krabby dog, a satchel of 74 percent sea beef in between two elongated buns with hot chili on either side pf the satchel! You can also ask for cheese on it for an extra five dollars!"
"Umm…if the satchel is only 74 percent sea beef, whatever that is, what is the other 26 percent made out of?" asked Tails with a bit of sickness in his voice.
Mr. Krabs answered, "LARD!!"
That made Tails lose his lunch.
In the Chum Bucket, Amy waited anxiously in the meat locker, waiting for something to happen. Suddenly the door began to open! Amy was about to make a run for it until she realized that Eggman blocked the entrance.
"What the heck do you want, doc?" asked Amy edgily. Eggman handed Amy something. "What is this?"
"This is a security device my dear friend Plankton made for you."
"And?"
"He wants you to put it on."
"Why?" Amy reached for her Piko Piko Hammer.
"He wants to sell it off the internet to raise money to improve the Chum Bucket. Plus he wants to keep tabs on you and make sure you don't escape this place."
"WHAT?!" That really angered Amy. She grabbed her hammer and smashed it over Eggman's head as hard as she could, succeeding in knocking him out unconscious. Lucky for her, the door was left open, so she took in some air, held her breath, and walked into the door that Eggman opened. This was not the regular Chum Bucket entrance, but a secret room! Inside the room, it was scorching hot. She swam around the room and then noticed an enormous black cauldron, about fifteen feet high and twenty feet wide. A bonfire lay beneath the enormous pot that made the entire room have a red glow. She swam above the pot and could see that bubbling oil filled the entire cauldron. She wondered to herself, "What is this doing here?"
She swam around the rest of the room and then noticed the keys that could open the doors exiting the Chum Bucket! She swam towards them, but as she reached for them, she felt an intense pain all around her! She struggled to look behind her, and then noticed that Plankton had shot an electrocuting cartridge at her!
"See? That's what happens when people try to touch my belongings or don't wear the accessories I make!"
Amy then closed her eyes shut and fell to the metal floor! The shock didn't kill her, but rather put her into an unconscious state. Plankton then ordered one of his robots to send her to a small room and put in the small microchip Plankton had made under her blouse. Karen suddenly approached Plankton. "Is there any real reason why you're making her wear that?"
"I have my reasons."
"I'm sure you do. Just remember I'm your wife, and even though I'm a computer, I have feelings towards my husband."
Plankton faced Karen. "Are you implying that I think she's…" Plankton didn't need to say it.
"Yep."
"KAREN!! How could you believe such a thing? I'm your husband, and I just love my little screen queen!" Plankton hopped on top of Karen's monitor.
"I'm sure I am," Karen said sarcastically.
Back at Sandy's treedome, during the past five minutes, the audience had subjected themselves to minimal and ridiculous sorts of entertainment, but were all relieved when Mr. Krabs shot into the microphone, "Audience, the wait is over! The contestants are pumped up and ready to race! Speaking of which, racers! To your starting positions!"
The four racers lined up behind the starting line. All of them had their best game face on.
Mr. Krabs now started, "Now, allow me to tell you the matters of prizes! The first place winner is the only one that shall receive a prize, and that prize is…a coupon for a free meal at the Krusty Krab that is absolutely free!"
Then a voice that appeared to come from nowhere said at an extremely fast pace, "Free meal does not include meal, drink, tax, or tip. Ask your doctor if eating at the Krusty Krab is right for you."
Now Mr. Krabs was about to speak again, until Plankton, wearing a tiny water helmet, came to the hosting box! "Plankton! What are you doing here?! Come to stir up some more trouble, have you?"
Plankton came up to Mr. Krabs' ear, or wherever, and whispered something while handing Mr. Krabs a brown sack.
Mr. Krabs and Plankton whispered several partially audible things to each other, and after a while, Plankton left the treedome. Mr. Krabs came back to the hosting box and spoke into the microphone, "And in addition to the coupon, first prize includes," Mr. Krabs took out something, "this large golden trophy with a green diamond on top!"
Sonic's eyes suddenly widened. "Holy cow! That's no run-of-the-mill mining green diamond! That's one of the Chaos Emeralds!!"
"Now before the race starts," Tails started after realizing Sonic's correct assumption, "let's go over the rules one last time. Everybody, pay attention. It's very simple. All you have to do is run ten laps around the circumference of the treedome. Now remember, you cannot race on the right part of the track due to that being considered an advantage to whoever would be racing there and would therefore be considered cheating! Again, just ten laps around the treedome. No going into the right part of the track!"
Sandy looked at Sonic. "Hey, blue boy? I just wanna wish you good luck in this race."
Sonic chuckled, "Well, I'm grateful for your humility, but personally, I don't think I'll need luck."
Both competitors looked to the left part of the track. Spongebob and Knuckles simply looked at each other. They were "silent talking". Knuckles' face was extremely determined and intimidating and almost scary, and Spongebob's face looked nervous from being creeped out by Knuckles and from wondering if the suit still worked since being destroyed by Squidward's magma when he was wearing the suit of "Captain Magma".
Finally, Mr. Krabs came to the line where the racers were lined up and raised the famous small black/white checkered flag.
"Ready?" Mr. Krabs raised the flag.
Sandy readied herself for the sprint of her life.
"Set?" Mr. Krabs made a motion which indicated he was about to wave the flag.
Knuckles grinned. "Now Sonic will realize that he's not so sonic after all!" he thought to himself.
This is the moment you've been waiting for, reader.
"GOOOOOOO!!"
Sandy spun her feet like never before and took off like a gunshot, Roadrunner-style! Knuckles burrowed a hole in the dirt and drill drove five feet ahead in the track! Spongebob, in his Quickster outfit, ran at nearly the exact same speed as Knuckles, making Knuckles even angrier than when he was practicing with Sonic the hour before. But what about Sonic? How did Sonic begin the awesome race? Sonic…
…just sat there?
Tails looked confused, and spoke into the microphone, "Um, Sonic? Mr. Krabs already waved the flag! The race is starting!"
"Oh, I'm well aware of that," answered Sonic smugly.
"Then why aren't you moving?"
"I have my reasons."
While running, Sandy looked at Sonic sitting down, enjoying himself. "Crazy hedgehog," Sandy said to herself.
But as you know, looking back while jogging has serious consequences, and the outcome was that Spongebob, after years of never coming close to beating Sandy in a race, caught up with her! Spongebob smiled to himself, "Finally! I'm gonna beat Sandy!"
Sandy, not wanting to lose now of all times, quickened her pace. By now, Spongebob and Sandy had passed the picnic table, the mark for letting the competitors know that their current lap was halfway done. Sandy and Spongebob share competitive glances, but neither were aware that Knuckles was quickly gaining on them.
In about four seconds, Knuckles was neck-and-neck with Spongebob! "Ha! See you later, sponge hog!"
Knuckles passed Spongebob, but as he was about to pass Sandy, a shrill sound caught him off-guard, and Knuckles fell flat on his face. "Well, I'll be seeing you, amateur treasure hunter!"
Knuckles roared in anger. He wasn't about to be beaten by a block of Swiss cheese and a tree rodent! Knuckles quickened his pace quickly, and ran at top speed, passing Spongebob and staying just behind Sandy. When he was about to pass her, the same shrill noise he had heard before sounded. This time however, Knuckles was expecting it and just shook it off. He put one of his feet in front of Sandy, then the other, but then, Knuckles feet tumbled into Sandy's path, and the two tripped and smashed onto the grass. Tails and Mr. Krabs grimaced painfully. "Ouch!" Tails shouted.
Knuckles climbed onto his knees, shook his head, climbed back onto his feet, put his fists onto the ground, and boosted himself to where Sandy's oversized hamster wheel was, marking the final ten feet of the first lap. The competition continued intermittently, with the place rankings always changing.
Sandy. Spongebob. Knuckles. Spongebob. Knuckles. Sandy.
The second lap finished, and the competitors always passed the same objects, being appropriately used for place markers.
Line. Table. Wheel. Line. Table. Wheel. Line.
In just a matter of minutes, the racers were on the fifth lap, all except for Sonic. Tails shouted into the microphone.
"And that marks the first half of this extraordinary race! Let's go over the current rankings! In first place is Sandy, with Spongebob and Knuckles tied for second place, but surprisingly, Sonic has remained in last place for the entire race. SONIC!"
Sonic woke up from his slumber. "Huh? Is the first part of the race done already?" Sonic looked around. "Well, by the looks of it, it is."
Sonic picked himself off of the ground and dusted himself off. "Welp, better starting late than never!" Sonic said to himself as he started running, but nowhere near his top speed. He was still running pretty fast, though, he was doing about ten miles per hour.
"Well, that little guy sure is fast, but he'll never catch up with us!" Sandy assumed.
But now that the second part of the race had started, things were about to heat up. As soon as Sonic passed the picnic table, a rather large brick of concrete fell out of the sky! "Whoa!" Sonic yelped as he got out of the way just in time. "That was weird."
Sonic shook it off as a coincidence and continued his running, going slightly faster than before. When he reached the door to where Sandy's tree is, a large door opened from below, leading to a pit of magma! All four competitors jumped over the pit, but Sonic was the most freaked out one. "What's this squirrel trying to do anyway, kill me?" Sonic thought to himself.
As soon as he thought this, a wall of spikes headed straight for the racers! Sonic agilely jumped out of harm's way, but it was about to collide with Sandy! Sonic jumped back to where Sandy was and pushed her out of the way and both of them dodged the wall of pain.
"Gee, little blue dude, you saved me! Thanks!"
Sonic nodded, "Don't mention it!"
"You know what? You're right!" Sandy laughed as she continued running. Sonic laughed to himself as well and took off at about fifteen miles per hour. The line which marked the start of lap six stood in front of the competitors, but as the quadroon was about to cross it, some electrocuting lasers came out of nowhere!
"What the…" Sonic gasped. Knuckles burrowed under the ground to avoid the lasers and Sandy jumped over the three lasers. However, Spongebob was running at top speed and could not stop running! "Gee, I never thought it would end this way, being disintegrated by a bunch of lasers!" Spongebob shut his eyes closed and waited for intense pain.
Sonic hopped in front of Spongebob, grabbed him, curled into a ball and hopped over the lasers. Spongebob was traveling too fast to even talk, but motioned in a way that said, "Thank you!"
For the next two laps, the group of competitors dodged the previous traps, but this time with more gracefulness. Still, Sonic was hiding his true speed. That is, until the ninth lap. Sandy looked with sympathy towards Sonic. "Sorry little blue dude, but you might as well face it. With that nap you took at the beginning at the race, you spelled victory for the rest of us!"
"Are you sure?" asked Sonic, starting to grin mischievously.
"Pretty much," answered Sandy.
"Really? THINK AGAIN!!"
Spongebob and Knuckles were both on their ninth lap, Sandy was half-way done with her tenth lap, and Sonic was only on his fifth lap, and now, after all this time, Sonic finally revealed his true speed. Sonic spun his legs at faster-than-lightning speed, and took off, traveling just barely below the speed of sound!
"What in tarnation?" asked Sandy, and by the time she said this, Sonic was beginning HIS final lap! Sandy ran as fast as she could. She was only a few centimeters away from the finish line, but at the rate Sonic was going at, he would finish before Sandy even put her foot on the ground!
Now both competitors were neck-and-neck, both just an inch away from the finish line, and the first person who set foot past the finish line was…
Ha ha ha! Dear reader, I present to you the ultimate cliffhanger possible for this chapter! Now you will hate me! But you don't know where I live! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! Who will win the race? What shall happen to Amy and Patrick? Will Plankton and Eggman finally gain what they are searching for?! You will just have to put your sorry rump next to the computer and log into FanFiction next time I submit another chapter!! Despite all the no-offense insults, I bid you good day, beloved reader, and I hope you keep reading!
