AN: another short chapter...but it is pretty important to the plot so bare with me here...R&R please!
Itachi's POV
I cannot go into that room right now, with this miniscule amount of control. So now I'm just on the roof of Kisame and my hotel. I really didn't mean to…I wasn't supposed to kiss her. I should not have gone to the Kazekage mansion in the first place. Invisible is what I should have been. Not on her bed kissing, seeing her four times a week in the past three months –forty-eight visits. If I didn't wander, I wouldn't have seen the lonely girl at the academy. I wouldn't have witnessed the fact that no other kids were even asking her to join, staying a safe distance from the child –how only the one-tails carrier approached her before being summoned by some ninja. The girl brushed it off and went back to practicing with her weapon. I couldn't help but wonder: would my children endure the same fate, because of who they are associated with?
I want a family. I want my kids to have a better childhood than I did. I know I'm not the greatest at dealing with kids, I never got to be one, but children don't judge. Children usually bring out the best in people –gives them a sense of…awareness. It takes the focus off of themselves and into being a better person and a role model. I want to be like that, and not have to look over my shoulder all the time, double checking everything and trusting nothing. I do not deserve that, I gave that right away five years ago. I don't deserve Hana…
I randomly visited her, for reasons I am still not aware of, and she still tolerates me. I hit her…struck her in the face. If I cannot get over that horrendous accident, how the hell can she? She can't want someone like me, someone like my father…
I'm a prodigy, a genius, and I cannot even begin to fathom this situation. Why the fuck can't she just hate me?! She's the best person I've ever known. She'd give her life and reputation for me, but I can't take that.
Those kisses, I should have left. I could have easily left –but I didn't. I can't take this-her. I do not second guess myself or show regret. Yet this woman has me on a roof, more paranoid than a drug addict. This is not good, I don't get paranoid. If she wants to get hurt…I should just let her right? She knows I am not good, for anyone.
Self-control…a new skill I will have to learn –for both our sakes. It's best for everyone, but it's harder than I thought. I know I like Hana.
'Itachi…you like Hana.'
'Thank you Itachi, I know.' So now I am experiencing a nervous breakdown, or similar. (FYI: you most likely won't be able to say 'I'm having a nervous breakdown' if you really are…no idea why you need to know that but now you do) My hands are shaking and I can't stop bouncing my leg. Maybe if I practice the hand signs to the jutsu I picked up here. I close my eyes to concentrate, but all I see is Hana. Is this how my life will play out? Even when I am away from her, concentrating on something that could eventually make the difference between success and death, she still creeps into my mind?
If I cut off all connection to her, maybe I'll be free from the spell that is Hana Inuzuka. No…that won't work, for I have tried it. I managed that little trick for five years, but then we were just adolescents in 'love'. That petty infatuation with one another is nothing compared to this…affair in our adulthood. Thirteen-year-old me killed the clan, tortured Sasuke, and killed Hana emotionally. I can still torture Sasuke, it has to be done, but can I hurt Hana again?
Why is she even so important? Hana is one in millions of people –one in millions of women. I shouldn't care, yet I do.
Damn…
AN: So that's the end of this...next up Hana & Gaara...
