A/N: For those who just absolutely need to know - here's Bobby's POV. :D


Bobby's POV

Whilst you were away on maternity leave I couldn't help thinking about you, a lot. Not just at work or even about work but thinking about you and how different your life could have been. I mean, if Dutton hadn't been killed when he was, would you ever have transferred to Major Case or would you have had a couple of kids, moved into some safe admin post and never come into my life.

I don't even want to imagine what my life would be like without you in it. You're much more than just my professional partner; you keep me grounded and pull me back into this world when I've delved too deeply into some sick perp's mind; you translate what I say (or sometimes don't say) into what I mean; so that those around us can understand what's going on in this head of mine; you're my best friend and, if I'm honest with myself, you're the reason I can still face getting out of bed in a morning and doing this job.

Luckily for me I don't have to face doing this job alone. If those recent months without you here beside me taught me anything it was to appreciate what we have together, as colleagues and friends. At the same time it's forced me to face the fact that I am undeniably in love with you and that's something I can't risk letting you know.

I certainly can't ever tell you that I wanted you the first time I saw you, you'd probably kill me or maybe just die laughing. I bet you don't even remember, you probably think the first time I ever laid eyes on Alexandra Eames was in the Captain's office at MCS back in 2001; you're wrong.

I remember the first time I ever saw you. It was during the surprise party the guys from Narcotics threw for me when I transferred to Major Case. You were sat at a table with Fin Tutuola and you had him laughing so hard half the room turned to see what was so funny. I didn't know who you were, I just knew I couldn't take my eyes off you for more than a minute before looking back again to check you were still there. I really couldn't understand my reaction: petite blonds were definitely not my first choice when it came to women, in fact my usual taste was your exact opposite, tall brunettes. There was just something about you that seemed to draw my eyes back time and again. Each time I looked at you I felt a surge of need, as if you were the only woman in room who could possibly fill the hole I always felt in my heart. Along with that need I felt a passion like I'd never experienced and I knew I had to have you, if not tonight then soon.

After a while you met my gaze and refused to back down, you didn't drop your eyes from mine for at least a minute, you simply looked back at me, amusement showing in your eyes even across that smoke filled bar. Then I thought I saw something else in your eyes. The amusement dropped away and for a split second I thought I saw a reflection of my own unexpected passion. It's so clichéd, eyes meeting across a crowded room but that's how I remember it.

I was about to walk over and introduce myself when you shifted your gaze and I followed your eyes. You were looking at Joe Dutton, standing at the bar with a crowd of women who seemed to hang on his every word. Then you stood up and walked across to him, fingers brushing against his forearm, an intimate gesture intended, I presumed, to show the women around him that your stake was already claimed.

I felt my heart miss a beat as I realised who you were. I knew Dutton was married but I'd never met you. I didn't tend to socialise much with my squad-mates beyond a drink after shift or a meal with the team after we'd finished a case, so I wasn't familiar with my colleagues' wives, husbands and various other halves. I had guessed the guys would arrange some kind of send off for me but I hadn't really expected there to be so many people there, never mind that they'd invite their out of work partners along. I knew that you were completely off limits. Not only were you married to a cop but your reputation in the Department was legendary even back then. Detective Alex Eames of Vice; you held the record for the most collars in a single night. You were the daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece and cousin to cops both serving and retired. Your brothers and cousins who served on the force were proud of the only woman in their family who'd followed in her father's and grandfathers' footsteps and told tall tales of your escapades to anyone who'd listen. Your husband spoke of you with great professional and personal pride, as well as obvious love.

I couldn't believe the depth of my reaction to the realisation that had struck me, that was the first time in my life I'd actually felt jealous on account of a woman. I'd never felt such a sudden attraction to any woman, nor such an intense one; yet there wasn't a thing I could do about it.

I buried my feelings deep at the end of the evening. I doubt anyone in that bar even realised I'd been watching you and that I continued watching you until you left with Dutton, laughing and joking with people, even dancing with a few of the squad. I thought about asking you to dance but I didn't think I'd be able to control my body's reaction if I held you in my arms.

From that night onwards every woman I dated somehow paled in comparison to you, a woman I'd never even spoken with. I tried dating women who were physically similar to you but that was worse, I found myself dreaming of you after having sex with them. By the time you transferred to MCS you'd been haunting my dreams for over a year, and once we started working together things just got ridiculous.

After the first year of partnering together I stopped sleeping with other women: after one of my dates asked me who it was I was really making love to. I don't like using women and I couldn't lie to myself anymore that that's what I was doing. I continued dating for another six months after that, hoping to find someone, anyone, who would make me feel a fraction of what I felt for you. After that I just kinda gave up on the whole dating idea.

Maybe one day I'll get that feeling again, but I doubt it. You see, you already filled the hole in my heart, I love you and I can't stop loving you. God knows I've tried but nothing works. You complete me, even though I've never held you as a lover, never kissed more than you cheek; you make me whole. Ever since the first night I saw you, you've been the only woman in my dreams. Who knows? I might even get up the courage, at some point in the future, to tell you.

I know you went through a lot just after that night, so you probably don't even remember that much about it but sometimes I wonder to myself when I wake, aching for you; was I fooling myself or did I see desire in your eyes that night and if I did: do you remember?


A/N: Somehow this idea just wouldn't let go of my mind. I really hope you enjoyed reading this.