Edit: Hello, new readers! I just wanted to leave this note to apologize for the crapulence of this chapter; I wrote it about a year-and-a-half ago back when I thought random humor fics in the Warriors fandom were the best thing since they put the crack in crack pairing, and while my writing skills have progressed significantly since then (I hope), I still couldn't edit it enough to make it, well, un-crapulent without rewriting the chapter completely. Since I didn't want to do that, this remains in my opinion the worst chapter of the entire fic, which is rather unfortunate since it's so early on. The reason I'm telling you this is so you won't think that the rest of it is as bad as this one chapter. On with the fic!

Disclaimer: See bottom-- cookies if you read all the way there.

A familiar lean, dark brown tabby she-cat with wild fur stood in the center of the Island, looking quite nervous. "Hello everybody, Dwarfstar here, and welcome to Truth or Dare: Day One!"

Cricket, cricket.

She glared at the silent audience. "I said 'WELCOME TO TRUTH OR DARE: DAY ONE!!!" she yelled.

Everyone clapped half-heartedly. Dwarfstar smiled. "Much better. Anyhoo, looks like we have some new crew members, so please welcome (drum roll please, thank you):

"OWLSPIRIT!!!"

The cats up in the grandstands, which had mysteriously appeared overnight, cheered as a ragged-looking dark ginger tabby tom with strange, glittering green eyes walked onstage. He smiled and bowed, right before he was violently knocked off the stage by an apprentice-sized tan blur.

"AAAND TANFEATHER!!"

Tanfeather grinned as she grabbed the mic from Dwarfstar, then bellowed into the microphone: "HI EVERYBODY I'M TANFEATHER!! CROWXNIGHT SUX AND SO DOES SQUIRRELXASH!!!! WHEEEEEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEEE!!!!!!!!"

She proceeded to do the bunny-hop while head banging. Then she started to breakdance. Then, horror of horrors, she started doing what looked like a nightmarish cross between the tango and the polka!

Dwarfstar grabbed her as quickly as she could with her ears flat against her head and her eyes screwed shut and screamed into her face, punctuating each word with a little shake.

"WHAT--ARE--YOU--DOING?!"

Tanfeather stopped dancing and winced. "Um, Coalfur and Darkstorm said that I had to do a dare when I was introduced and--" Her eyes widened as the truth dawned on her.

"I'M GONNA KILL THOSE TWO -BLEEP-HATS!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHGGGGHH!!!" Tanfeather screeched. Dwarfstar stared after her, wide-eyed, as she ran off the stage.

Owlspirit groaned as he sat up, clutching his head. "Nnnnnghhhh…. Dwarfstar? What the crap just happened?"

"Well, I'm not exactly sure," she said as she helped him to his feet, "But I think that Coalfur and Darkstorm pulled one over on Tanfeather, her being new and all."

Owlspirit nodded. "Ah. Continue."

"I am sure, however, that unless we get to them quickly, they are in for a world of pain. And that would be very bad, considering we need both of them for the next couple of dares! So up you come, we have a couple of assistants to save! We'll be right back in just a minute, folks, so stay right there for now!

Owlspirit looked around the arena, still dazed. "Where's everyone else?…"

"Oh yeah, that's right!" Dwarfstar reached into her UBER-SPIFFY Pocket of Doom and pulled out a magic wand. She closed her eyes to recite the magic spell that would bring the other hosts and assistants to the arena: "HEY EVERYYBODY GET YOUR LAZY BUHONKUSSES OVER HERE!!!" she bellowed loudly.

One MAGIC POOF OF DOOM later, nine cats stood in the arena. Dwarfstar was, for some inexplicable reason, wearing silly blue star-covered robes with a matching pointed hat; Owlspirit was wearing a hobo costume and a confused look; and a dark-gray she-cat with dark blue eyes and an intricately-designed kittypet collar was dressed up in a princess costume, while a gorgeous pale golden-ginger tabby tom dressed as a prince kneeled in front of her with a diamond ring in a little box.

A skinny brown tom with freakishly wide-open, pale green eyes wearing a silly, STUPENDOUSLY HIDEOUS green-and-black Robin-turned-supervillain outfit (complete with retarded tights) was crouched in front of one of those cartoony detonators, belting out a monologue; and a big, dopey-looking border collie wearing a normal T-shirt and jeans was scratching his butt. And, oh yeah, one other thing…

Tanfeather was standing over a big, dark brown tabby tom with giant green eyes, and a much smaller black tom with a pale yellow patch on his head and goggles on his forehead, both of whom had terrified expressions on their faces, and also both of whom where wailing for their mommies, while Tanfeather currently possessed a baseball bat and an enraged expression.

"Yo! Tanfeather!" Owlspirit yowled. "We need them for some dares!"

Tanfeather looked up and snarled. "SHADDUP! YOU CAN HAVE WHAT'S LEFT OF 'EM AFTER I'M DONE!! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Oh yeah?! Make me, -bleep-!"

All the cats in the stadium gasped. Tanfeather dropped the bat and stalked menacingly towards Owlspirit. "Nobody--CALLS--ME--A---BLEEP-!!!!!" she screeched, right before pouncing on the ragged tabby warrior.

"Oh yeah?! I just did!"

"YO MOMMA'S A HO!"

"YO DADDY'S A HO!"

"What's that?! Your FACE is?!"

"LOOOOSAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!"

"YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME BECAUSE I'M A HOST AND YOU'RE JUST AN ASSISTANT!"

"Well hosts can get dares too, and you're only Host 4!"

"Well you're Assistant 5, so you have to do what I say!!"

"I DO'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO -BLEEP-S!!!""THEN WHY DON'T YOU CHANGE OUT OF THAT HOBO COSTUME?!?!"

"You know," remarked the border collie in dog language, "I don't see what's so terrible about being called a -bleep-. I find them to be quite sexy myself."

"Well, you see, Teddy," a much relieved Darkstorm explained as he watched the fun, "To a cat, dogs are the absolute most disgusting, stupid, smelly, ugly, clumsy, slobber-mouthed booger-brained animals in all of Creation. No offense."

Teddy Bear nodded. "None taken. Continue."

"So," the tabby warrior continued, "It is considered an extreme insult to call anyone a dog, including dogs themselves. It's even worse if you use a curse word that was an insult to begin with and why the heck are you talking in dogspeak?"

Teddy shrugged. "I don't know. How can you understand me?" Dwarfstar suddenly appeared in the middle of the stage with a poof of smoke.

"With his HANDY DANDY DOG DECODER!!!" she yowled in Darkstorm's ear, causing him to flinch and fall over on top of Tanfeather and Owlspirit, who were now beating each other with kitchen sinks.

"What the -bleep-? Where did you get those?" The two cats stopped beating the crap out of each other to point at the skinny tom with the STUPENDOUSLY HIDEOUS Robin outfit. Before Darkstorm could walk over and begin berating him (a.k.a., beating the crap out of him) for not giving him one, everyone had to cover their ears when an earsplitting yowl echoed over the Island and all the way back to the old Clan territories.

"YES SUNHEART I WILL MARRY YOU!!!" All eyes turned over to where Wavepelt and Sunheart were now making out. Owlspirit looked concernedly (is that even a word? Who cares) at Tanfeather, who had turned her back and was now hunched over and convulsing.

"Tanfeather? Are you oka-- EEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!!!!" he screeched as she turned and blew chunks all over him. "DWARFSTAR!" Dwarfstar, still in her wizard getup, turned, waved her wand, and Owlspirit was once again vomitless.

"Awwwww, you were worried about her! That's so sweet of you!" Dwarfstar cooed. Owlspirit forced a grin as he threw an arm around Tanfeather's neck and spoke between clenched teeth.

"Yes, and that was so sweet of her to give me a present," he said between clenched teeth.

"Urgh… can't… breathe…" Tanfeather choked as his arm tightened around her neck.

This tender scene, however, was interrupted by another screech.

"HELP MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!" Everyone turned AGAIN to see that all the she-cats in the stadium had tied up Wavepelt and thrown her in a corner, and were now groping Sunheart. Coalfur had sneaked up and tried to help, but he'd been thrown against the wall, tied up and thrown in the corner with Wavepelt. Everyone else dashed over and tried to get the she-cats off of their super-sexy friend, but they really weren't getting anywhere until Dwarfstar finally stepped over and yelled:

"Hocus pocus oderae shecatium!" Immediately, all of the she-cats started to smell like month-old crowfood crap.

"Oops." She grinned sheepishly. "Accidentally said 'Oderae' instead of 'Orderae'. Well, here we go again! Hocus pocus orderae shecatium!" Suddenly, all the she-cats except for Dwarfstar, Tanfeather, and Wavepelt were all neatly arranged in their seats. Except that something was still wrong…

"You forgot to get rid of the crowfood crap smell! I mean spell!" screeched Wavepelt. A murmur of agreement went around the stadium.

"Geez, you people sure are pushy… Alrighty then! Harum scarum oderae shecatium!" The smell cleared up immediately. "Now that going to list the Hosts and Assistants, and then it's dare time! Hocus pocus listris appearae!" With a MAGIC POOF OF DOOM, the list appeared in thin air. Dwarfstar adjusted her glasses and started reading aloud.

"Host 1:

Host

2: Wavepelt

Host

3:

3:

Host

4:

4:

Assistant

1:

1:

Assistant

2:

2:

Assistant

3:

3:

Assistant

4:

4:

Assistant

5:

5:

"Well, that about does it for introductions! Harum scarum listris appearae!" The list disappeared.

"Hey, I'm gonna go get a hot dog. Who wants to come with me?" Sunheart called.

"I DO!" yelled Wavepelt, waving her paw in the air (no pun intended). She ran over, jumped on top of Sunheart, and rode piggyback all the way to the hot dog stand. Dwarfstar stuck her tongue out childishly and turned to the audience.

"Now finally we can get to the dares! All right, dare one is from Sunpaw's Loyalty to Coalfur and Darkstorm. Ahem… 'Coalfur should dare Darkstorm to tell Starclan they're evil! And if he doesn't, then off the cliff with him!' "

Dwarfstar looked around to find Darkstorm sneaking off. She nodded her head in Teddy Bear's direction, then at Darkstorm. Teddy Bear nodded, then pounced on him and held him down. "Well, Coalfur, it said you have to dare him, so…" Dwarfstar shrugged.

Coalfur walked over to a struggling Darkstorm. "Well, it mentioned me, so… Darkstorm, I challenge you to--"

"DARE HIM! You have to dare him!"

"--Whatever dare you to go tell Starclan that they're evil!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Darkstorm sobbed. "Wait, how am I going to talk to them and tell them that they're evil?"

"HOCUS POCUS CELIPHONIS STARCLANIAN!" POOF! A cell phone appeared out of thin air. Tanfeather picked it up and handed it to Darkstorm, grinning evilly as she did so.

"Hello?" a voice crackled on the line. "Yellowfang speaking." Darkstorm just stared at the phone. "Spit it out already, Hannah Montana comes on in three minutes!" Darkstorm gulped, took a deep breath, and began speaking quickly into the telephone.

"HellomynameisnotDarkstormStarclanisevilandyousuckbye!"

"Who the -bleep- is thi--"

Click.

Everyone stared for a second, then burst out laughing, except for Teddy Bear, who just continued to stare with a puzzled look on his face. "What's Hannah Montana?…"

Dwarfstar coughed again. "Well, um, now that we know a little bit more than we wanted to about Yellowfang, let's move on to the second dare. Nukefur, would you read it please?" The lanky brown cat nodded, took the paper, and read:

"From Storyman3000 to Teddy Bear and/or Coalfur: 'My dare: I dare Teddy Bear to demand Sunheart to marry him! (If that doesn't work out this is my second one: I dare Coalfur to make Tigerstar rise from the dead, and tell him he's the most cuddly warrior ever!!)'"

Everyone looked at Coalfur. "Uuuummmmmm………. Do I have to?" The small black rogue looked pleadingly at Dwarfstar, who was picking her nose with her wand while spacing out and singing 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow'. "Dwarfstar?…"

Dwarfstar gave her head a little shake and pulled the wand out of her nose. "Oh, sorry. What? Yes, Coalfur, you have to do it. But Teddy Bear has to do his dare first, so out of the way!" She picked up the small warrior and threw him out of the way.

Nukefur took over. "All right, Teddy Bear, I'm going to need you to talk catspeak for now, because not everybody has the--"

"HANDY DANDY DOG DECODER!!"

"--Yes thank you, Dwarfstar. So, think you can do it?" Teddy Bear nodded. "Alrighty then, here comes Sunheart now! Go!" Nukefur shoved him in the direction of the hot dog stand, where Sunheart and Wavepelt were cooing and giggling and acting all lovey-dovey as they walked back to the stage.

Teddy Bear took a deep breath and barked in awkward chatspeak--I mean catspeak. -cough-. "Hey!"

Sunheart jumped and looked in his direction. "Hey, Teddy Bear, what's up?" he asked, fur flattening as he took a bite of his hot dog.

"Hey!" Teddy Bear barked again. "Marry me!"

To which Sunheart promptly responded by choking on his hot dog. "WHAT?!?" he yowled, eyes wide.

"Marry me! You not hear me right? Hey, you okay?"

Sunheart hacked up a piece of relish and screamed. "NO I'M NOT OKAY?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'MARRY YOU'?!?!?"

"Mean exactly what I say. You not okay? That too bad. Dwarfstar, you marry us please?"

Dwarfstar grinned evilly. "Sure! Do you promise to stand by each other in riches and in poverty, sickness and health, blah blah blah. I now pronounce you dog and cat. You may make out with the cat!"

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" Sunheart shrieked as he ran away screaming. Wavepelt growled and pounced on Teddy Bear.

"I'LL TEACH YOU TO PROPOSE TO MY SUNNY-BOY!!!" she snarled.

NOTE: This scene has been edited from this fanfic at the request of parents everywhere, for epic blood and gore. We will continue in just a moment. Thank you for your patience.

-Dwarfstar-

As Teddy Bear was wheeled away on an emergency stretcher, everyone looked quite disturbed and sickened. Tanfeather barfed into a paper bag.

Dwarfstar shrugged. "Oh well, we didn't need him for any more dares today. Now Coalfur, time for your dare!"

Coalfur groaned. "How the crap am I supposed to make Tigerstar appear?"

Dwarfstar sighed. "Well, since you're too much of a wuss to do anything, I'll just have to do it myself."

"The dare?" Coalfur's voice squeaked hopefully.

"No, the making-Tigerstar-rise-from-the-dead thing. Stand back, people! Hocus pocus cadaverous negativri!" With yet another MAGIC POOF OF DOOM, a huge, dark form took shape as the purple smoke cleared.

"-HACK- -COUGH-, Holy crap what's with the all the friggin' smoke? Where the heck am I?! And WHY THE -BLEEP- AM I WEARING A TEDDY BEAR COSTUME?!?!?"

Owlspirit spoke up. "Hello, Mr. Tigerstar, welcome to CONFESS THAT SECRET! Today's confessee is none other than COALFUR, THE MECH-BUILDING ROGUE!!!"

Cricket, cricket.

He coughed and shoved Coalfur up in front of him. "Coalfur, is there something you wanted to say to Tigerstar?"

Coalfur stared nervously up at Tigerstar, who had a menacing expression on his face. Then he looked down at his tiny, fragile body. Then, sweat dripping down his face, he swallowed, looked up, and spoke.

"You m-might want to-to try that p-pizza parlor d-down the street right next to--"

"COALFUR!"

"All right, all right!" he sobbed. "TIGERSTAR, I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE THE CUDDLIEST WARRIOR!" Then he curled up into a miserable, sobbing ball on the floor.

"OH CRAP! OH CRAP NOW HE'S GOING TO EAT ME THEN KILL ME AND HE'S GOING TO BREAK OFF ALL MY LIMBS SO I WON'T EVEN BE ABLE TO FEED MYSELF AND I'LL HAVE TO BE SPOONFED FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE CURSE YOU STORYMAN CURSE YOU OH WHY DID I AGREE TO THIS WHY WHY WHYYYY?!?!?!"

Suddenly, he felt himself being hugged in a crushing grip. "What the--" He opened one eye to see Tigerstar hugging him and grinning like a kit.

"Oh happy day! I never wanted to be a big bad villain, honest I didn't! I always wanted to be a ballerina but nooo, I have to go and cause all sorts of crap and be all big bad and tough, sez my dad! I'm just soooo happy someone finally saw me for who I am! Oh thank you thank you thank you!!!" He then disapppeared in a puff of pink smoke.

"Well that was weird," remarked Darkstorm, who had been hiding in a corner and reading something. Owlspirit narrowed his eyes as he scrutinized the cover.

"What are you reading, Darkstorm? Lemme see… 'The Weekly Librarian: Pointy Glasses and Shapely--' "

"So, what's the next dare, Dwarfie?" Darkstorm asked loudly, and a bit too cheerfully, hiding the pamphlet behind his back as an anime sweat-drop appeared on his head.

Dwarfstar cleared her throat. "Well, I'd ask you to read the next dare, Wavepelt, but your paws are all covered with blood. Tanfeather?"

"Yes!" the young she-cat squealed. She grabbed the paper and read the front. "From Tanfeather to Firestar, Brambleclaw, and All of ThunderClan: '1

. HAVE FIRESTAR MATE WITH EVRY SHE-CAT IN ALL CLANS BUT SANDY!

2

. PUNISHMENT MATE WITH SQUIRRELFLIGHT!

. PUNISHMENT MATE WITH SQUIRRELFLIGHT!


3. BRAMBLECLAW MATE WITH TAWNYPELT.
4. PUNISHMENT EAT CROWFOOD.
5. ALL THUNDERCLAN CATS: DATE WINDCLAN!
6. PUNISHMENT DATE SHADOWCLAN.'

"Tanfeather? You wrote that?!?!" Darkstorm mewed, horrified. "Why the crap do you want Clanborn cats to commit incest?!"

"Weeellllll….." Tanfeather blushed. Dwarfstar cleared her throat again.

"Um, we'll just change that to 'making out', alrightee?"

Cricket, cricket.

She glared around the circle. "I said, 'ALRIGH--' "

"Yes Dwarfstar, we heard what you said. Now we need the cats for the dare." said Darkstorm calmly. Dwarfstar raised her wand and yelled:

"Hocus pocus Firstarius appearae!" POOF!

"Hocus pocus Squirrelflitticus appearae!" POOF!

"Hocus pocus Brambliclion appearae!" POOF!

"Hocus pocus Tanipiltir appearae!" POOF!

With each MAGIC POOF OF DOOM, a well-known Clan cat appeared. "Toms and she-cats, please welcooome…." Coalfur yowled in his surprisingly impressive sports announcer voice,

"FIRESTAR!" All the cats, including the TOD (Truth or Dare) crew, cheered and clapped as Firestar, who was quite confused but decided to grab the chance for more publicity anyway (poor sucker), bowed and smiled. Don't ask me how they clapped with just paws. I'm just the narrator. Anyhoo.

"SQUIRRELFLIGHT!" Squirrelflight grinned and threw both paws up in the rawkfist pose.

"

BRAMBLECLAW!" Brambleclaw, being a bit smarter than Firestar and Squirrelflight, since the Tigerstar gene beats the mess out ofthe Firestar gene (but enough about that before I get mobbed by angry Firestar fangirls), was a bit more cautious about what they were getting themselves into, and therefore hung back somewhat.

"AAAAND TAWNYPELT!" Tawnypelt, who was wearing a sexy-- I mean, revealing OW! Quit it, I'm just the narrator! Anyhoo, Tawnypelt was wearing a strapless black evening gown and holding a rose in her gloved paws. She glared around the stadium.

"OK, who teleported me here?! I was in the middle of a very romantic dinner with Rowanclaw!" She snarled angrily. Brambleclaw looked shocked.

"Wait, who did you hire to babysit Tigerkit, Flamekit, and Dawnkit?"

--------------------

"WHOOHOOOOOOOOO WHAZZUP MAH HOMI WHAZZUUUUUUUP?!?!" Tigerkit yowled as he tore around bouncing off the walls.

"IIIIII WANT CAN-DAY, UH, UH-UH-UH I-I WANT CAN-DAY! WHOO! WHOO-HOO YEAH!" Flamekit sang (if you can call that singing) loudly as he bounced up and down on his nest.

Blackstar swiped angrily at Dawnkit, who had just bounded up onto a high, protruding branch in the nursery. "Get your -bleep- down here, you little -bleep-!" he snarled. Dawnkit responded by throwing a melted, half-eaten Smore onto his head.

"Bad Blackie!" she exclaimed. "Go sit in the corner!" A boxing glove randomly shot out of the wall of the nursery and punched Blackstar backward into a corner.

---------------------

Tawnypelt shrugged and turned to Dwarfstar. "Whaddya want us for?" she asked, none too politely. Dwarfstar looked at her severely over her glasses.

"It's not your dare yet, so go sit in a corner." The boxing glove's cousin shot out of the wall and threw Tawnypelt back into a corner. Then, a computer with arms jumped over and tied her up so that she couldn't move, see or hear. Dwarfstar turned to the other, now somewhat scared Clan cats and smiled cheerfully.

"Firestar, I believe your dare was first. You have been dared to make out with every she-cat in all the Clans but Sandstorm. The punishment is that you have to make out with Squirrelflight. Well, what are you waiting for? Get to it!"

Firestar looked at her pathetically. "But-- but if I make out with all the she-cats, that would include Squirrelflight!" he cried.

"Hmmm, well, alright. The dare has been altered. Make out with all she-cats in all Clans but Sandstorm and your blood relatives. Now GO!"

Firestar took a deep breath, and walked off to go make out with all the she-cats. Dwarfstar turned to Squirrelflight. "Now, since Firestar took the altered dare, you have no reason to be here." Squirrelflight's eyes widened as Dwarfstar raised her wand, and opened her mouth.

"Harum scarum Squirrelflitticus appearae!"

POOF! Squirrelflight disappeared with a shriek. The smiling, wizard-costumed she-cat turned to Brambleclaw and Tawnypelt, who were staring wide-eyed at the spot where Squirrelflight had been. "Now, for the second-to-last dare!" She handed the slip of paper to Tawnypelt. The ShadowClan queen stared at it for about five seconds, not moving or making a sound.

Then she turned, snatched the, erm, 'well-seasoned' magpie that Jaypaw found in The Sight, and without further hesitation shoved it down Brambleclaw's throat. The large, rather emo tabby tom spluttered and gagged, but swallowed it anyway. Sunheart handed him a bottle of ipecac, which he immediately chugged. With a sympathetic look on her face, Dwarfstar waved her wand. "Harum Scarum Brambliclion appearae!" The sick-looking tom disappeared in a POOF of smoke. Sunheart shrugged at the questioning looks from the audience.

"Hey, just because we force cats to do humiliating, unpleasant and often painful things doesn't mean we're completely evil." Dwarfstar nodded, then turned to the audience.

"All right!" she yowled. "We have one more dare to go, and we're finished!" She turned and read the slip of paper again. "ThunderClan date WindClan, huh?" She looked at the ThunderClan cats present. "Well?"

Said ThunderClan cats immediately moved over next to the ShadowClan cats. Dwarfstar smiled. "Okie-day, that's settled then! Walk safe and don't drink any unknown Twoleg substances found on the way home! Goodnight, cats of the Clans!" She threw her arms up in the rawkfist pose and then walked out of the arena, followed by the TOD crew.

----------------------------------

Back in the TOD Cruiser, which was actually a banged-up old trailer house that the crew lounged around in, said TOD crew were relaxing and resting up from the show. "Well, who thinks tonight was a success?" Darkstorm yowled loudly, lifting his skillfully made leaf-cup full of soda, courtesy of some kindly Twolegs (who were unaware of their contribution, but back to the present).

"I do!"

"Me!"

"Totally!"

"Moi!"

"I would have liked it better if I could've killed that--"

"Now now, Wavey, violence is almost never the answer."

"Key word almost. And my name is Wavepelt, not Wavey."

Coalfur shrugged. "True, true. To a show well done!" The cats knocked their cups together (since you can't exactly 'clink' cups made from leaves).

Owlspirit looked over at Dwarfstar, who was hunched over a piece of paper. "Dwarfstar, you okay? You haven't said anything since we got back to the Cruiser." Dwarfstar looked up, smiling.

"Oh, I'm fine. But, it looks like tomorrow we're going to get four new crew members. A heavily-built black tom with green eyes, white chest, paws, and tailtip, Twoleg name Sirus. Black she-kit with pale green eyes and a rather evil personality, name Shimmerkit. White tom with black paws, ears, nose, and tail, ice-blue eyes, Twoleg name Hobo."

She smiled proudly, tapping the paper. "I'm currently raising him, and I think I've done a good job so far. And finally, a very strange white tom, looks like a cat, but is suspected to be something quite different, shape-shifting brownie perhaps. Has wide, unsettling yellow eyes, teeth perpetually bared in a Cheshire Cat grin, thin black stripes on face, mask-pattern around eyes, strange talon-like paws with odd black pattern, almost like fingerless gloves, black tailtip, and, (this is why we think he's a brownie), tiny angel wings with black edges." The crew stared at her in disbelief.

"But that's impossible!" Tanfeather cried. "That's the kind of thing you find in crappy Sue-stories about the all-powerful cat named Moonstone or Moonpool or Silverpelt who will save the world from EvilClan! That's an affront to nature! How could you accept him onto our team?"

Dwarfstar looked at her severely, and then continued as if she hadn't been interrupted. "We also noticed that he moves more like a Twoleg, or more specifically an ape--"

"An ape?" Coalfur asked quizzically. "What the -bleep- is an ape?"

Wavepelt spoke up. "An ape is a strange creature that swings on trees and eats bananas, according to Twoleg stereotype." She nodded at Dwarfstar. "Continue."

Dwarfstar smiled. "Thank you. Anyway, as previously stated, his felinity is very much in doubt. We are taking him on the crew because he could very well be a useful member of said crew."

"'Kay. By the way, what's his name?" Tanfeather asked. Dwarfstar looked a bit uneasy.

"Well, you see, he doesn't have one. IF you really need something to call him, he'll answer to Noname. Either way," she stated sternly, looking around at the crew, "He's already been hired, and he's on his way here with the others, and there is nothing any of us can do about it. Anyway, let's all get to bed. It's been a long night, wouldn't you agree?"

Nukefur nodded. "You heard her, everyone!" he yowled. "Go to your trailers!" Everyone began to move out.

"WAAAAAAIIT!" Everyone turned to see Wavepelt standing in the middle of the trailer, paws akimbo. "Dwarfstar, what about the numbers? We already have nine people on the crew. We can't possibly fit thirteen into the schedule at one time, and there will probably be more people to come! None of us will have more than about three seconds of screen time!" she yowled.

Sunheart laid his tail wearily on her shoulder. "We should just have nine cats on the stage at a time, and rotate the schedules. Come on already, I'm tired." He turned to Wavepelt and put on his cute, glassy-eyed look. "Pleeeeaaaaase?" Wavepelt nodded reluctantly, and the TOD crew cleared out of the trailer, heading to their separate sleeping quarters.

Only Dwarfstar remained, staring into space. When everyone was gone, she smiled suddenly. "To a job well done," she said to the empty air, then drank the last of her soda and walked back to her trailer.

------

Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors, the Wizard of Oz, the dares, Tanfeather, Owlspirit or Shimmerkit. Wavepelt and Nukefur sort of represent my friend and my brother, respectively; Darkstorm, Coalfur, Sunheart, Hobo and Teddy Bear all represent pets I've had in the past (although Coalfur is a rabbit in real life, and I still own both him and Hobo); Sirus and Noname are two characters I made up; Tanfeather belongs to Tanfeather, or Anonymous Twilight Fan -gags at the Twilight reference-, as she's called these days; and Owlspirit belongs to Storyman3000 (who's not really a man, by the way ;)).

Yes, I called Brambleclaw emo. Yes, I actually posted it. Yes, I enjoyed doing so immensely. Yes, I hate Hannah Montana with a fiery passion. -snarls and claws at the locks keeping her inside of her refrigerator-

Let's see, prize for Funniest and Most Creative Dare goes to… Storyman3000, Cuddly Tigerstar! Don't worry, I didn't just do the 'Tigerstar is a sissy' thing for cheap laughs, it will be explained later on. Now, originally, there were some rules here, but they've been moved to the first chapter. So if you didn't read them already, do so please. ;)

I know, Noname is impossible, but he's been explained as not really a cat, and that really only works once a story.

Welp, that's all for now! Hope ya liked! And if you didn't, well, you're fully entitled to your opinion. I'm not going to try and hide behind the 'I'm a new author plz don't flame me kthnxbai' shield. If you wanna flame, go ahead. Flames will be used to bake cookies for those who deserve them, ignored, or quite possibly laughed at, depending on my mood.

Thanks to all my reviewers (yes, even Iceflight)!

Ciao,

-Dwarfstar-

Owlspirit- ragged dark ginger tabby with mysterious, glittering green eyes. Can be mean-- OK, scratch that, practically explodes when he's angry, very short temper, but pretty nice most of the time. Mortal enemies with Tanfeather.
Teddy Bear- a large, dumb-but-sweet border collie with brown eyes who somehow managed to make his way into a story about cats. Greatly enjoys rather stupid and sometimes dangerous activities, such as jumping off cliffs, playfighting with wolverines, and annoying the old lady next door.
Sunheart- charming, sweet pale ginger tabby tom with big, beautiful golden eyes. Is constantly groped by she-cats. Engaged to Wavepelt.
Darkstorm- dark brown tabby tom who looks almost uncannily like Tigerstar, except that his eyes are green, not yellow. Very grouchy, enjoys beating people up.
Coalfur- small gray-black tom with almost-red orange eyes, a short, bushy, grayish tail and a pale ginger patch on his head. Plots world domination, is a bit of a pervert, wears goggles on forehead.
Tanfeather- small, tan-furred she-cat with blue eyes and mischievous, bubbly personality. Hell-bent on beating the crap out of Darkstorm and Coalfur, and doesn't get along too well with Owlspirit, for that matter.
Nukefur- skinny brown tom with pale green eyes, a bushy tail, and a much more whimsical-yet-down-to-Earth mentality than his sister. Dwarfstar's brother.
- very dark gray, almost black she-cat with dark blue eyes. Dwarfstar's best friend. Wears an intricately designed silver kittypet collar with matching silver leg and tail bands. Engaged to Sunheart.
Dwarfstar- lean dark grayish-brown tabby she-cat with round amber eyes, long, unruly fur, and a reserved, distracted personality, with a touch of mischievousness and silliness. Wavepelt's best friend. Wears glasses, strangely enough.