Vince the Moderate Merry Man Part 6
By Alfonsina

When Vince left, I found myself in the shower for as long as the hot water held out and another fifteen minutes after that. That was the good news. The bad news was that I was still overheated in a big, bad way. Sitting on a bag of frozen peas didn't even help. I was in a bad way.

I went to the bonds office to see Connie about picking up Jerry Capaldi's file.

"So what happened last night with Morelli? It doesn't look like things went well based on the lack of after-glow," Connie said.

"Yeah, but something happened, you can see whisker burn on her neck," Lula said.

Perfect.

"Morelli and I have finally come to an understanding," I said. "It is now officially over. No going back, no regrets, no more second chances for either of us."

"Was that decided before or after the whisker burn?" Lula asked.

I looked down and didn't answer.

"No file until there are details," Connie said. Connie was never shy about using blackmail to get what she wanted from me.

"No details. I need to make rent. Give me the file."

"You know the rules," Lula said. Some days Lula was no help to me at all. "It wasn't Ranger, cause he's still out of town. You find yourself a new man?"

I was trying to say nothing and be very casual about this conversation. I would have been more casual except that the door opened and it was Vince with Caesar.

The usual pleasantries were exchanged and files for Rangeman were distributed.

"Hey, there you are," Vince said. "I forgot my bag at your place this morning. Do you mind if I pick it up sometime today?"

"Do you want the key?" I asked more out of formality than anything else.

He looked at me and shook his head slowly. "I never need a key with that cracker box you live in."

Just how many times had he been to my place without my knowledge? Never mind, I really didn't want to know.

"Does no one respect my privacy?" I asked the room.

Not one word was said, but they all shook their heads at me.

"Privacy isn't guaranteed by the Constitution," Vinnie called through the door.

"Man, just kiss her so we can get on with the rest of our day," Caesar said to Vince. "That's the real reason why we're here, isn't it?"

I was expecting a quick peck on the cheek, if that, but no. Vince doesn't do anything part way. It was another of those hypnotic kisses I was discovering he was so good at. I'd've done about anything if he would just keeping kissing me exactly like that.

"Remember, I'm goal oriented," he whispered into my ear before he resumed the kiss.

"You two need to get a room," Caesar said. Vince ignored him, and everybody else for that matter.

"I heard you say you might need some help on a skip today? I'm free early afternoon if you want help," Vince said. "Then we'll have dinner and meet up with Binky."

I hadn't recovered my ability to speak yet so I just watched as Connie handed him the folder.

Jerry Capaldi was an 345 pound, 6'2" opera singer turned music teacher who was in mourning for Pavarotti. Seemed that when he got drunk, no matter where he was, he'd break out into an aria at full volume. Since the death of his idol, Mr. Capaldi was trying to serenade the entire metropolitan area. The only catch was when he was arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct, he was found to be carrying concealed. The weapon was a Desert Eagle with three spare clips. Big toys for big boys, I guess.

"Man, you haven't seen Binky yet? You're changing your ways, man," Caesar said. "Usually you see him within the first twelve hours of something like this."

What exactly did Binky have to do with anything?

They were about to head for the door when Caesar leaned in and kissed me on the cheek, "Congratulations Steph. Just don't break his heart, OK?"

Vince made a noise and Caesar opened the door. Vince kissed me gently and said, "I'll call you around 3:30 so we can meet up and get your bad guy. See you soon."

After the door closed, I made an attempt to take the file off of Connie's desk, but my reflex time wasn't fast enough.

"Now, Steph, you're gonna tell Auntie Connie and Auntie Lula all about it, aren't you?" Connie intoned.

"Uh, no."

"Looks like you gave the old heave ho to the cop for Mr. Blonde-and-Built that just left," Lula said.

I wasn't thinking and I closed my eyes and pinched the top of my nose with my left hand. The room erupted again when they spotted the ring. The band was so slender that I'd forgotten it was still on my finger.

"Girl, you have gotten married and haven't told anybody, haven't you?" Lula accused.

"Not exactly."

"How come you're wearing a ring? Wait a minute, he was wearing a ring too, now that I think about it," Connie said.

"It isn't how it looks, I forgot to give it back to him after last night. It doesn't mean anything, really," I said. I didn't sound convincing in my own ears and I knew damned well they weren't buying what I was trying to sell.

"So something did happen with Mr. Hunk-of-Burning-Everything," Lula said.

"Not exactly. He was there to help me end things with Joe last night," I said.

"I bet that conversation was smooth," Connie said.

"It could have been a lot smoother," I said. "I pretty much wrapped my tongue around my eye tooth. I couldn't see to talk."

"So how did it end?" Lula asked.

"Vince showed Morelli the wedding ring and Morelli was a little preturbed," I said. "At least there was no blood spilled."

"So why did Vince show Morelli a wedding ring on your finger?" Connie asked.

"Because I forgot to take it off from that morning," I said with a sigh. "I'm not married. It just happens that Vince and I spent the night in a stairwell together. He wanted to see what the guys would do if they saw us with the rings on. That's it. I just forgot to take it off and give it back to him."

"The man walks around with wedding rings?" Connie asked. "Now that's a new one. Why would he walk around with wedding rings?"

I really didn't want to go there, but it was easier to say it than to fight with the two of them. "He won't fool around unless he's married."

"I used to have a client like that. He'd have us both put our hands on the motel bible and then he'd take a magic marker to my finger so he could pretend I was his wife," Lula said. "And then he would want to play 'the honeymoon game' with some flavored oils …."

"Lula, I don't need any more details, OK?"

"Be all uptight about it. That's what you two did, isn't it?"

"There was no bible, there was no honeymoon game," damn it, "and there was no fooling around. He's a very straight arrow kind of a guy." Well there'd been enough fooling around for me to want to sign on the dotted line and feed Vince nothing but oysters until my cravings had been satisfied.

"That doesn't explain why he had the rings with him," Connie said.

"I guess since he won't unless he's married, he's prepared to get married at the drop of a hat," I said. "Now will you give me the file?"

"Don't think we won't call the Courthouse later today to see about your marriage license," Connie said.

Just what I always wanted. "You won't find one. No marriage license, no wedding and no sex. Got it?"

I was the one who wanted to get it, after those couple of kisses just now, I was going to need to go home and take another shower.

"I want to make a Costco condom run," Lula said. "Want to come with me?"

"You drive," I said. I would probably regret being in the prophylactic aisle with Lula.

A/N: thanks for reading and reviewing! alf