Revolutioning a Robot
Chapter Seven: Burn, Baby, Burn
Eight hours in a car with this fic writing itself in your head is never a good thing. Just FYI. Please excuse anything incredibly weird. That's what long car rides do to you. Or me. Whatever.
Please forgive the fact that this fic is rushed. It was written at two different times rather than all at once. Blame the fact that I'm on vacation.
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For once in his lifetime, things seemed to be… normal. Bender couldn't believe it. He'd adapted to the chip well enough to talk to Fry and remain as calm and sarcastic as usual—though sometimes a little meaner, that was unintentional, of course. Nevertheless, Bender was surprised that a whole week had passed quite normally, even with the Robot Devil taking up the other half of his room.
"Shouldn't you be going back? How the hell can Robot Hell run itself?" Bender asked late one night, causing the Robot Devil's void eyes to return to normal, and earned what appeared to be a glare.
"Shouldn't you learn not to disturb someone after they've shut down to conserve power for the night?" He grumbled in response, folding his arms irritably. But Bender's blank stare prompted him to answer the question. "Well, I'm more of a figurehead than anything. Oh, and the bureaucrat. Yes, I run the paperwork, but Hell can run itself." He opened his chest cavity and revealed a blue pin much like Hermes', with a clear rank of "16" stamped on it.
"You rank higher than Hermes? Oh that's rich." Bender laughed as the Robot Devil put the pin away. "So how long do you plan on stayin' here?"
"As long as I feel like it." The Robot Devil answered a bit too quickly, causing Bender to slant his eyes in an expression that read suspicion. "What I mean is…" The Robot Devil paused, unable to come up with a suitable answer. He shrugged instead.
Bender let it pass with an equal shrug. "Eh, whatever. I guess we all need a vacation sometimes. Oh man, I'd kill for a vacation!" He groaned.
"…You were gone for a week, and they haven't even had a delivery yet." The Robot Devil pointed out bluntly.
"It's still work." Bender complained.
Silence passed between the two robots for awhile, the only sound a soft metallic click as the Robot Devil's tail hit the wall a few times. The first one to break the silence was Bender, deciding on a topic both robots had a brief understanding of. "So… uh… about that chip…?"
"We could check its' progress." The Robot Devil stated, contemplating the idea. "Of course, you haven't done much to get rid of it, if I may be so bold as to say."
"You're saying it anyway." Bender pointed out.
"Anyway, shouldn't you attempt to get rid of it through whatever means possible? Wasn't that what you were planning on doing when you returned here?"
He was right in some sense. But Bender couldn't just tie Fry down and force him to commit the sin of robosexuality. Not only was that cruel and unusual, but Bender didn't want to lose his friendship with Fry over this. No, there had to be a better way. He didn't notice the Robot Devil's look until he was pinned up against the wall. "Oh… uh… Well, this is awkward."
"Bender," The Robot Devil started in a near-friendly tone, despite the fact that he'd pinned the robot to the wall. "You need to get rid of that chip to function normally. The only way to do that is to burn out the chip by acting on such urges." Bender already knew that, so before the robot could respond, the Robot Devil continued, "It's fairly simple. We both get what we both want."
"Ah," Bender replied a bit warily. "But the last time it hurt!"
"It never hurts as much the second time."
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Fry's dreams, while often full of ads, weren't usually so vivid. Nor did he ever hear anything suspicious coming from Bender's closet—err, room. Groaning, the human lurched up and approached the door that separated the robot's room from the closet. On closer inspection, the noises were even louder and more vivid. He raised a hand to knock on the door when he heard a very distinct "Ow!" come from within. "You said it wouldn't hurt!" That was Bender's voice, and he knew it. Confused, half-asleep, and now concerned for his robotic best friend, Fry shoved the door aside to glance in at possibly the strangest sight he'd ever beheld.
Bender was slammed up against the wall, pinned down by the Robot Devil. The latter had his hands on either side of Bender's head, balancing him over the other robot. Both robots' bodies were snaked in a way that Fry hadn't ever though possible, with the usual inflexible Bender pressed up against the Robot Devil, hands keeping him latched in such a position on the metallic devil.
There was a long moment of pause where both robots stared at Fry blankly, and the human stared back. All three of them were thinking along the same wavelength, with the words "I'm" and "boned" being the words in common.
The Robot Devil made the first move, quickly sliding the door shut. Fry immediately slid it back open, only to find the two robots separated and apparently in sleep mode. Bender murmured a very convincing "Kill all humans," to add to the illusion. Fry blinked a few times before shutting the door, and presumably, returning to sleep.
"I'm boned." Bender groaned after a sufficient amount of time passed, and he figured Fry had returned to bed. The Robot Devil was oddly quiet too, and if his widened eyes meant anything, then he was surely just as surprised as Bender was. The Robot Devil, of course, had nothing to fear from Fry.
"That was way too close." He finally admitted, wondering if Bender could get a lock for the door. "I don't know what you're going to do about that."
"Hell, I don't know either." With any luck, Fry would think it was a dream, or he'd forget about it.
-+-
Luck, however, was not on their side.
Fry ignored both of them when they entered the Planet Express building as usual. The Robot Devil had taken to following Bender around everywhere, curious about everything. He'd spend his entire existence running the two Robot Hells, so something like this was fascinating to him, unlike the others.
No one seemed to realize anything was wrong, which fueled Bender's beliefs that Fry hadn't said anything yet. Okay, that was a good sign.
"Bender, you look awfully guilty about something." Leela commented as the robot slid into his usual seat beside her. The Robot Devil took Zoidberg's seat, as usual, and no one said anything. Not even Zoidberg, who had been relegated to standing. Not that anyone minded.
"No I'm not! Who says so!? I didn't do anything!" Bender immediately protested, slamming his fists down on the table and leaving dents. "Uh, oops."
The Professor waved a hand to shut his delivery crew up. "Good news, everyone!"
"It's never good news," Bender grumbled to himself. It went unheard, or at least, unnoticed.
"You all have a delivery to Tropicca 10, the jungle planet. Not to be confused with any of the Amphibios planets." He added, with a look over in Amy's direction. Her once-ecstatic expression fell. "You'll have to deliver this fire extinguisher to the king." He held out an ordinary fire extinguisher for Leela to take, and then tottered off.
"Professor, wait," Leela called after him. "Is this planet dangerous?"
"Oh my, no." The Professor shook his head, and added in an undertone to himself, "Unless you happen to step on the king."
-+-
"Are we ready?"
"All the blinky lights are flashing, so I think so." Fry responded, pressing a few random buttons to make himself look cool. The Planet Express ship deployed a life preserver.
Leela sighed. "Good enough. Let's make this quick, alright?"
Fry nodded, Bender gave what appeared to be his version of a nod, and the Robot Devil—
"Wait, what are you doing here?" Leela asked.
"I've never been into space before." The Robot Devil leaned over Bender's shoulder, staring out as the ship's engines began to roar to life.
Sighing, the cyclops captain decided it would be wise to ignore the stowaway (though he certainly hadn't done a good job of it!) and focus on her job. That's why she was captain.
"Can I do the countdown?" Fry asked, again. It had become almost normal for him to ask, and for Leela to ignore him.
"Knock yourself out." She said, and sped off before Fry could even get to 'one.'
-+-
Tropicca 10 was indeed a very green planet. In fact, it was entirely composed of greens. "Don't you organic creatures need water too?" Bender wondered aloud as the ship landed in the middle of a large field of grass. Everything in sight was hidden by a thick veil of trees, and this had been the only spot Leela could find to park.
Grumbling, the captain ignored Bender and headed off to the airlock to get suited up. "The atmosphere's toxic, at least according to the ship's scanners."
Fry joined her in the airlock as Bender and the Robot Devil awaited the two to put on space suits. The robotic prince of darkness was still in awe, and had practically had his face pressed against the glass the entire time. Bender had tried to tell him it wasn't that big of a deal, but he'd been ignored. "Toxic?" The Robot Devil finally asked as the humans motioned for the robots to join them. "What does she mean by that?"
"The air; breathing it would kill the meatbags." Bender elaborated, jumping out of the airlock and landing on the grass, sinking in a bit. "Eww," He complained, pulling himself out and finding mud and grass stuck to his feet. "Gross."
"We're supposed to find the king. The Professor gave us these coordinates, so they're probably wrong." Leela sighed, holding the rectangular package under one arm and examining the coordinates. "I'd assume there's a palace somewhere in the forest."
"Well, c'mon! What are you waitin' for?" Fry was already heading off toward the forest, pushing aside tree branches and seeming to be enjoying every minute of it. "This is so cool! I always wanted to explore the Amazon! But I don't like snakes, or bugs, or tigers, or bears, or…"
He probably would have continued on until someone stopped him, but Fry instead stepped on something that made a loud crack sound. Looking down, the redhead found himself face to tail with a large boa constrictor, or what appeared to be one. Screaming like a girl (putting Bender's feminine shriek to shame), Fry ran back and hid behind Leela. "Wh-what is that thing!?"
"Oh, Fry, it's just a snake." Leela sighed, pushing him off and approaching it. "Oh, you poor little creature! Did that big, mean, clumsy dolt step on your tail?" She cooed, picking the snake up, only to gasp and throw it back down. "Fry! You broke it's neck!"
"Snakes have necks?" Bender asked absently, though his remark was ignored.
"And Fry… I think he was the king!" Leela held up a miniature crown that had been on the snake's head, in plain view. Of course no one had noticed it.
There was a long silence as Leela held up the crown, Fry stared blankly, and the two robots attempted to make sense of this. "Well, we're boned." Bender finally offered helpfully.
As if on cue, the grass suddenly swarmed with snakes, appearing from the dirt to coil around the humans and robots, proceeding to squeeze the meatbags, and cut themselves on the robots' sharp edges. "You killed our king! You killed our king! We musssst kill you!" They repeated over and over in some sort of chant.
"Hiyah!" Leela managed to beat off a few snakes before she was bogged down and nearly strangled, while Fry struggled uselessly against one of his own. Bender ignored the two of them and pulled out a cigar. After trying to light it several times, he groaned and held it out to the Robot Devil.
"Why don't you light this place on fire? I need a light."
"Hm, that would make sense." The Robot Devil mused, watching Fry and Leela attempt to fight off the snakes in amusement. "I'd assume they wouldn't like fire." It was all too soon that they'd forgotten the package they were delivering. Or maybe they were just all idiots. Neverthless, the Robot Devil cackled and shot several flames from the ground, immediately setting off a chain effect. Flames ravaged the field, then spread to the trees, and within moments, and a loud boom later, the entire planet had erupted in a fiery blast.
"…Well, we're boned again."
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"Good news everyone! You cost our company ten trillion, million dollars!" The Professor declared as the four arrived back from the mission, all relatively unhurt. "Oh wait, that's not good news at all. You're all fired!"
Hermes was steaming mad too, immediately holding out four sheets of pink paper. "You're fired, you're fired, you're fired, and you too!" He handed one to each of them, including the Robot Devil.
"I don't even work here." The robot replied, looking the pink sheet over.
"Then in that case, would you like to be workin' 'ere, mon?" Hermes asked, in a nearly polite tone.
"No. This seems like a bad allusion to some other show." That, however, was clearly not directed at Hermes.
Leela sighed and headed to go clean out her locker, again. It seemed she got fired every week. And then was rehired because she was the only one who could drive stick. How ridiculous. Not far behind her was a distraught-looking Fry, and the two robots, who seemed apathetic to the situation, as usual.
"But without a job, how am I going to lay around and watch TV and eat food?" Fry lamented to Bender, apparently forgetting all about what had happened last night. "I can't do it, Bender! I need this job!"
"Eh, that's alright, meatsack. We'll just go bum off the government!" Bender declared, then paused. "Oh wait, Nixon's in charge. Dammit, we'll never get compensation money with a Republican in office!" Slamming his fist into his palm, Bender stated, "Then we'll just have to take Nixon out of office!"
"Doesn't that seem like a lot more work than looking for a new job?" Leela asked sarcastically over her shoulder as she packed up the last of her things. "And besides, give him a day and the Professor will forget all about this."
"Or you could work for me in Robot Hell." The Robot Devil added, though Bender noticed something odd about his tone. Was it hopeful? Definitely strange.
"Nah, we'll just take the week off. C'mon, Fry, let's go do nothing for a week!" Bender pulled his roommate out by the elbow, ignoring the protests from Fry.
Leela sighed. "That's all they ever do…"
