Slogging into the bathroom, I notice that my shoulder has stopped bleeding. The other blood that had surrounded the bottom half of my t-shirt and my hands- pulling it off I started to think what really happened; my thoughts started to consume head. Walking slowly over the shower I turn the water waiting for the cold water to turn into hot water. I could feel the steam welcome my body even more, naked standing in front of the mirror I could still see Jessica standing behind me covered in blood from her stomach wound.
Once again slogging into the shower letting the hot steamy water take over my body I couldn't stop thinking about what I kept from Jessica because I couldn't explain to her that I hunted demons for my life. My legs let out on my weight I couldn't explain why my body was being so weak right now, was it because of the pain. Was it because I didn't understand these question dwelling in my head?
Hearing the water run on top of my body made my muscles be easy a little bit I couldn't stop thinking about what I kept from Jessica because I couldn't explain to her that I hunted demons for my life. Falling down in the shower the warm water that engulfed my body was now ice water, I could feel that my body didn't like the fact the warm water that made my muscles ease on the pain was now shivering for warmth no matter what. The odd thing was I didn't respond, didn't even move I was crying so much.
Every equation didn't equal out I couldn't see why I was wondering what could have happened if I was the on that was shot not Jessica? I was in pain no matter what I told myself, Jessica was now gone and ghost that wasn't suppose to die but she did because I couldn't save her. My blood didn't respond, I didn't even move I was crying so much I had to see that Jessica Lander was gone and ghost that wasn't suppose to die but she did because I couldn't save her. I couldn't save her; I could have if I didn't freeze in front of the demon. I kept telling myself no fear, what good did that do me. I didn't know what do my friend was his hostage all I can do is show the demon that I won't hurt it.
Then kick him the side ribs, I could still hear the gun shot echo in my head. BANG! I flinched even when the gun wasn't here in the shower still I couldn't think of anything else that made me think about Jessica's death. I could understand why I blamed myself with everything that had happened, anything that had would happen to me would happen to those that I loved family and friends; I couldn't understand why I had blamed myself with had happened, Dean was right about one thing since I was a Winchester our name came with a price death towards our family and friends that I loved the most.
Turning off the water I see that everything was worked out just fine, the blood that stained my skin was now gone. I didn't understand why but the blood still stuck to my brain, I the image of what I saw from my friend's face would stick to my mind no matter what if the pain was gone or still dwelling in my muscles; placing my soft robe against my cold skin I walk to my room to get dress for the night.
"I blame you my friend. I think you should be punished for the fact that you didn't care about my dreams." I heard Jessica's harsh but true voice speak to me. I couldn't speak move, or even think about then that sound that echoed through my body and mind. BANG! Looking my hands I see that they're covered in her blood, then looking at the ground I see that the blood surrounds me, it leveling up to my knees then up to my stomach.
"No!" I yelled the night of the first nightmare, hearing my bedroom door open I couldn't stop seeing the blood that was flooding my body; now the substance covered my shoulders I was drowning in the pain that I knew wouldn't go away even in a dream. The pain felt so real; my body was covered in the blood that was once belonged to Jessica. I couldn't stop thinking about Jessica's wonderful flawless skin, the blood that I cursed covers Jessica and I from head to toe. The resonance of the gun going off in my head, nobody was here to save me was this fate that I had to come against the death of Jessica. I could hear the gun shot over and over again repeating itself to me again, they wouldn't stop. Seemed like the nightmare was being night mirror of what I had gone through today. I keep hearing this voice that knows my name, I can't move why I can't move. I should be able to move. Reaching out my hand I don't see anybody yet all I hear is his voice. SAMMY!
"Meg calm down, it'll be okay," I heard the voice, the voice that I was trying to reach out in this puddle of scarlet blood that surrounds me then I heard the voice again he seems to be stronger then me. I must fight back!
"Meg snap out of it now!" I heard the voice yell again, I'll fight back no matter what I must do my true place is with my brothers not here dying in the shallowness of what has happened today. Opening my eyes I see the hand that I reaching out for in my nightmare- Sam. He had must heard me screaming from his room down the hall or he was down stairs. I watch as the light blinded me when I gorge Dean walking through the door, looking at him he must have been asleep before Sam was.
"What's going on?"
"Dean get her some water so she can calm down, I'll explain later okay." I didn't mind Dean getting me water but then a cradled next to Sam; she couldn't explain the pain that was going through her body.
"Sam it was so unpleasant, her blood was every where. She wouldn't stop bleeding. The blood started drown me in her blood, she blames me for what has happened to her." I whispered, whimpering in his shoulder, I could feel his eyes looking at me he wasn't sure what to do instead he just didn't what he normally did stroke my hair then with the other hand rub my back. Rushing off the bed, I felt my stomach fly, the pain the dwelled in my stomach made me sick what I ate before like some soup that Sam brought up to me after my shower was now floating in the toilet. I could feel Sam's strong hands rubbing my back the pain that dwelled in my stomach I knew wouldn't or couldn't go away. The pain would stick to my stomach every time I would have a nightmare.
The pain that still dwelled in my stomach I knew that I couldn't get ride of this pain that had engulfed itself into my stomach. When I would start to think about Jessica the pain would come again, the pain seems to settle if I would think about her. Her foster parents would be back tomorrow to help with the funeral I would speak this good speech about my friend, nothing bad or nothing to sappy.
Through the night I knew that Dean and Sam were watching over me. I could tell when it was Sam he would stroke hair while I threw up in the bucket they had gotten me. Dean would bring me water and some crackers to eat but wait twenty minutes they would be in the bucket.
"Is she running a fever?" I would hear Dean ask Sam
"When she only wakes up from the nightmares."
"Do the nightmares get worse or better?"
"They get worse she hasn't kept anything in her stomach all night. I wonder if she beating herself on this more then she would be."
"I'll be fine guys I promise you that," I whispered knowing they were talking about me nobody else. What on earth was I thinking they were my brothers protecting me- from me that was normal for Dean to do but Sam protect me even more then before- on some hunts I had to stay in the hotel or the car because Dean didn't want me to get hurt, when they would return they looked like nothing more than rage dolls with blood smeared from the hunt.
"Just go to sleep you have long day ahead of you know that right."
"Can you guys do a favor? Can you two stay with me please, stay while I sleep. It makes me feel better the nightmares are as bad when you two are around me. It-" then in mid-sentence I dropped when back into the darkness.
"I'll take first shift while you get some sleep." said Dean looking at his sleepy baby brother. Sam looked at his brother with the eyes of a worried parent- more of a brother. But he moved with swift movement so Dean could take his place where he was next to me. Feeling a body heat next to me a snuggle into the warm body that was lying next to me- the smell of gun powder, beer, and grease from the Impala it was Dean watching over me like he would always do until something else happened to me.
Waking up I look over to see Sam sleeping away, I asked them to watch me so the nightmares would be as bad for me. I couldn't stop thinking about them they were as bad as I was telling them both. It was the same but more blood. Looking at the rain glide down my window, they gods haven't stop crying because of what going one right now. I so tired and sick to my stomach the stench of something next to my bed. Looking over I see the crackers that were in my stomach for twenty minutes or less I guess, some of the blood that was going with. Hearing foot steps come up to the door, pulling up my blankets I see that it is Dean with one of my friends. He hasn't opened the door yet, but Sam woke up from the knocking on the door.
"You look peachy this morning."
"Sam you can leave I'll be fine I promise you that." I whispered looking at him. He needed his own bed and some more sleep. Rolling over I heard a voice at my bedroom door.
"Can I come in?" I heard a voice at my door; I didn't know who it was I didn't even care anymore. Even if I didn't know who you where it's better then being broken inside and strong outside. And being alone, nobody could match the pain that I've been through.
"Hey," I whispered back in my head I saw the faces of M.J and Crystal's again when Jessica's body had hit the floor. I guess I was giving M.J the wrong thing to say I wanted to be along but I didn't want to be alone. She looked at me saw that my eyes were red- dry from all the crying that did last night between school and the nightmares. M.J looked at me closer to see that my shoulder was all taken care of.
"Thank you for doing this for me, M.J I would-" I couldn't finish my sentence because right I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't know if to be alone was the best thing or not. I was so sure right now.
"Okay I get the point you want to alone right now. So you can sulk in your pain, Megan Hope Winchester she was my friend also. You shouldn't put this on you it'll start tarring you up inside if it hasn't already. Of what I seen Dean and Sam look like shit; Megan you need grow up move on."
Grabbing the bottle of the liquid that Crystal had bought me I threw it across the room. M.J looked at me, when around my friends I calm but I didn't need anybody telling what to do.
"I don't need your shit M.J. I hurt now, I know she was your friend also; she like a sister to all three us!" I yelled the tears were stuck in the corner of my eyes.
"Are you glad that she died?" I heard her ask me
"No!" I snapped looking at her more this was her plan to get me to crack; through out the years I was always taught to stuff my feelings no matter the amount of pain it was causing inside my mind.
"Are you happy that she doesn't have look at you say why this did happen to me? Megan I know that you were hiding something from her; you never told her that you hunt for a living did you. THAT BOTH OF YOUR BROTHERS DON'T WORK HERE THEY HUNT STUFF THAT DOESN'T HAVE MEANING BESIDES MYTHS!"
"Shut the hell up!" I yelled looking at both of us was crying we both learned over the years also how to be strong for people that you loved.
"Okay then I'm leaving like you wanted. Have fun with your soup there." she said before I knew she was about to leave when I didn't want to be alone no more, Dean and Sam's company was okay but it wasn't the same. Did I want to be alone? Did I want to be alone or just face the world by myself?
"No don't go please," I heard myself say I watched as M.J got on my bed, she was by my side every time. I laid my head on her lap; I started to cry I didn't know what think anymore if I wanted to be alone I would be fine. But I needed to heal, that wasn't going to happen if I was alone.
"Do the tears come easy now?"
"Yes."
"Then why don't you stop crying my
friend, I know that me saying this is wrong. Jessica wouldn't allow
you to cry, she would want you to smile."
"Yeah I know."
"Then why don't you come back to school?"
"Too many bad memories already. It was my fault that Jessica had died, plus I can't stand being around people because then I start to cry."
"So, still Jessica would want you to stay at school. To get your work done, when my mother died you, Jessica, and Crystal came over we've been through so much shit that I think all of us lost track. Crystal's losing her foster home because her foster parents can't support her or her needs. Myself, I'm still trying to support three brothers's that I can't take home and call me own. We'll have to go another foster home because this one is being accused of abuse and that is true. You've through the most not known who your real family was until now, think about Meg. It wasn't your fault that Jessica is dead, I don't blame you, nor does anybody else."
"They do but they can't tell it to my face, Jessica was supposed to be a nurse for children when she was out of college. Now look M.J she doesn't have a life anymore because the fact that is now died." I felt the tears come evenly, then they stopped M.J was right I should go back to school.
"I need to get back home just think about what I told you okay. Also have some of my soup that I know you like." I heard M.J move off of my bed; I didn't move an inch because I didn't know what to do. She was right about me going back to school, stop blaming myself about had happened to Jessica but I couldn't stop thinking about Jessica.
Finally moving I walked down stair, looking around Sam is in the house that doesn't mean Dean wasn't far.
"Where is Dean?" I asked not really want to know the answer
"On that hunt, he wanted me to go but I wasn't sure
to leave you home alone with they way you are."
"I'm fine
okay," I snapped I didn't mean that way but seemed everybody was
babying because I was broke inside.
"Meg we can talk about it any time."
"Yes Sam I know but I don't want to. What time do you leave me room this morning?"
"I never did I fell sleep right next to you. I didn't know to leave or not leave that's what I was trying to decide so I just stayed. Plus if I left you would have started to have your nightmare. So that's why I slept next to you."
"Okay," I said getting something to eat then going back into my room, I finished the soup that M.J had brought me; cleaned out my shoulder with Raspberry Vodka that Crystal bought me. Getting into the shower I still couldn't stop thinking about what I was going to write about Jessica. Her funeral would be on her birthday Christmas morning is when she was born.
Walking down stairs I see that everything was fine, Sam was still ready his book, Dean was back with Bobby. It must have been a quick hunt if they were back today even since they've only been gone for about four hours.
"Morning," I heard Bobby say to me; waving back I grabbed the keys to the Impala I was going for a drive to where I was. Hearing the engine come alive I wouldn't think of anything else do today because I didn't want to make everything okay with Dean, I was still mad at him. He was probably got drunk last night because I wouldn't even talk to him. Twenty-four hours now I'm sitting in the same spot I see that all the camp fires are gone.
"I don't know why I came back here?" I asked myself wondering why I drove out here in the first place. Looking for my backpack I saw that I had still had my Halloween picture where I was dressed up like a hunter and Jessica was the hunt. I smirked, taking a piece of paper I started to write about my friend Jessica. Some of the words come easily but the other stuck to my brain like a small bug that wouldn't go way.
Jessica was a person that didn't say much when it came to her simple pain. When she wanted answers to a question she would get it no matter what. She was top of her freshmen class straight A's student better at a lot of stuff then me. When she smiled her eyes would make the room be fill with smile and laughter. She was a goof ball, I remember when I trying to study for my finals week didn't far because she wouldn't shut up, but she made me feel better no matter what.
Her simple laugh would make a baby stop crying because the baby wants to know more. Her simple smile would light up a room. Her simple wonderful smile and laugh together would melt a guy's heart because she never had a boyfriend no matter what she only had girl friends. ME, Crystal, and M.J we've been through a lot when between foster homes after another we would always lay down the piece of bread to find each other.
"Jessica you would be proud of me no matter what happened, even if you died from your cancer this was less painful."
Nobody else knew about the cancer I knew about I was the one that went with to the doctors. She would only have until end of the school year before she wouldn't be able to talk to anybody, move, or even laugh at a baby. So I guess this was better for her to die this way, she would have wanted it not matter what. Hearing a knock on the door, I see a person with a flash light.
"Hello is anyone in there?" I heard voice say I started to grab for me gun in the door, opening the window the rain came in.
"Yes may I help you?"
"You know your not suppose to be here on these grounds, young lady."
"Well I didn't know, I was here last night nobody had commented on me leaving the state park."
"Well I'll need you to leave," he said, I looked closer he was a hunter the smell of his hands, I could tell he was holding a gun behind his back incase I would pull me own. RAY.
"Ray is that you?" I asked getting out of the car, feeling the rain soak up my cotton jacket.
"Megan Winchester?" he asked me back
"Yes that would be me." I looked at seeing if it was him, he was doing the same.
"So what brings you out here?"
"Nothing much just another hunt really, some people think the lake has something in the water. A couple of parent's let their kid swim then they looked away they were gone and died."
"Okay that sounds like fun really, how are you? I haven't seen you since Dean punched you in the face because we were caught kissing and making out in the Impala."
"Yeah I remember that, I'm doing fine really. I missed you, I heard about your friend Jessica Landers; she was shot by a demon wasn't she?"
"Yeah she was, yesterday. I could have shot the demon but I didn't want Jessica in the cross fire of the demon. I couldn't stop thinking about anything else so I just kicked him the ribs. Then that's when the trigger slipped she was shot in the stomach," I couldn't say anymore, Ray was one of my old boyfriends, Dean doesn't like him but Sam does. He make me laugh even when I'm blaming myself with other things. I felt his warm hand pull up my chin; he kissed me on my lips. I had forgotten how his kiss was so gentle it didn't matter if he was a hunter or just a regular human boy.
"I miss you my love, I can see you still wear the black-brass ring that I bought you that night."
"Yeah I couldn't think of about taking it off, I missed you so much." pulling him closer I couldn't stop thinking about what Dean would say about the Impala or me even not coming home.
"I have a hotel up the road, you want to come. 'Cause it looks like demon isn't coming out the play."
"Sound good to me my love." I whispered getting back into the Impala; he walked into back to his car. I fallowed him to his hotel room down the road from the camp ground. Getting out of the car I see that he still hasn't changed much; gotten taller more then that he was hotter then before.
"Are you coming in? Or are you going to let the rain soak up your entire clothing."
He pulled me into his warming arms; he was safe just like Sam was when he would protect me with his arms. I felt his hand wondering through all of my curves, I shivered I must have been cold from the rain soaking up my white t-shirt which I had a black bra on under that.
"You still don't care what people see under you shirt do you?"
"No," I whispered nudging him the neck, starting to place my lips around his jaw line I see that he wasn't moving.
"Shower time my sweet," I loved his deep voice that made me safe from all the danger that I was hiding from. We both walked to the shower, he started to take off my wet jacket, worked on my white t-shirt, then on the other stuff that I was wearing. When he was working on me, I was working on getting his jeans off and his t-shirt also.
"You're enjoying yourself aren't you?"
"Yes I am I can't believe that I missed you this much." I kissed his lips, he already had the water started he walked into the shower wanted me to come. What the hell it wasn't the first time that I made out with Ray.
He pushed himself against my body, he had gotten stronger over the years, and he would about two years older then me. I push back wanting a fight, I pulled one of my legs up feeling his body tense on me, I couldn't think about why I was there at the lake- probably to blame myself for something that had happened. That didn't matter because I was in his arms I was in Ray's arms that protected me not matter what pain he was in I was first in his book.
