A/N: This would have been up sooner, but due to the amount of typos that were pointed out, I've taken the time to go back and fix both this chapter and the last one. Sorry for the inconvenience.

oOo

I slowly came to consciousness, wishing I was still asleep. I felt my body trembling uncontrollably. "Being in pain" was an understatement. I finally opened my eyes. I was in the den. It was completely empty.

"I think she's awake." It was Lakino's voice.

"Lakino . . ." It hurt to talk. I felt the trembling grow worse.

"Just stay still, Cheka." It was Mir's voice. The shaman walked in front of me and crouched down. "I know you have to be in a lot of pain right now. I'm going to give you some herbs that'll take away the pain.

"It . . . hurts . . ." I can't explain how much pain I was in. My whole body felt like it had fire coursing through it, searing every bit it could reach. I began to cry. I wanted to die. Anything was better than this.

Mir walked out of my view and then stepped back in. "This'll hurt," she said.

"No," I said urgently.

"This is for the pain," said Mir. She opened my mouth with her hands and quickly placed a small ball of herbs in my mouth, then slammed it shut, all of this before I could react. I screamed, unable to open my mouth due to Mir's apparently stone-hard grip. I screamed nonetheless. Moving anything was awful, and the pressure on my mouth wasn't helping. One hand went to my throat and began to massage it. I screamed louder.

"Shh," said Mir softly. "I know it hurts. Swallow. Come on, swallow."

I didn't swallow voluntarily. Mir's rubbing did it. The herbs went down the wrong way mostly. I coughed and spluttered, not helping my pain at all. Mir continued to rub while forcing me to keep still. They went down again, the right way. Mir let go after a few more rubs.

I took full advantage of being let go. My mouth opened wide and I screamed my loudest, tears pouring from my eyes. Mir backed away from my writhing body and I caught a glimpse of Lakino and Bahati before my eyes screwed shut. Everything hurt. Moving only made it worse. Screaming only made it worse. I only moved and screamed more from the pain. I screamed obscenities as loud as I could to anyone and everyone who could hear me.

I finally calmed down after a long time. I stopped moving completely. I simply couldn't anymore. I was too exhausted. I felt weak and anemic. The only thing that continued was my crying. I don't know how much time had passed.

Mir came forward again, more herbs in her hand. "I know this hurts, Cheka. But there's no other way. This will help."

I glared up her. "To hell with you," I whispered savagely, moving my mouth as little as possible.

Mir smiled sympathetically, her grief obvious in her eyes. "You're going to want to swallow this. I'm sorry about this. But unless you do, I'm going to have to force it down again."

She held out her hand, one ball in it. I kept my mouth firmly shut. Mir sighed and, once again, forced the ball into my mouth and shut it again before I could react. Suddenly I wasn't quite as exhausted; I found the energy to moan and writhe again as Mir eased it down my throat with my help this time. I just wanted her to stop. I wanted it all to stop.

I forced myself to lie still on the floor. The pain was still overwhelming. "The first had a sedative," Mir explained gently. "It'll give time for the second to work. Just try to relax."

I couldn't relax. It was impossible. The pain coursed through my body, never ceasing. "I want to die," I whispered. "Please, just kill me now. I don't want to wait. I want to die."

Mir shook her head. "That is one thing I cannot do." She stood up and walked out, telling Bahati and Lakino, "Just leave her alone. Come on, out."

I heard the sound of paws shuffling out with Mir's feet. Mir's herbs were mercifully quick. A few minutes later, I felt myself falling asleep.

oOo

Not only were Mir's herbs quick to take effect, they were undeniably potent, too. When I came to, the pain was just a memory. It was dark everywhere. I could see I was in the den, but there wasn't any light at all.

"Anyone there?" I whispered. It didn't hurt.

"I am." It was Bahati.

I tried to raise my head to look at him. I found it took all my strength to do just that simple motion. I felt an ache begin in my neck. "I can't move," I told him.

"Just relax. Don't try. Are you in any pain?"

"Not compared to what I was in." I closed my eyes miserably. "Bahati, I'm dying."

"I know. Dad told the pride. . . . Cheka, I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault . . . s'pose it's Mom's. Least I don't have a cub, right?"

"Not for lack of trying," said Bahati, trying to smile.

"Instinct," I said. "It's all it is." I sighed. "How long do I have?"

"Five days," said Bahati. "You were out all yesterday."

"Just five . . ." I couldn't run. I couldn't hunt. I could barely move. Five days as a prisoner to my weakness.

"I'm very sorry, Cheka. If you'd told us . . ."

"You'd have done something. I . . . I should've . . . I didn't want to believe it."

"That's what Dad said." Bahati looked down at the ground. There were a few of Mir's herb balls there. "I'm supposed to get you to eat these."

"All of them?"

Mir kept giving them to you after you were out. She came in to check on you earlier and gave me these."

"How long was I asleep?"

"A day and a half. You want to take these?"

"Not really."

"Mir said to get her if you wouldn't. They're for pain."

I sighed. "Alright." Bahati knocked the little balls over to me, then placed them in front of my mouth. My tongue snaked out and swallowed each ball one by one. It didn't hurt nearly as much as before.

"Hungry?" Bahati asked.

"Starving."

"They're getting something right now for you."

I closed my eyes again and tried to relax. "You mean they're getting of their lazy butts and working?"

The joke didn't go over too well. "We're all trying to help, Cheka."

"Even Imani?" I asked sarcastically.

"Uh . . ."

"Figures," I said.

"I'm sure she's worried."

"She can go to hell," I said, opening my eyes again.

Bahati sighted. I knew he didn't approve of Imani's behavior toward me. None of the den did. "Anything I can do?"

"Not unless you have a cure."

Bahati frowned, then his ears rose up eagerly. "I could sing."

I laughed out loud, the laughter quickly being cut off by coughing. It hurt to laugh. "You want to put me in more pain than I am now?" I asked feebly.

"Sorry," said Bahati.

"'Sokay." I sighed. "Go ahead. Something happy." Bahati was quiet. "What?" I asked.

"I . . . I don't really know if it's appropriate—"

"I'm sad. I want to be happy. It's appropriate."

"—but there's one song. I made it after your mom . . ."

There was a pause. "That was years ago," I said in a hushed voice.

"I got to see her. And she wanted me to remember her." He seemed almost ashamed to be saying this. "Just as a last wish. I don't know if you'd like it . . ."

I bit my lip. I had never known what my mother had gone through. I wanted to hear it, but what Bahati might have put it in . . . "Go ahead," I finally said.

"Alright," he said quietly. He drew himself up as he always did before he sang. He began in a low, melancholy tone,

"Turn away
Oh please just turn away from me
Bring me all my favorite toys
But send away the girls and boys
Oh please just will you turn away
From me?

"Turn away
Oh please just turn away from me
My fur is falling out in clumps
I've got these awful, ugly lumps
Oh please just will you turn away
From me?

"Turn away
Oh please just turn away from me
I'm a monster and I know it
I can't hide it, I'll still show it
Oh please just will you turn away
From me?

"Turn away
Oh please just turn away from me
Shouldn't ever have been seen
I almost wish I'd never been
Oh please just will you turn away
From me?"

I didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry," said Bahati. "I just . . . I'm sorry."

"Am I really a hideous monster?" I whispered.

Bahati shook his head. "Your mother . . . she wanted me to be honest. You saw her when she died . . . she wanted you to come in, but we couldn't let you. We didn't want you to catch anything."

"Am I going to turn into a monster?"

Bahati smiled kindly at me, his eyes doing anything but that. "I hope not. Really."

He wanted to leave, I could see that. "I think I'll try to sleep again," I said, trying to excuse him.

"Alright," he said. "I'll . . . I'll let you rest."

"Okay." I closed my eyes once again and lied still, hearing him pad out of the den a few minutes later. I felt, more than ever, that there was no hope for me.

oOo

Mir came in the next morning and gave me my herbs. She began to ask me the usual sick questions: When had I last eaten, was I in pain, how did I sleep. She carefully inspected me as I half-lied through her questions. I honestly didn't know when I'd last eaten, the only thing I answered truthfully. I told her the pain was fine, I slept wonderfully, I felt a little better, and although I was a little thirsty, I was fine.

Mir looked at me and smiled. "You don't need to lie."

"Yes, I do."

Mir crouched down in front of me a few pokes and feels later. "I have bad news," she said.

"What, I'm going to die slower?" I asked testily.

"You're pregnant."

I stared up at her. "You're joking," I said quietly.

"You're showing the early signs. I thought I saw it yesterday, but I couldn't be sure."

"I'm not pregnant."

"I asked the lionesses, and you should be on the last part of your period right now."

"It's running a little late. That's all."

"And it could be. Your illness might also be affecting it. But that doesn't explain how your stomach has expanded to the typical point of one-month-pregnancy."

I lowered my head back to the ground. I simply lied there, Mir standing up from her crouch. "I can't be pregnant," I finally said.

"I am sorry about it," said Mir. "Who is the father?"

"Prolly Lakino."

"Just Lakino?"

"Prolly not Bahati. I think it was Lakino."

"I can tell him for you, if you want," she offered.

"Why'd you even have to tell me?" I asked angrily. "What makes you think I want to know? Do you think I'm going to be happy that some little cub is going to die with me?"

"Would you rather have died not knowing it?"

"Yes!" I said vehemently. This was one thing that I didn't want to know. The last thing I needed was more guilt. Damned monkey!

"But would you rather die without Lakino knowing it?"

"Ye . . ." I stopped. Lakino. I hadn't even thought of him. This was his first cub with me. His only cub for me.

"He cares for you very much, Cheka," said Mir. "Most likely more than he would for a normal lioness. You are like a daughter to him. Your illness has affected him deeply. It's reduced him to tears at times."

"I've never seen him—"

"He doesn't want you to feel any worse, Cheka. I think he may already know about your pregnancy, or at least think of the possibility. And he's very worried about you. About how you're handling all this."

"I'm fine for being dead," I said bitingly.

Mir sighed. "Don't you think that you're being selfish at all? This is his cu—"

"I have a right to be selfish!" I yelled. Mir stepped back as I yelled, surprised by my outburst. It hurt to yell, but I did anyway. "I'm going to die, and it's not fair!" I tried to get up and chase her out of the den, but I couldn't stand. Pain coursed through my legs as I tried. I fell back to the floor with a whimper.

"Cheka, you're going to hurt yourself," warned Mir.

I laughed bitterly. "More than I'm hurt already?" My whole body throbbed from the outburst.

"Please," said the mandrill, "just think about it. It's Lakino's cub, too."

"Get out."

Mir got up and walked to the mouth of the den. She turned around. "Cheka . . ."

"Don't you dare tell him! Get out!"

Mir left. I lowered my head to the ground. I could feel the beginning of another headache and knew I'd be wanting more pain herbs soon enough. Pregnant. Wonderful. Gods damn you for having me, Mother.

oOo

I was left alone for the next few hours. Bahati came in once to give me my pain control. He tried to make conversation, but I wasn't very talkative. I just lied on my side, staring at the wall, watching the sunlight on it slowly fading away, and thinking that nature had too many stupid metaphors.

There's a lot you can think about when you're stick. I'd learned that before. You think of the few flowers you could find in the savannah, the beauty of a sunrise rippling across the grass, the joy and thrill of hunting, long naps with the sun heating your stomach while the ground warmed your back. Above all, you thought of how wonderful it would be to get back to all of that. It was more than depressing. I wanted to die as quickly as possible, but Kifa insisted on taking her own sweet time. I couldn't hold back the tears.

No one came in to visit me. I thought that Bahati might have warned them off. Maybe Mir had, too. I wanted someone, but I didn't want to talk. Maybe just someone to sit and stare at the wall with me. There wasn't really anyone too close to me in the pride. Majadi had been the closest. The little jerk had managed to get out of this.

The sun set. I found myself resisting the urge to sleep in preparation for a night hunt. I couldn't fall asleep later when I wanted to. I felt exhausted. I cried.

Lakino came in during the middle of the night. I stayed still and closed my eyes. He lied down next to me. I heard a quiet thump and smelled an odd, yet slightly familiar odor. Mir's pain herbs. He'd come in to give them to me. I still stayed "asleep."

Lakino stayed still by my side. I wasn't quite sure what he was doing. Probably staring. I felt him trace a hesitant paw over my side. It felt so different than it had the last time we were alone. He kissed the top of my head gently, his breath and tongue seeming delightfully over-warm. He nuzzled me quietly.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "You're going to get better . . . I don't want you to die."

"Lakino . . ." The sound of my voice surprised me. A slight, ugly rasp had entered it.

Lakino fell silent. I felt him stiffen beside me. Finally he said, "I didn't know you were awake."

"I can't sleep." I tried to clear my throat. When I spoke again, the rasp remained. "I just can't."

"I—I'm worried about you, Cheka."

"I know."

"I love you very much."

I smiled. "Umo probably wouldn't like to hear that."

He chuckled at the mention of his mate. "Umo . . . she'd understand."

"You know how jealous she is. What we did must be killing her."

"I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

"Nympho."

"I try."

There was a quiet lull in the conversation. Lakino pawed at Mir's herb balls. "Here, eat these." I did so reluctantly. They were rough on my throat. Even though Mir had coated them with blood, it didn't help the taste that much. "We have some fresh meat outside. You want to try it?"

Gods, did I want to try it. I felt as if I hadn't eaten in weeks. "Yes." Lakino brought it inside. I started to eat. It took an immense amount of effort. I could barely lift my neck to reach it. I was only able to take a few bites before my jaws were sore and tired. I collapsed, the pain and effort becoming too much.

"Cheka?" Lakino was by my side instantly. I moaned. I could feel the pain throbbing again. I could see Lakino frowning. His eyes were tearing up. "I'm sorry," he said. "It was a bad idea. I'll take it back out—"

"Hungry."

"What?"

"I'm still . . . hungry . . ."

Lakino frowned, then took a bite out of the carcass and chewed. A few moments later he put his mouth next to mine. He opened his mouth and I saw what he intended. Mouth-to-mouth feeding. It was messy, slightly uncomfortable, and still somewhat painful. But it fed me. Lakino must have been extremely bored by it, or disgusted. I wasn't too fond of it either. He cleaned me after we finished eating. The pain balls had began to work again by then. It felt wonderful to feel his tongue going over me. Though I was sure it wasn't anything romantic to him, it felt that way to me. His warm breath felt wonderful compared to the cold, hard floor of the den.

He lied down beside me after he was finished cleaning me. I wanted to return the favor, but I was exhausted. He just smiled down at me. "You're going to get better."

"I'm tired."

"I'll leave you alone," he said, standing up to leave. I didn't want him to go, but it seemed wrong to ask him to stay. He left me, smiling back before he did. As I watched him go, I realized I completely forgot about his cub.

oOo

I woke in the middle of the night. My pain was beginning to act up again. I saw more herb balls in front of me and quickly gulped them down. They went down rougher than last time. My throat felt sore and bumpy. Bahati's song came to me. "Awful, ugly lumps." I sighed and laid my head down again on my foreleg. Maybe it was me, but honestly, it felt like there was a lump under my pelt. I moved my head.

There was.

It was a trick of the light. I was delirious from my pain. I was starting to imagine things; suggestions of others were becoming real to me. I tried every excuse I had, but that lump stayed there. I hesitantly nosed it, then licked it. I could barely feel a bump there, but it seemed huge to me. I couldn't fall back asleep. Instead, I just stared at that bump.

Hours went by.

I swear to any and all gods that there are that it stayed the same size. I wanted to believe that more than anything. Yet there was a definite change in its size. It was bigger—almost double the size, at least to me—by daybreak.

My eyes had teared up watching it, countless thoughts and memories flying through my head. I missed Lakino. I missed Bahati. I missed Majadi. Gods, I wanted someone. Anyone. I felt so lonely. There really was no one left for me. My mother had left me. Majadi had left me. Soon I'd be leaving, too. There was nothing I could do to stop it.

I'd never felt so helpless.

I nosed the bump again. The fur around it was loose. A lot of the fur. I ran my face against it; it was the only way to touch it. It hurt to much to use my other foreleg. Fur came free. Not all of it, but still enough to expose something I'd never seen before. Bare skin.

I couldn't take it anymore. I was dying. I was wasting away, and there wasn't anything I could do to avoid it! I was sick of it! I grabbed my pelt in my teeth and ripped out a whole clump of fur. It came out so easily. My tender, pink-white flesh showed underneath it, pale from never seeing the light. The sight only spurred me on as I grabbed again and ripped, and again. I didn't care that my whole body coursed with pain. I didn't care that some of the fur wasn't ready to come out. I ripped and tore until I could no more. At long last I lied back and screamed, tears streaming down my face.

Bahati rushed in. Apparently he was the one on my death watch. He stood staring at my body, fur all around it. "Cheka?" he finally asked.

"If you had any decency, you'd kill me now!" I hissed. The pain was agonizing. I had never felt worse in my life as I writhed on the floor. Bahati ran out and returned a few minutes later with Mir. I snapped at the monkey and she slapped me, just before she pried open my mouth and forced down a couple more of her balls. Needless to say, it only hurt more. I snapped at her again and swore at the both of them. Mir ushered Bahati back out.

I crawled after them as fast as I could, screaming at them. Other lionesses appeared, staring at me in horror and disgust. I got practically nowhere; my body refused to move. It was only a few minutes later that I could scream and shout no more, my mind fading into unconsciousness.

oOo

The first thing I head when I came to was "She's awake." I opened my eyes to see Bahati in front of me. "Cheka?" he asked quietly.

"It hurts," I said quietly, my voice having even more of a rasp to it.

Bahati looked over to the side. I tried to move my head to see where, but it hurt too much. It almost hurt too much to talk. Tears streamed down my face. Mir came into my view and crouched down.

"Cheka, we just forced down four herbs about five minutes ago. I can't give you any more. Five is enough to risk throwing up, and it's the last thing we need. You're undernourished and dehydrated. If those don't help, there's nothing more we can do."

"I want to die," I said quietly.

Mir looked away. I could see tears in her eyes. "I know."

"Please," I begged. "Please, just do it. It hurts so much."

"I cannot," she said. "I took an oath, Cheka. I will not harm an animal."

"Mir, it hurts . . . oh, gods, it hurts it hurts it hurts . . ." Mir gently stroked my head. Her touch felt like fire. I jerked away, crying out in pain. Mir stepped back.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." She turned to Bahati. "We just need to leave her alone."

"I'm going to lay with her," said Bahati.

"Just don't disturb her," said Mir. She left.

The den became dead silent. I could hear Bahati's breathing. He finally spoke: "If you want to talk about anything . . ."

"Talking hurts."

"Oh. Right."

Time went by. My body ached. Mir said she gave me something for the pain. Maybe she had, maybe it was working, but the pain still remained, throbbing constantly, spiking whenever I moved. I didn't know how long had passed. I'd lost track of any kind of time. Bahati simply stayed with me, excusing himself once "to urinate." I laughed at that and almost immediately regretted doing so. But really, who doesn't just say they have to take a pee?

I'd done remarkably little for both urination and defecation. That ended today, though. You wouldn't believe how much I wished I could keep it in. It began to pain me more and more, begging for release. Of course, I tried to stand up. Of course, I couldn't. So, of course, that was the time I decided to burst. Bahati knew when it happened; I screamed as loud as I could. It felt as if it were fire. I tried to hold it in, but it only hurt more. Bahati was by my side, asking what was wrong, but I couldn't talk, not then. I won't bother you with the details. I know you'd find them disgusting.

By the time I was finished, I couldn't have been more embarrassed. My hindquarters were covered in what I'd spewed out, and my insides burned like you couldn't imagine. Bahati left, saying he'd get Mir, and for a split second I saw his face and the disgust on it.

Mir came a little later. She silently moved what she could out of the den with those paws of hers. The stench still lingered behind, though. It smelled awful, and my underside was soaked. I couldn't blame Bahati for wanting to get out of the den. After Mir washed herself off, she came back in with a few of those herb balls for me. I didn't feel like swallowing anything.

"Do you feel like talking?" asked Mir gently. My silence was answer enough for her. "Eat these. It'll make you feel better."

"No," I croaked. The yelling had turned my throat raw.

"Here, come on," said Mir. She opened my mouth and nursed them down. I didn't scream and flail as I did before. I couldn't. Moaning was it. My eyes leaked agonizing tears of fire. I sobbed pitifully. "Shh," said Mir quietly. "Just relax . . . just relax . . ."

She finally took her paws off me. She waited for me to stop crying and lie still before she finally left. I wanted it end. More than ever, I just wanted it all to end.

oOo

I suppose I dozed off. I didn't wake until the next day. I felt exhausted, weak, drained. I saw Lakino in front of me. He was asleep. I don't know why, but I noticed the pain at that point, or rather, how it had—well, it hadn't disappeared. Lessened, I suppose. But it was better.

I couldn't move. I was too weak for that; I couldn't even squirm as I did before. I could barely speak. I said to him in barely a whisper, "Lakino." It hurt my throat. My voice came out rough.

He didn't wake. I wasn't surprised. I could barely hear my voice myself. I tried again, but he didn't even twitch. He didn't wake until some while later. He looked over at me and smiled. "Been awake long?"

"No," I said. I had to repeat myself as he leaned closer.

"Can I get you anything."

"No."

"You want Mir?"

"No."

"You're not that hard to please, are you?"

I coughed. I suppose it was the equivalent of a laugh. It made my throat hurt even more. "Water."

"Sure. I'll get some right now." Lakino bounded out, stopping to pick up an emptied half-gourd that Mir must have left. A few minutes later he was back, and immediately ran into the problem of how I was supposed to drink. He lifted my head with a paw, placed his muzzle under mine, then slid the water over by feel, then lowered my head into it. It was a good idea, but there was the minor issue of me breathing. When I began to splutter, Lakino immediately took my head out, water spilling everywhere.

"Uh . . . sorry."

It was one of the strangest things I've felt, that cool water on my bare skin. It was somewhat soothing. My thirst hadn't gone. Lakino stared down at me for a moment, thinking before he stepped just outside of the den and called out, "Hey, Raja, come here."

Lakino walked back into the den, Raja behind him. I could plainly see the disgust on the older lioness's face, though whether it was from the smell I was now oblivious to of from my appearance I was all too aware of, I couldn't tell you. She may have seen me staring; she did her best to hide her discomfort. She followed Lakino's directions and held the half-gourd in her jaws as Lakino supported my head to let me drink.

It helped. I had trouble lapping up the water, but it was enough. After a few minutes I stopped, exhausted. I tried to stare into the water and get a glimpse of my reflection. There wasn't enough light. All I saw was a dark shadow, my golden eyes being the only clear thing in the bowl.

"Are you done?" asked Lakino.

"Yes."

"What'd she say?" he asked Raja.

"Ef," she muttered through her mouthful.

"Alright. Set that down over there. Cheka, I'm gonna set you down. Nice and easy. There."

"May I go, sire?" asked Raja.

"Yes. Thank you."

I heard Raja leave. Lakino lied down in front of me, his mouth smiling, but his eyes worried. He started to ask a question, but I could barely hear him. Before I knew it, I had drifted back off to sleep.

oOo

I woke to find Bahati and Lakino in front of me. My eyes wandered behind them to see several other members of the pride were behind them. I blinked, trying to clear up my sleep-vision. "Is this some kind . . . of party?"

Lakino smiled. "She's awake," he said, apparently to the rest of them. They crowded toward me. There was an awkward silence. Lakino broke it: "They all wanted to come in and—and say goodbye."

"We all wanted to come in before," said one of the younger lionesses. She was almost full-grown; by her voice I could tell it was Kinda. "Lakino wouldn't let us in. We woulda come a lot sooner, honest."

"Lakino, why?"

"Oh, so you can string together full sentences now?" he said with a smile.

"Lakino . . ."

"Alright. I was just—worried, that's all. I didn't want this to spread."

"And we told you it wouldn't," said old Raja.

"So they forced their way in here, despite my insistence that their ugliness would disturb the patient," said Lakino.

"Okay," said another lioness, Umo, "you're not getting any for a month."

"Your loss."

There was a quiet silence. I knew they were all staring at me, though I could only see about half of them. "I thought you were all . . . staying away from me . . ." I said. It still hurt to talk, but not quite as much. I could only say a few words before needing a breath.

Someone hit Lakino in the head. "Hey, I apologized!" he protested.

"Do it again," I said. Smiling hurt.

Bahati did it. "Hey, stop!" Lakino said.

There were laughs. I smiled a little more. It wasn't the only laugh we had. The conversation turned to happy memories, things we all could laugh about. They were all in there, all of them except Imani. I didn't really care or notice. She hated my guts.

I didn't say much as they talked, just speaking up now and then. I usually wasn't heard, but they shut up if they saw I was trying to talk. They loved me, I knew that, and I loved them. I wished I had longer. It wasn't fair. I tried not to think about it, thought; I just wanted to bathe in their cheerfulness. Despite my attempts, once again I slowly fell asleep.

oOo

I woke again later. Hours had gone by; I could see the setting sun. The pride had left. Lakino had stayed, along with Bahati, at least from what I could see in my limited field of vision. Bahati had fallen asleep, his mouth open, a little puddle spreading from his mouth. Lakino was staring at me, frowning. He forced a smile when he noticed my eyes were open. "How are you feeling?" he asked.

"The pain's better." It was only a shadow of what it had been. It did nothing for my mobility; I couldn't move at all. I felt so weak, so exhausted.

"That's good to hear. Need anything?"

"I don't want to try . . . any more water."

"Alright." Lakino's smile slowly and unconsciously faded. "I love you, Cheka. Very much." He looked away, shaking his head. "Mir said she was trying to find something. There's plenty of things we haven't tried yet—"

"Lakino . . ."

"Huh?"

"I love you, too. . . . I want you to know . . . to know that before—"

"You're going to be fine, okay?" he said.

"Lakino . . . I'm going to die. . . . I understand . . ." Lakino said nothing. "I'm happy. . . . I liked these last . . . few days with you."

"Just hang on," he said, forcing that smile back onto his face. "You'll be fine."

He didn't want to believe otherwise, I could see that. Most of all he didn't want me to admit it. He loved me, he'd always love me. He'd watched over me since I was a cub and Mom passed. I was proud to have a father like him. Our love would never be anything like his and Umo's, I knew that, nor was I sure that I wanted it to be. He was my father, just as I was his daughter.

"I love you, too, Lakino."

He hesitated a moment, then nuzzled me. It burned. He stopped as I gasped. "Sorry," he said. He looked away.

"It's not your fault."

There were a few moments of silence. Then the thought sprang unbidden into my head: "Lakino?"

"Hm?"

"Could you bring . . . Imani?"

"You want to see Imani?"

"Yes."

"Cheka, there's no need—"

"Lakino . . . please."

He sighed. "Alright. I'll get her." He stood up and left. I fell into a half-asleep stupor as I waited. It seemed to take forever. Finally I became aware of Imani standing in the entrance to the den. Lakino stood behind her.

"Can we be alone?" I asked. Lakino didn't seem to hear my whisper. He hesitated a moment, then woke Bahati and led him out. I stared up at Imani.

"What do you want?" she asked, her voice sharp.

"I don't know," I admitted.

"It reeks in here." She made no effort to disguise that fact, or that she believed my body to be hideous.

There were a few moments of silence before I told her, "I'm dying."

"I'm not an idiot."

"You didn't come . . . come with all the others . . . earlier . . ."

"You think I care if you die?" she said, lowering her face to my level. "You have ruined me. I don't care if you go."

I didn't know what I had expected. Had I wanted her to come in, crying and saying she was sorry for the awful way she had treated me, that she would mourn my passing? Why had I even asked for her at all?

"You won't miss me." It was a statement.

"Not one bit."

"You won't even . . . think about me . . ."

There was a pause. "My leg aches every night," she said bitterly. "More when it's cold. Every morning it's practically limp. You think I can't forget about what you've done to me?"

"But not me."

Her face was unreadable. It twisted as she said to me, "I hate you."

I felt—relieved. I can't explain it. But I felt so relieved. "I don't care . . . for you . . . much either . . ." I closed my eyes, exhausted. I just needed to rest . . . just a little nap . . .