I'm so sorry it took me so long to update. This is my longest chapter so far. I also had to deal with this flame I got. This person called me (and I qoute) "the devils spawn from hell come to rule the fanfiction world"! Haha! the devils spawn! Who uses "devils spawn"?! Anyways, the flame ranted about Bella and Jasper..... who said Jasper was in this story? (Btw, Jazz is in the story but only briefly) So to end my rant, I'm sorry again for taking so long and I hope you enjoy reading the next chapter. ENJOY!!!!

Chapter Four: Despair

After about a half hour, I heard Charlies' cruiser pull into the driveway. I probably should've dried my tears, put a smile on my face, and pretended to act like everything was okay.

But I didn't.

I couldn't. My world had just collasped. I had lost the love of my life... forever. My never-ending sobs got more violent. I heard Charlie open the door.

"Bells!! I'm home!"

I didn't reply.

"Bells!!" his voice slightly alarmed.

I heard him hanging his gear on its hook. I heard him clammer through the kitchen towards the livingroom. He saw me as soon as he entered the livingroom. Worry immediately took over his features.

"Bells!! What's wrong?!" he ran to me and pulled me up to the coach.

My sobs got louder. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and I hid my face against his chest. I threw my arms around him and clung to him. His arms wound around me protectively. Charlie began to rock me back and forth. He spoke ever so softly.

He told me reassuring things such as "Calm down" or "It'll be okay, Bells, you'll see" and he would ocassionly ask "Bella, honey, what happened?". I didn't stop. Although Charlie had no idea as to why I was crying, I'm pretty sure he guessed that it something to do with Edward.

He probably thought that Edward had broken up with me. Boy was he wrong. I continued to sob and Charlie contiued to give what little comort he could. Eventually, I cried myself to sleep. I dreamt about one thing, or I should say person, that night.

Edward.

I dreamt of him smiling, and laughing, and being the gorgeous person he is. But at the end, he was sobbing uncontrolably. His face was twisted in pain, hurt, saddness, and betrayl. He sobbed at the pain I had unintentionly inflicted.

He cried and I woke up with tears streaming down my face. Charlie jumped off the love seat where he had slept and rushed to my side. He tried to comfort me as he had the night before. But he didn't need to. As relization sunk in, the sobs died down and the tears lessened. A couple minutes later, the crying stopped all together.

"Are you okay, honey?" Charlie looked beyond worried as he looked me in the eyes.

"I'm-" I started but my throat was hoarse so I cleared it and started again.

"I'm okay," I said in a small voice.

"Bells, you have to tell me what's wrong because I'm about to go insane," he stated.

I gulped and nodded. My eyes widened a bit as I preceeded to tell him what had occured. I began with with my afternoon with Alice and continued until I got to him getting home. When I told him about Edward proposing and me not being able to respond, tears started to stream down my face for what seemed like the zillionth time.

When he heard about Edward proposing, his eyes widened and his lips pressed into a hard line. His fists clenched and his face got bright red. I think it's safe to say that Edward hadn't asked Charlie for his permission to ask for my hand in marriage.

Although Charlie was clearly ferious, he softened when I started to cry again. He went from livid to concerned in seconds. He listened intently to my whole story. His attention unwavering. My voice kept quivering and shaking and faltering. Charlie showed nothing but concern.

I was touched. Even though Charlie disagreed with the proposal and me wishing I could have said yes, his face was full of concern. By the time I finished my story, I was sobbing again and Charlie had his arms wrapped around me.

The tears lessened and I didn't want to be with Charlie at the moment. I wanted to be alone and try to clear my head.

"I'm going to go take a shower," I said blinking away tears.

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked.

"I th-think s-so," I stuttered.

He nodded and got up to make breakfast for himself. I got up and slowly climbed the stairs to my bedroom. I got my bag of toilteries and a fresh set of clothes to change into after. I walked across the hall to the bathroom. I closed the door behind me and leaned against it.

I got the water ready as silent tears ran down my face. I undressed and got into the steaming water. The water soothed my muscles and relaxed me slightly. Although I was slightly relaxed, I still felt grief head on. I felt the way I did yesturday when I couldn't respond to Edward.

My world had fallen down in fiery flames.

I stood in the shower, my tears mixing in with the hot water running down the drain.

When I got out of the shower, I got dressed and brushed my teeth. The tears continued to escape my eyes. I couldn't take it anymore.

I just let the sobs I had been holding in out. I threw my clothes in the hamper, grabbed my toiletries bag, and ran to my room. I threw my bag on the floor and jumped onto my bed. I curled up in a little ball. I sobbed harder and more violently than yesturday.

I couldn't help it. I lost my heart. My chest felt hallow. Empty. My heart was gone. I stayed on my bed, curled in a ball, crying.

Why couldn't I stop crying? How could he believe I didn't want to be with him forever? Of course I did.

About an hour later, I heard a cars tires' screech. I abruptly stopped crying.

He came back? Edward came back?

I had to check. I got out of bed and ran to my window.

My heart was pounding with the hope that Edward had come back.

My hope fell way down. Instead of seeing a bronze haired, green eyed angle, I saw his pixie sister. I went back to my crying position on my bed.

I heard the doorbell ring repeatly as Alice impatiently pushed the button. I heard a scuffle and Charlie let out an "AHH!!". I heard Alice running her petite legs up the stairs.

"BELLA!!!"she shrieked at the top of her lungs. Damn! Apprently, being as little as she is, she had lungs of steel.

I didn't respond to her shouts. I didn't want to. I didn't want to talk. I wanted to be left alone. But Alice being Alice, refused to take the hint. She burst through the door and rushed over to me.

"Oh Bella! What's going on? When Edward got home yesturday, he was crying like I've never seen somebody cry and-," she must have noticed how I was positioned because she stopped mid-sentence and stared at me wide eyed.

"Oh Bella! Will you please tell me what happened? You know how I hate being in the dark!" she then went to my side to comfort me.

"Bella... I NEED to know what happened between the two of you. Yesturday Edward gets home, crying heart out and runs up to his room and won't talk to anybody. He's been locked in his room since yesturday. Esme and Carlisle tried to talk to him through the door but he just kept sobbing "Bella" over and over. Emmett tried to bribe him out which was stupid because given his state, I think it was obvious that bribing was not gonig to work."

She took in a deep breath. Again I say, lungs of steel. I was making Edward cry? He shoudn't cry. Not over me at least. This made me cry harder. She hugged me tightly and rocked us back and forth. She rubbed soothing circles in my back as I ruined her designer blouse with tears. I was going to get an earful later.

She pulled away from me and looked me in the eyes.

"Bella, I NEED to know what happened."

I tried to calm the sobs and blinked away the tears. I recounted what took place the evening before. I stuttered and my voice would quiver and falter at places. Alice was an attentive listener. She held my hands throughout the whole story, rubbing circles into them. At the end, her mouth was pressed into a hard line.

Tears silently streamed down my face while she stared thoughtfully at me for several minutes. She pursed her lips and took in a deep breath.

"Bella..... stop crying," she commanded.

I stopped crying immediately and felt my mouth go into an o. My eyes bugged out in shock.

How could she tell me to stop crying? I lost my reason for living and I'm supposed to stop crying?! I looked at her like the insane person she was.

"Bella, you need to see Edward. He's just as bad you are. I'll help you explain you losing your voice. He needs you," she said solemly to me.

Her eyes showed nothing but concern.

"Alice-" I stopped. My voice was hoarse form all the crying I had done in the last few hours. I cleared my throat and began again.

"Alice, I'm pretty sure that I am the LAST person in the universe that Edward wants to talk to. I inadvertly broke his heart and all because I didn't want to him to know I had lost my voice," tears started to form in my eyes again.

"Bella no more crying. I'm taking you with me and you and Edward are getting engaged," she spoke with such confidence that I had no doubt Alice would force the ring on my finger if it was the last thing she did.

I nodded, "Fine but this isn't going to work."

"Yes it will. I can feel it," she stated very seriously.

"Go, wash your face, and clean up, I'll be in the car."

I nodded and went to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face. I ran down stairs where Charlie caught me by the arm.

"Bells, honey, are going to be able to do this?"

I hugged him and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Don't worry about me, Dad."

I ran out the door to meet Alice in Carlisles' Mercedes. I jumped in and slammed the door. The tires screeched as Alice sped off. Normally. I would be terrrified of Alices' driving but not now.

I was done crying. I was through crying and feeling sorry fo myself.

I was gonig to get Edward back.

My pity party was over. I was determined. My mind was focused on getting Edward back.

I had no idea what I was going to do but I knew that I was not leaving until I was engaged to Edward Cullen.

All these thoughts raced through my mind as Alice sped through the streets. Houses, trees, and the world blurred by. Alice's mouth was pressed into a hard line. Her face showed nothing but determination. I could feel my face in the same set.

Before I knew it, we were weaving our way past the trees on the path to the Cullens' house. I had my hand on the door handle, ready to jump out as soon as the car stopped. Alice made a sharp turn in front of the porch.

I jumped out and in my haste, fell. I caught myself with my hands and knees and launched myself uo the porch stairs and through the front door. I took a quick glance around.

Carlisle and Esme were on the white loveseat. Carlisle had his arms protectively around her as she cried into his shoulder. Concern etched into his face. Rosalie was staring out the south facing window that took up the whole southern wall of the house. Jasper was on the coach, hunched over, staring at his hands.

They all watched me dash up the stairs. When I got to the second floor. I heard very loud snoring. I continued up to the third floor. I ran down the hall and saw Emmett sleeping on the side of Edwards' door. His head was against the wall.

I ran to Edwards' door and heard soft jazz music playing. It was jazz music that Edward played the first time I went to his house. It was also the first time he played my lullaby for me.

Aside from the music. I heard what could only be described as sobs. Terrible heart wrenching sobs. It made my heart ache just to hear them.

I heard Edward crooning, "Bella, Bella," over and over again.

I banged on the door, causing Emmett to jump and let out an, "Ahhh!". I banged on the door again.

"EDWARD!!! LET ME IN!!!"

So....... did you like it? I apolgize for taking so long again and for any grammer/spelling errors there may be. Now...... you know the drill....... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! I hope you enjoyed it and review!