Flashback

I sat next to my sister on the platform that had been erected in the late Commissioner Loeb's honor. Mayor Garcia stood up in front of the crowd and began to talk about the man he hadn't really known well at all. Honestly, I wasn't really paying attention to whatever my uncle was saying about him. I was thinking about all the possible places my uncle's assassin could hide. There were rooftops and hundreds of windows. The crowd would be the perfect place, in my opinion. There were a lot of people here and it wouldn't be hard to blend in until it was time to pull the trigger.

Here's another confession. I didn't care if my uncle got shot or not. I wasn't worrying about him. I was worried about my sister and the possibility that she might get caught in the crossfire. Dear Uncle Tony had denied my plan to keep his family out of the line of fire. We had to present a united front. Pfft. I almost hoped the Joker got a bullet in him. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. That last thought had been cold. It wasn't just his fault that this idiotic ceremony was taking place. The conversation I'd shared with Jim Gordon earlier on this gloomy day came back to me.

--

I was asleep on my feet, leaning against a convenient wall as police officers scurried around my family's lavishly decorated entrance hall. They were in the midst of deciding how best to protect the mayor from the Joker while I was unintentionally catching up on the sleep I had missed out on last night. It seemed that any time I closed my eyes the Joker's twisted thoughts came back to me. For example, just then I was having visions of what it was like to slide a knife under a man's ribcage until it was piercing the heart. Blood covered my hands, making them warm and slick. It was the Joker's memory but it felt like mine. It felt like I was the one gleefully cutting into a fellow human's body.

"Sybil?" I jerked awake, nearly falling over as I lurched violently away from the wall. Warm hands gripped my shoulders to steady me. I blinked several times until the calm gray-blue of Jim Gordon's eyes came into focus.

"Lieutenant," I said, letting out a relieved sigh. "Sorry, I must have dozed off."

"That's pretty understandable," Gordon replied with a smile. "Something tells me you didn't sleep last night." I smiled wryly. I'd given the good lieutenant a call once the Joker had left. He was the only one who knew exactly how much trouble I was in since I hadn't shared my little encounter with Erin. It was refreshing to have someone who understood what I was that I could trust and not worry about on a constant basis.

"Can't imagine what gave you that idea," I muttered, tucking a stray bit of hair behind my ear. I was appropriately dressed in a black blouse and slacks. I'd narrowly avoided my sister and her constant need to cover my face in make-up. I used to be fairly ambivalent toward it but recently make-up has become extremely distasteful. No prizes for guessing the reason. "Look, Lieutenant-"

"You've seen into my soul, Sybil. I think you can call me Jim." There was no arguing with that friendly, firm tone.

"Fine, Jim. I haven't been able to talk any sense into my uncle so I thought I'd try you. This ceremony in honor of Commissioner Loeb's passing is nice but the timing couldn't be worse. Wouldn't it be better to just let the family bury him then once the Joker is caught we could do this whole marching down the street and presenting a clear target thing." Jim ran his fingers through his short hair, appearing a little awkward. I had a feeling that he agreed with me since he was in charge of making sure the mayor didn't get killed.

"We can't let the Joker stop us from carrying on with life as we usually do. That means he wins," he told me. He was being very polite so I fought the immediate urge to roll my eyes.

"He hates rules and ritual and anything considered to be normal. He goes against the grain because it's in his nature. The Joker is a rebel. Admittedly, he takes it to an extreme but that's still what he is. Our predictability is our weakness with this man. I know how he thinks," I pointed out. "Obviously I'm not thrilled that I know but since I do we might as well take advantage of it."

--

Damn stubborn men. I shifted in my seat again and my aunt sent me a glare. I glared right back until she cracked, looking away. Jim hadn't been able to put a halt to this ridiculous ceremony. We were like fish in a barrel waiting for the Joker to start shooting at us.

"We must remember that vigilance is the price of safety," my uncle said, finishing his speech at long last. I scanned the crowd again as the officers shifted into position for the twenty-one-gun salute. Or maybe it wasn't going to be twenty-one. How many shots did a police commissioner warrant? In any case, my main concern was why nothing had happened. There was no way in hell the Joker would pass up this opportunity.

The first round of shots went off and suddenly I could hear something. Giggling. Faint, childish giggling. It was like a little boy about to get a delicious piece of candy. This sound was followed quickly by a tug deep in my stomach and the certainty that the Joker was near. I tried to pinpoint where the draw was coming from as the second round of shots went off. But there was something odd in that round. It sounded as if someone had shot a second too early from somewhere else.

"Jim," I murmured, looking to him and trying to alert him with my mind. He immediately looked in my direction and I saw the realization that something was wrong in the widening of his eyes. For a brief, horrific moment we both knew what was going to happen next. Jim Gordon lunged, pushing the mayor out of the way as the third round of shots went off and a good portion of them were aimed at the platform. I pulled Erin to the ground and covered her body with my own. The sound of gunfire seemed to hover in the air even when the bullets had long since lost their usefulness. Screams continued, the sound of shoes hitting the pavement. I learned how to breathe again once I felt that Erin wasn't about to be stolen from me by a stray bullet.

"Sybie?" she whimpered. I rolled off so I wasn't crushing her anymore. She immediately wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug. I could feel her shaking like a dried out leaf.

"It's okay, baby. I've got you," I assured her. The police were quickly evacuating all the important people off the platform, starting with my uncle. I helped Erin stand up all the while making sure my body was acting as a shield between her and where the shots had originally been fired. "Come on, darling. We're getting you out of here." Officers were already swarming us, ushering the two of us to safety. We would have gone home then. I would have spent my time comforting Erin and making sure no permanent psychological damage had been done by her brush with death. But I glanced back. I felt the grief pouring off a policeman kneeling on the platform and I saw… I saw Jim. "No."

That was my only thought. No. Not him. Not this man. This good, kind, decent man. This man who had two children. I'd seen them in his head, brief flashes of beautiful young faces. They absolutely adored him. Jim Gordon dying wasn't right. This man did not deserve to die.

The sorrow quickly turned to rage inside me. "Erin, I want you to go home and lock yourself in your room. Absolutely do not leave until I come and get you, all right?" She nodded and before she could voice her confusion I escaped the police escort and ran into the frantic crowd. Erin probably shouted after me. I couldn't hear much of anything above the sound of frightened people.

I could still feel the Joker and that meant I could trace him. He'd made a run for it after that third shot. His frustration was a bitter taste in my mouth. He was annoyed and looking forward to releasing some stress. So why the hell was I trying to find him? I'm just going to go ahead and blame my Irish temper. I was angry. The Joker had crossed the line by killing Gordon. I'd put up with him before that. Now I couldn't. Now I had to do something.

Honestly, while I was following the trail down a deserted street and past dark alleys I hadn't actually thought of a plan. I just wanted to find him and hoped the rest would work itself out. So when a hand fastened on my wrist then tugged me into a narrow alleyway, I had absolutely nothing up my sleeve. The Joker pinned my wrists above my head with one hand and pressed me firmly against the wall.

"How did you like the show, my girl?"

"You son of a bitch!" I snarled, attempting to knee him in the groin. His free hand gripped my knee and moved to it the side. Overall, my current condition was not a good one. Hands restrained, the Joker between my legs and absolutely no way to fight him. Yeah, not good. "Jim Gordon was a good man. I don't expect you to appreciate that since you can't possibly conceive of the idea. What I do know you'll understand is the fact that you've seriously pissed me off. I've got a sister to protect and I will not be humoring you anymore. The next time we run into each other there will be no witty banter or inappropriate behavior. I'll just call the police and let them deal with you. So I'd suggest you take your murderous tendencies and find some other girl to harass. Clear?" The rant helped my temper and I began to see past the blind haze of anger. And my breath got caught in my throat.

"Sybil, sweetheart," he murmured, bringing his face closer to mine. "Don't be a nag." The Joker was wearing a formal police uniform. His green hair had been pulled up under a black hat and white gloves covered his hands. The look really didn't suit him. What had swept me off my feet, however, wasn't the outfit. His face was bare. I was getting a good look at the man behind the face paint. His scars looked old but more natural than they did when he smeared them with streetwalker red lipstick. He was pale and the dark circles around his eyes told me that this man didn't sleep much. "It's rude to stare, beautiful. I'm sure you've seen worse things in those delightful monster movies that are so popular these days."

"I didn't expect-" Thankfully the filter between my brain and my mouth kicked into gear and I cut myself off. He lifted a brow at my sudden silence.

"Didn't expect what?" I kept my mouth shut and the ever-smiling Joker managed a frown. "Come on, Sybil, not all of us can read minds. Share with the rest of the class." That constant pull towards him was still present but I could resist. It was becoming normal to me. Needing him was becoming normal. However, thanks to our last encounter he knew how to look into me now. He knew my powers were immediately pulled into him when our gazes locked. He could read me and I could feel that he was fully prepared to do it. "Sybil," he said, speak-singing my name.

"I didn't expect you to be pretty," I confessed. He was, too. It was totally inexplicable but undeniable. There was a beauty to his face that was marred by the scars but not obliterated. He smirked at me, sliding his hand down my arm until he cupped my cheek. I had the use of my arms back now but he was apparently unconcerned by this fact. I guess he had a point. There wasn't a lot I could do against a man of his strength.

"You must have a weak spot for men in a uniform. First the dearly departed lieutenant and now me. Seriously Sybil, you may have a problem." He snickered in my face even as he stroked my scar. I glared at him.

"I said what I had to say. Let me go." The Joker didn't even acknowledge that I'd spoken. Instead his eyes drifted down and he quirked his head to the side.

"If you don't mind, I'm used to seeing you with a little more bare skin," he commented as he lifted a hand and began to unbutton my blouse. I tried to bat his hands away with very little success. He'd undone my shirt half way before he was satisfied. "Now, Sybil, I have a proposition for you. It's a real shame to waste those interesting powers of yours protecting Princess Erin. Why don't you come along with me? The two of us could have a lot of fun in this city." I stared at him. Those beautiful and deranged eyes stared right back at me with an eagerness that was almost frightening.

"Chaos isn't really my thing," I replied, voice completely flat. "But thanks for the offer." His grip on my face tightened.

"Well then, Sybie, can I still try to change your mind?" He didn't bother to wait for an answer. The Joker covered my lips with his open mouth. A wave of emotion hit me and I gasped. Desperation, hunger, attraction. Whatever power that dragged the two of us together infected me. I forgot who I was and who he was. Well, who we were in this life, anyway.

It wasn't a gentle kiss by any stretch of the imagination. He wreaked havoc on my senses, using his teeth and tongue to their best effect. I answered in kind as I knocked his hat off and tangled my fingers in his greasy, moss-colored hair. The longer the kiss went on the more I remembered how this all began. Before I was Sybil Callaghan and before he was the Joker, we'd been normal. Normal, functioning human beings in love with each other. That was how I felt now. I didn't feel like Erin's freak sister. I was a normal woman being kissed by the man she desperately loved. And the feeling was mutual.

But… but I'd screwed it up. Something had gone wrong. I'd cracked under pressure and married someone safer. And I regretted it for the rest of my life. I'd regretted it so much that the guilt had carried over into my next life.

He lifted me up enough so I could wrap my legs around his waist. I enjoyed the way he ate at my mouth while I began to undo the buttons of his stolen uniform. The hard brick wall scraped against my back and he had bitten my bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. I didn't care. I didn't care about anything except how he made me feel.

I would have gladly let him screw me against that wall but, ironically, he reminded me of who I really was. The Joker traced my scar. Suddenly I could see the twisted hunk of metal that had once been my parents' car. I could see Erin and all I was to her. And I remembered that I was not a normal woman and I was certainly not in love with the man currently kissing my brains into mush.

Jim Gordon was dead and I was kissing his murderer.

I kicked him. He was relaxed enough for the blow to knock him back quite a bit and I was finally free. I sprinted as fast as I could out of that alley, down the street and back into the crowd. Once I'd finished running my lungs felt like they were on fire. I panted, hands trembling as I struggled to get buttoned up again.

The single positive thing about this day was that I now knew what I was dealing with and I could potentially fight back. The huge, overwhelming negative was that I wasn't at all sure that I'd be able to fight or that I'd even want to.

Damn, I wished he hadn't kissed me. Now my day dreams were going to become a whole new kind of disturbing. Fan-bloody-tastic.