Trapped

What do you do when you feel like you're about to lose your mind? How do you fight madness? And what is sanity? I wasn't sure if I had ever been entirely sane, considering the fact that I heard voices in my head. Maybe I had always been crazy but dormant, waiting for the Joker to come along and wake me up. Or perhaps this had nothing to do with sanity and everything to do with love. A love that had been so intense and done so much damage that it remained embedded in the souls of both the Joker and myself. Was that the problem here?

No matter the problem, I had the solution. I was going to run. That day I'd gone to the bank and withdrawn enough cash for two people to survive on for at least a week, including airfare. I was going to get on a plane and put hundreds of miles between Gotham and me. And I was taking Erin with me.

"Sybil, could you please slow down a second? I don't understand," she pleaded, following me as I opened drawers and stuffed her clothes into the suitcase lying open on her bed. I'd already packed since I knew I could do it quickly. With Erin I would have to explain why we were running and why we were doing it secretly.

"As long as the Joker's on the street, we aren't safe. So we're going to take ourselves out of the equation by leaving. Just think of it as a vacation. You've been dying to go to Hawaii." Erin started to follow me to her closet then decided against it. Instead she began to properly fold the clothes I'd just stuck haphazardly in her suitcase.

"You never run away," she pointed out. I pursed my lips. As if I needed reminding.

"I will if it keeps you safe. I've never been this far out of my depth. Look, Erin, I didn't want you to know this but I guess I can't keep it from you anymore." I turned around and looked into her suddenly wide eyes. "I'm not a superhero." Erin's shoulders sagged and her expression was clearly relieved. She probably thought I was being sarcastic. The true meaning of that statement would sink in later and she would understand what I really said. I was saying I wasn't perfect, that I couldn't be her indestructible shield against a dangerous world. I'd failed.

But that was for later. Right now, she thought it was a joke.

"Okay, we can go to Hawaii. You need a tan, anyway," she noted, taking the clothes I'd grabbed from her closet before I could wrinkle them. "I don't understand why we can't tell anyone where we're going, though."

"I don't want to leave a trail," I said, surrendering the duty of packing into her hands and leaning against the wall. "We aren't going to take a car so wear practical shoes. We'll catch a ferry then go to the nearest airport. Any cash you have with you, take it. We aren't going to be using credit cards for a while." I was being paranoid, believing every movie I'd seen and every book I'd read where people on the run had been caught by credit card use. If Gordon had been alive, I would have called to let him know Erin and I were disappearing for a while. But he wasn't. I didn't trust anyone else with my sister's future.

"Shouldn't we at least wait till morning to do this? Gotham at night isn't safe," Erin reminded me. I smiled weakly.

"It is tonight." I knew where the Joker's eyes were going to be focused tonight. Dent had claimed he was the Batman and the terrorist clown was going to be after him the second he was out on the open road with his police escort.

There was a surprised exclamation from downstairs and I frowned. It sounded like people were scurrying. "Erin, I'm going to go see what's up. Keep packing." I made it down the stairs in time to see my uncle running out the front doors. Something had happened. Something big. I clutched the arm of one of my uncle's lackeys as he followed after the mayor. "What's happening?"

"Sorry, Miss Callaghan, I don't have time. The Joker's been caught and Gordon's alive." He shook me off, which wasn't really difficult since I was in shock, and ran to catch up with the political pack. I was frozen in place. Gordon was alive. Gordon was…

"Erin!" I shouted. She appeared at the top of the stairs just in time to see me shrugging into a beaten plaid jacket. "Erin, I'm going to the MCU. Gordon's alive. If I'm not back by morning then just go. I'll catch up with you. My bag has everything you'll need."

"But how will you find me?" she asked, clearly alarmed by the idea of being left on her own. I rolled my eyes and gave her a warm smile.

"Baby girl, I've known you since you took your first gulp of air. Your thoughts are like the back of my hand. I will always be able to find you." I snagged one of the sets of keys from the collection on the wall before giving her a quick wave. "I love you."

"I love you, too!"

Then I was out of there.

I shamelessly violated the speed limit but I figured since I was already going to the police there was no harm in it. Even though I was driving faster, the mayor got to the Major Crimes Unit before I did. That was just as well. He could get whatever he needed to say to Gordon out and then I could slap the formerly dead lieutenant for giving me a heart attack. He'd better have a damn good excuse for making me panic like that.

It was ridiculously easy to walk into the MCU and find Jim Gordon. For one thing, everyone was so busy that they didn't notice the girl with the tacky coat, washed out jeans and sneakers. To find Gordon, I just followed the sound of applause. I figured that would be my best bet. After all, what else was there to do when someone comes back from the dead?

Come on, everyone! Give Lazarus a round of applause!

I walked into what I immediately saw was some kind of holding room, if the bars were anything to go by. I didn't really care about my surroundings. It was all gray and boring anyway. My eyes focused on a ruffled head of hair, tired smoky blue eyes behind glasses and deep worry lines. Before I realized what I was doing, I had smiled and run to him, throwing my arms around his neck.

"Jim!"

"Sybil? What are you doing here?" His tone was puzzled but he was smiling at me when I pulled back to look at him. I slapped his arm.

"You're looking surprisingly good for a dead guy," I said, narrowing my eyes. He looked slightly abashed.

"I'm sorry I lied to you but I couldn't risk my family anymore." We shared a moment of complete understanding. He knew that I knew exactly what he meant. And he knew that I would have done the same thing. I sighed.

"You sure know how to take the wind out of someone's sails. I had a lecture all prepared. I guess I'll just let your wife do the honors." She'd probably do a better job, anyway. I couldn't even pretend to be mad at him when I was this close, picking up on his warm, honest nature.

"Listen, Sybil, you should get out of here," Jim told me, taking my arm and trying to gently steer me out of the room. That's when I felt it. A tingling, irresistible brush down my spine begged me to turn around and look. I knew what I'd see. Who I'd see. I wanted to go on with Jim but my feet had become rooted to the floor and it was all I could do to keep from turning around. Then the Joker did something no one expected.

"The very thought of you…"

He started singing.

His surprisingly deep voice startled everyone, including Jim. The good lieutenant's grip loosened on my arm and I turned around. The Joker had resumed his costume but I could see through the make-up now. It wouldn't have been hard anyway since his rough night had smeared and streaked the paint. Only the shirt was different. It was light blue with a hexagonal pattern. His dark eyes caught mine and I forgot everything except the soothing quality of his voice. "And I forget to do…" He leaned against the bars, one arm casually braced against the metal while his other hand was in his pocket. "The little ordinary things everyone ought to do."

"Sybil, don't get too close." Jim's warning echoed oddly in my ears. Get too close? I wasn't moving, was I? Then I realized I was nearly halfway across the room and within a few feet of the Joker. Dammit! He wasn't that great of a singer and he certainly wasn't hypnotic to everyone else. I could pick up a general feeling of disgust circulating the room.

"What the hell are you doing?" I hissed. My voice was low but he heard me all too easily. He smirked.

"What's wrong, beautiful? Am I embarrassing you in front of your new best friend?" The Joker's eyes flickered to Jim and I felt his jealousy like a swift punch to the gut. He was a possessive bastard and I was his girl. He didn't want other men touching his girl.

"Oh, grow up," I muttered, turning away. Jim had clearly been silently motioning for everyone to stay back while the Joker and I had our brief chat. I felt a surge of gratitude. The man was fantastic.

"Just a minute, Sybil sweetheart. Don't you want to know about my great escape?" Ah, crap. A general sense of duty toward my fellow man made me turn around. That's what the Joker had been banking on, after all. I tried not to listen to what he was mentally broadcasting but it was a bit like ignoring a man screaming in the center of the room. You can't help but listen. Not to mention the fact that my power was naturally drawn to him. I was basically screwed.

He wanted me to stick around. He'd missed me the other day and was sorry he couldn't have dropped by to visit. He'd just been so busy setting up for tonight… I got a few brief flashes of a large truck and a helicopter going up in flames. His expression was arrogant but I could sense a little bit of anxiousness behind it. He wanted to know what I thought of all that. He… he wanted me to be impressed! I shuddered. This was too weird. He was taking this whole twisted past life relationship in completely the wrong way.

"What great escape?" I asked, going back to the conversation we'd been having out loud. If I started responding to things he thought then I'd be getting way too many strange looks from the cops surrounding us.

"You know me, Sybil. I won't be sticking around for long. Don't you want to question me in that all too unique way of yours to find out just when I'll be dropping in on you and Princess Erin?" I stiffened. It didn't matter when he broke out since I was taking Erin out of this city. Unfortunately, I couldn't find it in myself to leave Gordon on the edge of a potential disaster without trying to help. And the Joker knew that. I was beginning to understand just how well he knew me. The more I knew, the more frightened I became.

"Not here," I mumbled. I'd have to work something out with Gordon. Surely with the police commissioner dead he had enough authority to get the Joker and I a room with no witnesses. Or at least no one listening.

"You don't like to be watched. I'll have to remember that for later," he said with a slow lick of his lips. To my deep shame, the move provoked my body and I suddenly felt too warm. My cheeks were burning. I turned away quickly, hoping he wouldn't notice the blush. Looking at Jim immediately soothed my nerves.

"I know you want to go home but could you do me a small favor first?" I asked, preparing to beg long and hard.

--

Begging was putting it mildly. I nearly had to promise Gordon my first born in order to get alone in an interrogation room with the Joker. Thankfully his desperation to see his family worked in my favor. He left me in the hopefully capable hands of a Detective Ramirez who was currently watching me through the window. She couldn't hear us, though. I'd insisted on that. Gordon had been more reasonable on that score since he knew I had to protect myself from exposure as best as I could. The other cops thought we were nuts but they weren't going to go against the commissioner's orders.

Commissioner Gordon. That news had pleased me. The city needed a man like him in a high position of authority. Now we just needed a mayor more interested in the good of the people instead of political success. Of course, that probably only existed in a perfect world.

I leaned against the door and stared at him. He was seated in the chair behind the plain metal table. My instincts were telling me to let this go and just run away with Erin. The really sad thing was my instincts were probably right.

"Don't back down now, Sybie," he said, taunting me with the childish nickname. "You've been so brave up till now." I glared at him.

"Who said I was backing down?" I crossed the room to the other available chair, wishing the lights in this place weren't fluorescent. The glare was fierce against the painted bricks and mirrors. I avoided looking at the mirrors because otherwise Detective Ramirez would assume I was signaling her. That's what we'd set up beforehand. If I looked into the mirrors for her, she'd come rescue me. I hoped that wouldn't be necessary.

"I like the jacket, by the way," he commented, bringing his handcuffed arms up to rest on the table. "Very colorful."

"And very off topic." I sat across from him, leaning back so there was no way for his arms to come in contact with mine. "Are you going to tell me what you're planning or do I have to dig for it?" He grinned, scars stretching across his face.

"You know the answer to that, my girl." I sighed quietly. Down the rabbit hole, then. Brilliant.

I didn't have to strain to see his thoughts. In fact, it actually felt natural. I didn't blink, didn't look away from his eyes. I tried to avoid the violent thoughts, the chaos, but a lot of it sank in and would probably torment me later. From the books I'd read, I knew concentration was important. Concentration and keeping my own mind clear. Finally I stumbled on more coherent thoughts. I thought I was lucky until I realized he'd put them up front to help me out.

Given any more thought to my proposal? I pointedly ignored that thought, chasing after the brief image I'd seen of the MCU going up in flames. It wasn't a memory but an imagined future. One he seemed fairly certain of, too, so it was probably best to pursue it. He very smoothly blocked me. I don't like being ignored, sweetheart.

"It's still no," I mumbled, frustrated by how much better the Joker was at mind games than I was. It made sense in a way. A lack of sanity led to a certain lack of mental inhibition.

"Mind if I try changing your mind again?" he asked with a leer. I could sense the coming disaster but I couldn't withdraw from his thoughts fast enough. He'd dreamed of me just as vividly as I'd dreamed of him. Now he was sharing his fantasies with me.

I just about fell out of my chair. I'd never seen myself through another person's eyes and I doubted anyone would ever see me like the Joker did. From his point of view, I looked exotic. And, apparently, I looked very good in purple lace underwear. Good enough to eat, if you get my drift.

"Enough." I covered my eyes with my hands, wishing the image of me writhing under the Joker's hands wasn't burned into my brain.

"Tonight." My head went quiet for a moment. I lowered my hands, taking in the Joker's smug expression.

"Tonight," I repeated. "Tonight what? Tonight you break out?" He continued to stare at me with that infuriating smirk. I scowled and tried again to find something useful.

Harvey Dent. My eyes widened. Oh, God, the DA hadn't made it home and the clock was ticking. I stood up, prepared to make a run for it. He lunged for my hand and his fingers locked around my skin. I shot a pleading look at the mirror, hoping Detective Ramirez came to the rescue after all. Then he jerked me around the table until he could pin me against it.

"Stick around for the fireworks," he whispered against my mouth.

The detective saved me, of course. I was hurried out of the interrogation room and then I told them to check up on Harvey Dent. This sent everyone into a panic. Gordon would be called back, which I regretted. He deserved more time with his family.

As for me, I deserved a padded cell for letting the Joker get this far underneath my skin. I knew from those flashes of me naked that he saw me as his girl because I did what he tried to force the rest of the world to do. I made him feel normal. I didn't completely understand it yet. Still, it was only a matter of time.

God help me.

Author's Note: Everyone please contribute to the poll on my profile. I'm trying to convince a talented youtube creator to make a trailer for the story and I need to know how you all see Sybil.