They won't stop bugging me. All four of them believe this drivel.

Believe it so much that they'll face rejection numerous times just to get a team member. I told them once no. I'm sure Komachi told them about how when I say no, I rarely change my mind.

It all went horribly wrong that day. It was the day my mother always calls me. I needed to be home, waiting, preparing to lie so she wouldn't worry. But that girl who created the schedule couldn't tell the yearbook staff our plans. She was gutless and it proved to me yet again this one truth: it's only good if you do it yourself. It's pointless to ask someone else to do something.

So I gave up my time at home to present our plan to the yearbook staff. Of course, the spineless girl thanked me afterward even though she had just stood there. I had to do all the work. But I just smiled. Because I couldn't snap. I accepted this as the student council president.

And then of course, the lunch lady went on about how I'm so busy I never have time to do what I want. Which is true. But only because I can never get what I want. What do I want though? I want Komachi to be my best friend again, to stop going on about this fantasy. I want my parents to be home. But I'll never get the latter. I can't ask them to stay. Just like how I can't force Komachi to stay by me either.

I got home and…there they were. Waiting for me. I couldn't tell them to go away. They would want to know why, and I couldn't tell them why. That would mean admitting that I was weak, lonely.

But my butler had to blurt out all that stuff about my parents. He told them how it was just the two of us there since they were out performing. And of course, Rin has to say I must be lonely. I deny it as the pain gets twisted around in my gut. Because I am. I just won't admit it. Because that is weakness.

Nozomi saw the pictures then of my parents. I have to admit it was hilarious to listen to her exclaim how they looked like musicians as she looked at them by a piano, Mom with her violin and Dad seated at the piano. It also sent little stabs of pain through my heart though. It felt like she was twisting a knife around in my heart.

Urara told me my mom looked like me. A cute mix-up of an expression. It cut though. How could she really know that? I guess Komachi noticed how their questions were taking a toll on me.

She always could see through me.

So she brought out her gift of her family's bean jelly. I love that stuff. Komachi's family has run their own bakery for over a hundred years. They make the most delicious confections. I suggested we go outside to the gazebo to eat the treat.

It was fun watching them fool around out there. Nozomi and Urara stuffed the slices into their mouths like this were their last meal. Rin tried to convince them to eat more lady-like. But Nozomi just stole her portion, saying she didn't seem to want it. Rin reached around Nozomi, desperately trying to reach those two slices. The brunette had no idea how unladylike she looked. Nozomi carelessly brought the toothpick the two slices of bean jelly close to Rin's mouth. Then--gulp! They vanished!

I laughed, and I realized then I wanted to be with them. They made me forget how lonely I was. Not even Komachi could do that. She could only take away the sting of it, dull the pain. But with those four, I forgot how my parents were never home, and how much I loved them and missed them. I forgot about how I was the only reliable person on the student council. I forgot it all.

And it felt wonderful. Oh, so very wonderful. I don't think I've ever felt that way before.

Then my butler brought the cordless phone to me. I knew instantly who it was and I felt a surge of happiness and oddly, fear—or was it anger? Because I knew she would have no time for me? Because she was brought me back to reality?

I took the phone and went around the corner. "Sorry I didn't call you earlier."

"Are you okay?" she asked, her soft, kind voice clear. As if she was next to me, whispering the words sweetly into my ear.

My heart felt that old familiar pull on my heart. The ache strengthened to an unbearable amount.

"I'm fine," I replied.

"I'm worried about you. Are you sure you're okay?" her voice pried into my heart. I struggled against the urge to cry.

I wanted to say it. I've never wanted to say it before. But my happiness of a few minutes ago showed me what I could have had if they had been there. I almost shouted, "No, I'm not okay! Why are you never here? Why do you put your work before me? Am I not enough? What did I do wrong to make you never want to stay? I want you to come home! But I don't because it's so much harder to pretend I'm okay when you're here!"

I opened my mouth to say it. I was going to say it. Do you not love me? Do you hate me? Is that why you travel so much? The words were forming in my mind. I hate you!

They never came out though.

"I'm fine, really."

Liar.

"Are you lonely?"

"No, I'm not," I answered spunkily. "I'm not lonely."

May I swallow a thousand needles…

"Maybe I should—" Mother began.

If I ever break this promise…

"No! Don't worry about me. Work hard. Do a good job in your concert."

I heard the murmur of voices, one of them Mother's, in the background. It sounded like, "Time to tune and do makeup, ma'am." Did she reply, "I'm talking to my daughter"? Or did she say, "I'll be right there"?

"I have to go, honey," she said into the receiver. "Be good, okay? Talk to you next week! Remember I'll be home for Christmas."

"Okay. Bye." I smiled, squeezing back tears.

To never let them know how lonely I am and cry.

I hung up and took a breath to calm down. I gave the phone back to my butler and headed back to the gazebo.