She wasn't sure how long he would be so still and content, but she was almost afraid to move. Afraid if she even shifted it would all be over and he would be up and trying to figure out the best way to get her out of his bedroom. That's why they usually went to her place. She knew it. It was so that he had an easy exit stragedy in place.

They had been like that for hours now. She wasn't sure he was even awake any longer, though she knew he had been for a while at least. She could hear the steady beat of his heart as it pumped away right under her ear. Her head on his chest, one of her legs draped over his and her hand clutching at his opposite shoulder, she felt decidedly peaceful and move comfortable than she had ever felt before.

His arm tightened subtly around her shoulder where it had been resting all night and the other hand flexed at his side.

He wasn't sleeping after all. He was awake, staring up at the ceiling and not saying anything. That worried her. She hated not knowing what he was thinking. When Chuck got quiet it never ended well.

Her hand drifted down from his shoulder to the middle of his chest and in an extraordinarily surprising move, he raised his free hand and covered it. His fingers intertwined with hers and she stared at their hands, laying together in the center of his chest as if they belonged to a pair of aliens.

She had no idea how to interrupt the gesture. It wasn't like him, in fact, it was so completely not like him that she wondered again if he really was sleeping.

Unconscious, she could understand. But Chuck purposely holding her hand so tenderly, so lovingly, no, that baffled.

Taking a deep breath, she chanced a glance at his face and found his eyes wide open, like she predicted, staring up at the bare, white ceiling as if it possessed the answers to every question in the universe.

" If it bothers you that much, I can let it go." He whispered, breaking the silence that had settled between them hours before.

" No," she shook her head sending her hair over his shoulder. " Please don't."

" Then why are you staring at me like I just grew a second head ?" He asked, shifting so he could see her face, but not letting go of her hand.

" It's nothing, I didn't realize I was staring actually. Sorry." She muttered, turning her eyes from his.

" Blair," His voice was barely audible and she shot her gaze back to his face. " What is it ?"

" You...." She trailed off, searching for the words that wouldn't scare him away. " You seem very different tonight."

" Do I ?"

" Yes. You have all night."

" I'm sorry. I guess I'm not in a very playful mood." He answered, dropping her stare and letting his eyes find a place on the wall behind her.

" It's okay. You don't have to apologize. I was just worried that there might be something wrong."

He pulled her closer suddenly and snuggle more deeply into her body. " No, nothing is wrong. Everything is just fine."

" Fine ? " She questioned.

" Hmm." he moaned as he took a deep breath of her hair.

" Chuck ?" He didn't answer, instead taking her in even deeper. This was getting ridiculous. It was bordering on nearly romantic, laying in the glow of the firelight, so deeply entwined with him that she wasn't sure which arm or leg belonged to whom anymore.

He wasn't pushing her away or trying to move to the opposite side of the bed. He wasn't making degrading comments or trying to grind himself against her.

He was just holding her. Holding her so tightly she could barely breath, clinging to her almost desperately. It wasn't about sex, that need had already been met for both of them. This was a need that went so, so very much deeper.

And it was so much not like them, it scared her. They weren't romantic, cuddly people. Well, she was. But he certainly wasn't and she respected that, the kind of intimacy they were currently enjoying wasn't part of their agreement. She hated that is wasn't, be it was a fact that she had learned to deal with.

Now here he was, breaking all the rules in true Chuck Bass fashion.

Was he playing another game with her ? Was this a test to see how far he could go once again ? If it was, this new tactic was low even for him.

To give her more, give her what she really wanted from him and then jerk away, that would be the line she couldn't let him cross. And she thought he knew her well enough to understand that.

Please God, she prayed, no longer sure anyone was still listening, please don't let this be some kind of trick.

He suddenly held her tighter and let his fingers play through her hair. " I'm not playing games." He whispered into the silence again. " I don't have an agenda. I just felt like holding you."

She was stunned by his apparent talent for mind-reading. But she recovered quickly. " You can't blame me for wondering. I'm really confused here. This isn't like you."

Then his possible reasoning came to her, a revelation blazing brightly in front of her face. Her hand involuntarily clutched his shoulder tighter. " Don't do this, Bass." she whispered pleadingly.

He chuckled. " I hate that you know me so well."

" I do know you and I know what you're thinking." She pulled away from him. " This arrangement is working out just fine for both of us. Don't even think about ending it."

He let her go and she suddenly felt very cold. " Is it ?" He asked, sitting up and turning towards her. " I know you want more. I know you need more from me. And I can't give it to you. How is that working just fine ?"

She sat up as well and grabbed the silken red sheet to her chest, feeling very exposed all of a sudden.

" I'm not complaining. That's how it's working. And I didn't think you were either."

He glanced away, then back to her. " Maybe I am."

" What ?" She was shocked. How could he be complaining ? He had been the one to set up this little agreement. It was his idea. She had just approved it and gone along for the ride, grateful to have any piece of him, no matter how small. Now he was the one complaining.

" I don't think I want to do this anymore." He stood up and grabbed his pants from the floor, sliding them over his lean hips quickly. " It's becoming complicated."

" How ?" She demanded. " How is it complicated ? It seems to me that you are getting everything you wanted out of this."

" But you aren't." He told her. " And that is becoming more and more apparent with every passing second we spend together."

" That isn't true. I'm getting what I want, too." She argued, refusing to let the tears flow down her cheeks.

" Really ?" He questioned, coming to stand in front of her. " Tell me you don't want to spend every night like we just did. Tell me you don't want this to become some movie romance where I proclaim my undying love for you on the rooftop of some stupid building. Tell me that you are okay without your happily ever after."

Her eyes were blazing as she glared at him, watching as his nostriles flared in anger. " Okay. I admit that much. I do want more. Now how about you admit the real reason you don't want to do this anymore ? How about you be honest and just man-up for once in your life ?" She was nearly shouting as she snatched the sheet around her tighter and got up to start collecting her clothing.

" Man-up ? What the hell are you talking about ?" The volume of his voice matched hers as he started dressing as well.

" The real reason you don't want to do this anymore is because you want nothing more than to spend every night like we just did, too. You won't say it, but that's okay, because I know. You are in this way too deep and your running scared just like you always do."

She was nearly dressed now, save for her bra and panties which she was stashing away in her purse forcefully. She scanned the floor for her shoe as she heard him huff.

" I was just thinking of you. I was trying to let you go so maybe, just maybe you could find what it is you really need." He spat.

" Oh, " She was still shouting as she slid the shoe onto her foot harshly. " You were just thinking of me and what I need. Once again, you think you know what I need better than I do. Maybe, just maybe, I have everything I need right here. Did you think about that while you were so deeply contemplating me ?"

He sank down onto the bed and sighed. " I can't be what you need." His voice was quite now. " I can never be that guy."

" What guy ?" She asked, perching on the edge of the chair beside the bed.

" The romantic hero on the white horse." he muttered distastefully. " Don't you get it ? I'm broken, damaged. You deserve so much better than me." He ran his hand through his hair roughly. " I just keep thinking that if I hadn't interfered like I did, you and Nate would be halfway to the alter by now."

" Nate ?!" She jumped from the chair. " What the hell does Nate have to do with this ?"

" You loved him." He answered. " You were right for each other. If I hadn't ruined everything you'd still be together."

" You think I would have just forgiven him for sleeping with my best friend like he did ? You didn't ruin my relationship with Nate. Nate did." She told him matter-of-factly with her hands on her hips.

" You wouldn't have forgiven him ?" He asked, looking up at her and finally meeting her eyes.

" Of course not." She assured him, thinking she was making some sort of progress with him.

He chuckled and it unnerved her. " And yet, I have lied to you, cheated on you, treated you like a common whore at times. I've tried to hurt you over and over and you know very well I've succeeded more than once. Yet you wouldn't have forgiven Nate one little drunken indiscretion ?"

She moved closer to him and came down so that she was on the same level with him. Her eyes found his and she held them. " No, I wouldn't have ever forgiven him. I still haven't really forgiven him. Yet, you, I can forgive almost anything. Why don't you think about what that really means ? Think about what you're really throwing away here."

Then she stood and stalked out of his room, slamming the door behind her.


Fuck ! He thought as he watched her slamming the door. He hadn't meant to make her mad. He just wanted her to be free. To be able to move on. He knew as long as he held onto her like he did, there was no way she could ever find someone that could love her the right way.

He flexed his aching hands and realized he was clutching them into tight fists. He wanted to punch something, to hurt something, to cause damage.

Chuck wasn't an outwardly aggressive man. He didn't normally go around looking for offending walls to put his fists through. Only she could inspire that kind of fury in him, only she could bring out that side of him.

Swearing under his breath, he snatched away from the bed and grabbed his shirt. Slinging his arms through the selves, he took off after her. He couldn't let her leave like that.

He met a pair of narrowed blue eyes as soon as he opened the door and he stepped back in shock.

" Are you okay ?" Lily asked, " I heard shouting."

" It's okay, Mom." Serena said from across the hall. " It's just their way. You'll have to get used to it."

" I didn't mean to wake everyone up." He told them. " I'm sorry. I guess things just got a little out of hand."

" I guess they did." Lily crossed her arms over her chest." Charles, I've already told you once that I will not allow you to bring random women to my home like this."

" It wasn't a random woman, Mom." Serena answered for him. " God, how can you not know that raised voice after all these years ? It was Blair."

Chuck glared at her.

"You're seeing Blair ?" Lily asked, raising her perfectly sculpted eyebrows at him. " When did this start ?"

" I'm not really seeing her. But if you don't mind, could we have this discussion later. I really need to catch up with her." He ground out between his teeth as he stared back and forth at the two women who had become his adopted family.

" You don't have to catch her." Serena mumbled sleepily.

" Yes, I do." He spat, trying to hold on to his temper.

She stepped out of her doorway and held the door opened for him to see inside.

" S !" Blair squeaked from inside.

Serena huffed and put her hands on her hips. " B, it's five in the morning. I'm tired and I don't feel like being caught in the middle of the two of you tonight. Please."

Blair stood from the bed and slowly made her way to the door. " Then I'll just go home." She announced with her head held high and purse clutched in her hand.

" Can we just go back to my room and talk ?" Chuck asked, harshly. " I don't want you to leave like this."

" Like what, Chuck ? How would you prefer I leave, because we all know that you do actually want me to leave." She answered angrily.

" I don't want you to leave." He told her quietly.

Just then, the third door in the hallway opened and Eric stuck his blond head out to look around. "What's going on ?" He asked as he rubbed sleep from his eyes.

" Nothing !" Chuck and Blair hissed out in unison.

" Just go back to bed. It's okay. Charles and Blair are just having a little disagreement." Lily told him.

" Oh, then I guess we're lucky the place is still standing." He muttered as he shut his door once again.

" Blair, of course, you are more than welcome to stay. But if you like, I'll have the driver bring the car around to take you home." Lily announced, taking control of the situation. " I think maybe that would be for the best. Perhaps once you've both cooled off, you can talk this out."

Chuck's eyes flared at his stepmother and he reached out to grab Blair's hand. " I'll take her home, if that's what she wants."

" I'm really sorry to have disrupted the entire house. I didn't mean to bother everyone." Blair said quietly as she jerked her hand from Chuck's. " I can get home on my own though. Thank you."

Chuck grabbed her hand again and held it tighter this time. " I brought you here. I'll see you home as well."

" I don't want you to see me home, Chuck. Don't you understand ? You win. You get exactly what you wanted, as usual. I'm done with this whole thing." Then she snatched her hand out of his once again and turned away.

He stepped up behind her and tried to put his hand on her shoulder. " This isn't what I want."

" You expected me to happily flounce off into the sunset at your request. To just fade away and act like none of this ever happened, like we never happened ?" She was crying now, he could hear the tears in her voice.

" I don't want you to flounce anywhere." He looked around at Lily and Serena still watching them as if they were their favorite soap opera. He couldn't do this here, not in front of his entire family. This was too much. " Can we please just go back inside and talk about this ?"

He watched her shoulders rise as she took a deep breath and he steeled himself, knowing that whatever she was planning, whether verbal or physical, it was going to hurt. Then she spun on him.

" I don't want to talk to you anymore. I don't want to see you anymore. I hate you. You are absolutely right, you are damaged and I do deserve better. Now leave me alone and stay out of my life."

Then she turned her back to him and made her way quickly down the hall.

" God, Chuck. " Serena muttered as she watched her best friend go. " What did you do to her this time?"