Disclaimer: (teacher voice) Now, class? We're going to do logic today. Here's an easy example. J.K. Rowling, and only J.K. Rowling, owns Harry Potter. I am not J. K. Rowling. Therefore?
A/N: Hellosngsnglasdhto#NHIHnsifhiqhry24ewr39-
THIS LAPTOP HAS BEEN CONQUERED IN THE NAME OF THE DARKu9y924yih4903j4yr-
Sorry about that. It looks like Bellatrix found out how to operate a keyboard. It's a never-ending battle, I tell you.

The Plot So Far: Bellatrix goes to Hogwarts, meets people, blah blah blah, and incidentally sets herself up for a detention.

In This Chapter: Bellatrix suffers through said detention. And writes a letter to eight-year-old!Narcissa whenever Filch isn't looking. And becomes increasingly paranoid that he is, indeed, looking.

Anyway, since everyone and their uncle has written a "first few days at Hogwarts" fic and there wasn't a whole lot that hadn't been said already, I decided to skip over the first week and tell it in summary. This also has something to do with the fact that the first night took up five bloody chapters. Basically, whenever something would take too long to narrate, I'm putting it in a letter.

If you don't like this device, feel free to complain. Complaints will be handled by eight-year-old!Rabastan. We pay him in sugary sweets and Red Bull.

Enjoy the Y(Q#OK09I#3YQ0Rhqa;OWUR--

this keyboard is the property of rabastan virgil lestrange!!111

Dear Narcissa...

Bellatrix's eyes flickered to Filch. No. He wasn't looking. She was safe, wasn't she, she was too clever for him.

She wrote a few more lines on the other sheet of parchment, just to be safe. So he wouldn't suspect her. She had thought it all out.

I must not hit my classmates.
I must not hit my classmates.
I must not...

Back to the letter, shifting slightly in her seat to block his view of what she was doing. The candlelight was feeble, he was sitting barely five feet away and she could hardly see him. He couldn't possibly see what she was writing, could he? No, he couldn't, there was no way...write it now, while he wasn't looking...

Dear Narcissa,

I've missed you...

Was he looking up? Was he? She couldn't see him without moving, could she, but if she moved would it look suspicious? He had no reason to suspect her. Who would write a letter home during detention? Who would be so audacious? Bellatrix, would, of course, but he didn't know that yet. Or did he? Did they ask your parents about you? Did they know everything about you before you set foot in Hogwarts? And she hadn't known this, hadn't prepared, had been utterly helplessly ignorant while they watched and learned and remembered...But no, that was overdoing it a little. They wouldn't need to know that. They'd had time to watch her for a week, they might know her by now. But she hadn't had a reason to pull this trick before...They wouldn't know yet, would they? So Filch wouldn't be watching her. She was safe, for the next few minutes at least she was safe, she could go on defying him without fear of consequence. It was a nice feeling, knowing that.

Dear Narcissa,

I've missed you more than I can say. Getting the letter from you this morning was such a relief. It feels like it's been more than a week, doesn't it?

Hogwarts is nice enough. I don't doubt that you would like it here. I was sorted into Slytherin, of course. Did you really expect anything else from me?

Slughorn, you remember him, of course, is our Head of House, which I suppose is good. He teaches Potions, too, and he likes me a lot. (The other teachers, not so much, but they don't know me very well yet. I'm sure I can change their minds in time.) He recognized me immediately when I walked into the classroom for the first time. My friends were with me, he recognized them too, of course, they're all from good families. You don't think I would bother being friends with someone who WASN'T pureblood? But they are.

Ask Mother about her family, will you? She has a cousin named Evan, doesn't she? He's one of my classmates. A nice enough person, I suppose, but naive, overly trusting, and none too bright. How do parents let their children grow up so innocent, Cissy? It makes me sick to think about it.
And then there's Wilkes (first name Edmund). A cynic to the end, he is. Irritable. Easily angered. Always looking for the worst. People like that are just as bad, Cissy. Remember that. They don't enjoy life at all...it's so sad for them. They waste their lives, always complaining, never changing anything, never making the world a better place. And you CAN make the world a better place. There are people, Narcissa, born for the job, clearing away the filth and leading society back to a better world. Remember that.
Avery doesn't believe me, though. (First name Jonathan.) He wouldn't. He's a whiner, a coward, working for himself and himself alone. Don't ask me why I bother with him, I don't care to explain. (No, it has nothing to do with love! Don't even think that)
And Lestrange...

He was looking. She could feel it. She knew he knew. Oh Merlin. But then, if he could see her face, did that mean he knew she knew he knew? So if she looked up, that would prove his suspicions...but if she kept writing, she would look a fool for not knowing he was watching...or maybe he wasn't watching, and just liked her to think he was? Merlin's beard. She wasn't made for this, this wasn't what she had been born for, plotting and paranoia and constant subterfuge. Her way was far, far more direct. Imagine him bound and gagged by candlelight while she finished her letter. Imagine him begging her for mercy and swearing not to tell. But she couldn't...she didn't dare...she would be thrown out of Hogwarts. It wasn't worth it. No. It wouldn't be worth it, giving up her chance at everything for a few moments of pleasure. Finish the plan...just finish it, get through it somehow, and then throw out subterfuge and swear never to do this again. But first, finish the game, play it through to the end...

Switch. Keep your head down and your quill to the paper.

I must not hit my classmates.
I must not hit my classmates.
I must not hit my classmates...

Stop. Listen. Switch. Don't let him see.

And Lestrange is something else entirely.

Something she didn't know how to deal with. No. Don't say that to Narcissa, don't mention the way he holds doors open for you and carries your books and acts like a perfect gentleman to you and you alone...don't give her reasons to suspect anything untoward...

...something else entirely. Calm, loyal, blunt, and just a little eccentric...he likes me, though, so that's good. Useful, I mean.
And I suppose there are the girls too. Not nearly as interesting, I'm afraid, Narcissa. We don't have much in common. But I think you'd like Agatha. She's so sweet.

You mentioned Father's meeting in your letter. He does do that, doesn't he? Don't you wonder what he's doing? If he has another one, tell me everything.

Narcissa would be a good sister. She would tell her Bella everything. There was no reason, no sane reason, that she needed to know about the meetings...it was curiosity, that was all. They seemed important. And Mother had been evasive when she asked, told her it wasn't the sort of thing for little girls to think about.
Mother could get stuffed.

Say hello to Kreacher for me.
Your loving sister,
Bellatrix

Switch. Write a few more lines, seventy-three more to go. And if he's guessed, he can get stuffed too.

I must not hit my classmates...

If Narcissa could see Bellatrix sitting there writing meaningless lines, what would she think? Nothing good.

I must not hit my classmates...

When she finished and handed it in, he looked at it as if he was trying to find some error, some line she had missed. Nothing. "Well, you certainly took your time, missy, didn't you?" It took so much effort to stop herself reaching for her wand, and--

Lestrange was waiting for her outside Filch's office. There was a letter in his hand. What a coincidence.
"Bella." There was nothing stopping her from hitting him, was there? He didn't even flinch, of course, the idiot.
"How many times? Don't. Call me. Bella." He nodded.
"Next time I'll remember. You want to walk up to the Owlery with me?" Why...why was he asking her? Had he been waiting just to ask her? "I asked Jonathan, but he said he had to finish his Charms work, and Evan and Edmund were off somewhere. So...you want to?" Embarrassing, saying yes. But she had a letter to mail, didn't she?
"...all right. I have a letter too, you know, or else I wouldn't say yes." He smiled. She grimaced.
"Good enough."

If Narcissa had seen them, she might have spread some rather inconvenient rumors.

A/N: LOLOLOLOL rodolphus leiks bellatrix ZOMGLOLOLOLOL w00t w00t w00t w0H92q932704oj--

Sorry about that. I think I have to reconsider my employee decisions.

Or at least stop paying Rab in pure undistilled caffeine.

Review or I'll untie him and sic him on you.

Next Chapter: Rodolphus Leiks Bellatrix!

Review Answer Hotline: Sienna Rhiannon Chase: Well, Minerva's around Voldy's age. (They do, indeed, have their shippers.) So unless she failed her finals spectacularly and repeatedly, on the whole, I think not. As it happens, by my calculations, she started teaching in approximately the (somewhat vague) year that this is all taking place. So yeah. The hate/homicidal desires/etc., however, can totally be accomodated. Bella makes enemies easily.
tarak795: Wow, I've always wanted my own Bellatrix. Life is a wonderful thing, ya know? So is insanity.

Review, or else. (looks meaningfully at bound-and-gagged!hyperactive kid!Rabastan)