Guess what, I am not dead. Well, there was a little writer's block and vacation…My biggest fear is that one day I might run out of ideas. There is still some up in my sleeve, so no worries! Hmm, I wanted to make a darker story with an emotionally disabled Sasuke. I have written about stepbrothers before, but this time I thought that I should make it from the little brother's point of view. The end might be a little different too although a happy one, of course. Tell me what you think or if you find this is as shitty as hell :D

Please do not flame (I do not find a reason for it so you better not either). I apologize for the possible misspellings and other errors.

CHECK OUT MY OTHER SASUNARU/NARUSASU STORIES TOO AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!

Pairing: Naruto x Sasuke / Sasuke x Naruto

Summary: You were the one to choose me, but why cannot your love reach me? Sasuke and Naruto are stepbrothers until something changes drastically in the midst of the night. You stupid, stupid Sasuke. M for SEX.

Disclaimer: I have no rights over the characters or what so ever (do not sue me Mr. Kishimoto), I am just loaning them and returning to the rightful owner (Mr. Kishimoto).

The trip to the store is dead quiet and I merely sulk while pressing my head against the chilly window. We go to buy the bread like two dead zombies, both of us acting like a log. Then we are suddenly back in his car and I decide to break the silence - I need to know. Do you have AIDS, syphilis or some other disease I should know of, since you practically raped me and well, I do not want to die, the words burst out of my mouth with anger and spit although I did not meant to do that so childishly. He looks at me weirdly until a little devilish half of a grin appears to his lips as he says that it is kind of impossible to rape the willing.

My jaw drops to the car floor as he just looks at me smugly. Then something snaps in my head and I see red; I take him by the front of his shirt and shake him angrily. Do you have or do you not, I scream and he is basically a ragdoll in my hold. He does not answer and that sends my fist flying straight to his face. My hard knuckles smack against his upper lip and in the process cut it. As I withdraw my hand, his lip is already bleeding quite greedily and I rant and rave how much I hate him. I get out of the car, slam the door and run as fast as my frigging legs carry me. My hand has Sasuke's blood on it but I do not even bother to wipe it off. I run back home and straight up the stairs.

A little later Sasuke comes too, or so I presume, because of the click of the door and mother asking worriedly what happened to his face. Sasuke mumbles something, but I cannot get what he is saying. Then again - I do not really care. He knows to stay away from our room and hangs downstairs until I am fast asleep. When I wake up the next morning he is already out of the house and there seems to be more air to breathe thanks to his absence. A day became a week and somehow it was crazy how two people sharing the same room pretended as if the other did not exist.

What I still noticed was that the cut on his lip did not heal as fast as I thought it would. Somehow I felt so sorry for Sasuke; he looked so lost and ghost-like as he walked in the house his gaze cast down. I am not a person who can be angry for ages so one morning I stopped him in the hallway and patted him on the shoulder. I did not know what to say, but I still wanted him to know that I did not hate him. That much. A little smile broke on to his lips with my action and I felt better - I hope he did too. Whether I was doing all that for my own sake was not clear for me, but seeing his face made me content that it was for his sake too.

That night Sasuke and Sakura had the most massive fight since God knows when. She was staying at our house again. The evening had been nice, nothing peculiar about that. I would have not known about the fight if I had not been awake that time when it started. We had already went to bed, when the little whispers filled the room, danced on the surface of the curtain until they turned into angry shushes and muffled screams. By the sound of things Sakura might have figured out Sasuke is cheating on her.

Little slaps and angry shushes kill the oxygen until some ruffle and perfect silence. Suddenly the curtain rustles and a figure moves to my side. Then that figure dives like a dolphin under my blanket. A pink head looks at me from under the blanket and she asks whether she can sleep in my bed just this night. Sss..sure, I stutter and she closes her eyes. Oh my God, Sakura is on my bed - with me, no less - breathing there, looking so vulnerable. Her warm breath hits my face and I cannot be nothing but affected by it. I am getting a hard-on even though I try to fight it. I sure do not want her to notice that. I nuzzle a little closer and watch her lie there next to me. This must be a dream. Suddenly the curtain is ripped open and an angry Sasuke stands behind it. Without even noticing I jerk back.

He looks pissed and that I can tell without even looking at him - I can sense the killer aura. You little cunt, he swears and stumbles to my bed in the darkness. He hits the light switch with anger. Sakura has her scared eyes open now and is in half-sitting position. Out of the bed, he snarls and glares at me. My hands tremble and like that he pulls Sakura off the bed on to the ground. He has her hair in his fist and his eyes burn like the fire of the devil. Sakura looks terrified and sits paralyzed on the floor. Then Sasuke sets his eyes on me, practically jumping on top of me. He straddles my body with his thighs and his hands find their way to my neck like two snakes. Then those snakes decide to tighten their grip and just then I realize that he is actually trying to choke me.

It gets harder to breathe and I panic; I scratch and claw the skin on his arms while trying to prevent the tightening of his grip. My throat lets out weird noises and Sakura cries. You..you are going to kill him, stop it!!! She screams, but he does not listen. Why are not mom and dad here, why they had to be on a trip today of all days? Now I cry myself too, but he just calmly moves his other hand to press my mouth. I am so scared I am about to piss my pants and he, he looks like he could do laundry at the same time with ease. Sakura, leave or are you willing to pay the consequences, he says maliciously. She is in a shock, but still threatens to call the police.

Do that and you will see what I am capable off, he continues dryly while choking me more. My life, it runs before me like photos; nothing makes sense anymore. Sakura backs off trembling, shaking like a paper lantern in the wind. I am sorry Naruto, I am sorry, she cries and runs out of the house, out of my life. Seems my life is leaving this house too. I was about to accept my fate until his left hand moved on to my crotch. My eyes snap open when I realize that this is happening again. I bite his hand and he swears until he hits me in the face. The power of the punch makes my head turn to the side and leaves me open to his antics.

Sasuke's hand rubs my genitals and the movements alongside my adrenalin bring life into my trousers. Fuck, I swear and I try to suppress the heat, the touching. Unluckily my brains know what wonderful things are on their way and accept everything without much resistance. He lowers my boxers and reveals my organ - his hand fondles it carefully, promising so much more. I hate him. I want him. I do not know how he does it, but he pulls his own boxers quite easily off and without any warning sits on me with force. No lubricant, no nothing. Everything inside me spins around; the sudden heat and aggression suffocate me. The expression on his face is something between pain and utter suffering.

Sasuke's whole body shudders and I can even see that his muscles cramp trying to adjust to the new tormenting feeling. He still moves, slightly, almost painfully and small trails of tears run down his cheekbones. His movements halt slowly until he is still like the air around us. I do not even dare to move. He buries his face in his hands and cries audibly; those tears drop like rain on to my stomach. Suddenly I feel something warm and wet occupy my lower region. It is sticky and it does not take that much time until I realize it is blood, his blood. He just cries and I lift my hand on to his cheek and from there I slide both of my hands on to his shoulders. I pull him down next to me. I hate crying, it makes me so week, but now I feel like I am more powerful than ever. My big brother cries in my arms, he, who is taller, heavier and has more strength than me.

I let him cry, I do not even shush. Somehow he seems so small and I merely encircle him with my arms. I press my head on to his head and cover us with my blanket. Soon he falls asleep and I cannot help but hymn that Goo Goo Dolls song "I never put you down, I never pushed you away/ You're not supposed to be that way/ And anything you want, there's nothing I could say/ Is there anything to feel?/ Is it pain that makes you real?/ Cut me off before it kills me/--/ I never put you down, I never pushed you away/ Take another piece of me/ Give my mind a new disease/ And the black and white world never fades to gray/--". Stupid, stupid boy, stupid, stupid Sasuke.

In the morning I wake up remembering that I have to go to school. As I open my eyes I see that I am alone in my bed and there is no sign that it would have ever been otherwise. I throw my blanket away, but there is no blood on me. Then I look more closely and I see faint stains still covering my inner thighs. It seems Sasuke has wiped me clean although thinking about it makes me feel weird. Why would he do that? Then again, he has already left..maybe he was afraid mom would see. Our parents came back this morning it seems, at least by the sounds of kitchenware. I so need breakfast and probably painkillers too. Amnesia would not be that bad either.

My mind has hard time following these complicated paths - in the back of my mind the thought of AIDS and other unpleasant things throb like suicide note in progress. I need to shut those thoughts out. I only drink orange juice, greet my parents and take off to school. I lock the door and in the driveway I see Sasuke's car and him sitting inside not so far from my bike. As I get nearer my bike, he suddenly opens the door to the front seat. I must look like a corpse or something, since he awkwardly pats the seat, wanting me to come and sit there. What the hell is this, my mind screams angrily, but my legs lead me to his car.

Rigidly I sit and close the door. Sasuke looks determent and puts on the radio. Steven Tyler sings to us that he does not want to miss one smile, not one kiss. He just wants to be with someone, right here with that person, just like this. He just wants to hold that someone, feel the other person's heart so close to his own, and stay in this moment, for all the rest of time. I love the song, but not listening to it in this car with Sasuke.

Suddenly he starts to sing-along with Aerosmith "I don't wanna close my eyes/ I don't wanna fall asleep/ 'Cause I'd miss you, babe/ And I don't wanna miss a thing/ 'Cause even when I dream of you/ The sweetest dream will never do/ I'd still miss you, babe/ And I don't wanna miss a thing..". He actually has a nice voice, even romantic I would say. It still feels weird as if he is singing the song to me. I sigh a little and yet again press my face against the chilly car window.

The trip home goes fine too, if you consider the stiffness okay and the fact that I even agreed to step back into that vehicle. Sasuke just seemed so lost and apologetic that I did not have the heart to tell him to go fuck himself. Maybe I do not even want that. Just before we get to our yard, he smiles sadly and says that he has never done it without protection so I do not have to worry. The panic in me settles down a little, I should have known he is not that irresponsible. Now I even feel sorry for not trusting him, but then again - it was my life at stake too.

It does not make everything okay, I answer silently. Sasuke lowers his gaze and does not say anything after that. We step out of the car and I breathe the fresh air. Life seems a little bit brighter and I ask him to follow me before we freeze our balls. He snorts slightly and after locking the car door runs after me. As we step inside the house he suddenly pulls me close from behind me and presses his bony body tightly against mine. I do not brush him off. You know, you were the first one for me, in that regard, he whispers in my hair. I have and I always will love you more than this world allows, he continues those silent whispers, which tickle and give birth to goose bumps all over my body.

I smile faintly and say to him that he probably does not mean mere brotherly love. I know you do not mean it either, he breathes warm air on to my skin and I squeeze his hand tightly. Sasuke almost sings to me "--/'Cause I couldn't stop the world, 'cause I loved you/ I couldn't stop the world, and I don't want to/ I couldn't stop the world, and I won't/ 'Cause it ain't enough--/", but it does not mean we should not try, he then adds after a break. Yeah, I breathe and take him by the hand. Small steps become bigger ones and maybe there is nothing left tomorrow, but at least we will remember the taste. So come on, make my day and I promise there are more of those to come, you stupid, stupid boy, my stupid, stupid Sasuke.