Author's note: Thanks so much for the reviews! They're great motivation! To answer Kat51130's question of why I'm having them take a helicopter home: zeppelins are slow, and planes require an airport; the closest airport would probably be in Bergen, and they might have trouble getting there without a car. I figure they want to get home as quickly as possible, and a chopper can set down anywhere there's enough open space. Also, I like the way other authors have already written them taking a zeppelin, so I wanted to do something different. I'm glad someone asked this, because it makes me feel less silly for having thought it out beforehand. :D
Time to Think
Rose sat on an outcropping of rock and drew her knees up to her chest. Her head buzzed with jumbled thoughts tripping over each other. She stared at the subdued ripples far out from the shore. Remembering the meditation class she once took a few sessions of (her mum said it would ease stress), she took a few deep breaths and tried to just let herself feel, like the instructor had said. The next thing she knew, she was sobbing.
She buried her face against her knees and let the tears come.
She had no idea what to do, what to think, or even what to feel. She should be happy, right? At least she had a Doctor with her now, even if he wasn't exactly the real thing. He was still the Doctor, just…with a few things different. In some ways, he was better. That's what the real Doctor wanted her to believe, anyway. "Here, Rose, have my mind inside a human body! It's a million times better, he'll age with you and everything! Now run along!"
Ugh…that was unfair. She could tell the Doctor had hated to leave her. Even after being apart for so long, she could still read him pretty well. He'd been in as much pain as she had as he tried to convince her to stay behind.
That's part of why she was angry, she realized. Everything that had just happened on the beach made it seem like he cared about her, like it hurt him to say what he said—or rather didn't say. And yet he still did it. He still refused to say the words, deliberately leaving an emptiness for his replacement to fill—and then he left without even saying goodbye. That was just like him, to run off so she wouldn't have a choice whether to stay or not. Doing what he thought was best for her, even against her will. Every other time he'd tried that, she'd stubbornly followed him, first to save him from the Daleks and then to help him open the void. Even the walls of the universe couldn't keep her apart from him when the Darkness started coming. Of course, the Darkness was a blessing in disguise as far as she was concerned. She wouldn't have had the resources to find her way back to him if the Darkness hadn't made the rest of the world sit up and take notice. She never thought she'd feel so grateful towards the Daleks.
She suddenly thought of what that woman, Martha Jones, had said when Rose told her her name. "Oh my God…he found you!" The memory brought fresh tears and a smile all at once. The Doctor may not have believed it was possible to find her, but he clearly hadn't forgotten her. And the fears that she'd had after meeting Sarah Jane—fear that the Doctor would leave her behind, move on, and never mention her again, just as he did to the others before her—he had proved them wrong. He had said enough about her that Martha seemed to know just how significant it was that she was there with him on the Crucible. And yet he had looked surprised at Martha's reaction. Still oblivious to how much us little humans pick up on, she thought with a smirk.
But that brought her thoughts full circle. For all the evidence of the Doctor's feelings for her, he still wouldn't own up to them. He still wouldn't let her be with him. He wouldn't let himself be with her. And she'd never know now whether it was because of the new Doctor or not. Would the real Doctor have let her stay with him if the new Doctor hadn't been created? She wanted to think so, but she honestly didn't know. The things he had told her before about why he left people behind—that she could spend the rest of her life with him, but he couldn't spend the rest of his with her—that was all still true. If he had wanted to be with her forever (well, a human "forever"), he would have had to accept that. Could he have? And what did it prove either way?
Which would be more proof that he loves me: choosing to keep me with him despite knowing he'll outlive me by centuries, or leaving me because he can't bear the thought of seeing me die?
…It doesn't matter anymore, does it?
Rose breathed a ragged sigh. She was sick of crying. She was sick of feeling. She just wanted to go home and crawl into bed and not come out for days. Maybe after she'd had some rest, things would be easier to deal with. Things like him.
She turned to look back down the beach at where she had left the new Doctor and was only mildly surprised to see him still standing in nearly the same spot. His eyes were on the horizon, and the wind was whipping his hair back from his face so it stood up almost as tall as he used to wear it when he…when the real him first regenerated. Her mother was gone; she must have gone into town to wait for them. Rose wondered when her dad would be coming.
As she stared at the new Doctor, she felt her heart clench strangely. It was easy to think of him as a stranger—even as more of an idea than a person—when there was distance between them and her mind was on the real Doctor. But she hadn't felt that way when he had whispered those three words in her ear, or when her lips were on his and his arms were around her. Her cheeks suddenly felt warm. When she had been in his arms, she couldn't feel the slightest difference between him and the real Doctor. Any doubt or confusion she felt had melted away. But she couldn't spend the rest of her life kissing him, letting her emotions silence her thoughts. She couldn't pretend he was someone he wasn't.
She stood up and squared her shoulders. She shouldn't make him stand around in the cold wind forever with just a T-shirt and suit jacket on. He was only human now, after all. He could get pneumonia or something.
With a deep breath, she stepped down from her rock and made her way silently down the beach.
