Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters. I do not receive any share of the profits. Anything related to Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. I also do not own the youtube video "Haruno Sakura – Breathe Me", this video was created by niminami, any recognition goes to them.
This is the fanfic inspired by the youtube video "Haruno Sakura – Breathe Me".
Thank you, niminami, for creating it.
Breathe Me
Chapter Two: I Have Been Here Many Times Before
She sat alone on the swing. No one seemed to notice her, just like when she was in the Academy. Nobody would be out this time of night anyway, everyone would be well asleep.
Sakura didn't know what to do. She had never felt as alone as she felt in that moment than in her entire life. She didn't really have anyone at that point; Sasuke had been long gone with Orochimaru, Naruto had left to go train with Jiraiya, and Kakashi had been taking mission after mission after mission, so she didn't see him at all either. She had also been scheduled at the hospital so much it left her little time to see those of her friends still residing in Konoha.
So there she was, alone and crying.
She knew it was pathetic; Sasuke had told her many times. But she couldn't help it. Sakura needed to let out her frustrations, and the only way she could think of was to cry.
But it made her feel weak, vulnerable, and incredibly stupid.
Sakura did not want to feel that way. She remembered how Sasuke always criticized her and put her down because of her weakness, and she didn't want to be that person anymore. Sakura wanted to change, she wanted to become stronger.
Even though she knew they weren't there, she said aloud, "I promise I will become stronger for you. I won't let you guys down, not again."
From that moment, she proceeded to train, train, train, and train some more. She worked hard, under the apprenticeship of Tsunade, and it showed.
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Sakura woke slowly, her alarm still blaring in her ears. Her eyes felt crusty; she must have been crying in her sleep again. She did that often, as sad as it sounded. Sakura still had nightmares about Sasuke leaving, Naruto leaving, Sasuke and Naruto killing each other, Sasuke murdering Kakashi and Naruto in cold blood right before her very eyes, just to torture her, and everyone she loved leaving her. She just couldn't handle it.
Sakura didn't want to cry in her sleep; it proved that, yes, she was still weak and vulnerable. She hated it.
Sakura sat up in her bed, her navy blue blanket falling to her lap. It was still a little early, but she needed to get ready for her shift at the hospital, it started at 5:30, and it was now 4:12. She could get ready for anything in record time; she learned to do that after only a couple of weeks training with Tsunade, because when Tsunade wants you in her office, she wants you in her office now. No excuses.
So Sakura proceeded to drag herself out of bed, and stumbled into her shower. It took a few minutes for the water to get hot, which reminded her; she needed to talk to the maintenance man about getting her hot water heater repaired. She reached her hand in the spray of the water and felt that it was hot enough, stripped herself of the rest of her clothing and stepped in.
Sakura's favourite part of the day was taking a shower. There, under the warm spray of water and lathered in jasmine-scented shower gel, she can forget. Sakura can just not think about everything that has happened, how horribly she was hurt.
And forget she did. All she needed at that moment was to feel the relaxing warm water crash down on her, massaging her back muscles, releasing the tension. She almost fell asleep standing up, but it wouldn't be the first time. This was her outlet.
Finally, as she rinsed the rest of the suds from her hair, she felt the nice warm water turn cold. So she rinsed her entire body one more time, just to be sure there were no soap suds; she didn't want any dry skin, turned the knob and stepped out. Although it was in the middle of the summer and the weather was more than perfect, she still got cold chills as she set foot on her tiled bathroom floor.
Sakura looked at herself in the mirror. She didn't think she was anything special to look at, not really. She didn't know why Genma had always felt the need to ask her out every chance he got; he could get any woman he wanted. But this was Genma she was thinking about, he would fuck anything with tits and a vagina. So the whole her being asked out by Genma all the time was void, she thought. She didn't count.
Sakura leaned over her sink and touched her face. Yes, it was smooth and well taken care of, but it was extremely pale. She was almost as pale as her teammate Sai, which was saying a lot. Her eyes were still the same emerald green, but they seemed to be empty, like she was missing some light in her life. She knew, obviously, what that light was, but she was just a little too stubborn to admit it. Her eyes just seemed so dull. And the bags she had under them seemed to make the dullness stand out a little more. Her hand moved slightly above her eye to her eyebrow. She sighed. She needed to pluck them soon; stray hairs were starting to sprout. Ino would have a heart attack if she saw Sakura had been neglecting her eyebrows. Sakura gave a slight laugh. Typical Ino, so much more concerned with appearance than with anything else, she thought to herself.
Sakura leaned away from the mirror, and continued her morning routine of face washing, teeth brushing, and the putting on of clothes, and left the apartment to go to the hospital.
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"Sakura-chan, is this really necessary? I don't think this is necessary; can we not do this, please? It's unnecessary!" Naruto whined.
"Is that your new word of the day, Naruto?" Sakura asked with a slight smirk on her face. "And yes, this is completely necessary," she added.
Naruto had come to visit her around noon. The previous increased amount of patients that had been coming the past few days had suddenly decreased, giving Sakura the time she needed to clean her desk, with Naruto's help of course. It was just his luck that he happened to enter her office as she was cleaning. Yes, his luck indeed.
"But Sakura-chan, this is your office, not mine! You got it all dirty and stuff, why do I have to help?" he pouted. Sakura just happened to look up at him from behind her desk as he was pouting, and couldn't help but blush.
Sakura was not a stupid woman, she knew delicious-looking things when she saw them, and in that moment, she couldn't think of anything more delicious-looking than Naruto's perfectly pouted lips. She stopped for a second and just stared at his mouth; the curve of his lower lip jutting out teasingly, his upper lip slightly concealed by the lower, the slight stubble that was forming from not shaving that morning dusting his chin and beneath his nose. She couldn't help herself; Sakura could feel the blush forming on her cheeks, sneaking down her face to grace her neck.
Naruto, of course, was completely oblivious to the way his old teammate was staring at him, as he was busy looking up at the ceiling, trying to look disgruntled. When Sakura didn't reply right away, however, he turned his head to look at her, and noticed that she was staring at his face, or more specifically; his mouth and she looked a little lost.
A thought hit Naruto; the look she had on her face in that moment was the same look she used to get on her face whenever she would stare at Sasuke. This obviously boosted Naruto's self esteem quite a bit, considering the woman he had loved for about ten years was looking at him the way he had always wanted her to look at him.
Naruto stared back at Sakura with an equal look of wonderment.
Sakura was not what one would call a firm believer in fate, but she was definitely a firm believer in irony, and it was just so ironic that some stupid medic had to burst in through her office door and interrupt what could have been something amazing.
"Haruno-san! Tsunade-sama needs you in operating room 12-B pronto!" shouted the medic.
Yes, yes. Irony hated her. Sakura immediately stood from her spot behind the desk, and without a single glance at Naruto, quickly fled her office, leaving behind a thoroughly confused Naruto in her wake.
Naruto knew the door slammed behind Sakura, but he could not bring himself to acknowledge it. He just stood there, in the exact same position that he had been in for the past twenty seconds, and thought.
I know that look…that's the teme's look! She always looked at him like that! Does that mean she likes me? Holy crap! Sakura-chan might like me! What should I do? Should I ask her on a date again? I should bring her to Ichiraku's. No, I just brought her there. Gah! What should I do?
It was possible that Naruto was over-thinking the situation. After all, he was Konoha's number one hyper-active knuckleheaded ninja. Naruto finally got his wits together and slowly walked out of his teammate's office.
As he walked down the hall, he heard a few people call his name, say hello to him, and all he did was nod in their general direction, his head too full with thoughts of Sakura and what could have happened had it not been for the medic-nin that had burst through the door. A shiver went down his spine. What could have happened?The thought alone made his whole being tingle in unexpected anticipation.
Because Naruto was almost completely oblivious to his surroundings, he accidentally ran into Ino.
"Whoops, sorry Ino-chan. I wasn't looking where I was going, hehe," Naruto chuckled nervously. He was one of the unfortunate many that had been exposed to the wrath of an angry kunoichi, especially the kunoichi of Konohagakure. Naruto cringed away slightly, expecting a severe blow to the head, but fortunately for him, it never came.
Hey! My luck is beginning to turn!
Just as the thought passed through his head, a very loud and obnoxious voice pierced his ears, "Naruto! You baka! Watch where you're going next time, why don't ya?!" Ino screamed.
I thought too soon. But at least she hasn't hit me yet! Naruto thought.
"I said I was sorry, jeesh. You don't have to be so mad at everything Ino-chan! What are you doing here anyway? I thought you were working at the flower shop?" he asked.
Ino straitened herself out and answered, "I did, but I Sakura and I were supposed to go out to lunch today, but I have to tell her that I can't make it. I got assigned a mission and I leave pretty soon. Do you know where she is?"
Naruto frowned. Yes, he knew where she was. His face began to redden as the memory of what happened in her office hit him. "Yeah, Tsunade-baa-chan had an emergency apparently and had her called in to help. I don't know exactly where though," he gave Ino a look. "You'll just have to find out yourself."
Ino shot Naruto a strange look. Jeeze, what crawled up his ass and died? She thought.
"Ok, fine. I guess I will have to wait then." She said back.
Naruto had no idea why he was acting hostile towards Ino. She didn't really do anything to him. Well, nothing more than the usual, he suspected. So he had no reason to treat her so badly. Naruto shook his head slightly. My brain is just a little screwed up from earlier, that's why I am acting like this, he told himself.
Naruto gave Ino one last confused look, and left.
I need to find Kakashi-sensei. He would know what to do.
Ino sat alone in the waiting room. She didn't know how long the emergency was going to be, so all she could do was wait.
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"Sakura, it's alright. You did everything you could. There was no saving her," said the medic that had gone to get her.
"Yeah, well, you weren't the person who had their chakra in her body trying to save her when she died. I felt it. I felt the exact moment she died."
Sakura had only had a handful of patients die while in her care. It was not a common thing. Her success rate was good enough to rival her masters'. She knew she could not save everybody, but she could sure as hell try. And she did try, so hard, to save this poor girl. It had been her first mission as a chuunin, and she had been ambushed by enemy shinobi.
When Sakura was inserting her chakra into the young girl's heart, trying to get it beating at a faster rate, she felt the moment the heart gave out; her chakra flow had been blocked, because there was nothing to heal. Her heart was already dead.
"Sakura, it'll be ok. I promise," the medic tried to reassure her.
"No! No, don't tell me that!" she screamed. "Because of me, a little girl is dead! Because of me, a mother and a father are going to be wondering why their daughter never came home only to find out that she is dead! Because of me, someone who very well could have become an ANBU leader, or a genin teacher, or even the next fucking Hokage, is dead! How is it going to be alright? I'm supposed to save lives, not destroy them." Sakura could not control herself; the tears started to well up in her eyes. Sakura, come on! Ninja aren't supposed to show emotion! You're weak! Sasuke was always right! You are a weak, stupid, annoying, and incompetent shinobi if you are going to let yourself cry over this! People die, get over it! Her inner self screamed at her. Of course, her inner voice did have a point, though. Sakura knew she needed to be strong, if not for herself, than for everyone else.
The medic stood there in complete shock, having never before seen Sakura get so upset over something. He didn't know what to say about her outburst, and quite frankly, he was afraid to say anything. After all, she was trained by Tsunade, and the Hokage had one hell of a temper.
Sakura composed herself. "I'm sorry. I should not have yelled at you like that, I was out of line. Please forgive me," she said as she bowed to him.
"Y-yeah, sure. Um, it's alright – I mean, don't worry yourself over it. You just needed to vent, that's all," he said while hoping against hope that she didn't decide to punch him in the face.
"Ok, great. I'm tired. Tell Tsunade-shishou that I'm going home early. I need a break," Sakura said as she was walking out of the operating room.
"O-ok."
The door slammed off of the top hinge as she left.
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Sakura walked along in the corridor with a scowl on her face. She knew she couldn't heal everyone, every medic knew it. So why did she over-react so badly? It was very unprofessional of her to act that way. Tsunade-shishou is going to chew me out on this so badly tomorrow. I hope she's not too mad. She thought. Maybe I shouldn't have yelled at that medic. Oh, well. What's done is done.
The corridor was virtually soulless as she walked, which gave her a little time for herself to think. If there was one thing Sakura desperately needed, it was peace and quiet for herself to think in. She just never seemed to be able to get it these days.
When Sakura entered the lobby, she was stopped by the woman at the front desk, "Haruno-san, a Yamanaka Ino stopped by earlier while you were in the emergency surgery room and left a note for you." She handed Sakura the note. "Actually, you just missed her; she was waiting here forever."
Sakura took the note and read it quickly.
Forehead,
Sorry, I can't make it to lunch today, Tsunade called Shika, Chouji and I on a mission. Maybe we just hang out another day?
Well, since you're in surgery (or were in surgery -.-), obviously I'm not there. So again, I'm sorry we can't chill today, but we'll definitely do it soon!
Much love,
Ino
Sakura looked back up at the smiling receptionist and nodded.
"Thank you," she said. Then she turned towards the entrance without a second glance.
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Is it just me or is everyone trying to get away from me? Sakura thought. Well, it certainly would explain a lot. Sasuke left, Naruto left – granted, he did come back – Ino was sent on a mission when they were supposed to go out for lunch, and Kakashi just wasn't around anymore. All of her precious people were just slowly trickling out of her life.
Maybe she was being a little melodramatic. That would also explain a lot.
She again walked home alone, although this time it was a bright and sunshiny day, instead of a dark and moony night. Sakura passed countless numbers of civilians and shinobi alike, enjoying the beautiful weather, and she couldn't help but feel slightly envious of them. Yes, she could just as easily take a day off and relax on a nice day with her friends, but taking a day off from the hospital meant sacrificing numerous lives. Sakura just couldn't deal with that.
She passed the Yamanaka's flower shop, the weapon shop, the ramen stand, the scroll shop…
Eventually Sakura deduced that she was just not going to go home, considering she had been circling Konoha for about an hour. The sun was starting to descend, but was still clearly visible. Sakura actually hated this time of day, around two or three, because the colors the sun blared gave her a migraine, which she was told by a number of people was extremely odd.
She had come to a halt just outside the old Uchiha compound. It looked so empty, so void.
Well, duh! Nobody has lived there for about a decade! Of course it's gonna look like complete shit! Inner Sakura ranted.
Sakura sighed heavily. There was no reason for her go there, it was not as if he was coming back either; she had come to terms with that. Looking back on her genin self, she knew how foolish she was. Sasuke would never ever love her, let alone like her. Hell, she was quite convinced the Uchiha heir was gay, since he never showed any romantic interest in any of the girls or even women of Konoha. Sakura smirked slightly at the thought.
Hehe, Sasuke, gay. That is a funny thought. It would be even more humorous if it were true! Again, her inner voice decided to speak out.
She let the smirk stay on her face for a few more moments.
"Well, hello there, Sakura-chan," said a voice behind her. Sakura immediately turned on her heel and faced the speaking man.
"Oh, hey, Kakashi, what are you doing here?" she asked with a slight sigh of relief. Thank Kami it was only him who caught me here.
"Oh, you know, just wondering around on the road of life. What are you doing here? Not sulking again, I hope," he said, his right eye crinkling to show her he was just being playful.
"I was just taking a walk. No reason I ended up here," she finished lamely. Sakura looked down at her feet, inspecting her dirty toes. I need to take a bath when I get home.
"No reason, huh? Sure, sure. I'll buy that one," again with the eye crinkle. "Did you plan on staying here all night? It's going on five o'clock. You should get home so you can rest."
Sakura looked up at him with dark emerald eyes, glaring. "Oh, so even you've heard about it? Man, nobody can keep their fucking mouth shut, can they?" she muttered angrily.
"Well, just so you are aware, you can try to talk to people about these things. Like Naruto, Ino…" he trailed off.
"Naruto and Ino…yeah. I guess you're right," she said quietly. Sakura turned away from him.
"Well, are you alright, Sakura?" Kakashi asked, his tone turning slightly serious.
Sakura thought for a moment. She could tell him the truth, she could tell him that she was hurting inside every single day, she could tell him how weak and stupid she was, but she just couldn't.
"Fine." She answered, still not facing him.
Unbeknownst to her, Kakashi was looking at her with an unreadable expression in his eye. He had a feeling something was bothering her, and it might not have anything to do with the incident at the hospital.
Sakura on the other hand, was waging a war inside herself. Half of her wanted to tell Kakashi everything, to let him console her and whatnot. The other half wanted to be left alone, no human contact of any kind.
"Alright, if you insist," Kakashi said, his tone a little disbelieving. "But I hope you know that you have many people who would listen." And with that, he turned and walked away, leaving Sakura to her thoughts.
If truth be told, the more dominant side of her wanted to be around people. Sakura needed to be in a crowd of people with lots of life to make her feel safe and secure. But for some reason, she shut out that part of her.
Sakura stood staring at the gate to the Uchiha compound for a few more seconds, and then she too turned to leave, though in the opposite direction as Kakashi.
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Sakura had this old navy blue blanket that she had received as a gift from her Uncle Namayate when she was about six or seven years old. She loved that blanket with all of her heart, more than she loved Sasuke. No matter what happened in her life, she could always just curl up with her blue blanket in a small ball and just cry. The blanket wouldn't judge her, of course, it was a freaking blanket. For roughly sixteen years she had that blanket, and she wasn't planning on throwing it away any time soon, especially since she was feeling extremely depressed lately. It was her security.
When Sakura finally made it back to her apartment, she immediately started to rid herself of her clothing while steadily walking towards her bathroom where she would take a shower.
While the water was warming up, Sakura again examined herself in the mirror. She looked exactly the same as she had the last time she showered. Sakura couldn't tell by looking at herself that she had accidentally let a little girl die that day. Good. That was exactly what she had been aiming for.
Sakura stuck her hand under the spray of the water and felt it was warm enough to shower in. She felt the warm droplets cascade down her back and past her rear, sliding down between the soft mounds of her breasts, and disappearing in the small patch of pubic hair between her legs.
She stood under the cascading water until it turned cold, then stepped out and wrapped herself in a towel.
Sakura was still fighting with herself. She had wanted to tell Kakashi how much she was hurting, but she just couldn't find the guts to do it. Sakura chuckled darkly. Of course, she had killed numerous amounts of people, but she couldn't even talk to someone she trusted about her feelings. What did that say about her? Maybe she couldn't really trust Kakashi after all; maybe it was her female intuition telling her that she shouldn't trust anyone around her. No, she thought, that's just ridiculous. I have known Kakashi for about ten years; of course I can trust him.
Sakura walked to her closet and picked out a tank top and a pair of plain underwear; comfort always came first with her.
Once she was dressed, she walked over to her blue blanket and wrapped herself in it.
Whenever Sakura had that blanket secure around her, she felt like there was nothing in the world that could hurt her, not even herself. And there were times when she did indeed feel unsafe with herself.
Sakura had a feeling that she was becoming mentally unstable, she just didn't know how badly yet.
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Kakashi sat on his worn sofa. He knew there was something going on with his ex-student; he just needed to find out what. And considering which ex-student he was dealing with, he knew it was going to be one of the most difficult tasks he had taken on, because everyone who knew Sakura knew that she was a force to be reckoned with. If she didn't want you to know something, you sure as hell were never going to know it.
He ran his hand through his unruly silver mane, sighing in exasperation. I can't stand to see her like this, he thought. She is like another Rin with the way she is acting. I don't want to lose her too. I wonder if Naruto has noticed anything. He snorted. Naruto may have matured considerably in the past ten years, but he was still completely oblivious to anything pertaining to the opposite sex. It would literally be a miracle if Naruto figured out what was bothering Sakura. Hell, Kakashi was way more skilled with women, and even he couldn't figure out her problem yet.
Yet…he thought.
I just hope you're alright, Sakura. Please be alright.
Kakashi wouldn't be able to handle it if another one of the people he was supposed to protect had gotten hurt.
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Sorry for the long update, life got in the way. Hope you enjoyed.
