Disclaimer: I do not own these Degrassi characters.


Chapter 2: When You Were Gone

I thought feeling nothing would be better than feeling something. But after a while, I realized I want to feel something. I want to feel again. I don't want to be numb anymore. I feel a tear come out of the corner of my eye and I wipe it away quickly. I miss my family. I miss them because they were the only family I had. I shouldn't have said those things to K.C. I know he meant well, but I got to keep my guard down. I got to keep my wall built up because I know that once I let him into my life, he will just walk away. Today I wore my blue tank top and black hoodie, dark washed skinny jeans, black converse, and put on eyeliner and contacts. I sighed and grabbed my book bag and headed towards Degrassi. As I entered the doors, I saw K.C. stare at me with concerned eyes and I just shook my head. I headed towards my locker when he came up.

"Clare, I have always been there for you, what were you talking about yesterday?" K.C. said in confusion

I was just looking at K.C., and I mean not in the whole "Oh my god you look so hott today kind of look", I mean with sadness, disappointment. Doesn't he remember summer? When I try to call him, Alli, or Connor, they would never pick up! Then I said softly,

"You didn't answer my calls over the summer, neither did Connor or Alli"

"That's because we were having fun Clare. We tried calling you, but you would never pick up," K.C. said with sadness

K.C. is lying through his teeth. I can see it in his eyes, that they never wanted me there. They thought I would make the fun all boring huh? Whatever though.

"You're lying Guthrie. I can see it in your eyes, and you know what? People change over the summer. They are not the same person they were a year ago. So what I am the smart geeky girl, but that doesn't mean I will always be like that! Fuck! K.C.! When I needed you, Alli, Connor the fucking most…YOU GUYS FUCKIN DIDN'T PICK UP!"

Oh. Fuck. I just yelled…in front of tons of people. They are staring at me like I'm a crazy person. Fuck fuck fuck. I just ran out of there and into the girl's bathroom. As I looked at myself in the mirror, I just shook my head. What happened to me…? This isn't the same girl who worried about grades, education, and all that fucked up stuff. Also, being a good Christian girl. Now, things have changed. I'm more of an emo person, I can't open up to people. As I stare at myself, I don't see the Clare Edwards I used to know.

AFTER SCHOOL

I decided to go home, when I spotted K.C. Oh. My. God! Will he just leave me alone?!

"Clare. Please tell me what the fuck is wrong with you?! Ever since the first day of school you have treated me like shit! I thought we were friends!" K.C. shouted in anger

I glared at him and whispered.

"We were….but now things have changed"

"What has changed Clare?! Oh my fucking god! Just tell me for god sakes! You can trust me with anything! You should know that by now!" K.C. shouted in anger

I looked at him and rage took over me before I could stop myself,

"When you, Alli, and Connor were off in "Having fun land" I was stuck dealing with my family's death! That's right! My family is fucking dead! My mom! My Dad! And my sister! And you know what else is sad?! People keep on disappearing on me! You! Alli! Connor! Hell even some of my family has disappeared! I'm alone K.C.! A-L-O-N-E! ALONE! I have fucking no one! Do you know how the fuck that feels?! To feel like everything that was once happy was taken from you in the blink of an eye!? I don't think so!"

I realized what I had spilled out, and looked up and saw K.C., he had tears in his eyes and pulled me into a tight hug. I didn't hug back at first, but then slowly got into the hug and felt tears form slowly. From all the stress and cutting, and also building up those walls I have worked for that summer, I feel as if maybe…just maybe…I can start opening again. I want everything to be alright. I don't want to be this way. Why do I? Then all of a sudden I hear K.C. say in a soft whisper,

"I'm so sorry Clare…if I would have known…"

That's the thing about people. When a person completely ignores you, and you're alone, and then all of a sudden wants to come back in your life and then leave again…what do you do? Just let them break your heart again? K.C. broke my heart a long time ago, but that doesn't matter now because I feel the pain, and somehow I'm not exactly offended by it. I'm used to the pain and misery. I'm used to getting disappointment from family and friends. It's just how I roll.

"K.C. you left, you left me in the dust when I needed you the most…how can I ever trust you again when you can leave right now? Leave me alone to deal with this? Please don't tell the others about this either…or else I will fucking kill you"

I felt my chin pulled up so we can meet eye to eye. His gorgeous brown eyes mesmerized me and he softly said,

"I promise Clare, I will never hurt you again. If I do, hit me, smack me, punch me, do whatever you want because you do not deserve what you have been through. Just trust me is all I can say. We've known each other for a year now and you know my character by now. If there is anything you need me for, I'll be there for you. Also, don't worry. I won't tell the others, you need to tell them yourself because they need to hear it from you."

I know he meant the truth, I saw it in his eyes, the sincerity and truth in his voice; I knew I could trust him. Softly I whispered back,

"But maybe I don't want to tell the others. Maybe I just want everything, everything to just disappear. I wish that I died in that plane wreck K.C. Don't you understand that? Why was I the only one alive from that? I just don't get why life is putting me into depression and misery."

"Clare, don't ever say that. Without you in my life, it would never be the same. I need you because I love you. I would be a wreck without you, and I know life is putting you through depression and misery. But I'm going to help you get out of it," said K.C. with love in his eyes

I felt another tear form in my eye, and wiped it away before he could see it.

"I love you too K.C. Just please…don't leave me."

I know I sounded like a complete baby, but I don't care right now. At this moment, my walls that I have built up were crumbled, well, only half way.

"I will never leave you Clare. Not ever."

I think K.C. realized what had happened when he was gone because without him, he knew I would be dead myself.