Runescape and the Holy Grail
Chapter 4: The Black Knight
And so Arthur and his faithful servant Patsy traveled on towards Falador, the city of the White Knights. Along the way, however, they were attacked by a rabid Sandwich Lady, and were sent away to the Wilderness. Upon regaining consciousness, the King and his man-servant found themselves outside of a dark, ominous-looking castle. Deciding that this would be a good place to find brave and virtuous knights, the two went on in. However, the Dark Warriors who lived within this castle were more interested in robbing and killing the two intruders than helping to spread peace and justice.
Less than half an hour later, King Arthur and Patsy exited the castle.
"Well, that was a complete waste of our time," Arthur ranted as he wiped the blood coating Excalibur's blade with a thick cleaning cloth.
The king thought for a moment as he and his servant made their way towards the castle drawbridge, and then changed his mind. "Well, maybe not a COMPLETE waste of our time. Those runestone spawns that we found will surely be worth a bit."
"Yes, sir," Patsy replied nonchalantly.
As the pair began to cross the drawbridge, however, they saw two knights locked in a deadly battle on the opposite side. One was a young man in a full suit of green, adamant armor, and wielding a two handed sword of the same material. The other was a far more experienced and serious-looking man in a full suit of black armor, and fighting with a black two hander.
"Ha, ha, ha!" the inexperienced youth in green shouted gleefully as he swung his sword about wildly, and speaking in that most atrocious slang-tongue known as 'Leet Speak.' "Hi-ya! Lolz noob! Grn armr btr dan black! I winz! Me pwn u! lolz!"
The man in black armor said nothing. Instead, he calmly leapt back, returned his black sword to its sheath at his side, and then from the sheath on his back he withdrew another two handed sword, this one made of that most feared and sought-after crimson metal known as Dragon.
The Green Knight made another wild swing, and started in surprise as his blade snapped like a twig upon meeting the edge of his foe's weapon.
Continuing to say nothing at, the Black Knight slammed his sword into the ground, unleashing a powerful energy shockwave. The Green Knight only had time to give half of a surprised scream before being blasted ten feet into the air. Upon landing, the flood of blood flowing out from his armor's joints made it clear that the youth was quite dead.
Swiftly and silently, the Black Knight raided his fallen opponent's body, and shoved said body unceremoniously down into the moat. The Black Knight then turned to the large sack of belongings and loot at his feet in order to put his latest haul inside. The young man also then changed into a bulkier suit of black armor worn by Elite Black Knights- all the while being careful to keep his feet hidden. He then walked back to the edge of the drawbridge, held his weapon blade down in front of him, and struck a pose like that of an immovable sentinel.
King Arthur and Patsy looked towards each other and nodded in satisfaction. They then rode across the bridge and stopped before the Black Knight.
"You fight with the strength of many men, good Sir Knight," Arthur admonished.
The Black Knight did not respond.
"I am Arthur, King of the Britons," the king introduced himself. "I ride in search of the bravest and mightiest knights in all of the land, so that they may join me at my court at Camelot."
Still, the Black Knight did not answer.
Now growing somewhat concerned, and a bit miffed at being snubbed, the king explained further, "You have proven yourself worthy. Will you join me?"
Again, the Black Knight said nothing.
"You make me sad," Arthur reluctantly gave up. "Come, Patsy."
Just as the two prepared to go around the black-armored man, the warrior finally spoke.
"None shall pass!"
"What?" the surprised king questioned.
"None shall pass!"
"I have no quarrel with you, Sir Knight," Arthur explained, but I must cross this bridge.
"Then you shall die!"
"I command you," the offended king…well, commanded, "As King of the Britons to stand aside!"
"I yield for no man!" the Black Knight replied with finality.
Quite cross, yet eager for a challenge, the Arthur drew Excalibur as he replied, "Then so be it!"
With a crash of metal, the two combatants began to duel. The Black Knight attacked with ferocious swings and lunges, hoping to split his foe apart without having to get close.
Knowing that he could not hope to match his opponent's strength, and having a much shorter weapon, Arthur was relegated to dodging blows, and wait for either an opening, or for the Black Knight to tire himself out. At last, the Black Knight raised his blade too high, and the king rushed in to end the fight.
"Victory is mine!" declared Arthur as the Black Knight's left arm fell to the ground, "Now stand aside, worthy adversary!"
"Tis but a scratch!" the Black Knight scoffed as his left arm gushed blood.
"A scratch!?" a shocked Arthur declared. "Your arm's off?"
"No, it isn't," replied the knight stupidly.
"Well, what's that then?" the king persisted, pointing at the bleeding stump with his sword.
The Black Knight glanced at what remained of his left arm, shrugged, and answered, "I've had worse."
"You lie!"
"Come on, ya noob!" the Black Knight shouted, and then lunged at the king.
The Black Knight only managed a few clumsy, one-handed blows, which were easily parried by the legendary king. Quickly growing frustrated, the player killer then took up his sword like a lance, voiced a savage battle cry, and charged.
King Arthur, however, easily side-stepped, then casually cut off his foe's arm as he went by.
Satisfied, Arthur bent down on one knee and began to give a prayer of thanks.
"I thank thee, Lord Saradomin," said the king, "That in thy mercy, you have-,"
The surprised king suddenly fell to the ground upon receiving a savage kick to the head from his now armless enemy.
"Come on then!" the Black Knight declared while jumping up and down excitedly; both shoulders now bleeding copiously.
"You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine!" an irritated Arthur said as he stood himself back up.
"Ooh! Had enough, eh?" the player killer mocked.
"Look, you stupid noob!" the angry king ranted, "You've got no arms left!"
"Yes, I have!"
"Look!"
"Tis a flesh wound!"
The still hopping Black Knight then came up and began to kick King Arthur in the shins.
"Look, now stop that!"
"Chicken! Chicken!" the knight taunted childishly as he continued to kick the king, "I'll have your legs!"
"Right!" a now extremely irritated king shouted, and then promptly cut off his enemy's left leg.
"Right! I'll do ya for that one!" the suddenly very angry Black Knight shouted as he struggled to remain balanced on his one remaining appendage.
"You'll what!?"
"I'll kill ya!"
"Well, what are you going to do?" the king mocked, "Bleed on me?"
"I'M INVINCIBLE!" raved the Black Knight as he hopped up right next to his enemy so as to do just that.
"You're a loony," Arthur commented, stepping back to avoid anymore of the Black Knight's bleeding on his tunic.
"The Black Knight always triumphs!" the player killer shouted maniacally. "Have at you! Have at you!"
There was a sudden shlick sound, and the now limbless Black Knight fell to the ground and landed waist up.
The surprised warrior looked down to observe his newly shortened height, looked back up at the man who had beaten him and conceded, "Alright, we'll call it a draw!"
Now no longer having anything more to do with the obviously insane knight, Arthur sheathed his blade, took the Black Knight's Dragon Two Hander and bag of loot, and turned to his servant.
"Come, Patsy," said the king, and the two 'rode' away.
"Oh, I see!" the suddenly extremely angry Black Knight shouted, "Running away, eh? You…"
At this point, the word censor became active for several minutes.
"…Noob! Come back here and take what's coming to ya! I'll bite your legs off!"
Two hours passed, and the Black Knight continued to sit, no, err, stand? Lay about? Anyway: When another young man, this one wearing black and red mystical robes, and carrying a black and purple staff with a symbol like a circle with an x through it came by.
"What now?" the Black Knight sighed.
"Lolz, easy pickings!" the player killing mage chuckled. "Die, noob! Shadow Blitz!"
"Noooooooooo!" the Black Knight shouted as he was blasted by a hundred globules of shadowy energy.
At last, the Black Knight fell over and lay dead, never to rise again.
"Lolz!" the mage gloated as he began to strip the limbless corpse, and the limbs, of all valuables. "I pwn!"
To Be Continued…
