Chapter 9: The Trojan Kebbit

The head Frenchman sat upon the wall, looking out over the small forest which separated Varrock from the Wilderness. Suddenly, to his ears came the sound of woodcutting and falling trees. This was soon added to by the din of construction, and the head Frenchman began to wonder what was going on.

"Sacre bleu! What iz going on?"

See?

A ruckus of sounds flowed from the forest. First came the sound of woodcutting and trees falling over. Sawing and hammering noises soon followed. Then, there was a sudden, ominous silence, which was quickly interrupted by a loud BANG! of unknown origin, followed by the yowling of an angry cat. Shortly afterwards there came squeaking sounds, and the noise of power tools being started up; amongst these being the loud drilling of the jackhammer, the growl of the chainsaw, and the whine of the power saw. At last there came another ominous silence.

Several minutes later, the squeak of approaching wooden wheels, uh…approached.

"SACRE BLEU!" the Frenchman shouted as the source of the squeaking rolled out of the forest.

Into the clearing came an enormous wooden kebbit at least twenty feet tall. Behind it, Patsy and the other servants (including Sir Galahad's, who was now heavily bandaged) pushed the monstrous woodworking project to the North Gate. Once the kebbit had arrived at its destination, the servants quickly turned and fled back into the woods.

Due to his wounds, Sir Galahad's servant was only able to hobble along slowly back towards cover.

Curious, the Frenchmen came down from their post and out of the gate in order to examine the enormous wooden bunny-like creature. The guards examined the kebbit closely, looked back towards the woods (ignoring Sir Galahad's still-hobbling servant, who hadn't even made it half-way back to the woods), then turned and talked amongst themselves in French. After another quick look at the kebbit and the surrounding area, the French then got behind the kebbit themselves and pushed it into Varrock itself, closing the gates behind them.

Coming out from their hidden position amongst the shadows of the forests, King Arthur and his men looked towards the still gates.

"What happens now?" asked Arthur.

"Well, now we wait until nightfall," Sir Bedivere replied, "Then, once they are all asleep, Lancelot, Galahad, and I will leap out of the kebbit, and thus taking the French by surprise. And not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!!"

King Arthur, Sir Robin, Sir Galahad, and Sir Lancelot looked towards their companion with admiration. But only for a moment.

A tad-perplexed, and hoping that he was wrong, Arthur frowned and asked, "Who leaps out?"

"Lancelot, Galahad, and I," the heavily mustachioed knight began enthusiastically, though his voice trailed off as he realized his mistake, "Leap…out of the kebbit…"

Arthur groaned, and Galahad sighed. Lancelot put his head into his hand in annoyance, and a confused Sir Robin looked about wondering why the plan couldn't work.

"Um," Bedivere began hesitantly, "I was wondering, perhaps if we built this large, wooden badger…,"

In response to this, both Arthur and Lancelot smacked their comrade in the head.

A moment later, there came another mighty BOING!, and this time their giant kebbit construct came sailing through the air.

"RUN AWAY!" Arthur and his knights yelled, and they and their servants fled further into the woods. All except for one…

Sir Galahad's servant continued to hobble towards the forest as fast as his wounds would allow. Just as he was about to reach cover, unfortunately, the kebbit came down. With a final strangled scream, the ill-fated man was crushed to death by the enormous wooden rodent of doom.

Some time later at Thurgo's Peninsula, a Famous Historian was giving an historical lecture to his students of the adventure of King Arthur and the Holy Grail. However, this would put it many years into the future, and yet the adventure is not yet over, which is very odd… You know, never mind. Half this story is nonsense anyway, so just go with it!

"Although defeated by the Frenchmen at Varrock," the Historian said, "King Arthur refused to be discouraged. Though the Frenchman's taunting had taken them completely by surprise, Arthur soon regrouped, and consulted with his closest knights, and they decided that in order for the Quest for the Holy Grail to be brought to a successful conclusion, they decided that they should separate. Now this is what they did…"

Without warning, King Arthur and his knights fled out of the trapdoor which leads to the Ice Dungeon with a brave and hearty "RUN AWAY!" Following them came the Sandwich Lady.

"'Ello there, sir!" the Sandwich Lady said brightly to the confused and hapless historian, "You look 'ungry! Would you like something to eat?"

"Well, um, yes, actually. I am feeling a bit puckish."

With a bright and innocent smile, the Sandwich Lady said, "Here! Have a bread roll, on me!"

"Alright," the Historian said, reaching into the Sandwich Lady's wooden tray. Suddenly, another snack caught the man's eye, and he said, "Oooh! I do believe that I am in the mood for a triangle sandwich instead!"

Instead of a bread roll, the old historian took a triangle sandwich; and all you-know-what broke loose.

Instantly, the Sandwich Lady's skinned turned blood red, and grew a tail, wings, horns and fangs. In a demonic voice, she declared, "I DIDN"T SAY THAT YOU COULD HAVE THAT, YA LITTLE PUNK!!! HOW DARE YOU TAKE WHAT I DIDN'T SAY YOU COULD HAVE!!!"

"Oh dear," the doomed man whimpered, as his students fled.

With an evil laugh, the Sandwich Demoness said, "And now I'm going to teach you a lesson that you'll never forget, fool! You shall never ignore the Sandwich Lady, ever again!!! MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

A long, very-stale piece of French bread covered in iron spikes was withdrawn from bottom of the Sandwich Demoness' tray.

"No! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

To Be Continued…