Yah…so, here I am on the school computers trying to write this with half an hour until school's over. I have a free last period today :) Freaking Mondays.
Okay! Having successfully gained 1 review since august, I fell much better now NOT. Damn.
Disclaimer: roses are red, violets are blue (why are they called violets then?), me no own, and you no sue!
Or something along those lines.
Chapter 3: Running Commentary
"You know, I never really got over you not being dead," stated Han.
"Han, you've had six months." Lila rolled her eyes.
Han scoffed. "Yeah, but I was brain dead. So technically I've only had about three days to contemplate."
"Or, you would have had three days to contemplate, if you had a brain," Lila reminded him.
"Hey!"
"Well, it's true!" Lila looked around. "Come on, Chewie, you know I'm right."
Chewbacca growled his disagreement.
"So anyway," said Han loudly, "not to change the subject or anything, but where is Leia and I thought you were with her?"
"Well," Lila sat down against the wall and resumed talking, "Leia is upstairs in the main throne room currently wearing a metal bikini. I was not pretty enough to be granted that privilege." She stuck out her tongue.
"Hmm, let's see, Lila in a bikini…" Han screwed up his face for a second, then shrugged. "Nope. Can't see it." Lila whacked him. "Oww! You know what, whatever. With you I don't even know. Bring me up to speed."
"Well! Leia's upstairs, Lando is also upstairs dressed as a guard, Luke's a supposed to come and rescue us—" Lila was cut off by Han's derisive snort.
"Luke's crazy! He can't even save himself, much less rescue anybody!"
Chewie barked.
"A Jedi Knight?!" Han's voice had reached such levels of disbelief it was almost painful to hear; Lila idly picked at her fingernails and waited for him to finish. "I'm out of it for a little while, and everybody gets…delusions of grandeur!"
"Oh, shut up, you've been out for six months," snapped Lila. "Anyway, Luke's already here. Take it up with him!"
"How do you know he's here?"
"You're forgetting something." Lila flashed a grin at Han. "I'm a Jedi too."
SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW
The long minutes passed, with Han and Chewbacca sitting quietly and Lila giving a running commentary on what Luke was doing. "And the floor just dropped out from under him and now he's fighting some weird monster…"
"Like I said," said Han, nodding, "he can't even save himself!"
"No…wait…he killed it."
"Luck," Han grumbled.
"Says you. Tell it to him when you seen him in about 20 seconds," retorted Lila. And sure enough, in 21 seconds they had been hauled up to the throne room by the guards (one of whom was Lando, to Lila's delight) and were now standing in from of Jabba with Luke.
Leia was in a metal bikini feeling very thankful Han's eyesight was on the blink just then. Lila was having a hard time fighting back laughter at Leia's face. Luke and Han were perhaps having the politest conversation they'd ever had.
Luke: "Han!"
Han: "Luke!"
Luke: "Are you all right?"
Han: "Fine. Together again, huh?"
Luke: "Wouldn't miss it."
Han: "How are we doing?"
Luke: "The same as always.
Han: "That bad, huh? Where's Leia?"
Leia: "I'm here."
Lila rolled her eyes. Threepio stepped forward to play interpreter. "His High Exaltedness, the great Jabba the Hutt, has decreed that you are to be terminated immediately."
"Good, I hate long waits," muttered Han. Lila kicked him. "Hey!"
"You will therefore be taken to the Dune Sea and cast into the pit of Carkoon, the nesting place of the all-powerful Sarlacc," continued the droid.
Lila made a face. The Dune Sea? She HATED sand.
"Doesn't sound so bad," commented Han to Luke.
Threepio started again. "In his belly you will find a new definition of pain as you are digested over a thousand years."
"On second thought, let's pass on that one," Han suggested. Chewie barked in agreement.
"You should have bargained, Jabba. This is the last mistake you'll ever—oof!" Luke was elbowed out of the way by Lila.
"You're way too polite to be talking to Jabba," she informed him. She turned back to the giant slug-thing. "Don't try to kill us," she advised him. "It won't work."
Luke rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath; Lila strongly suspected it was a Huttese insult. Unfortunately she never got the chance to find out as at that moment they were taken away. Leia looked somewhat concerned (well, yeah) but Luke and Lila just smiled.
Do I care that it's absurdly short? No. Because I have a life and I am a high schooler, and I also do not have QUITE as much free time as last year, because my parents have reinstated the old rule that I am only allowed on the computer after 7 pm. But it's Friday so I can get around that.
Don't you just love how in the beginning I bitched about it being Monday, but now I'm saying it's Friday? That would be a combination of little/no free time, procrastination, and other stories.
I would like to congratulate fictionfrek101 for giving me my first flame! Not ever, I mean, but on this trilogy.
Also, thank you fictionfrek101, for being the only reviewer. SwimAngel, where ARE you when I need you??
Well, gotta run, there's a pep rally! I'm only going cuz of the BONFIRE ooooooh!
