The Parents
BPOV
Esme's face was suddenly excited as she found out I was marrying her son. "Oh my!" she jumped. "No wonder you two are acting so weird, you're trying to freak me out so the marriage thing doesn't sound like a huge deal!" she concluded. Edward and I shared a panicked glance.
"Of…course." Edward said. "I mean, we were so nervous about telling you, so we thought if we freaked you out…you wouldn't take it as such a big deal." He sighed. The logic behind Esme's conclusion really made no sense, but I was okay with it. as long as my name doesn't start coming in last.
"Well." Esme said, tapping my on the shoulder. "I'm really not that mad about the phone thing," she laughed awkwardly. Carlisle gave her a totally confused look. "I mean, I'm glad you two have…interest in each other. I mean…I want grand children."
Edward choked on his own spit. Emmet and Jasper laughed at that, and I blushed. We weren't even married, and she was already thinking about grandchildren. My mother-in-law was such a psycho.
"Yeah, um…I'm gonna go unpack." Edward started to say, but Esme stopped him.
"No, I want to talk to you two." She pointed at Edward and me. I sighed, much to Emmet's enjoyment. He totally loved seeing his brother suffer. I was going to flush his stash for this.
EMPOV
It might have been the pot, but I thought that what was happening was hilarious. I mean, it's not every day your brother tells your mom that he had had phone sex with his fiancé.
Rose was still mad at me, because she had already known about the engagement—Alice the big mouth had told her—and she's been bitching about wanting ring ever since.
Edward and Bella walked with Esme into a separate room, and I shot a knowing look at Jasper. We both walk over closer to the door.
"I was going to originally have you two sleep in separate rooms." She started. "But I guess you can share Edward's room, and Bella…" Esme said. "I want you to help me make dinner tomorrow." She added. "Have fun you two. And I can't wait to help with the wedding planning!" she jumped. Jasper and I suppressed laughter as we walked into the kitchen were Carlisle was drinking water.
"Dad?" I asked. "What's up?" Carlisle frowned. I'd wondered what he made of all this chaos, but really, I was distracted by Bella's mortification.
"Your mother's a lunatic." He sighed. Jasper laughed. "I mean, she freaked out about the phone thing, and now…she gonna act all happy while she puts Bella through wife boot camp."
It was true. Bella and Edward didn't know it, but that's what happens when one of us gets married. It happened to Alice and Jasper, and it sure as hell will happen to Edward and Bella.
When Jasper and Alice got engaged, Esme got all excited and then took Alice everywhere. They would shop, eat, drink, and do almost everything together. Alice was ready to kill herself by the fourth day of it. Being engaged to a Cullen was like asking to be on Esme-watch twenty-four seven. She really wants to know if you're good enough. No one really ever was…except Alice. Everybody loves Alice.
Edward walked into the room, and Jasper and Carlisle started to laugh. his expression was tired and grumpy. It'd been awhile since we'd seen it. Everyone in the house—except Esme—loved to see grumpy Edward. He was the most fun to mess with. He would yell and scream and throw stuff when he was pissed off. Not to mention his face turns a cool shade of red. Plus it takes him like three days to chill out from a huge anger-fest, which always makes me laugh.
"You okay, son?" Carlisle asked. Edward sighed and fell onto the stool by the island we stood by.
"Esme's going to drive my fiancé insane." He said to the marble counter top. I scoffed.
"Now you see why marriage is a bad thing." I lectured. Jasper rolled his eyes. he was on the band-wagon for marriage. He said it was great. I said he was a liar.
"Marriage is awesome." Jasper laughed. "I mean, you're wife has no choice but to sleep with you." Carlisle frowned at the observation, Edward laughed, and I stared. Marriage was terrible, and that was that.
"Whatever." Edward said, getting up. "I'm going to go unpack, see you guys later." We all nodded.
"Remember Eddy," I said. "Phone sex is safe sex."
Edward flipped me the bird and walked up the stairs. This was going to be an amazing trip.
EPOV
I stared at the ceiling after I flushed all of Jazz and Em's pot down the toilet. Knowing that there dealer was leaving for Mexico, they wouldn't have any for the next year. I laughed happily to know that they'd be just as miserable as me.
I walked out of my bathroom and saw Bella lying on my bed. She was on her stomach, propping her face up with her hands. she smiled. "hey," she breathed.
"Hey." I repeated. I sat down next to her and flipped over, so that she was facing me.
"You're mom's crazy." She said finally after a millennium of silence. I laughed at that, since it was completely true. "She gave me this ancient African fertility bracelet and said to 'put it to good use." She used air quotes. I stared at the blue, purple, and red beaded bracelet on her wrist. I needed to burn that thing if it was the last thing I'd do. I really didn't want children, at least not now. I mean, I'd just graduated med school, and I really don't Bella wanted any either. The bracelet needed to be destroyed.
"Why'd she send you up here?" I asked. She sat up and leaned against me. It felt awkward because I kept thinking about that stupid bracelet. "I mean, I'm glad you're here, but I thought she was bombarding you with wedding questions." Bella smiled.
"Alice saved me." Of course Alice saved her. Alice was always the one to save situations. I put my hands on Bella's shoulders, still thinking about that bracelet.
"Do you still want to marry me?" I asked. "I mean, you can say no right now and leave. I mean, my mom is enough to send half my former girlfriends packing." I said. it was the truth. Bella was one of the few girlfriends that actually survived meeting my mother. The only other one was this girl named Tanya, but we broke up years ago.
"Of course." She smiled. "You're the only guy I know who knows more positions than a sex manual." She sighed into my neck. Her lips grazed my jaw line and her arms slid onto my chest.
BPOV
I didn't know why I was doing this. Nothing good could come of it. but I kept kissing Edward. He pulled me on top of him and laid down. the first thing he took off was the bracelet Esme gave us.
"And this will be going in the drawer." he shoved it to the bottom of a drawer in his bedside table. I laughed while I kissed him.
He slid his hand down my sides and stopped at my butt. He squeezed and I moaned. That's when the door opened. It was Emmet, Jasper, and Alice. Edward basically threw me off of him and I landed on the floor by the bed.
"Fuck," I murmured. when I saw the small cut on my elbow. Emmet laughed and Jasper grimaced.
"You guys couldn't just call each other?" Alice joked. I got up and hit Edward on the stomach. He rolled his eyes and sat up.
"Why are you guys here?" he rubbed at his eyes. I crossed my arms and stared at the three of them this better be good.
"We wanted to know if you wanted to go get some drinks." Jasper said. "And what happened to our stash." He added.
Edward smiled to himself before answering. "No thanks, and check the toilet." I could already tell that this was going to be a very interesting trip.
