Love Hina: BS to the Max

By: The Dark Icon Writers

A/N: Yo Dimtiri here. This is a chapter from Kenji and Charon. Yea… I'm out. Cya


Chapter Five: Guys Night Out

It was a peaceful day at hinita sou. Birds was chirping, people walking their dogs, and Keitaro was knocked out cold in a good sleep. Naru popped her head through the trap door in the ceiling, "Keitaro its time to study, get up!" Keitaro just laid there. "I said get up and OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT?" Naru threw the blanket off of Keitaro and found a turkey in between his legs, the turkey had on a long brown wig. "I haven't had my stiffy licked in ages Naru," Keitaro said while half asleep and grabbing the turkey and stroking it.

"KEITARO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING," Keitaro shot up in his futon. "AHH! NARU WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE! CAN'T YOU SEE THE GIRL IS NUDE," Keitaro yelled pointing at the turkey. "IT'S A DAMN TURKEY YOU SEXUALLY FRUSTED PERVERT! WHY DON'T YOU JUST MARRY THE DAMN THING?" Keitaro's right eyebrow shot up, "that's a good idea." Keitaro pulled out a couple of turkey baseters, "baby, I wanna take our relation to a whole new level. A couple of nipple implants and some lips and we can be the next hot couple" "YOU BASTARD," Naru shouted then punched Keitaro through the roof. "HOW YOU LIKE YOUR DAMN TURKEY NOW," Naru shouted taking a big bite out of it, non aware to the jizz dribbling down her chin.

"Su get off my back," Motoko yelled at Su while heading towards the kitchen. "I want a piggy back ride," Su whined, "the new doggy style. DIRTY MOTOKO NAUGHTY MOTOKO," Su said pushing her hips back and forth on her back. "THE TWO DYKES IN THE HALLWAY," Sara called from the living room, "SHINOBU'S SICK SO SHE CAN'T COOK! NOT STOP FEELING ON EACH OTHER AND GO GET SOMETHING TO EAT!" Naru came storming in the living room from the kitchen with Keitaro's sex turkey in hand, "EAT THIS YOU LITTLE DAMN DEMON SUCUBUSS," she screamed stuffing the turkey into Sara's mouth. "What's her problem," Motoko asked to herself. "Shinobu sick," Su asked, "ROAD TRIP! ROAD TRIP!" Su pulled a remote out of nowhere and push a couple of buttons. A giant turtle tore through Hinita Sou halls and stopped in front of the girls. "All aboard," Suu yelled wearing a train conductor's uniform, "turtle express heading for yummy food! Next stop!" Motoko took one look at the turtle and started slashing at it, "THERE'S NO WAY I'M GETTING ON THAT THING! LAST TIME YOU GOT ME ONTO IT I COULDN'T SIT DOWN FOR A WEEK!" Su pushed a couple more buttons, the turtle's head flew towards Motoko, grabbed the end of her hair in its jaws and flew off

cluckin bell-

"What do you want Sara," Su asked as the turtle pulled up in the drive through window. "Let me get a number nine," Sara responded. "What about you Motoko," Su asked looking at Motoko. "WOULD YOU MAKE THIS TURTLE STOP GROPING ME! MY MOMMYBERRIES ARE NOT REPTILE FRIENDLY," after that she passed out. Su shrugged, cleared her throat, then started giving her order in a very deep voice. "I'll have two number nine's, a number nine large, a number six with extra dip, a number seven, two 45's, one with extra cheese, and a large soda."

"Are you still worried about Naru not loving you Keitaro," Kitsune said drunk as a skunk

peeking at Keitaro. "I'm using the barrell! Can you wait for five minutes," Keitaro yelled. "Aww come on Keitaro," Kitsune whined, "this is just between us girls." Keitaro then opened the shower curtain and pointed at his rod, "you see this? I'm not a girl! I have one of these!" Kitsune giggled to herself, "correction, you had one of these," she said grabbing his rod, pulling it right off. Keitaro fell back first into the shower while Kitsune stared in shock, "yours is fake Keitaro," she asked wide eyed, "Oh My God wait until the girls hear about this!" She then ran off into the hall. "Not good," Keitaro said to himself. He quickly dried himself off, put on some clothes and dove off the balcony. He was just in time to see Naru storming around the hotsprings below. "Oh this is gonna be classic," Naru said to herself then cracked her knuckles. She grabbed the bench in the springs, tore off the legs and used the base as a giant base ball bat. As soon as Keitaro's chin hit the ground, Naru hit him in the stomach, sending him flying into the stratusphere.

"What was that," two guys asked sitting on a bench in the middle of a park. Whoever saw what happened would describe it as a comet landing directly in a trashcan. The two guys ran towards the trash can and peeked into it. "Oh," the two guys said at the same time, "Keitaro! You're flying through the air again." "Hitani and Shirai, what are you two doing here?" Keitaro's friends helped him out of the trash can. "How many times can you crash land in a trash can," Hitani asked. "Yeah," Shirai continued, "you dive head first into a trash can every week. Do you like eating out of it that bad?" Hitani slapped him on the back, "we got ourselves a trash can bitch here!"

"Would you guys just stop already," Keitaro whined. "Aww don't worry, Hitani said, we know how we can turn this day around and have a good time." Keitaro had a fearful but curious look in his eyes, "how?" Hitani and Shirai took a deep breath, "GUYS NIGHT OUT!" The two guys grabbed Keitaro by his shoulders and dragged him into a car.

misty's bar-

"Come on Keitaro," Hitani said, "drinks are on us." Keitaro sat down at the bar while Hitani and Shirai sat on his left and right sides. "What will it be boys," the guy behind the bartender asked. "Shots," Hitani and Shirai said at the same time, "make em hard and keep em coming!"

hour later-

"I'm tellin ya man," Shirai slurred at Keitaro, "just wait until your aunt is asleep or your granny puts out then you…" Keitaro slammed his shot glass against the bar stool, "ENOUGH MAN!"

another hour later-

"See," Keitaro slurred shaking an empty shot glass, "if politicians knew how good butt sex felt they would list it as a restricted drug."

happy hour-

"I think you've had enough," the bartender said looking at the three guys. "You can't do that," Hitani spat drunkenly, "I'm celebrating my first blow job! Come on!" The bartender cleaned out a new glass, "really," he said with interest, "then the next one is on me." Shirai looked at the full shot in front of him, "then again, maybe we should go. I mean if the first twelve didn't knock the taste out of my mouth then neither will the next one." The bartender almost shattered the glass of sake he held, "THAT'S IT! ALL OF YOU OUT!"

random street at midnight-

The three guys left the bar drunk as halle berry's last husband when he left her. They had a dozen beer bottles and was rambling on about drunken things until a very large woman walked by the side of the car. "Hey guys," she said as seductively as she could, "you guys lookin for a good time." Even though Keitaro and his friends were drunk, they all noticed the deep voice and five oclock shadow she had. Hitani got out the car anyway, "come on guys! We can't pass this chance up!" Keitaro looked like we was gonna blow chunks on the spot, "MAN! THAT'S A GUY!" "Aww you're just jelous," Hitani said, "come on Shirai, don't you wanna feel good?" Shirai unbuckled his seatbelt, looked at Keitaro and said, "you know what man? A mouth's a mouth," he then got out of the car. "Oh I know im going to regret this in the morning," Keitaro said to himself then got out the car, "HEY! WAIT FOR ME!


End Chapter Five-