I realize a few things. For one, I realize that I have been closing every chapter with a single cliffhanger of a line, and that's not fair to me. Yet, reading the last chapter over again, I don't see how I could have ended it differently. What more could be said after that one last line? And I also realize that I have been starting every chapter with an aside like this. Well, I excuse myself for neither of them. Both of these help me to focus in the telling of this macabre tale. Especially starting with an aside like this, because they allow me to focus on something so trivial that it helps me to begin my tale anew in a way, because each chapter is, in a way, a new beginning.
I also realize that Alex does not seem to be acting much like Alex, but I assure you this is not true. Other than the few obvious differences in what you know about her and how she has been acting now, she has been very much her normal self – snide, cynical, teasing. But she always has been and yet she has always loved me, at least as a brother and now, obviously, as more. It wasn't that strange. Have you noticed that the television show is always about me and Alex, and how we fight but still love each other? The movie was even worse, because it was solely about how much we love one another. It is as though our tale was on a train track that could only lead to the inevitable outcome that it did come to, which is, namely, a romantic relationship.
How, you ask, could even a very tight sibling relationship turn into a romantic one? Well, our relationship was never quite just that of siblings. Under every breathe of "I love you" there was a different meaning, as I have come to realize through this ordeal. There has always been a tension there. Siblings do not interact the way we do, though the people who secretly like each other but refuse to admit it do all the time.
The point here is that it's not my fault. This is the point of this aside, long as it may be. It is that this was a natural point for our relationship to go to, something that could not be restrained or prevented.
Such thoughts were not going through my head while I was making out with my sister. Alas, nothing was going through my head at all. I merely found it intimate, arousing, and the best make-out session I've ever had in my life. Of course, there wasn't much to compare it to. I believe Alex was actually the same way. She hadn't had too many boyfriends and probably didn't have much of a chance to make out with any of them. Additionally, Alex wasn't the kind of girl to make out with random boys. Dad wouldn't hear of any of it, naturally. He hated Alex having boyfriends. Well if only he could see her now.
What was going through my head was nothing at all. I wasn't thinking, I was merely reacting via a primal and base instinct to perform what was expected of me. I didn't even know I had it in me. I shall spare you the revolting details, of how our tongues danced around each other in a ballet of disgusting depravity, of how our light moans caused arousal in one another, or of how I broke off the kiss and began gently nibbling her neck. I was not paying too much attention, so I cannot describe it in the finest detail. The whole situation was too heady and hazy for that.
"Justin," Alex said as I was nibbling her neck.
"Hmm?" I said, unable to speak properly with her in my mouth.
"Don't give me a hickey, you nerd. It would make dad freak."
"Oh, yeah," I said, breaking away from her neck. "That would be suspicious." I got off of her and moved us such that I was sitting on the couch with her head in my lap. It was only then that the full realization of what we had done hit me, though I was still playing with her hair – her beautiful dark tresses.
"We just made out," I mentioned.
"Mm, yes," Alex replied, closing her eyes and looking for all the world like she could die right now in eternal bliss.
"But, you're my sister," I continued.
Alex sat up and looked at me.
"And I'm your brother," I explained.
"You always were the smart one," Alex said sarcastically. "But you're right...we really shouldn't do this. The question is, do we want to? Justin, you know I've never been much of a rule-follower."
"This is more than a rule, this goes against nature!"
"Shush, and damn nature," she said in a loud whisper. She kissed me again, and I didn't try to stop her. I was in far too deep for that, and moreover I wanted it. I wanted my sister so badly, perhaps worse than she wanted me. I wrapped my arms around her, and I could tell she liked that. We broke off too soon, though yet had a millennium passed it would be too soon for me.
"We should get back to bed," she said, turning around briskly, straightening out her pajamas as she went. I didn't go back immediately. Instead I sat on the couch, thinking.
