When the Son Comes Out
Author: Silent Ballet
Book: Twilight
Pairing: Edward/Jasper, slash warning.
Summary: Edward and Jasper, so keen on other people's inner thoughts and feelings, finally reveal their own.
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It was always hard to keep secrets in the Cullen family. Between Edward's mind reading, Alice's visions, Jasper's empathy, and Bella's Intuition … well, let's say secrets always came out in the end, and the result wasn't always pleasant.
Emmett and Rosalie rarely had anything to hide. They were the most honest ones in the family. Rosalie a little too much so.
Carlisle and Esme only lied or withheld information when it was for another family member's benefit and never to intentionally keep the others in the dark. They could fool almost everyone, but both of them could easily be ratted out by Edward, although he would never do any such thing.
Alice was perhaps the worst liar in the family. Her eyes gave her story away to anyone intelligent enough to look. Dancing with mischief, shame, or just curiously blank, Alice's eyes were truly the window to her soul. Humans were, of course, exempt because they rarely looked a vampire in the eyes out of self-preservation, though they may not notice. No, Alice was the bad liar among the Cullens.
Bella was nearly as bad as Alice. Before her change, her never ending blushes and wavering voice had clearly said there was something she wasn't telling. It had gotten better since she was bitten, but not by much. The blushing was gone, but the wavering voice, guilty feelings, and ashamed behavior that gave her away had not gone anywhere.
The only two capable of lying satisfactorily among the Cullens were, coincidentally, the two with the most to hide. Alice and Bella knew something was wrong with Edward and Jasper, but neither could tell what it was.
Alice would have thought Jasper would be happy to be around Bella, now that he no longer felt the desire to kill her. So, why was he more reluctant to get close to his newest sister?
Bella felt Edward had no reason to be unhappy. They had a beautiful baby girl, the feud with the Wolf Pack was ended, the Volturi was gone, and they could finally live their Fairy Tale together, right up to the Happily Ever After.
So why the hell wasn't he busy being happy?!
"Edward? Is anything wrong? You seem distant lately," Bella worked up the courage to ask her beloved.
"Wrong? No, nothing. Why do you ask?"
Edward's face stayed smooth, unreadable, and though his eyes were still a liquid topaz, Bella's favorite color in the world, she could tell something was wrong with him. Call it paranoia if you will, but Edward was keeping something from her. He'd done it before. The problem was how to figure out what it was. If he wouldn't tell her, then she's be hard pressed to figure it out.
"I just get the feeling something's building. If there was a problem, you'd tell me wouldn't you? That's what I'd want. We're a team now. You don't have to hide anything from me."
Edward smiled. "Bella, we're in this together now. There's nothing wrong with me. I would let you know if something came up."
It was a similar story with Alice in that the conversation was short and her question was left unanswered.
"Jazz? You're tense. Talk to me." Usually when Jasper made love to Alice it was a tender moment with sweet kisses, slow movements, and light touches. That was his Southern gentleman teachings, after all, but this time he was barely touching her at all.
"About what?" He deflected. A subtle feeling of lust and contentment radiating off his body, lulling his wife into a state of muddled consciousness.
"About ... mmh! ... about you being so ... so ... tense!" The last word came out as more of a small scream than she had intended.
"I'm not tense, Alice," Jasper had said, turning the lust up a notch, effectively ending anymore conversation.
And so it went on for some time that four members of the Cullen household were on edge.
It didn't cross Alice or Bella's minds until one rainy, Tuesday morning that perhaps the two problems were really one. Edward and Jasper had decided to go hunting. Without Emmett. It was not unusual for Edward or Jasper to go hunting with Emmett and not take the third brother. It was almost unheard of for Edward and Jasper to leave together without their bear-loving brother, however. Emmett was left wondering what he had done while Alice searched vainly for a vision to explain the weirdness. All she could see was the dining room.
Bella decided she'd had enough. She wanted answers from her husband and she wanted them now. As it turned out, her resolve to confront her husband, which had grown steadily stronger as the week went by, proved unnecessary.
Edward and Jasper, just returning from their trip, called a family meeting the moment they stepped through the glass doors.
"We have something we need to talk about," Jasper had said, looking anywhere but at Alice.
"It had damn well better be about why I was left behind," Emmett muttered darkly.
Sitting down at the head of the polished oval table, Carlisle said, "Emmett, I'm positive Edward and Jasper had a reason. I doubt they asked you to stay home because they don't enjoy your company." He turned a slightly more serious gaze on Edward as he said, "Right?" in a tone clearly asking for an explanation as to why his younger brother's feelings were dented.
But it was Jasper who spoke first, taking an unnecessary breath and still resolutely looking away from Alice.
"Edward and I left alone because there was something we felt needed to be talked about. We'd tried putting it off, believing it would do more harm than good, but I reached the understanding, and Edward agrees with me, that not talking about it was only putting off the inevitable. Prolonging this discussion would have been more harmful in the long run."
"What are you talking about, son?" Esme asked, as confused as the rest were.
What needed to be said? Everything was fine. Fine for the first time in almost two years. Was Jasper saying something else was wrong when things were only just starting to patch themselves together?
"Jasper and I have been feeling something lately," Edward began. "Not 'feeling' as in using his empathic abilities. I mean 'feeling' as in this is between he and I ... Jasper and I are in love."
The table froze.
Even their minds were curiously blank.
A great giant stretch of time in which two men, two sons, two husbands waited for their family to surface from the shock.
It seemed a long time coming.
Jasper began to wonder if they were ever waking up.
The first one to recover was Rosalie. 'That explains everything!' she thought. She didn't seem disgusted or hateful, for which Edward was quite thankful. But then, her opinion was not the most important.
The first to say anything aloud was Emmett. "But Jasper's from Texas!"
Neither Carlisle or Esme had anything against homosexuals, but they were clearly torn between wanting to say 'You're our sons and we love you' and 'How could you do this to your wives?!'
Said women were staring at their respective husbands, Bella's face blank and Alice with a pleading gaze. It couldn't be said what was going through Bella's mind because her horror was past words, but Alice's plea was easy enough to understand. It wasn't for this to be a joke, for the boys to scream 'gotcha!', because she could feel the seriousness of the apology in Jasper's gaze. No, Alice was pleading for Jasper to stay, to try to work it out, to give her another chance despite his feelings because whatever she did wrong, she could fix it.
"You didn't do anything wrong, Alice," Edward said, and it was clear he was struggling to look her in the eye. He knew he deserved the anger he saw there.
Alice did not address him. "Please, Jasper, no! We can make this work, together, you and I."
Jasper couldn't formulate words. He settled for trying to show her how guilty he felt.
"Bella, please, will you talk to me?" Edward begged.
Bella still sat. Unmoving, unresponsive to Edward's quiet questioning.
This was the part Jasper and Edward had feared most. Hurting Alice was horrible enough, so horrible that they had put this discussion off for too many weeks, but telling Isabella that she was going to lose her husband again, that he was leaving her for real this time, was just asking for her to go back into the shock she had only too narrowly escaped from with Jacob Black's help. And now, this time, Jacob was gone. He was over Bella, well and truly...
"Bella?"
Was that a spark of anger? It was difficult to tell past the haze of numbness that shrouded her once so expressive eyes.
"You're leaving me?" she managed to mumble.
A moment of hesitation and then, softly, "Yes."
Alice ran to Jasper's arms, her eyes burning from the venom that would not fall like raindrops down her cheeks. But, oh, if she could cry, she'd flood the town.
Carlisle and Esme looked at each other, unsure of what to do, whom to support, how to choose.
As understanding jumped between the pair, Carlisle asked Edward and Jasper to join him on a walk while Esme cradled the still sobbing Alice. No one quite dared to approach Bella, who looked ready to break with the slightest of proddings.
"Oh, honey," Esme whispered.
What do you say in this situation? "I'm sorry"? Of course she was sorry, everyone always was in these situations. Neither woman needed apologies right then. "It'll be okay"? How could Esme promise something like that? To have your life partner ripped from you, to have your still beating heart ripped from your chest and shoved down your throat?
She settled with, "Alice, my darling, I'm here, I'm here."
And Bella broke into sobs.
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Carlisle made sure Edward and Jasper knew he and Esme still loved them. Their lifestyle was not being criticized.
Once he was sure both of his sons knew they weren't thought any less of he asked, "What do you plan to do? Alice and Bella will need time away from you. They're fragile as it is, not as emotionally sound as Rosalie. They need us to be there for them and I won't ask them to leave. I hate to say this, but the both of you..." he trailed off.
"We intend to go to Denali," Jasper whispered. "It would be unfair to expect the girls to allow us to stay or leave, themselves. I am so sorry Carlisle."
"Don't be sorry, Jazz," Carlisle smiled wearily. "Love is beyond question or judgment, scrutiny or even right and wrong. Love is and you have no reason to apologize for it."
Jasper noticed that Edward, though he still radiated guilt like a nuclear bomb radiates ... radiation ( ... ), was feeling a great amount of respect for his golden haired father.
"I admit, I thought the two of you were happy. I was mistaken. If this, being together, is what makes you happy, then I am happy for you," Carlisle continued. "You owe Alice and Bella one-on-one talks before you leave, however. Be gentle."
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Alice and Jasper's talk lasted well through the night. Many un-shed tears, loudly spoken accusations, and a few broken memories later, however, Alice was willing to give Jasper a frosty goodbye. She refused to let him hug her, but clung tightly to Esme's side looking smaller than usual.
Bella, on the other hand, refused to look at, speak to, or acknowledge the apologies of Edward and when he and Jasper were piling into the Vanquish, Bella turned around and walked away. Carlisle's half-hearted pleas for a proper farewell were ignored as thoroughly as the apologies. Instead she ran upstairs and grabbed her daughter, pulling her into a tight embrace. It would be weeks before she allowed anyone else to hold, feed, or play with Renesmee, much to Jacob's dislike.
But as the weeks passed she began to show emotion again. She spent more time with Sue and Charlie, both of whom had found each other after dealing with severe heartbreaks of their own. It helped that Charlie would constantly abuse Edward's name.
Alice fared better, still in her own world of pain, but willing to hide it for a few minutes as she told Jasper over the phone that she wanted him to be happy. He seemed relieved and apologized repeatedly, continuing until Alice had told him she was hanging up. Her relationship with Edward, however, was not repaired as much as hers and Jasper's, and Edward's Volvo now no longer resembled a car at all.
As November began creeping closer Bella began feeling nervous. She was afraid, with Alice having all but forgiven Jasper and them being on formal but cordial terms, that the boys might be returning soon. She felt it would happen sooner or later, but was hoping desperately for the "later" option. If Edward came back ... what? What would happen? She couldn't bear to be around him yet. But it was clear that Esme missed her sons.
If Edward came back she'd have to leave. She cringed at the thought of going off on her own. She understood now what Rosalie had meant that night. She'd been telling Bella about when she was changed. She'd said "I'd believed enough of what he'd told me that his words terrified me. I knew that my life was ended, and there was no going back for me. I couldn't stand the thought of being alone ..." Alone.
It was not fair. Edward had been Esme's first son, his first child. She'd only ever loved Bella as Edward's wife. Would the Cullens ask Bella to leave so that the boys could return? Where would she go? It was as Rosalie said, there was no going back. All she'd ever wanted was a life with Edward, forever. Damn him, he just couldn't be happy, could he?
She sighed. No, she knew she was mostly angry at herself. She knew she wasn't right for Edward straight from the beginning. She let herself think everything was fine when it wasn't. His unsure touches, always the hesitance. How could she hate Edward? It had been she that lied to herself.
Edward would not get off scott-free, but maybe she could talk to him. Hear what he had to say. Maybe it didn't have to be her or Edward. Maybe Esme could have all her children, not right now, her anger was far from gone, but soon perhaps?
It couldn't hurt.
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Christmas was spent as a family, which made Esme happy.
Carlisle was proud of his daughters' strength and grace. They held themselves with dignity and, despite the occasional sharp tone, their voices never raised above the appropriate indoor volume.
Edward and Jasper were not ones for open displays of affection, so the day went by quite smoothly. Being together with the family, that Alice and Bella had thought to invite them home for the holidays, and that no one, except Jacob, had looked at them with accusing glances had touched them.
Edward could tell that Bella was reluctant to let him hold Nessie, but she did allow it. It was clear that Nessie was keeping Bella's head above water much the same as Jacob had once done. Speaking of the Mutt ...
Jacob was in the corner with Leah who had stopped by for a brief visit. He hadn't made much of an effort to hide his feelings, but had thankfully decided not to put his thoughts into words. Edward was, after all, Nessie's father. It wouldn't do for the girl to know that her Jacob and her Daddy weren't getting along. It amused Edward how possessive she was.
Jasper caught Edward's amusement and raised a questioning eyebrow. Edward looked pointedly at his daughter and Jasper caught on. Words were not necessary between them. For a moment they just looked at each other, surrounded by loved ones, basking in the love they felt around them.
It hadn't been a smooth road, but, after all, they had chosen the road less traveled. It was bound to be bumpier. But all the tree branches hanging over the path, all the potholes that needed to be filled, and all the twist and turns that had turned into dead ends or taken them back to where they'd started had taught them more about themselves and each other.
Looking into Jasper's loving eyes, Edward found he had no regrets.
After all, the course of true love never did run smooth.
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A/N-
So I had to write a Jasper/Edward fic. Here it is. I couldn't see Bella saying 'oh, Edward, I just want you to be happy'. That didn't sound like her. But I also didn't think she'd seep back into her depression with Renesmee there.
The last line is a quote from Shakespeare, if you didn't already know. It's a pretty famous line. A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act 1, Scene 2.
It didn't come out as happy as I'd originally planned it to, but I liked the ending. You?
-SB
