Sorry it's been so long, but i got super busy working. Unfortunately, i think this might be closer to my update times once school starts. Maybe more, maybe less.
Anyways, i know not a lot happens here in terms of intensity here, but there's a lot of allusion as to what's to come. Also, i started writing different, especially since this is a major chapter of self reflection for Aang. I needed to delve into his conciousness more, and i think i like this. I'm not very good at this style (i'm not very good at writing in general ^^) but i'm going to keep practicing with it. Hope you all liked it.
A/N After second posting: for all of you who've already read this, I totally fergot breaks weren't carried over from microsoft word, so there was supposed to be a cut off right after toph introduces her roomates. Sorry about the confusion, and thanks anson for letting me know ^^; hope it's more clear there was a time gap between Toph and the last bit.
Aang just stood at the doorway. He hadn't really known where he was going when he left Omashu, but he knew he needed some time to himself. All the feelings and pain, all the years of hiding behind his optimism, everything he'd kept bottled inside himself was finally bubbling over.
He'd always tried to live as peacefully as possible, not just with himself, but with the world. He'd followed the monks' teachings, striving for spiritual serenity and enlightenment. Even when he stepped into his role as the Avatar, he hadn't compromised his beliefs.
Never had he asked for compensation, never had he expected some great reward for his work, since, not only was it his duty, but it was his choice. But he had never expected the world to turn around so quickly and bare it's fangs at him the way it did.
It was an odd sense of betrayal. He felt, what? Entitled to happiness? Like he deserved it? Then what did that mean? That the universe had turned around and backstabbed him after all those years of servitude to the world, both as the Avatar and as a monk? Did the universe throw that soldier in Aang's rifle sights and pull the trigger?
Aang sighed. No, that was him. He remembered it, how it felt to take that man's life. The choice had been his, and he'd chosen to kill. The sensation, even now, was still foreign to him. It was such an incomprehensible thing for him to even consider, so outrageous, yet at the same time, felt uncomfortably natural. The result left him feeling ill at ease with himself, not comfortable with what he'd done or who he'd become.
In all honesty, Aang didn't really know who he was anymore. He couldn't really call himself a monk anymore; he'd violated the belief that all life was sacred. Normally, he'd share all his feelings with his friends, but he was afraid of what they'd say. Aang hadn't told them what he'd done.
After he'd blacked out that night, he'd made his way through the desert in the Avatar state. No one really knew what happened; satellites were blocked by a massive sand storm. The closest thing Aang had to memories of that time were feverish dreams of fire and sand billowing around him, the kind you woke up from in a cold sweat. Despite this, he knew he had willingly let himself go to that place in himself, and that scared him. Out of this fear, Aang had decided he was not fit to be the Avatar.
This is where Aang was left, hurt and lost in the world without a place. He wasn't a monk anymore, and he wasn't the Avatar either. Even being just an airbender was a stretch, since his monkhood was such a key part of airbending. It was in this way that Aang had decided to start all over again.
He went back to the nomadic ways he'd known before finally settling down in the southern air temple. Following roads with no clear destination, reflecting on who he was and what he should be, the airbender wasn't sure how long he wandered the earth kingdom. Autumn turned to winter, dead leaves were replaced with snow, and the forests, once full of life, were quiet and somber. For days he went without speaking to people, left only to his inward reflection and the crunch of snow under his feet. To the rest of the world, it seemed like the Avatar had vanished once again.
While his journey had been seemingly random, part of Aang knew he was always heading this way, though without really meaning to. Once he had found himself at the great wall of Ba Sing Se, there hadn't been a question about it. He made his way through the sprawling metropolis, blending in immediately.
At first he had been worried that someone would recognize him, though he wasn't sure why that would be a problem. However, after an hour in the city, it was clear the hair that was now growing out of his head hid his arrow enough to conceal his identity, as long as he didn't shake it out of the way. Even if someone thought he looked similar, it was impossible for him to be the Avatar without a tattoo.
As Aang walked through the city streets, he was greeted with a strange feeling of belonging, not to where he was, but rather who he appeared to be. For the first time since he was 12, he was actually just another person. No one expected him to be a spiritual giant, or a life saver, or anything, really. He felt free of his duty, free to be who he wanted to, free to rediscover and reshape himself.
It was while pondering this revelation that Aang found himself here. Upon arriving though, he found he was at a loss of why exactly he'd come here. Was it simply because it seemed like something to do? Did he crave the familiarity? Did he even want to be here? Regardless, he impulsively leaned forward and knocked loudly three times. Voices could be heard inside, obviously arguing over who had to come answer the door. Finally, after a few stomps and an audible grumble, Aang could hear someone approaching the door.
As a young woman opened the door, Aang found himself grinning the way he used to. Clearly she didn't quite know who it was, so Aang decided to answer he unvoiced question.
"I seem to remember you saying you needed my help?" he said with false conceit.
The woman's dull eyes widened as realization hit her.
Toph lunged forward, wrapping Aang in a tight hug. She had grown over the years, but had still remained shorter than average, leaving Aang a good head and a half taller than her. He returned the hug, surprised at how at home he felt all of a sudden. He hadn't talked to many people for a long time, let alone spent time with them, but Toph seemed... he wasn't too sure, but safe was the word that came to mind.
"Aang, it's been too long. You never came to visit after we welcomed you back at the airport," his old earthbending master said as she pulled herself away from him. "I can't believe I didn't recognize you, you've grown so much!"
"Sorry," he said with another grin, "got busy with school." It was a lie, they both knew it, but that didn't matter. He was here now, and he was going to make the most of it.
"Well, come on in. I assume by the bag that you're going to be staying here?" Toph said, beckoning Aang to come inside. The house was built of earthen walls, like most earth kingdom buildings, which would be the expected residence of a woman who saw through earthbending. She quickly showed him to the guest room he could use, and gave him a tour of the house.
It was fairly quaint place, leaving a homely feel. Simple thought it was, it was by no means run down. Enough luxuries were present that the place was quite comfortable, showing Toph's disdain for her wealth wasn't quite as strong as she might like to believe.
Finally, she came to the living room, where two people sat. One was clearly an earth kingdom native, a young man not much older than Aang. The other must have been his age, but her clothing and pale skin made it obvious she was an immigrant from the fire nation. Toph motioned to the occupants of the room.
"These are my roommates, Haru and On Ji." She said to Aang, then turned to face her friends. "I told you he'd come."
Aang looked at himself in the mirror with a satisfied grin. After a few more weeks, his hair had finally been long enough to cover the arrow on his forehead, as well as on the back of his neck. However, since he didn't want someone catching a glimpse of it through his hair, he'd had to find a way to make sure no one noticed. To do this, he'd dyed his hair a mixture of different shades of blue, effectively concealing the arrow as just another part of the colouring among the navy blue and the turquoise.
The young man smiled, something he'd started doing again. Though Toph didn't know it, Aang couldn't have been happier with these circumstances. Because he couldn't just hide his physical appearance to hide his identity, he had taken up another name. The airbender had chosen his old friend Kuzon's, since his pale skin would betray him as a water tribe or earth kingdom citizen. He had once hated having to hide his identity, but now it seemed like the perfect way to discover who he was.
Running his fingers through his hair, he felt like this was a good start. He was still hurt, despite the time since he'd left Omashu, and he was still lost, but this seemed like ground zero. He could begin again here.
The smile had left Aang's face, the unpleasant memories stripping him of his glee. He had spent a lot of time thinking about what had happened between him and Katara, how he felt about it, about her. Anger was not a feeling he felt anymore; he was left only hurt and hollow, as if there was a space that needed filling.
He turned his back to the mirror, and looked at the room that was now his. Aang knew he wasn't going to understand his feelings right now, so he decided to surround himself with reminders of them, like keys to a puzzle that would slowly fit together in front of him.
The young man walked up to the walls and started to write.
